We're celebrating someone's birthday with something they never asked for, so happy birthday to Alan Jordan, we guess? 

Host segments: Devori is the cheese, and the cheese stands alone; Hawk is not committed to the bit; Palance-ing all over the place; if not uncle, why uncle-shaped?; the illustrious role of "woman,"; Jeff needs to write down what he watches; Clockwork Orange-ed by the Swamp of Sadness; #AshIsABetterHawk; winsome nums.

We're getting mildly spooky around here with Paranormal Activity!

Host segments: Phil won't let us leave; Gen X childhood film trauma; this is a Micah hate podcast now; the entire Paranormal Activity extended universe; Micah's one good point; we declared Katie Featherstone should be a bigger artist; even the demon thinks Katie can do better; our first theatrical horrors; crafty girls; humoring your partner is critical; babe - you're just being too sensitive.

It's almost spoopy time, so you know what that means? It's time for the Spoopy Movie Swap! This year, we're talking about The Final Terror (1983) and The Ritual (2017).

Joe's requested this one for his birthday, so we are here, doing it all for Joe.

Host segments: Hogwarts is arugably sh*ttier; Ron's whole vibe; resigning over werewolf allegations; the Pettigrew Plot Hole; evil vs. slimy; your annual Killdozer reminder; Hogwarts CC annex; just keep reading The Silmarillion.

In case your Vitamin Puppet is low this week.

Host segments: is MiMi dead or committed to the bit?; Hugo, we hardly knew ye; Devori has bog witch plans; Three-chez; Vorelli knows how to control the options; add Shania Twain to the apology tour; Pehl and Nelson-tier petty; Jeff's late 90s trouble.

When you're wishing you could watch The Sidehackers instead, you know you've gone wrong somewhere.

Host segments: Más Funner; Roberty Denby strikes again!; gotta have a woody to crime; it's hip to be square; the lost works of Wang Chung; a brief (and stupid) history of biker gang films; smoochin' pay deduction; one of us!

Apologies to the president of Acapulco.

Host segments: the most harmless pervert; ladies who luch; Meet the Mayor; you got Buffy in our Batwoman; fixing the Kinga-Dome; M'hael the fundraiser; the worst collage ever; Reptilicus callback.

So many bat facts. Much wow. The movie, not so much.

Host segments: we stopped using those things for a reason; so much midcentury; committing to the bit; a life sketch; the Leonard Cohen of the apocalypse; Jeff's punishment hutch; Joe tests the statute of limitations on cheating confessions;  the Sol-Mates have feelings about math classes; host segment world-building; some are not compelled by Pipe Dreams; Devori changes Jeff's world; just Manos it.

We're back to our regular, boring, non-Twilight programming. Boo. But the big take-away is that it's 10:00 PM - do you know where your corpses are?

Host segments: toot/Tud/tut-triple threat; just want people to be silky-smooth; Elizabeth Bathory buzzkills; you juiced her, you bought her; are coffins built for comfort?; these glands are drastically under-used; the Hays code and Hirohito did this.

Devori does a war crime against Jeff and makes him watch what surely is the worst film ever watched on this pod.

Host segments: existential dread not found; Taylor Lautner is wasted in this one; dying by misadventure vs. murder-bear; it's just shirts and skins; the Twilight to T. Swizzle pipeline.