We're revisiting an old favorite in a new format, and we, too, were surprised by the results. Trigger warning: Phil is back. CW: discussion of slurs

Host segments: How is it LONGER?; trash crafts return; let's talk about racism, kids!; trying to figure out the socio-economic criticism inherent in Santa Claus and failing; who do I have to bribe to get a Djarum around here?; LSD doesn't fix everything, just most things; Benoit Blanc vs. Pitch.

This minisode, we're reviewing two very similar films - 2009's family drama Everybody's FIne, and Sabrina Carpenter's searing exploration of how horniness can impact the holidays. You might be surprised which one we enjoyed more.

We're still trying to figure out what exactly was "unearthly" here.

Host segments: Joe has a real future on OnlyCalves; Joe's sleep-smoochin'; remembering Hooligans; "the less dead;" WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE A DOCTOR ON THIS PODCAST?; how does something so short feel so long?; turning this thing into the Spiderman meme.

The sex-pestery in this film knows no bounds. Keep your hands to yourself, people!

Host segments: horny men are the bane of other planets now; Why monster? It's none of our business; RIP Penelope; Jeff's nipple-bud moratorium; boob blindness; when there's more science in Nude on the Moon; Joe gets real.

We're celebrating someone's birthday with something they never asked for, so happy birthday to Alan Jordan, we guess? 

Host segments: Devori is the cheese, and the cheese stands alone; Hawk is not committed to the bit; Palance-ing all over the place; if not uncle, why uncle-shaped?; the illustrious role of "woman,"; Jeff needs to write down what he watches; Clockwork Orange-ed by the Swamp of Sadness; #AshIsABetterHawk; winsome nums.

We're getting mildly spooky around here with Paranormal Activity!

Host segments: Phil won't let us leave; Gen X childhood film trauma; this is a Micah hate podcast now; the entire Paranormal Activity extended universe; Micah's one good point; we declared Katie Featherstone should be a bigger artist; even the demon thinks Katie can do better; our first theatrical horrors; crafty girls; humoring your partner is critical; babe - you're just being too sensitive.

It's almost spoopy time, so you know what that means? It's time for the Spoopy Movie Swap! This year, we're talking about The Final Terror (1983) and The Ritual (2017).

Joe's requested this one for his birthday, so we are here, doing it all for Joe.

Host segments: Hogwarts is arugably sh*ttier; Ron's whole vibe; resigning over werewolf allegations; the Pettigrew Plot Hole; evil vs. slimy; your annual Killdozer reminder; Hogwarts CC annex; just keep reading The Silmarillion.

In case your Vitamin Puppet is low this week.

Host segments: is MiMi dead or committed to the bit?; Hugo, we hardly knew ye; Devori has bog witch plans; Three-chez; Vorelli knows how to control the options; add Shania Twain to the apology tour; Pehl and Nelson-tier petty; Jeff's late 90s trouble.

When you're wishing you could watch The Sidehackers instead, you know you've gone wrong somewhere.

Host segments: Más Funner; Roberty Denby strikes again!; gotta have a woody to crime; it's hip to be square; the lost works of Wang Chung; a brief (and stupid) history of biker gang films; smoochin' pay deduction; one of us!