Soup be damned! We're going nuts-deep this Fourth of July, which means a whole lot of misinterpreted idioms for us and five pairs of wax lips a year for every American. Instead of fireworks, we're celebrating our independence by downing a couple lava shots, putting on some highly flammable facewear, and heading to the biggest movie of the summer: nothing.

Pairings: your emergency King of Queens DVDs; a bitchin' 'stache; a Mark Rothko joint