Dr. Eric J. Gilchrest, Pastor | September 6, 2026
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A Sermon on Forgiveness
Dr. Eric J. Gilchrest, Pastor
Good morning everybody. A couple of things before we get started. I know Clint already said it, but I am personally so pleased to have Erin Ovenshire as our new admin. She has been wonderful to work with already, and I look forward to good things there. I just wanted to make sure everybody knew and to welcome her in this role. Second, though, so one of my new favorite things these last few weeks has been the number of children in our worship service. I don't know if you feel this way too, but I definitely do. And I also want those parents to feel very comfortable having their children in the worship service. This is something that at South Run Baptist Church, we prize. We hold this as very important. I don't say this enough, so this is part of what I'm doing right now, which is we have intentionality behind having the kids in here. There are many churches you could attend where you ship the kids off and they're gonna be somewhere else for the whole time that you're here. And by kids, I mean like even up through like junior high or something. We've learned, but studies say Having your kids in here, like seeing what the adults do, watching your parents worship, this is very, very important for their spiritual development. And so this is why we want the children in here. With that said, we also want you to feel comfortable taking your kid out if you need to. And so if at any point you need to, we have a room downstairs. I think it's the Birch room, whatever the middle room is down there. where the TV's on with me on it, and you can participate in the service down there if that's what you need at any point. So feel free to utilize that. All right, let's get started here. Please bow your heads in prayer. God, our Father in heaven, your name is holy, and we seek your holy name this morning. God, I ask that you speak your words through your humble servant this morning, that those who are in attendance and those who are listening, whether online or at some future point, will hear you. They will hear you speaking to them loud and clear. Lord, this morning you know what we're talking about. We are talking about forgiveness. And Lord, we are the recipients of your boundless forgiveness. And so we begin with thanks, but we also now open our ears to what you wish to say to us. In Christ's name we pray, amen. We're talking about forgiveness, but we're also kind of the macro level. We're talking about the two ways. There's the narrow way and there's the wide way, and the wide way leads to destruction. And Jesus is trying to get us to walk down that narrow Rd. right? Which is to say it's a harder Rd. to walk and it requires some intention behind it. And it means that we have to pay attention to what we are doing and should not be. And some of those things we're not doing, but we should be. And so this morning, we have a wonderful test case in forgiveness. Forgiveness. This is certainly something that we've all been on both sides of the coin for. We've needed to forgive somebody, but we've also needed to be forgiven by somebody. But I wanna begin with a question that I asked our deacon ordinands on this last Wednesday. We had a deacon ordination meeting, council, where we brought in the two gentlemen who were being tried and tested, and it was grueling, and we really put it to them. They did pass, so next week we will be voting on our deacons, which will now include Brian Sands and Dan Ovanshire. We're very happy to have them on that slate, and you'll get to vote on them along with two others next week. But the question I asked was, what is the gospel, right? What is the gospel? Somewhat simple question. And I would hope that each of you, if you've been around the church for a while and if you confess Christ as Lord, you would have some kind of answer to this. What is the gospel? So I want to offer to you kind of a version in brief of how I think about this. It starts at the beginning of the creation, which is to say that in the beginning, God created all things good. In fact, he finishes it all and says, this is very good. But we know it doesn't stay there for too long. And there's the fall, Genesis 3 happens, and Genesis 4, they're kicked out of the garden. And then we're living in this world. And if you look around, you see what? You would currently see three hurricanes are sitting in the Pacific Ocean. Something is broken with the world itself, literally. There's a flood in Nepal that led to over 1000 deaths. There's all kinds of illnesses that are just waiting to infect each and every one of us. But it doesn't stop with the brokenness in the world, does it? then kind of seeps into us, you and me, or maybe there's other people, right? the sin sickness that covers humanity. And we are all people who do things that we shouldn't do and we don't do the things that we should do. And then when we're really honest, we look inside and we realize that it's sitting in here. And if you think back through your past, you realize, you know what, there are things that I regret There are things that I need forgiveness for, and I'm reaching out to a God that I need forgiveness from. And so then the gospel is God looking down and saying, I'm going to do something about the state of the world. And to do something, well, he sends Jesus, the Son of God, into the world, And Jesus dies on a cross, as we say, every single second Sunday of the month when we take communion, for the forgiveness of your sins, to make things right again. And then he is raised on the third day, defeating death and offering eternal hope into the future. This is what's happening. And so then the macro story says that what God is doing is he's taking the very good thing that had been broken and he's putting it back to rights again. This is good news. And it's the hope that we all hold on to. At the very center of all of it is a God who loves us so much that he keeps coming after us offering forgiveness when we don't deserve it. Offering forgiveness when we don't deserve it. Which then gets to what Paul says to us about forgiveness at large. He says, for example, actually, sorry, slide one, I had this on here. So what is the gospel? It's the good news that God has chosen forgiveness and mercy instead of punishment. He has chosen reconciliation instead of walking away, and he has chosen restoration instead of pushing us out. And here's what Paul, the move Paul makes in Ephesians 4.32. He says, forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. And so this morning, as we're talking about the need to forgive one another, we should be reminded that the gospel story is the frame to it all. And as Paul says, God forgave you. And how did he do this? In Christ, in the story that I just told you, on the cross, through his death and through his resurrection, you have been forgiven. And so we too are to what? We're to take that same model and we are to apply it, everybody around us. forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. Now the goal of forgiveness with both God and man is restoration. If the story of scripture from front to back is a story of restoration, well then that's what we're doing in our relationships when we forgive as well. We're seeking to restore. to make all things new. Now I should say very clearly that this does not mean consequences don't matter. They matter deeply. And so if you are seeking forgiveness from somebody, you must be ready to acknowledge that there is going to be a fallout to whatever it is that you have done in this life. And so consequences matter. There's a famous theologian from the mid-1900s named Bonhoeffer, and he had this famous book in which he talks about cheap grace, cheap grace. And I would offer you, there's something that is kind of a corollary to this, which is cheap forgiveness. Cheap forgiveness wants the benefits of forgiveness without the cost. Costly forgiveness is the willingness to do what it takes by the person who needs forgiveness to be reconciled. And so if you have harmed somebody and you are seeking their forgiveness and you are seeking to be made right again with them, you must recognize that there are consequences and there are costs to whatever it is that you've done. And we'll talk more about that momentarily. I've put a few things at the bottom of your bulletin. Some bullet points that I'm hoping you walk away with after the sermon, if you don't walk away with anything else. And here's one. Forgiveness restores you and reconciliation restores the relationship. Forgiveness restores actually the one who is doing the forgiving. It's the one, when you forgive, like you have been made whole, there's kind of a weird logic to this. And then reconciliation is when the relationship has been made whole again. Now I confess, I've kind of teased two things apart that may not be obvious just from the kind of a flat reading of scripture, but I do think this is really important for you to know that there are two sides to this. And sometimes forgiveness is all that's possible because whatever that other party they're doing, they may not want reconciliation. But in the ideal world, both parties are involved, and that's when reconciliation actually happens. But for the time being, I kind of want you to piece these out and keep them separated one from the other. Forgiveness or restoration and reconciliation are two different things, and it's important for you to hold them apart from one another. But in the best case scenario, both happen. With that then, let's turn to our scripture for today, which is Matthew chapter 18, verses 21 and 22. Matthew 18, 21 and 22 goes like this. Then Peter came up and said to him, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him as many as seven times? And Jesus said, I do not say to you 7, but 77 times. Now the observant among you will immediately say, wait, I thought it was 70 times 7. We could dig into the Greek here and we could look at precisely what's there. And even if we did that, here's what you would find, that we actually don't know what the answer is. It might be 70 times 7, which would be what, 490? Or it might be 77. But the truth is, neither matter, because that's not what Jesus is saying, is he? He's not asking you to count up how many times you forgive, and then once you reach 77, done. No, he's saying forgiveness should be ever ready. This is something that as followers of Christ, that narrow way, like at any moment when somebody calls on us to be forgiven, like really be forgiven, we are willing and ready to offer that to them. The passage today is followed by a parable, which we won't read together, but I'll just simply tell you what's in it. It applies directly to the gospel story that I gave you up front and it goes like this. There's a master and he has a servant and the servant owes him the equivalent of $4 billion, a billion with a B. This is like the math works out this way. And the servant comes and is pleading with the master. He says, please just let me go. He was about to sell, the master was going to sell the servant into to slavery. And he said, please, I can't. And the master had mercy on him and said, you know what? I'm actually, I'm going to forgive the debt, $4 billion, and I'm going to let you go. As the servant left, he found somebody else who actually owed him some money to the tune of about $6,000, which, That's A lot. Like $6,000. Somebody owes me $6,000. You better believe I'm going to want that money back. But if I've just been forgiven $4 billion, you know, I think I might be generous. I would hope. But this servant was not. This servant instead, he went after the guy who owed him $6,000. And then when he couldn't pay, what did he do? Well, he sold him into debtors prison. Well, when the master found out, he said, how could you do this? You are wicked. Do you not know how merciful, how forgiving I have been to you? And then you turn around and with this debt, sure, it's some money, but it's nothing what you've been forgiven already, right? Hopefully you can see the comparison to the gospel itself. God has offered each and every one of us forgiveness in abundance. And so when he calls on us to forgive others, to forgive our neighbors, to forgive those who have done something wrong to us, our friends, our spouses, our kids, or whoever, we should be ready at any moment to say yes. But there are some parameters. And this is worth our time because oftentimes forgiveness turns into that cheap forgiveness. And I don't want it to do that this morning, and I don't want to leave you with the wrong impression about how forgiveness works. And so if you're in the Matthew 18, I just encourage you to back up just ever so slightly because the forgiveness stuff doesn't start there. It actually starts in 1815. And here's what Jesus says here. He says, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. And if he listens to you, have gained your brother. The scenario is a simple one. Somebody has done something wrong to you and you go to them and you say, you've done this wrong thing to me. And you're coming with open arms and you're saying, I would like to forgive you. I just need you to own what you've done. And if they say yes, well, then you've got your brother back. Reconciliation has happened, right? Luke actually. gets a little more pointed here. There's a version of this same saying that happens in Luke's gospel. If you return there at some future point, if you want to, it'd be in chapter 17, verses 3 to 4, go like this. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times, I say, repent. Or saying, I repent, you must forgive him. Here's what I want you to know about this passage. Some of us are really good at rebuking others. Others of us are really good at forgiving others. But in my experience, very few are good at both. I want us all to be people who are good at both. rebuking or bringing to someone else, here's what you've done wrong to me. None of this passive aggressive stuff. Just be honest and straightforward and say, you've hurt me. I need you to apologize. Here's what's wrong. And then when that person actually does, and when they own the problem that sits between you and that person, then you forgive them and you make things right. This is the ideal, right? That you're doing both the rebuking and then the forgiving when it happens. Which is another way of saying that in every scenario where forgiveness is involved, there's always two parties. If you were to come to me in pastoral counseling or something and you would say, Eric, I need to talk to you about forgiveness, my immediate question, well, which one are you? the one who needs forgiveness or are you the one forgiving somebody else? Because the conversation is going to look a little different depending on what side of the ledger you're sitting on. So we'll start with the one who's in need of forgiveness. Maybe this is you this morning. The first thing I would say to you in that counseling session would be to own your sin, no matter how big or small it is. Own whatever it is you've done wrong. And maybe you don't even want to call it sin. Maybe it's like, you're thinking it's this thing. But I need you to own it and to say, you know what, I really did that. And then you need to recognize the consequences that happen and flow out of whatever that thing is that you've done. And depending on the severity of the thing you've done, you might expect that some trust has been lost and must be restored with that person. And that again, depending on the severity of it all, it might take a while. It might take years or even decades to restore some of the trust that is lost. Once you're ready for it, I would then encourage you to apologize to the other person. But in my household, we have a way of apologizing that isn't just merely saying, I'm sorry, and then you move on. I would call that cheap forgiveness, and that's what we're trying to avoid this morning. Instead, we have a fourfold model of what apologies look like. includes, I am sorry. It was wrong because in the future I will. And then will you forgive me? Now, parents, you can take this and use it for your kids. That'd be great. But parents, I would encourage you to use it for one another as well. And it goes like this. I am sorry for. And this is when you actually name the thing that you did and you own it. and you say it out loud so that the other person knows what you've done wrong, and they know that it was wrong. And then you say it was wrong because, and here's where you get to explain to the person that you now understand why it was wrong. And you've put yourself into their shoes, and you show them or explain to them what it must have been like for them to be on that side of it all. And then in the future I will. And here is what you should have done instead. It's more than just next time I won't do X, Y, or Z. Next time I just won't get angry with you. It's in this moment that you get to demonstrate that you understand why you did the thing that you did. And so maybe you came home from work and you were just in a rage because somebody at work had offended you, and then you come home and you take it out on your spouse. when you apologize, you say, in the future, if I know I'm in this mood, I'm just going to tell you right up front, and then I'm going to encourage you to maybe avoid me for a short time, and I'm going to go cool off, and then I'm going to make sure that I'm a good man or a good woman so that you have the spouse that you deserve in that moment. And then finally, once you've really explored what went wrong, then you're in a place to say, will you forgive me? Let us make things right. And hopefully, prayerfully, you're with a spouse or maybe it's a friend or maybe it's, again, your kids or whoever it is. This works with anybody. Hopefully they will say, yes, I forgive you. Now the flip side of the coin is the party that needs to forgive. Jesus tells us 70 times 7. If someone seeks your forgiveness, you need to be ready to forgive. This is the way to life. Life abundant is living with a heart ready to forgive at any moment. Again, remember Ephesians 4, forgive one another as God in Christ forgave you. Remember, There was the billion dollars and there's the thousands of dollars and the ledgers are very, very different. And I would also encourage you to remember that forgiveness, it restores you. First and foremost, to withhold forgiveness is an affront to the way God operates in this world. And therefore, It is an affront to our truest nature as children of God. If we were made in God's image, and I believe with all my heart that we were, and God is a God who forgives again and again and again, then if we want to live into our truest nature, we must be people who forgive. But if you want a more selfish reason for why you should forgive, it goes like this. It's good for you. To forgive somebody else, it feels good to just let it go. In fact, there's a famous saying that holding on to anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It's not going to happen. And so you must stop drinking the poison and you must forgive the other person and let it go. Now there is a deep struggle that happens if you've been hurt. And the struggle is, do I trust this person again? There are the memories that I have of when they wronged me. There's the fear that they're going to do it again. And so again, depending on the severity of what has happened between the two parties, I just want to affirm that sometimes is going to happen. And that's okay. And it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you and your ability to forgive someone. It is a reminder that trust It's not a guarantee in a relationship, and it must be earned and it must be kept. But the question left then is when do you choose reconciliation and when is it okay not to? I've said that these are two different things, forgiveness and reconciliation. And the goal is reconciliation. Two parties coming back together. This is what God does with us. God is, we are rather, estranged from God, but God seeks us out because God wants to be with us. This is the truest form of forgiveness. But there are times in life where reconciliation may not be possible, because it does depend on both parties participating. But there's also this. There is the example of abuse in a relationship. And so if you've ever been a part of an abusive relationship, whether physical abuse, emotional abuse, or otherwise, you know that there is a gap that sits between forgiveness and reconciliation better than anybody else knows this, or at least you should. And so I would want to talk to you and to say, forgive. but not too quickly. To return to Luke, if your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. You must first learn to rebuke. It is possible that if this abusive relationship you've been in has gone on for too long, you're probably pretty good at the forgiveness side but maybe need to learn some things about rebuking, holding someone accountable for their actions, to build boundaries and to tell someone that they can no longer do this to you. And if they do, there are clear consequences for it. But the other thing that needs to happen is that the abuser must learn to repent. Repentance is actually a big word. It's more than just, baby, I'm never gonna do that again. It's actually walking the walk. It is not cheap forgiveness, like Bonhoeffer warns of cheap grace. True repentance in relationship is the same as it is with God. When we truly repent, it means we turn around and we start walking in a different direction, not just by words, but in our actions. We no longer do what we used to do. We take necessary steps, radical steps, to stop doing the old and to start doing the new. So if the abuser is showing no signs that they are taking steps in the opposite direction, well they aren't getting help from a counselor, or they haven't changed their behavior in some fashion, then repentance has not really begun. Repentance hasn't really begun and reconciliation should be off the table until they are ready to truly repent. If you keep reconciling with someone who refuses true repentance, you are not righteously walking as Jesus teaches us to. You are simply putting yourself in harm's way. And if I were in the room with you, giving you counsel, I would say you need to walk away until true repentance is part of what is happening in that reconciliation. So how to seek reconciliation, how to offer forgiveness, a very quick word to our married couples in the room, but everybody else can listen in because I think this applies to everyone. Empathy is mission critical. Empathy. It's the ability to see the world as somebody else sees the world, to put yourself into their shoes. If you're going to apologize to someone, you need to understand what it is that they're experiencing and feeling in the world. And as they walk through the world, they see it a certain way. And you need to be able to say it and to name it. Because if they're going to understand that you get it, or they're gonna need to know that indeed, you see it and you're able to say it and you're able to speak it out loud. I came across this wonderful quote this week by a guy named Oswald Chambers. He wrote the devotional that, I don't know, everybody in my generation seemed to grow up on. And he says this, spiritual maturity is going from being thin-skinned and hard-hearted to thick-skinned and tender-hearted. I loved this. There's so much wisdom in this. Too many of us Christians who have been in the church for way too long are too thin-skinned and way too hard-hearted. And when it comes to our relationships, we're too thin-skinned and we're too hard-hearted. We're too quick to judge and not quick enough to forgive. But the maturest ones among us are what? They are the thick-skinned ones, and they can see why someone might behave the way they do. And they don't take it personally always. Sometimes they do if they should, but they don't always take it personally because they have this thick skin needed to be a mature person. But more than that, they are tender-hearted, looking out for all the opportunities to make things right in the world, to breathe life into the world, into other people, and to reconcile at every possible opportunity. We are to be people who are thick-skinned and tenderhearted. Back to the gospel. The world was created very good, but we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But God so loved the world that He gave His only Son to atone for the sins of the world and to make all the wrong things right. He forgave you and me 70 times 7 times. The billions of dollars that you and I, oh God, have all been wiped away. So let us heed Paul's advice together. Forgive because in Christ Jesus, God has forgiven you. Let us pray. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, in this place right now, are a group of your children. We're a messy bunch, often harming others and being harmed by others, sinning and having sins committed against us. And so Lord, we need a few things about forgiveness. And so Jesus, we look to you. We look to you to offer us the billions of dollars of wiped debt that we've needed. But we also look to you to show us the way to life, the way that you have already paved for us. You've made abundantly clear on the cross, Lord, the kind of God you are, a God who forgives. And Jesus, you even say, forgive them, and they don't even know what they're doing. Jesus this morning, teach us to be more and more like you, our king, the one who rules on high right now, the one we say that we serve, the one we say that we love, the rabbi that we say that we follow, God make us more like you. We pray all of this in Christ's holy name, amen.
