I used to go to meetings where we spent 5 minutes on sobriety and 55 minutes shooting the breeze. The truth? I liked it that way. In this video, we expose the 'Good Old Boy' network and why comfort is the enemy of real change.

In this episode, Jay and Lori dive into the "soft accountability" trap that many men fall into. Jay confesses how he used to whitewash his relapses and how his accountability partners—including a church leader—failed to challenge him because they were struggling themselves. We discuss the "Good Old Boy Network" in recovery and why "nothing but grace" can actually be a form of enabling.

In this video, we cover:

- Why "passive accountability" is often worse than no accountability at all.

- The "24-Hour Rule": Why Jay requires addicts to tell their wives about slips within 24 hours.

- Why sobriety breeds sobriety and the importance of a mentor with long-term freedom.

- The role of the church in addressing addiction and domestic abuse.

Question for the comments:

For Wives: What does real accountability look like to you in your husband's recovery?

For Addicts: What could a mentor have said that would have finally "pierced the fog" for you?

Timestamps

00:50 Were You Ever Relieved When Your Accountability Partners Didn't Expect You To Do Better?

01:09 What Kind of Responses Did They Have?

01:29 Did Any of Them Say 'None of Us Can Really Get Sober?'

02:06 Did Your Addiction Interpret Their Responses as Permission?

03:48 Did You Ever Confess To Your Accountabiltiy Group or Did You Change Your Answers Depending on Who Was Holding You Accountable?

04:11 How Did You Feel About Yourself After Those Soft Accountability Sessions?

05:11 Do You Think They Would Have Pressed You More And Been More of Help if You Had Been More Honest About How Bad Things Were?

06:09 Did You See This Was Wanting People to Tickle Your Ears at the Time?

07:18 Do You Now See That You Were Wanting People to Tickle Your Ears?

08:03 What Do You Wish Your Accountability Partners Would've Done Instead?

10:26 What Would You Have Done if They Had Given You the Scriptures About What Happens to Men in the Church Who Remain Stubborn?

12:52 What Do You Think Would've Happened if You Had Been Put Out of the Church?

13:42 What Do You Now Believe Accountability Should Look Like?

17:20 If You Could Speak to Those Accountability Partners Now, What Would You Say About How Their Approach Impacted You?

18:22 What Do You Think Accountability Looks Like In Recovery? What Could an Accountability Partner Have Said That Would've Pierce Through the Fog For You?

--

To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/

To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/

Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/

To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww

--

Who is This Channel For?

If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.

#betrayal

#relationships

#pornaddiction

#marriageadvice

#marriagerecovery

#pornaddictionhelp

#healingrelationships