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What parts of yourself have you cut off to fit into someone else's spiritual mold? In this raw and revealing conversation, Pastor Kristy Hodson shares her journey through a high-control religious environment where authenticity was often sacrificed on the altar of conformity.

Drawing from Brené Brown's powerful distinction—"Fitting in is about becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are"

Kristy explores how religious systems can demand we amputate essential parts of ourselves to belong. Using the Brothers Grimm version of Cinderella as a striking metaphor, she describes how the stepsisters literally cut off toes to fit into the glass slipper, paralleling how believers are sometimes asked to cut away authentic pieces of themselves to fit religious expectations.

The seemingly trivial battles over jewelry, coffee drinking, and social media posts mask deeper control mechanisms that stifle critical thinking and personal expression. Kristy's powerful question—"How much about myself do you want me to lie about?"—challenges us to consider the spiritual cost of conformity. 

Through her story, we witness the exhausting cycle of trying to change a system from within, only to discover that true freedom comes not from rebellion but from creating your own existence from scratch.

This conversation isn't about abandoning faith but finding authentic expression within it. Whether you've experienced spiritual abuse, felt like an outsider in religious spaces, or simply question whether you can be fully yourself while maintaining your faith, this episode offers healing perspectives on belonging without conforming. Join us as we explore how to embrace our whole selves—questions, uniqueness, and authentic expression—in our spiritual journeys.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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What happens when your loyalty to God becomes twisted into a weapon against your own soul? In this deeply insightful exploration of distorted loyalty, we unravel how spiritual abuse manipulates our noblest virtues into chains of obligation and fear.

Distorted loyalty isn't just about misplacing your allegiance—it's about how that loyalty functions internally, creating an agonizing inner turmoil that makes you stay in harmful religious environments despite recognizing the damage being done. This episode carefully distinguishes between healthy devotion and the twisted version that leaves you feeling trapped, silenced, and spiritually hostage.

Through powerful real-life scenarios, we examine six harmful narratives where distorted loyalty manifests: refusing to address abuse to "avoid division," judging other Christians who don't conform to denominational expectations, equating leaving a church with betraying God, treating questioning as rebellion, reframing silence about wrongdoing as spiritual maturity, and merging personal identity so completely with group identity that departure feels like self-annihilation.

Most dangerously, fear-based obedience replaces authentic faith, leading people to stay in abusive systems not from love but from terror of rejection, punishment, or eternal consequences. This distortion fuels what some call "Spiritual Stockholm Syndrome," where victims emotionally attach to and defend the very religious systems harming them.

For anyone caught in these webs of twisted obligation, this episode offers profound validation and hope. You're not crazy for recognizing harm. You're not betraying God by protecting yourself. In fact, walking away from what damages your soul might be the first authentic step toward Him in a very long time. Because true loyalty should never demand the sacrifice of your conscience, dignity, or voice.

Have you experienced distorted loyalty in your spiritual journey? How did you recognize it, and what helped you break free? Share your story and join our community working toward healthier, more honest expressions of faith.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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Misplaced loyalty in religious settings occurs when commitment to institutions trumps truth, justice, and human dignity. This harmful dynamic enables spiritual abuse by silencing those who recognize problems, creating environments where manipulation and control thrive under the guise of faithfulness.

• Institutional cover-ups of abuse scandals (Catholic Church, Southern Baptist Convention) prioritize reputation over justice
• Theological isolation creates echo chambers where learning from other traditions is discouraged
• Gender-based restrictions in ministry show loyalty to tradition over recognizing spiritual gifts
• Discouraging questions treats curiosity as rebellion and suppresses critical thinking
• Refusing cross-denominational cooperation promotes division over unity in Christ's body
• Elevating denominational rules over loving people creates legalistic environments
• Silence about racism, sexism and abuse within churches to "keep the peace"
• Fear of leaving toxic religious environments due to identity entrapment and loss of community

Join me for the next episode where we'll explore distorted loyalty and how these two concepts work together to create spiritually harmful environments.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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Show Note Links:
Allender Center: https://theallendercenter.org/
Allender Center Podcast: https://theallendercenter.org/category/podcast/
Restore Conference: https://julieroys.com/restore/
"The Roys Report" Podcast: https://julieroys.com/podcast/
Steven Hassan's Influence Continuum: https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/influence-continuum/
Steven Hassans BITE Model of Authoritarian Control: https://freedomofmind.com/cult-mind-control/bite-model-pdf-download/
Dr. Janja Lalich website & resources: https://www.lalichcenter.org/

Description of the Episode:
Mind control represents the most dangerous form of psychological manipulation in religious settings, designed to influence and dominate a person's thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors without their awareness.

• Differences between Mind Control, Brainwashing, Thought Reform, and Bounded Choice
• Steven Hassan's BITE model (Behavior, Information, Thought, Emotional control) explaining psychological control techniques
• Historical examples of mind control including the Nazi regime, Scientology, and the Stanford Prison Experiment
• How high-control groups exploit normal human desires for belonging and connection
• Dr. Janja Lalich's Bounded Choice Theory explaining why people remain in controlling groups
• Warning signs that a religious organization may be using mind control tactics
• The importance of maintaining autonomy and critical thinking in spiritual contexts
• Robert J. Lifton's eight criteria for thought reform environments
• Resources for those affected by spiritual abuse including the Allender Center & The Restore Conference

Faith should not be about living in fear or control. Christ offers freedom, not bondage. Your spiritual journey belongs to you and you have the right to seek truth for yourself.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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This episode explores:

* The troubling dynamics of indoctrination, thought suppression, and mind         control within spiritual communities.
* We emphasize the importance of nurturing critical thinking and personal           autonomy to foster genuine spiritual growth.
*  Analysis of emotional and logical aspects of faith
* The role of indoctrination in suppressing individual thought
* Discussion on moral vs. spiritual education and their impacts   
* Examination of thought suppression tactics in faith settings
* Insights on reactance theory and spiritual bypassing 
* Reflections on maintaining critical thinking in spirituality

This is a link to Marlene Winell's website & the diagram that she created on  childhood indoctrination
https://www.journeyfree.org/author/marlene/

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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Wade Mullen's RESTORE 2022 conference talk that mentions DARVO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I-w6rPMy5M&t=1933s

Rachel Denhollander's trial transcript  & verbal testimony
Transcript:  https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/24/us/rachael-denhollander-full-statement/index.html
Testimony:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CjVOLToRJk


Spiritual abuse is an insidious force that can silence even the most courageous voices. Explore this hidden realm with me, Christie Hodson, as we uncover the manipulation tactic known as DARVO—Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. Originally identified by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, DARVO is a cunning strategy often used by abusers to twist the truth and avoid accountability. We’ll dissect how spiritual leaders and institutions wield this tactic to paint themselves as victims, thereby complicating the journey to justice for the true sufferers.

Understanding the role of bystanders in abuse scenarios is crucial. Often bound by betrayal blindness, they may inadvertently support abusers through inaction. Through infamous cases like Larry Nassar and Bill Hybels, we'll reveal how abusers manipulate perceptions and how bystanders can break free from these psychological barriers. I challenge every listener to confront their biases and recognize the moral weight of standing up for those who are most vulnerable.

Our journey doesn't stop with identifying the problem; it seeks to transform our spiritual spaces into sanctuaries of support and honesty. We’ll examine the allegations against Bill Hybels and the misuse of DARVO that followed, illustrating the necessity for transparency and accountability. By comparing these situations to how Grace Community Church handled similar accusations, we find a roadmap for creating healthier spiritual environments. Join me on Soul Bruises as we push for a future where awareness, kindness, and humanity reshape our communities.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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Spiritual abuse can shatter faith and trust in devastating ways. Imagine an environment where authority becomes a tool for manipulation rather than guidance. In this episode of Soul Bruises, we tackle the harrowing reality of spiritual abuse within religious settings, dissecting how authority and distorted loyalty can morph into instruments of harm. Learn how to differentiate between genuine spiritual authority and the misuse of power that leads to exploitation and suffering, and understand why speaking up is crucial for mental and spiritual well-being.

Journey with us as we examine historical and modern figures like William Wilberforce, Pope Gregory the Great, Thomas Merton, Henry J. M. Nouwen &  Jill & Jinger from the Duggar family, whose lives highlight the dual-edged nature of spiritual authority. By delving into their insights, we uncover the qualities of healthy leadership—humility, accountability, respect for autonomy, and community-building. Through personal stories and testimonies, we shed light on the dark corners of spiritual abuse, offering a pathway to reclaiming faith and trust.

In our critical analysis of Bill Gothard's controversial teachings and the dynamics within his organization, we expose the dangers of absolute obedience and hierarchical control. Hear firsthand accounts from individuals like Jill Duggar Dillard and Jinger Duggar Vuolo, who bravely share their experiences of entrapment and the struggle for autonomy. We close with a hopeful vision for church communities, advocating for empathy and compassion, and highlighting real-world examples of churches making a positive impact. Join us in this candid and necessary conversation to foster safer, more supportive spiritual environments.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."

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What if the pain you thought was just "church hurt" was actually something much more severe? Today on the Soul Bruises podcast, we return from our hiatus to confront the unsettling reality of spiritual abuse head-on. We explore why it's critical to listen to the voices of those who've endured this trauma, how the term "abuse" carries a weight that "church hurt" does not, and why skipping to the positives without addressing the harm is not an option. Victims deserve our attention, our belief, and our action. We delve into the importance of acknowledging these issues to mend broken institutions and facilitate collective healing.

In our discussion on healing, we emphasize the need for proper church governance and law enforcement's role when criminal activities are involved. We explore the development of safety policies and the crucial contributions of organizations like GRACE and Ministry Safe in providing resources and training. We stress the importance of validating victims' experiences, recognizing religious trauma, and ensuring thorough investigations. Tune in to find out how you can stay connected with us on Instagram, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube and be part of this essential conversation.

"Be Human, Be Kind, Be Both."