SocialMediaBreakup

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/shift-your-focus-from-your-phone-to-an-activity/

When I tell you to think of a purple car, you will imagine a purple car in your mind.

When I tell you NOT to think of a purple car, you will imagine a purple car in your mind.

The same applies to the concept of the Law of Attraction.

When you keep telling yourself “I don’t want to drink coca-cola anymore” or “I will stop drinking coca-cola”, the focus is on…exactly: coca-cola.

The word don’t or stop have very little effect when comparing the statement to “I will drink 2 infuser bottles of water and lime 3 times a day”.

Now the focus is shifted to a solution, a replacement activity, a different action.

That’s why it is so important to brainstorm about activities you want to take on.

You want to ask yourself questions like:

Think in terms of solutions and actions, instead of what NOT to do.

When we talk about spending less time with our phones and social media, we often concentrate on this very desire.

We keep using social media constantly while complaining about it afterward.

It is easy to dismiss a social media session as a relevant or innocent session when you listen to that voice saying “don’t worry, everyone is using social media!”.

When you do catch that voice trying to convince you no change is necessary, you don’t want to merely tell yourself: next time I will not go for my phone so quickly!

Go deeper than that.

It’s a great start that you acknowledge your phone use as extreme.

However, to really get that motivation going, you want to have a vision to focus and cling on.

I’m asking you now:

Get very real about why it is so important to control your phone use.

With this clarity, you want to create a vision for your life where tech is helping you achieve it.

Together with the answers to the questions mentioned earlier, you want to create a clear picture of the steps you need to take to build a new identity for yourself.

Get pulled by a vision of the future.

Turn your back on your phone instead of looking at it while trying to push it away.

Don’t keep your attention on the phone.

Place your attention on something else, and your phone automatically disappears from your thoughts.

Introduce other digital wellbeing strategies such as placing your phone out of sight and the use of the Do Not Disturb option.

Out of sight out of mind.

That’s the beauty of focusing on something very important in your life: the road you’re traveling on to become better every single day.

When you’re so immersed in your own development and evolution, your phone won’t stand a chance to demand your attention like you’re some cute obedient puppy waiting to take orders.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/be-in-awe-of-your-life-and-the-world/

Who doesn’t love flying?

The main experience starts when you enter the airplane while hearing this calm melody and a voice welcoming you aboard.

You look for your seat, put away your hand baggage and finally sit down while looking for the seatbelt.

Some people immediately take their book, send their last messages on their phone, or place earbuds in their ears so they disconnect from that chaos of people finding a spot for their luggage and seats.

Next, that moment arrives where the plane starts taxiing slowly towards the runway.

On the runway, it stops and prepares for takeoff.

When the plane moves with enormous velocity to takeoff, some people stop their activity to fully experience their last minutes in that city while others keep doing what they’re doing.

Most passengers sitting next to the window take a moment to look outside when the plane is ascending.

They experience this feeling of awe, this feeling of reverence and admiration for the world that is becoming smaller and smaller.

Feelings of clarity and awareness kick in, making you realize that you’re actually leaving a city and heading towards your next destination.

There are some key moments that are happening during that moment and the entire trip.

First of all, most people put their phones away.

When they do use their phone (while wi-fi is disabled), there is a clear intention behind the action.

They may change the song they are listening to, look at some photos, or play a game.

We don’t use our phones mindlessly as we are used to when we’re with both feet on the ground.

What’s interesting as well, is that people have to become creative with how they spend their time.

Some passengers play card games, watch movies on their tablets, read a newspaper, eat, or sleep.

Everyone has their own way of making the best use of their time.

It’s nice to see that some start a conversation with a fellow passenger they don’t know.

Not everyone appreciates this of course, but it is positive to see we are able to engage with one another when our phone is not constantly asking for (demanding) our attention.

What really fascinates me personally, is that because you are forced to sit still and wait, your mind travels and starts reflecting.

You’re reflecting on your new adventure, how you left that previous city, whether you will go back one day, if you have spent your time wisely there etc.

Other questions that tend to arise are more existential such as am I making the right move to go to the city I’m going to now, what do I expect from my next adventure, what do I actually expect from my own life, am I happy with my choices and what are my next intentions and goals in my life.

I guess such questions may arise because you are completely disconnected from all the noise below you on planet earth.

You are up in the air completely zoomed out from your life, society, expectations, and responsibilities.

Now there is time to think, reflect, and contemplate.

Now there is time to really go through with yourself what you want for your next steps to be like in your life.

It is really possible to completely zone out, especially when you immerse yourself in the unique view while listening to uplifting or calm music.

You are in awe of your life and the world, similar to the overview effect I imagine.

Such feelings of reverence in the plane are not as powerful probably, but that feeling might be the overview effect’s little cousin.

You think more macro about your life and the world than micro.

The more mindful, intentional, appreciative, and aware you become, the more you are able to resist going for your phone.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/introduce-intermittent-smartphone-fasting-in-your-life/

You may have heard of intermittent fasting.

You choose regular time periods to eat and fast.

For instance, you might try eating only during an 8 hour period each day and fast for the remainder.

Fasting for 16 hours is popular when it comes to intermittent fasting.

You start your breakfast at 9 AM and finish your dinner by 5 PM.

The next time you eat will be breakfast at 9 AM the next day.

I won’t discuss the pros and cons here, but this is a popular and interesting concept that is followed by many.

Intermittent smartphone fasting has basically that very same definition.

You choose regular time periods on a daily basis to use your smartphone.

For example, you are allowed to use your phone between 7 PM and 9 PM.

Create such time periods for your daily mornings, afternoons, and evenings.

I can imagine you won’t introduce a 16 hours fasting period, but you may introduce a 10 hour fasting period from 10 PM to 8 AM.

Then you will control how your evening ends and not your phone.

You choose the last message or person you see and not your phone.

The same applies to mornings.

You wake up and decide what the first message is that you will see that sets you up for the day.

Too many people allow their smartphones to decide where their focus should go first thing in the morning, with what feelings and thoughts they should start the day.

Take control over your evenings and mornings by implementing this type of fasting.

Stop using your phone at 10 PM and only check it again at 8 AM the next day when you have taken care of your morning habits.

Let’s not forget, you can also implement intermittent social media fasting.

You dedicate a time slot where you are allowed to use social media or where you are not allowed to use social media.

Or what about intermittent Instagram fasting for example.

Set the alarm that reminds you to initiate the fast and one that reminds you to end it.

Decide after the experience if you want to increase or decrease the fasting.

What matters is, that you train your willpower to not touch your smartphone, social media, or a particular app during the fast that you have agreed with yourself for your own benefit.

Screen Time for the iPhone and Digital Wellbeing for Android can help you with that by setting time limits for your apps.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/delete-the-social-media-app-when-youre-done/

Reducing your phone use has a lot to do about what apps you have installed on it.

Remove all apps and you will use your phone less.

No surprise there.

What we really want is to be able to use our phones less while all apps remain installed.

This is possible but requires some reprogramming of our habits.

You want to add some friction to make it harder for yourself to use an app.

When you’re able to use the app more mindful, you can keep it installed.

Although there are many cases where people don’t want to reinstall certain apps.

They are so aware of how time is wasted on an app, they don’t want to see it on their smartphone anymore.

What is important is that you start to pay attention to how and when you use the app.

A strategy you can use is to delete the app after you’re done using it.

That’s it.

Let’s say that now, this very minute, you open the Facebook app.

You can use it as you please, but you have to delete it when you finish.

Now you start to be more mindful of your use.

Your thinking will be future-oriented, meaning you anticipate opening it another 4 times, so you do all the necessary tasks now that you normally would do 10 minutes later when you open the app again.

When you’re done, you delete the app.

BUT!

When you want to use the app again, you download it again.

That’s it. That’s the strategy.

When you go through that whole process of opening Google Play or the App Store, you’re going to think twice before opening and closing the app!

You will use the app with more intention now.

The whole habit of opening the app is so ingrained in your system, that you will look for it at random moments.

Since you won’t find it, you get out of the “programming”.

You “wake up” because the app isn’t there anymore.

That’s how you become more self-aware.

This is a prerequisite for change to happen.

You want to make the unconscious conscious.

it’s fine to reinstall the app and use it again, as long as you delete it again when you close it.

Unprogram yourself to tap the Tik Tok app just because you wanted to check the weather.

Get out of this app cycle habit where you have to go through 5 apps before locking your phone again.

Train yourself to be more mindful.

Take control over the apps instead of them controlling you.

So choose which apps you want to use for this strategy and start deleting them after you’ve opened them.

Later on, you can always decide whether you want to leave certain apps permanently deleted.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/move-an-online-relationship-to-the-offline-world/

It is much easier to fool someone online than offline.

Online you can tell any person any story you want since all you need to do is typing the words.

While typing you can decide to beautify particular details or invent details to spice up your story.

I mean…who will find out right?

The level of anonymity makes it much easier to fool people. To manipulate people.

When you’re naive or haven’t experienced blunders online, you may find yourself believing a story a bit too quickly.

What’s different now in comparison to many years ago, is that video conversations are very common now.

Many years ago, it was normal to be talking, “falling in love”, and establishing a (romantic) relationship with someone while never having seen that person on video, let alone in real life.

We were sending each other photos of course, but enabling the webcam wasn’t always common.

As you’ve probably guessed, sending a photo is easy. Who will know if it is really you in that photo!?

You can easily send fake photos and the person won’t know.

Nowadays we video call and get to know each other that way.

Starting a romantic relationship online is the new normal, and I definitely support that.

What can be troubling, is when people keep their engagement online.

Of course, now with the pandemic, it is much harder to meet each other in the real world.

But even in a time where people could only associate corona with a beer brand, people often hesitate to meet offline.

Meeting someone in the offline world is vital.

You will want to put yourself in a position where you can feel that person’s energy and witness their body language, attitude, and behavior.

I’ve heard people say they are in love and have a girlfriend or boyfriend for 2 years, but have never met in real life yet.

Some couples that do finally decide to meet in person, find themselves disappointed in each other due to a mismatch between the actual person and the person they thought they were.

The click just isn’t there somehow. Not that this happens all the time of course.

There are many success stories of people who meet online and end up in marriage.

Do keep in mind: do your best to meet the person you’ve met in the virtual world in the real world.

When you meet someone on Tinder or Bumble for example, make sure you go for that first date as quickly as possible.

Not that you should ask the person to meet up after 2 text messages, but after a few days of exchanging text messages which represent mutual interest, you will want to ask that question.

Ask that simple question: let’s meet up for a coffee?

You can only go to the next level in your relationship when you have been in each other’s company.

When you have embraced one another and when you have looked in each other’s eyes without a screen in your midst.

Don’t assume that technology can help you with everything.

Screens won’t be always around to save you.

Rely on yourself and be confident that the person will like the real you and vice versa in real life.

When someone is reluctant to meet you and keeps making excuses why they are not able to, something is up.

Be firm with the standards you uphold for yourself and don’t kid yourself while trying to ignore the red alerts.

Be careful not to be all in love while thinking your boyfriend or girlfriend you’ve met online is perfect, it is easy to display “perfection” online.

It is easy to come up with your own story.

No wonder why so many people are manipulated and realize this too late, unfortunately.

Who doesn’t love food!?

A life without the pleasures of food will undoubtedly be less exciting.

Food is one of the many go-to factors of life that we can feel easily grateful for.

Like with anything, good high-quality food takes time.

Patience, care, and dedication are required like with everything else that is great in life.

No wonder we post dishes on social media, especially when we don’t really know what else to post about!

Food always does well. Most of the time.

Especially when you’re in a totally different continent where you witness meals you didn’t know could look like that!

When I see a photo of a dish that someone posted, I’m keen to check if the person is mentioning the ingredients.

If the goal is to teach, then they are included.

Oftentimes the photo represents a moment of “the good life”.

Nothing wrong with that.

What is fascinating though is the number of effort people put into taking and posting these photos.

I’ve been in various restaurants where I see people treating taking a simple photo as some complex project that has to be right.

Sometimes there are levels of stress involved.

In those moments I wonder: why do you find it important to take that photo? Who are you doing this for?

This process can take quite some time…

The angle isn’t right, or dozens of photos have to be taken first.

That’s not the end of it of course.

Now there is the challenge to choose the best one!

When that’s finally done, there is some extra contemplation regarding which filters would match perfectly with that photo.

Of course, this entire process has to happen right there and then.

This is not a process that is happening after the meal.

As you can guess, sometimes the food gets cold and the stress continues.

Now the person doesn’t stress because they have to post the meal on social media, they stress because they have to eat fast.

Witnessing this whole undertaking does make me think: where does this desire to share with everyone real-time come from!?

Why does everyone need to know right here right now?

This is just an example of why we miss out on opportunities to enjoy the moment.

We bring extra concerns with us no matter where we are or what we do.

We feel the world needs to know what we do and they should know it now.

Relax.

The world can wait.

Yes, your meal looks fantastic, but the only person who will eat it is you.

Take that photo if you want, but then put your phone back in your pocket.

Leave it there during your entire restaurant experience.

Savor the food. Enjoy the smell and taste.

Be one with your meal and the person at your table.

Don’t invite the world to such intimate moments.

Own those moments.

A joyful life is just a series of happy moments.

Allow the happy moments and stop being busy trying to get a joyful life.

Experiencing such great moments right there and then, that’s the key to a happy life.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/ask-yourself-the-right-social-media-questions/

When we approach someone or meet someone, questions will be asked.

You ask questions to get information from that person.

The more information you gain, the more opportunity there is to connect with the person.

You learn about the person. You understand what the person is about it.

You find out if this person is someone you want to talk to again.

The above mostly happens when the questions are right.

The better the questions, the more you may understand how someone operates on an emotional and spiritual level.

While we do ask questions, we don’t always ask deeper ones.

This doesn’t only apply to others, but to ourselves as well.

While the whole concept of why asking questions is a no-brainer, it’s interesting that we don’t ask clear questions to ourselves.

We don’t really have such deep conversations with ourselves.

If we have established that we ask questions to know one another, why don’t we attempt to know ourselves better?

Why don’t we get to ask the hard questions to ourselves?

We may have many answers to deep questions, but are we actually conscious of those answers?

Have we really contemplated challenging questions we don’t always dare to ask others?

Asking questions is a vital activity that we should be taking on.

This is one of the reasons why people journal: to have a conversation with oneself, to gain clarity of one’s own feelings and answers.

It isn’t always comfortable. No wonder we oftentimes avoid asking the hard questions to ourselves.

We may know the answer but we don’t like it, we don’t want to be thinking about it.

When you’re not happy with your social media and phone use, it’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Ask yourself the following questions after a phone session or social media session:

Get honest with yourself.

Write your answers down.

Get a clear look at those answers, have them out there.

Carefully analyze the results after each session and see what activities you should reduce.

Make it clear to yourself why you want and should reduce your screen time.

Make it clear to yourself how you want to use social media and your phone.

How do you want both to enhance your life?

Go deep and confront yourself.

With clarity comes power.

It might be provoking at first, but the result is that you will feel a lot more comfortable with yourself.

You can be yourself when you know yourself.

Besides, the better you get in asking questions to yourself, the better you understand what questions are useful when you meet someone you really want to connect with.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/leave-your-smartphone-dormant-at-a-concert/

Our phones have amazing high-quality cameras.

The need for a separate device to film events, trips, and priceless moments is long gone.

The smartphone brought many devices to old school level or made them simply obsolete.

Combine that with the fact that a smartphone is not as heavy as a 90s camera, and you understand why people can hold smartphones for hours just to document every single second of an event.

A few years ago when I went to Coldplay’s concert, I noticed how many fans were filming with their device.

That didn’t surprise me, what did was for how long they were actually filming.

There were fans who felt the need to document every single song for at least a few seconds.

When you add up all those minutes, you realize how much of the performance was witnessed through a screen.

You’re there, with all the people around you, listening to music and watching a performance, but then decide to experience all that glamour through that little screen.

I totally understand when you want to record a moment or two with your smartphone, but why focus on documenting the whole thing?

Not only that, some decide it’s a good idea to share all these moments on social media right there and then.

One post okay, but 10?

I wonder how many times someone will look back at those videos.

It’s fun for the first few days, but anything that I film personally I don’t look back anymore.

In case I want to watch the concert back, I’ll just go on Youtube and find a professional or at least a better quality video that I can enjoy.

When you’re witnessing a breathtaking one-of-a-kind event, you don’t want to be thinking of tech for more than 5% of your time.

Enjoy and savor the moment.

Allow your eyes to witness the magic and be in awe of the energy that you feel around you, that you are participating in.

Don’t disconnect yourself from the collective experience.

Don’t disconnect from that moment you are sharing with your friends.

When you use your smartphone, you don’t experience that level of immersion your friends are experiencing.

They will have both hands in the air to enhance the immersion, not because they want to document anything.

Don’t think too much about “I need to share this” or “I need to save this”!

Take a few clips and put that device away.

Do both yourself and the artist a favour: don’t have it in your hands the entire time!

Scrolling is an addictive activity.

The same applies to swiping on a dating app, you just don’t know when to stop.

You tell yourself okay this is the last post I see or the last person that I will swipe left or right.

But somehow you’re still scrolling or swiping 5 minutes later.

Swiping on a dating app has a clear purpose: to connect with someone, however that connection may look like.

When we scroll however, we don’t really know what to expect. Will we see a post, a photo, a video, a quote?

What will that say, why has that person posted that, what is someone random up to in their lives or at this very moment?

That anticipation of a potential funny or shocking post makes us keep scrolling.

We are curious human beings, and scrolling is a superb way to distract ourselves.

You can escape yourself and your life, similar to when you’re watching a TV show.

Only with scrolling you don’t know what surprises await you in that loooong news feed.

It keeps going and going….

Now some social media platforms tell you when you’ve seen everything.

Instagram for example tells you when you’re all caught up.

I have not encountered this message yet, but that’s probably because I don’t scroll often.

Sadly we scroll and scroll when we are not alone.

There are people around us, but somehow we care more for the online persona’s of our friends, strangers, and influencers.

The problem is not so much that we scroll when we’re not alone, it’s that we scroll too much while we should pay attention to our offline environment.

We show more interest in the people who we wouldn’t even call when we are in trouble than the people who really matter to us.

It’s easy to take the people for granted who you see every day.

Friction happens in households which causes uncomfortable situations.

Instead of discussing this friction, the discomfort incentives us to take our phone and scroll.

To see how everyone else is doing in comparison to ourselves.

We don’t ask relevant questions anymore.

We may ask if someone can do the dishes or how their day was, but it doesn’t get deeper than that.

Scroll offline more.

Be interested in the lives of your nearest and dearest.

Notice what they say and don’t say.

Are they doing fine? Are they happy?

Are you helping them or supporting them with their endeavors?

It’s okay to check the virtual world and see what everyone decided to share with their friends and fans.

Let’s not forget though that our offline world needs as much scrolling as well.

That level of curiosity. That level of interest. That level of care.

The next step after noticing and paying attention is to offer any support or to simply acknowledge that person’s efforts.

Go for deeper questions. Deeper conversations.

Show that person in the offline world that you’re able to laser focus on them too.

Gift them with your presence and attention.

Whatever happens to the people in the virtual world won’t have an immediate impact on you.

Make sure that the people you’re surrounded by, love, and cherish, feel supported by you.

Let them feel comfortable, heard, and understood.

Their happiness is your happiness.

Take care of your own offline environment first, that’s where you are most of the time after all.

https://www.socialmediabreakup.com/assign-certain-tasks-to-certain-devices/

Those days that we only have 1 screen to entertain ourselves with are long over.

With the advent of the television we started to program ourselves that it is perfectly fine and normal to look at a screen for a couple of hours.

Then the personal computer made its introduction which was great for processing, but too boring to use for many hours in a row.

Soon afterward the internet become mainstream which changed everything!

Now it was really fun to be on our computer!

We could communicate with others and let magic appear in front of our eyes by typing a few words and a few clicks.

In those days it was normal to write BRB aka Be Right Back.

You couldn’t bring the computer to the toilet, let alone outdoors.

The flip phones and feature phones made their introduction and slowly we got used to looking at a screen in the open air.

Not that we did this for long, a game of Snake could only last so long before it got boring.

With the advent of the smartphone in 2007, it seemed we were ready to increase our focus on those little screens wherever we are.

Of course, let’s not forget the tablet which became a popular household product as well.

So there is the television (with game consoles connected), laptops, computers, smartphones, tablets, handheld consoles…

There are so many screens in our lives that would love our attention!

It can certainly get messy. It’s hard to focus on just 1 screen for 2 hours straight.

Multitasking with 2 or 3 devices involved is the norm rather than the exception.

The biggest problem maker is undoubtedly the smartphone.

Write down what activities you are doing on that small device.

Make a list.

Now assign a few of those activities to other devices like the tablet or laptop.

Do you want to play games? Assign this task to a game console, handheld console or tablet.

Do you use Facebook a lot? Assign this task to a laptop.

Do you email in the evening? Assign this task to a laptop or desktop.

Outsource as many tasks as possible to other screens.

Don’t be all over the place with your activities.

Don’t play games on multiple devices. Pick 1 device and when you play on it, play well.

Max out every activity and you do that by being mindful of it.

Don’t do a little bit of a lot.

Be super conscious that you’re going to read your emails now.

Be super conscious that you will scroll and comment on Tik Tok now for 30 minutes.

When you have assigned certain tasks, delete apps on your phone that are redundant now.

Have you assigned Twitter to your laptop? Remove the Twitter app from your phone.

Too hard? Then start by using your laptop to post tweets and your phone to read tweets only.

Small steps are fine, as long as it is a step.

You can make a list of activities for every device so you know exactly what to expect from yourself.

You just want to pick your most popular device and outsource multiple activities to those other devices.

The ultimate goal is to use your smartphone less so you can enjoy your offline life a lot more.