Here’s a guided technique to get to the core of what’s really bothering you, and then soothe yourself. Practiced frequently, it gets you clear on who you are and what you need.

It’s a technique for personifying or imagining your emotions as parts within you - inner characters, influences, voices of authority that we accumulate throughout our life. Through this process we become aware of them, so they no longer secretly run the show behind the scenes. The idea is we become more mindful of who they are, what they want, and who YOU are in relationship with them.

The process I walk you through is:

1. Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed


2. Bring to mind the issue, question, challenge or topic that’s bothering you


3. Close your eyes and breathe


4. Notice what’s going on in your body


5. Give those feelings and sensations qualities, characteristics, persona


6. Name it, age it, endow it with identity (becomes clearer with practice)


7. Ask it questions, back and forth in a comparative dialogue


8. Let it know you’re in this together, say good bye and end

Questions you might ask are:

• How do you feel towards this part? What is your relationship to it? How might you befriend it?


• What does this part feel? Where is it directing its feelings?


• What does it want to say or do?


• What does it want for you? What does it need you to know?


• How can you let it know you’re here, with it?


• How can you make sure it’s seen, heard, and welcome?


• What job could it do?

If this is your first time, take it slow, wait and be gentle with yourself. Chances are these parts haven’t been spoken to in a LONG time. It’s a process of to-ing and fro-ing between thinking and feeling and noticing what happens in your body as you go through the steps. Parts become clearer over time - you begin to recognise which parts get triggered by which kinds of situation.

It’s a simplified version of internal family systems, a novel and effective branch of modern psychology. Here’s a detailed primer:

https://lucasforstmeyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Introduction-to-the-Steps-Questions-of-IFS-Therapy-by-Lucas-Forstmeyer.pdf

Or another, as a video: https://youtu.be/Ym8o762U7uc

If you’re on Instagram, there’s a lady here doing lots of interesting work with IFS: https://instagram.com/the_ordinary_sacred?igshid=ZWQyN2ExYTkwZQ==

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