Something Positive for Positive People

Internalized herpes stigma looks like self shaming ourselves and masking it with external behaviors like disclosing our positive HSV status to someone low risk. By low risk, I simply mean their acceptance or approval of us carries little to no value. However, we're either looking to have our beliefs challenged or validated by their response. This episode will challenge that in you. Check it out!

I was joined by Clarice Connolly who's been a guest on the podcast a couple of other times to speak to a small group of people living with herpes at one of the annual weekend long get togethers. This exercise was called Something Negative for Positive People where we took one of our most negative experiences since our herpes diagnosis and anonymously shared them by reading it off after having written it down. The audience provides input from their similar experiences or their own learned lessons. This was useful to everyone and encouraged sharing from people who otherwise may never have spoken any of this aloud. It was a healing experience and we still have some experiences that didn't make this setting so I'll share those on upcoming episodes of the podcast. Please enjoy and if you're looking to get involved with the social support groups, just hit me up and I'll do my best to connect you to them. They are private or secret and usually on Facebook.

We answer some listener questions about men and HSV. Some men wrote in and asked some questions and I answer those as well. We discuss masculinity and how we deal with a herpes diagnosis differently that those in touch with their femininity, disclosure leading to 'me too', who has more outbreaks between penis and vulva owners, and the importance of communication as a herpes diagnosis changes the way we do sex. I hope you enjoy this episode and if you found it useful, please consider leaving a donation to SPFPP so that we can pay for people's therapy services and provide support for them after their diagnosis.

Have you ever dismissed your intuition as prejudice? Have you ever seen something happening and then a voice in your head tells you this shouldn't be happening the way it is and that something is just off? Our guest this week shares their story of having dismissed their intuition around red flags landing them into Urgent Care for chlamydia treatment twice over the course of the same week.

This episode highlights stigma from the health care field in that seemingly none of the providers seemed to want to discuss sex or sexual health. Nor did anyone want to say there was a possibility of the presented symptoms actually being an STI despite their lack of concern for it. This experience teaches us the importance of asking questions when we feel ourselves sensing that something just isn't right. I hope you'll learn as much as I did from this experience.

The human behind the Instagram @makegodgayagain and I did a live and were having technical difficulties with the formatting so we were able to record this audio and add it as an episode. She challenged me and asked some great questions about intersectionality, dating, herpes mythunderstandings and let me share Something Positive for Positive People resources with her audience which I'm super thankful for because a couple generous donations came in to help us get to a place where we can get therapy/counseling for those navigating stigma post-diagnosis.

Don't have the strength to help yourself? Help someone else who may be in the same position you are and see how it changes you. It's far more simple to to for others than it is for ourselves oftentimes. Our guest this week shares how she overcame a suicide attempt after her herpes diagnosis and healed through support from supporting others. There's a gift for us in giving that's waiting on us.

Monica Laipple is the host of the podcast, "Invisible Not Broken", a chronic illness and disability podcast.

Monica and I connected on a joint interview with Lauren Selfridge's podcast, "This is Not What I Ordered" and connected right away. I asked Monica how she was always able to keep pushing despite her body's constant rejection of her will and ideas because I believe there is much to be learned from her experience with rejection. Her body is rejecting her rather than how a person living with herpes may reject their body. The perspective here is amazing and I hope you are able to take away something that connects with you.

Connect with Monica via:

Business @invisiblenotbrk

Personal @PhotographerWRS

Twitter @invisiblenotbroken

Instagram @invisiblenotbroken

YouTube Invisible Not Broken

If you didn't have herpes, would you still be with the person you're with right now? How many of us were in this position or are currently in this position where we'd rather have toxic companionship over a healthy relationship with ourselves?

We stay in these relationships because we are concerned about what others will think, but what if the roles were reversed with a loved one? We'd tell them get out of the relationship and we'd support them.

We discuss public disclosure and that it's okay to NOT want to do it.

In relationships when you see those red flags, don't ever ignore them because there's something there.

Side note: we mentioned our guest's YouTube Channel on herpes, from the date of our recording back in March, she has chosen to remove it.

Technology has a life cycle and the ol' iPhone 7+ Google Chromebook combo I've used for the last three years are no more. We took in listener questions including how I contracted herpes, managing herpes outbreaks, pushing away love, and feeling sexy after a herpes diagnosis. Until I get this new process down, I'll do solo episodes with questions. This is a solo show, I talk about my dad and therapy.

If you have questions you'd like answered on the podcast over the course of the next few episodes don't hesitate to send them in via messages on social media or email me through www.spfpp.org. My email is [email protected] if that's easiest.

Brenda Emily (@BrendaEmily on Instagram) is an HIV survivor who did not contract it sexually as one may assume. We discuss some of her experiences with hookups and rejection as someone navigating the dating world with HIV and cerebral palsy. We touch on HIV criminalization laws, despite the U equals U campaign, being more strict than the criminalization of rape. There's some overlap in herpes and HIV stigma that we address. Overall, we can let others mistake our being empowered for intimidating. Those drawn to us will affirm our being empowered whereas those who find us intimidating well, are just intimidated.