Sparkable Moments: Conversations to Feed the Soul

SHOW SUMMARY:

In this episode I’m chatting with Kathy Eastwood, the owner of E Equals Why. Kathy is changing the way business leaders connect to their employees, so naturally we talk about what makes a good leader. But we also discuss why creating a business was part of her intentional shift into a happier and more purposeful life, how she knew it was time for something more, and the value of creating circles of people around you and allowing yourself to change the circles at any time. We also dive into authenticity, expectations, living with our values, and the power of our words. It’s a great conversation! Check it out and then join us in the Flittersphere to continue the conversation.

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SPEAKERS:

Guest Kathy Eastwood is an accomplished executive with over 25 years of experience in driving success through strategic business planning, operational efficiency and employee engagement in both large corporations as well as small, privately-owned businesses. She’s held leadership roles in Human Resources, Operations, Finance, Sales, SaaS, Services, Customer Success, Project Management, Marketing and Engineering. Kathy is often described as a nurturing driver. Kathy knows how to successfully get things done through strong employee engagement. She is changing the way business leaders connect with employees with her E3E Formula: Express + Engage + Execute, powered by Emotions that she has learned and leveraged throughout her life.

Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

TRANSCRIPT:

Suzette Conway  00:05

Hey there, welcome to the Sparkle Moments™ podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul. In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science and personal stories, random ponderings and deep end of the pool discussions. I'm your hostess, Suzette Conway. I'm a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere™, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. The show is part of my mission to raise the world's vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world in beautiful and spectacular ways. I'm so glad you're joining me on the journey.

Suzette Conway  00:45

Today I'm talking to Kathy Eastwood, the owner of the leadership development company E Equals Why. We're chatting about how creating her business was central to her midlife shift into a thriving life. And at the end of the show, Kathy shares some great advice for other people who are starting in midlife shift, including how the power of our words can stop us or enable us. We discuss three specific words to remove or add from your daily vocabulary and five ways that you can know if you're ready for your own midlife shift. You won't want to miss it, or all the good bits that lead up to it.

Suzette Conway  01:25

So, Kathy, and I met when we worked together at a software company decades ago, and we've been friends ever since, like literally around 20 years, I think. I think you'll find what I find in Kathy is that she is feisty, and smart, and generous and so much more. I love her energy and her spirit, and I think that you will too. And on top of all that she's a brilliant businesswoman. Kathy is an accomplished executive with over 25 years of experience driving success in organizations through strategic business planning, and operational efficiency, and employee engagement. And she's done this in large corporations as well as small privately owned companies. And she's held leadership roles in everything from human resources to operations and finance, sales and services, customer success, project management, marketing, and even in engineering. She is often described as a nurturing driver, which I have experienced myself in the way that I know her. It's just one of her brilliant skills, if you will, and just part of our true nature and purpose to blend those two things that feel like they're opposing, but they're not, right? So, Kathy is absolutely a nurturing driver. And she knows how to successfully get things done through strong employee engagement. And she's changing the way that business leaders connect with their employees by helping them to see the human side of leadership. She's flourishing in real life, and helping others do the same by leveraging her E3 formula, which is Express, Engage and Execute, all powered by emotions that she's learned and leveraged throughout her life.

Among other things, we'll talk today with Kathy about how running her own company factored into her efforts at building her best life, and how she leverages her strong foundation in that area and her background, to build upward and to lift others along with her. Kathy, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming.

Kathy Eastwood  03:13

Oh, Suzette, thanks so much for having me. I'm very humbled by that introduction. But I'm looking forward to this conversation.

Suzette Conway  03:20

I know, I feel like it's been a long time coming, like you've been on my list of people to talk to for a while. But I got a little distracted and kind of nixed the show for a bit. So, I'm glad to be coming back full steam with you, right now, like this is… I feel like our conversations recently have really just been preparing us for this moment.

Kathy Eastwood  03:38

I agree absolutely. And everything you're doing, it's just, it's things that I have gone through, right, and you know, it just feels so natural and so comfortable.

Suzette Conway  03:48

Oh, yay. Okay, so I want to begin by connecting us to the overall theme of the show. So, I want to ask you, what do you think it means to thrive in your life? Like what does vibrant living look like and feel like and include for you?

Kathy Eastwood  04:03

You know, for me, it really is being true to who I am and living the life I want to live as opposed to the life I thought I had to live. And you know, for me thriving is like living with purpose. You know, it is about living my values. And getting rid of the fear that has stopped me through so much in my life.

Suzette Conway  04:30

That's such a great answer. Fear is such a powerful thing in all of us, right? It's our ego’s way of kind of keeping us safe and still and it really does end up locking us into things that don't always line up with what we want. Yeah. Can you, would you be willing to share a little bit about what your life looked like a few years ago… in terms of how that's different from today and what prompted you to make some changes and intentionally shift things?

Kathy Eastwood  04:53

Oh, my God, it's completely different. You know, and I think it's both personally and professionally, you know, I think in this day and age, that's just blends so much, right, both of it's happening.

You know, personally, I was single, you know, fearful of getting in another bad relationship. My identity was with work, you know… my work defined who I was. I worked way too many hours, and I was just really striving to make others look good or feel good, and not taking care of myself, quite honestly.

Suzette Conway  05:36

How did that leave you feeling? Like? What was the impact of all of that in terms of your health, your happiness, the way you were being in the world? What were you like in that state?

Kathy Eastwood  05:48

I got a lot done. [laughter]

Um, but it just, I felt like I was on a hamster wheel, constantly going. And, you know, like, what's next? What do I have to do next? What’s success looks like? And how do I define it, and all of that.

It felt fairly empty, I think is if I'm honest, you know, it was like I just lived - I compartmentalized where I was and what I was doing, and focused on that, right, and just saying, “Okay, let me stay here. And I'll be safe if I stay in this box and not have to worry about anything.”

But there was a lot of what I consider constant, which meant, I didn't have a lot of highs, and I didn't have a lot of lows. So, it was contentment - is probably one of the best words that I've used over the years. You know, listen, I couldn't complain about anything I had, I had a charmed life from what other people look at. But I was missing something. And I wasn't quite sure. But I just realized that something was missing.

Suzette Conway  06:59

I love that. So, there's three things that jumped out at me from that. Like, the first thing is that you felt empty in that, which is a startling. I think everyone I know who has found – how has kind of woke up and said, “Oh, it's time for something different, something has to change”, has that. Everyone I talk to says the same thing - they felt lonely or empty, some version of that, right? Because we're doing everything we think we're supposed to be doing and it isn't fulfilling. It isn't filling our bucket, literally.

And that was the second thing you said is, you say you said I felt empty, and oh, you said always thinking of what I should do, right like this notion of obligation and keeping up and meeting expectations, and how that’s often very different than what we want for ourselves. They don't often align, right, external focus versus internal focus. Those two things really jumped out at me. And then there was the last thing, what did you say at the end? You said, um, I just lost it. It's all right. There was - do you remember what you said?

Kathy Eastwood  07:58

You want me to remember?

Suzette Conway  07:59

Do you?  It was brilliant, certainly!

Kathy Eastwood  08:06

You know when we listen to the recording next time…

Suzette Conway  08:10

… it will come out eventually.

So but I just I think that's pretty powerful. It's like to notice that those things are like indicators, right? When you think about how to know if you're ready for a midlife shift and ready to, to move into something else with purpose, right? It's often a question about, I knew something was missing, but I didn't know what it was or how to get it. And I felt empty or alone or unfulfilled, something like that.

Would you - do you feel like you got to some sort of apex of - you hit a limit and tipped over and that was it and something had to change? Or do you feel like, in line with what you're saying earlier about steadiness- that it just was building and building and building and one day, you just kind of had enough and we're ready to do something? Like was it dramatic or just a lot of small moments strung together?

Kathy Eastwood  08:58

I think, you know, probably a little bit of both, right? So, I think there was small incremental things that were building, and recognition that I knew some of these things were happening. I knew I worked too much. I knew, you know, I put others before myself and things like that. But there was one monumental shift that happened, you know, when I was working, and I call it the stupid poopy head moment. And it's the moment where I was working for someone and I had to give up my own values, my own beliefs and all of that. And it just, you know, I woke up this one day, and I'm like, What am I doing? Why am I doing this? You know, I'm not being true to who I am. I need to change something. And so, I left you know, a large corporate job with no other job on the horizon and said “nope, time to make a change.”

And I didn't have the time to sit and reflect while I was in this role. And you know, I said, you know, I've worked really hard, I've saved up some money. It's time that I need to just take that break and do that self-exploration and figure out what's next for me what really matters. So finally, I did finally get to that point, because I was getting into a situation where I didn't really… I was being nasty to people, like, I was barking at people, my frustration came out, my anger came out. And all of that negativity was impacting my relationships. And I knew that my relationships were critical. And so, you know, what could I do to change those relationships? Yeah, I love that.

Suzette Conway  10:50

There's so much goodness in there, right? Because there's a point where, like, I always say that we humans can tolerate the intolerable for a really long time, when we get used to it when it's not, it's not quite bad enough to force us to change. But it's bad enough to create this like low grade unhappiness, right? And so it's, there's, we tolerate it for a long time, and we resist changing, but there is a point where we just cannot lie to ourselves anymore about what isn't working, right? Even if we don't know what will work, we don't know what the hell we're gonna do, or how we're going to get there or what its gonna look like. And it's often incredibly scary, but something has to give.

Kathy Eastwood  11:26

You know, something does, right. And well, I guess not everyone leaves in that light. But when you when you get to the other side of it -         you go “Oh, okay. Yeah, I get it.”

And I think, you know, I'll be honest, and I'll share a personal story. For me, I got married young. And I was divorced before I was 30. I was forced to change and do something I wasn't ready for. And I learned what the worst-case scenario was. So, I've had a lot of - that's helped provide a lot of freedom in my life - to say, “well, what's the worst-case scenario?”, you know, what's the worst-case scenario -  I'm gonna be sleeping back on my parent’s bed? You know, in their basement, right? Well, that happened to me already. So, I lived through that worst-case scenario, and when I'm presented with some of those things later on in life, you know, each kind of decade is gone, I'm like, oh, yeah, it’s time, I gotta do something different... because the worst-case scenario is I'm in the basement of my parent’s house, and I survived that and it wasn't too bad.

Suzette Conway  12:42

I love that. I don't know where I learned it, but I have a quote, somewhere on my board that says “don't die in the basement.” And it was literally, the story was, it's almost similar – there’s a person, this woman, she woke up and she was…I'm going to find a source for it if I can… but she woke up in a miserable relationship, her husband was alcoholic, and she was telling the story about how she had, for years tried to make that work. And she finally decided one day it wasn't and she said “you need to change or I'm gonna leave” and he said he wouldn't and all this stuff. And he just couldn't, he wasn't ready. We're all on our own journey and our own timeframe is my belief. But anyway, she knew she had to make a change. And she thought, I'm gonna give up everything and move to New York City where she had always wanted to go, and I can't remember what it was like, I don't know if she wanted to go be an actress or whatever. But the story was, she needed to be in New York. And she told her, her mom, she was gonna do this and her mom, in all her attempt to love her and nurture her, her daughter, right, had said something like, “Oh, honey, don't do that, you're gonna ruin your life. Like, it's so different. And that so drastic, just come here, and recover and recoup.” And she said to herself, she said, I knew I couldn't do it. Because if I did, I would never leave and I would die in the basement of my parent’s house. And she didn't mean literally die, she meant like her spirit would die. And so that is something that I feel like I can relate to so strongly. And I know you didn't literally or figuratively die in your parent’s basement. But there's that potential for us. Right? And we have to be aware of like, how long are we gonna sit where it's comfortable and safe and let our spirit die inside of us instead of doing what we feel pulled to do, right? Like it just, it's so powerful.

[laughter] It made me think of you were saying something about you or giving up your values, right, that that's one of the signs that you knew something had to change. That made me think of Robin Williams. I heard him interviewed one time, he was talking about what made him go to rehab, you know, because he had some issues with substance abuse. And he said, I knew I had to go – I knew it was time for a change when - how did he say it - I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them - like he couldn't even keep up with his own lowering you know, something had to give and, and I think it's important that we look for those signs. I mean, all joking aside, right, you know when something's wrong, but it's easier to see if you're actually looking for signs that things are right or not for you.

Kathy Eastwood  14:57

Yep. And oftentimes we feel like, we'd rather stick with what we know, because it feels safer, and it's less scary. But in reality, you know, you're just gonna stay in that same content mode, you have to do something differently. What's the definition - you probably are better at this - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results, or this different result.

Suzette Conway  15:24

Yes, it’s doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yeah, right.

And it's, you know, it's understandable, we're actually conditioned, I think in, in our modern society, and I'm gonna say, at least in Western society, I can't speak for other cultures everywhere around the world. But we are absolutely conditioned to strive for success to meet other people's expectations, to do, I want to say, like what's expected of us in terms of like, there's a right way, right, there's a right path to get on in life. You go to school, you get a job, you work really hard, you save your 401K up, like there's all these things. And there isn't a lot of room in there, sometimes, for self-expression for personal fulfillment, for satisfaction, and meaningfulness as opposed to meeting other people's expectations and assumptions. Even oftentimes, when it's in our head, right? Like what we're doing what we think other people want of us, even if they don't often express it. I remember saying to my mom one time - and I'm an adult, by the way, I'm in my 50s - this was recent, it was not like I was 20. I’d been harboring for years that I wanted to live somewhere other than Texas, where I live. And I said, “Mom, if I go, will you come with me? And she said, No, I'm not leaving Texas.” And she said “but go, I want you to have your best life,” you know. I can't tell you how often I in my head that conversation is, “well, no, you can't go honey, I need you what if I - I'm frail, I'm old, I might need something.”.  It’s like, my mother doesn't need me like that. My mother wants me to be happy. But my idea about her expectations for me shapes what I do. And it's not even accurate.

Kathy Eastwood  16:53

Yeah. But it's that fear, right, all of those stories that we're telling ourselves, and, and society puts so many of those fears on us. You know, I there was years ago, I left my job, [laughter] another job, I’ve left my job a couple of times. But for that, someone had asked me “If you could do anything in the next role? What would you do?”, and I'm like, I don't know, I don't want to work. I just want to travel. And someone's like, “Well, why don't you?” And I'm like, “Well, that's not responsible.” Well, I took a break from my job and traveled for a year. I bought an around the world ticket and traveled.

Suzette Conway  17:31

I remember that that was when we worked together - because you left that company to do that. And I was in awe of you. And I remember thinking “god, she must be filthy rich to be able to do that.”

Really, what I know now, right, I didn't know then, is it when we're creating the outcomes we want, you can create, regardless of circumstance, if you're clear on what you want and willing to follow your intuition. And that's what you did in that moment.

Kathy Eastwood  17:56

Yes. And that was, you know, again, it went back to I had already lived in my parent’s basement the second time, you know. So, I was like, what's the worst case… I spend every penny and I go into debt, and I'm back in my parent’s basement, you know, like, I can do this.

But it was other people. I mean, including my mother, and I love her to death, and we joke about it now... but..

she's like,“You can't do that.”

and I'm like, “Why not?”

[She said] “Well, you're not going to get another job?”

[I said] “Well why not?”

You know, and sure enough, I was able to come back. And, you know, I came back to the same company, right, and worked for another year. And you know, it just started the progression with just a short break I took.

Suzette Conway  18:34

Yeah, it's funny, because you know, you think about it, like, where is it that - how is it that we learn this lesson that we have to even be afraid of trying? It's not the doing, it's even the wanting or the trying of it. And it's this fear, I think what I hear in that is like this notion of, you can't get off the track, you can't get off the hamster wheel because you might not be able to get back on, right. And that's and there's real fear in that.

I mean, we’ve both started our own businesses in the last few years. And I think all the time about throwing in the towel and going back to my corporate job. And I may still do it someday. But I also think, “Oh crap, if I'm gonna do that, I better do it fast, because I'm getting old and they're not going to want me.”, like there's, there's stories in our heads about we have only so much time. Not in a good way. But like, I can have a certain amount of time to play and do the irresponsible thing as you were saying, right? But then you got to get back to it. And if you don't get back to it, you're gonna make some irrecoverable mistake in your life. And it's this - it's like the fear of doing it wasn't that enough, now you have the fear of “Ooh, if I do it, I only get to do it for a little amount of time and then I gotta go right back.” Like we just compound it one after the other after the other like that.

Kathy Eastwood  19:43

But I think you know, and all the conversations we've had over the years is when you can put it around what you would love and make that the center of it, the other stuff kind of comes into play.

I'll tell you a story. I met a guy. I was living in England at the time and I was working for a company.

He's like, “Oh, can you put my resume in? I really want to work for that company.”

And I said, “Okay, you know, what's your role?”

He was in marketing. I said “Why do you want to work for this company?”

[He said] “I don't know what the big name.

I go, “Okay, well, let's take a step back. What would you love to do?”

And he says, “Ah, well, I would love to be a racecar driver.”

I’m like “All right, not sure I can help you with that one. Okay. So, let's think about this.”

And so we talked a little bit further, and I'm like, “Well, wait a minute, you live in England, there is a ton of Formula One car companies in England. Like, why don't you go apply for them - with your marketing experience, go apply for them.”

And it was like this light bulb went on in his head. And he's like, “What?”.  And sure enough, six months later, I get an email from him, because now I'm traveling, right? So he emails me and he says, you know, thank you. Because I never thought I could be involved. He goes, but I'm writing this note to you from the pit of the Formula One race. He goes, I'm on the marketing team, and we're down in the pit and there's race, and I'm thinking of you. He's like, I would never have had this opportunity.

We all know what we want to do, Suzette, right? Like it's inside of us. And, you know, we need to just find ways to make it happen outside of the constraints that we put on ourselves.

Suzette Conway  21:22

I love that there's a phrase that I love from one of my mentors - he says we spend more time often, when we're in our human sort of egoic perspectives, we spend more time protecting our heart than listening to it and following it. And what you're talking about is the skill of doing the reverse, right is listening to what your heart wants, and then having the courage to follow it and just have some faith that it will be okay. Right?

And if it's not – I’m just full of quotes today - and if it's not, okay - it'll be okay in the end, if it's not, okay, it's not the end, right? Like, I don't know where that quote comes from, but we have so much possibility and so much potential, and there are always options in front of us. So what does it hurt to try?

Kathy Eastwood  22:00

And sometimes there's a subset of it already in there. You know, so one of the exercises of “what would I love, where would I love to live?”… well, I would love to live on the water. And I would love to have, you know, my tea in front of the water in the morning and all this. But to my head, it was going to be on, you know, a lake and an outdoor deck and all of this. I suddenly woke up one day and realized that I live on the East River. But we didn't have our bed facing the water, my desk isn't anywhere near the water. I'm like, you know what I could be living at least 50% of what I would love in the apartment in Manhattan, you know. Like, oh, I have a lot of this already. This is fantastic. So recognizing that you don't have to have 100% of something and you can get, you can take steps to get there.

Suzette Conway  22:50

I love that. Yeah, the clear and obvious actions that get you to if you're focused on what it is you want. And in a state of sort of innocence and intuition, and just what's obvious to go towards that. And in your case, the obvious thing was as simple as changing the arrangement of your furniture, and you got to appreciate and enjoy what you had more. I love that. I think that's a perfect example of how small changes can have a big impact, and that we don't have to do dramatic big things sometimes to have a life that better aligns with our true nature and our spirit. Right. Yeah, I love that. Okay, so let me let me shift that a little bit. So in in line with that… one of the things I know about you and seeing you and your business is that - actually, you know what, let me back up. I'm sorry, I want to ask you another question. First, how did you know that running a business was part of this life? How did you know that was one of the shifts you had to make?

Kathy Eastwood  23:43

I’ve known that since I was eight years old. Hmm. So I was sitting in my father's office. He had a corner office in the World Trade Center. And I and he was the president of the company. So I'm sitting there and my little bow tie on this is all my founder story. But it's just I knew I was going to be the president of a company one day, I was going to travel like him and I was going to run the business and it just felt right. So that's always been deep down something I knew I wanted to do. But what's interesting, I'll be honest, I lost that somewhere along the line. And I became very comfortable being number two, and being the kind of the wizard behind the scenes of helping other people. But it was something I always wanted to help lead because I was leading as a kid even, you know, I was the captain of sports teams... I was the Drum Major in the band. So, I loved leadership. And it kind of was something I knew was in my heart.

Suzette Conway  24:55

I love that so much of what is aligned to our true nature and purpose is connected to our childhood, right, to that state in life when we were still innocent when we still knew how to dream without limits and play and imagine everything possible. And it never quite occurred to us that those things weren't likely to happen, right? There's something about reconnecting to that part of yourself your own inner child that I think can help people when they're on when they're ready for a midlife shift. One of the one of the most important things you can do is reconnect to what you want. And one of the fastest ways to do that is to remember what you wanted as a child, and what might that look like today. I love that story. And by the way, I'm going to link your founder story in the show notes, I'll put that in the show notes, for anyone who wants to hear more about that. The other thing I didn't know what I love about I didn't know your dad was some high-powered business owner in the Twin Towers. And like that, just for some reason, it doesn't shock me knowing what I know about you. But all the time we've known each other I didn't know that. And I just I love that you're like that you're fueled by that, and then you were inspired by your father and that you have found your way back to that.

Kathy Eastwood  26:00

Well, in my dad's life took a whole different, you know, he left that career and opened a sports store and a bunch of other things. So, you know, yah, he's been a role model for me my entire life.

Suzette Conway  26:12

I love that. Love it. Okay, so something else I imagine he modeled for you and that you think about a lot as a leader - and I know we've talked about a lot, but it shows up in not only in how you function, but in literally the purpose of your business these days - is this notion of lifting others up as you climb, and doing it with purpose and heart. It's not just oh, yeah, yeah, that's something a leader does. It's an - I  don't even have to say - it's like a driver inside of you to lift others as you climb. Can you talk about that a little bit? And even how if it does at all factor into the choices you've made in recent years?

Kathy Eastwood  26:48

Yeah, that is my passion in life. That is my number one value is to inspire and enable others. You know, when I left the company, and really did the analysis of “what would I do if I didn't have to make money?”, Right? Like, what would I do every day? And I realized that was inspiring and enabling others, I wanted to give back to others the way I had been influenced over my life. And I knew that we all have stuff inside of us. So how do I enable others. And then it goes back to what my father taught me, you know, as a kid, treat everyone with dignity and respect. And that you never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. And those two life lessons have stuck with me throughout my personal and professional lives. And I realized that I was someone that knew how to get stuff done. You know, my mother would call it bossy. But I can get stuff done. But I realized that kind of my superpower was caring about others. And you can't do anything alone, in my opinion. Everything is about really pulling others around you to come with you on the journey - and how do you do that is help them feel good about themselves, help them, you know, succeed, understand what their fears, uncertainty and doubts are. And so that's what I've really built into this business of what leadership is about how do you drive change? Well you drive change by caring for people? You know, when you care about other people, they want to do more to help you. Right? Like, how do you feel like if someone's helping you, you're like, oh, how can I help you back? Right, and if someone smiles at you, you want to smile at them. Think about how wonderful this world would be if we were all just trying to lift everybody else up. It's just a much more powerful place. And that's why I love working with other people working with yourself and others in our circle. It's just the more you talk to others, you inspiring you enable them and we're all better as a result of it.

Suzette Conway  29:07

Yeah, I couldn't agree more with that. I think the underlying thing there, right, is the caring. It has to be genuine. When you genuinely care about people and want the best for them and want to see them and understand them and bear witness to their genius in use, kind of thing, like that is it's it is a powerful thing for them, but also for you. It's not it's almost a little selfish - it like - not just selfish, that’s not the word but like it's, we think that caring about other people is all about them, but it has an impact on us as well. And oh, my goodness, what a world it would be. I love that .

Kathy Eastwood  29:44

I want to change the golden rule, which I believe in right treat everyone the way you want to be treated. But actually, I think it's treat everyone how they want to be treated. And connect to them and help them because listen, at the end of the day, you're trying to get something done. And so there might be a selfish part of it, but there's outcomes that they're gonna get out of it as well. So. what is that outcome that they're going to get, you know, on this journey with you, and they'll most likely engage and help and be part of the solution.

Suzette Conway  30:20

Love that. And you know, I know in I know, we're supposed to be talking about like your personal life, but I want to dig in a little bit more on the business stuff, while your personal life in terms of this whole shift, but one of the things I've noticed, and I know you're aware of it, too, is this trend in the professional environment these days towards incorporating a concern for wellbeing, that your employee’s wellbeing matters… that we want to be able to bring our whole self to work, and stop separating ourselves as this is my work self, and this is my real self. And I can be my real self at home. But at work, I have to be perfect. I have to meet expectations. I can't show any chinks in the armor, you know, all of these things. And I think so much of what you speak to in your business, and what we're talking about here is connecting to the truth that we are, we are imperfect, gloriously imperfect people, and that, that we need to stop expecting perfection and start having some empathy and understanding of people's needs and perspectives. But I also think that there's room here, and I think this is still a bit of a missing piece. The companies who are moving in this direction, including you helping these companies move in this direction, get this right is that it isn't enough to say, oh, yeah, we know our employees are, yeah, they want to bring their whole selves to work, right? You actually have to care about the expression of their wholesales, even if that means they don't stay with you. I was just having a conversation with my sister the other day about how a good leader and leadership in my opinion, I think you probably agree with this, it's not a job title. It's a way of being, it's a way of functioning, it's a choice. And you can be a leader no matter where you're at in the company. But leadership is about wanting to help other people be their best selves, I think and so if that means that they work for you for six months, and give them a give you their ALL right? And then they kind of go “you know what, as part of working for you, I've discovered I want something else, I want X, Y and Z over here.” And you want to wish them well and say my God, go and do and be what you're supposed to do and be and thank you for what you contributed. And I think that runs so contrary to what we see in most companies these days with, with leadership being about managing and directing and dictating and pulling out everything we can as people for the benefit of the company, with total disregard for what it does to them. And it's why we're seeing the great resignation. And there was something I heard a call today, what was it but the quiet resignation, if you've heard of that one, where people are sort of quietly pulling back from how much they're willing to give up themselves. And there is a there's just a monumental shift happening, I think in the way people work and what they're willing to do for work. And I think that when we talk about having the lives we want to have, and being intentional about that a big part of it is how we work and who we work for and what we expect from people we work for.

Kathy Eastwood  32:56

I agree. And it's interesting, Suzette is as we're having this dialogue, and you're saying, oh, we should go, you know, we gotta get back to the personal. For me, the two have intertwined, right? And really the professional the personal, in the sense [that], I don't want to spend my time in an office or working with other people that don't care about me, right? I really want to work with people that are genuinely showing up, that are authentic. And that means I have to first be authentic and vulnerable. And that is something - in the workplace, we've been taught not to bring our real selves or our whole selves in. But when you think about if you can bring your whole self into work, then you're bringing your own values like, so I'll coach different folks, who say “Well, our company doesn't have a purpose. So I don't care and this and that.” Every one of us has values, every one of us can define who we are and what we care about. And you can bring those values into the workplace, so you at least get something, right? And you're able to help others. Like I say, I'm inspiring and enabling Well, if I can help my colleague do that, at the end of the day, even if I didn't believe in the purpose of what I'm doing, necessarily, I'm helping my colleague and I'm feeling good at the end of the day. Well, that then is contagious with other team members, and they want to do the same. So, you're right, business is so stressed in this day and age they have to get things done and think that just giving a checklist giving the mandates managing the tasks is the way to go. And that's what I'm really working to eradicate that bad management. That's bad management. Leadership is about inspiring and enabling people to do the things they either didn't know they wanted to do, things they wanted to do, didn't think they could do, right, or things that collectively we need to do for the better good. And so, yeah, it's fun, like when you're talking to someone that gets it, the effort you put into leadership makes a huge difference. And you get a lot better results than managing through authority. But not everyone has the tools We read the books, we buy into the theory and this and that, but it takes hard work. It takes time. It takes being vulnerable and digging deep, and practicing. Right? You know, just like anything in our lives, unless we stop and think about it and put some effort into it, work with others… it just doesn't happen overnight.

Suzette Conway  35:40

Yeah, it's like a yoga practice, right? I actually have something similar in my business called Vibrant Living Practices™. It's a set of things that you can do that impact the experiences you have. And in your case, leadership experiences, the way you experience leadership, the outcomes as a result of them (experiences), can be impacted by the practices that you implement as a leader. And there's something really powerful about acknowledging that the that the power to do better every day is in us, but it relies on the choice to practice to show up. And I think, in your line of business, to teach people to make space for that is so important. I just, I love what you're doing out there. And that this is so aligned to the truth of who you are, and your shift, right in your own midlife.

Kathy Eastwood  36:21

But I think that's where the similarities of you helping individuals, right, and getting to that shift in their personal life, right? Because if everyone is feeling better on their personal lives, and they're bringing that into the professional life, and then they're feeling better, and it's a virtuous cycle. Right now, I think we're in a vicious cycle. And, you know, we all have to work hard to break that vicious cycle and get into a virtuous cycle that we all feel good about.

Suzette Conway  36:47

Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. And I think it's happening, it's everywhere. You look at the – what is the youngest generation these days - it's not the millennials, it's the Gen Zers. Right? I think is that the youngest generation? They have totally different expectations about their work environments. They are not willing to tolerate being expected to work 80 hours a week and be paid for one job… to have their whole life taken over by a work environment where people don't respect them and kind of use them up and spit them out. And like this old way of doing things isn't sustainable with the younger generation coming up. And I think what you're starting is going to be carried forward long after you're gone by those kinds of people. But I think your work is so critical in creating the space for this to start and sparking it. And being a leader of other future leaders. It's just so important.

Kathy Eastwood  37:36

Thanks. I hope so that's my goal is, like I said, eradicate the bad managers. And I think the youth are absolutely where they're going to help make the biggest change, right? They want purpose. They don't want to just work, you know? The baby boomers, they're like, What do you do, and you work, you know, so hard for what? And no, I want to have purpose, I want to feel good about myself, I want to, you know, do good. And they want to do good. But leaders need to know how to really help paint a picture for them, engage them, help them deliver results. And it's going to take a whole new type of leadership for them.

Suzette Conway  38:18

You know, it really highlights some things that there’s… they want a purpose, right, they want a sense of meaning what you're saying. But it doesn't always have to be like just one for one direct, like, Oh, let me go work for a nonprofit that plants trees in the inner city, and that how I’m gonna get purpose. Part of how we have a sense of purpose in our life and feel, therefore a sense of meaningfulness for what we're doing, is exactly what you were talking about, which is lining up what we do and how we are. So not just doing but being in alignment with our values. So, when you know the truth of who you are, and what's important to you, your values, your priorities, your skills, the things that bring you joy, all of this stuff like that - when you can incorporate the way you are being anywhere - at work and your relationships, in your communities - so that they align to that, you have a greater sense of meaning. And I think that the stuff we're talking about is that people are now starting to expect that to happen at the workplace. We’ve seen it happening, right, in our communities, and our families and our friendships. And it's just more and more coming to be that we expect to be able to find meaningfulness in our workplace, which means we need alignment to our values. And that means we have to know what our values are. And [that includes] the bigger “we”, including the corporations, right? You can't align to what you don't understand.

Kathy Eastwood  39:33

No. And that's, that's the first exercise in bootcamp, with my business, is A) define your own values -  what's your purpose, where are you going, you know, how do you like to work, and then B) sharing that with your colleagues and having them tell you what their values are. Do you know how many people have never done that exercise or what your values are?

Suzette Conway  39:54

I know a ton right? And especially if they're not used to talking about it at work. It’s not a space you're allowed to talk about that stuff.  Okay, can I just say, we're gonna have to do some sort of shared workshop, because that's literally the first exercise in my module on authenticity, right is like the first topic is living with meaning. And the second topic is living with authenticity. And it's all about getting to know yourself, you can't live and be authentically if you don't know what that is. And we don't make time and a lot of our busy lives and space for that kind of reflection. So again, carving out the time as a practice to examine those things, and then figure out how to align to and apply them. I love that.

Kathy Eastwood  40:32

And bring that into the workplace, you know, and then ask other people can be vulnerable and do it themselves.

Suzette Conway  40:39

Yeah, model what you want, right? It is, absolutely, it's so essential to happy living, I think to be aligned to your truth.

All right, so besides that - we could talk about that forever - I'm gonna pull us off, just to something.. I know, we're giggling as we're looking at each other! Like it just, it makes me excited to talk to people who are in this space doing this work. I love - and your face is all lit up right now, which I love.

Okay, so besides starting your company, and going on this mission, and building your E3 framework, and all of that stuff, have there been other changes that you'd be willing to share that you've made in your life that make you feel happier and sort of more able to live on your terms and true to who you are?

Kathy Eastwood  41:20

Meeting my husband? Yeah. So, you know, I'm divorced, I was divorced, and I was dating unavailable men. And I finally said, Something's not right, something's missing. But what I realized is I hadn't defined who I was, right. And so I did a lot of that work to say, what makes me happy who am I, and making that decision that no, I'm really comfortable with who I am. Now, if I can find a partner that wants to partner with me and continue on this journey, then that will be great. But if I don't, I'm very content and happy and, and I won't say content, I use that as a negative word earlier, but I'd be happy with where I am, and where I'm going. I have a beautiful set of friends that can support me. But it required me to explore my fears, uncertainties and doubts. And I put it all out there, this is what I want in a relationship. And I knew I wanted someone that would sit on my back porch with me, that was going to be on the water and live our lives authentically. And having memories, right, not working for, you know, umpteen hours, and enjoying life. And I opened myself up to that. And that was one of my big changes, quite honestly. And we're going to be celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary coming up next week. And it's been well worth that effort. But it wasn't easy. It didn't just I didn't just bump into him. It took a lot of work on my part and his part, he was doing the same journey. And so, we met.

Suzette Conway  43:06

I love that. You know, there's certain areas that science tells us that we that contribute to having a thriving human experience, right? And one there, we talked about some of them having a sense of meaningfulness being authentic and vulnerable. But one of the other big ones is relationships. And I think something that you've hit on here is that it starts with your own personal relationship with yourself. Everything is an inside job if we want the best kind of life, right. And, I think that's so powerful to just point that out - that having a good relationship with yourself is the foundation to having good relationship with other people. And good relationships are so important to a thriving life. Without them we are lonely. And did you know that like they are the scientists are saying now that loneliness is as bad as smoking in terms of the impact it has on your lifespan, right? Yeah. And so yeah, and so it's just I just, I love that one of the biggest changes you made in your midlife shift was to get married. And I say that because if you don't mind my saying, Can I share it like you were in midlife when you met your husband? Right? It's not like you guys met when you were in your late 20s, you had a lot of life experience coming into it. And I think that's worth sharing. Because I think it's easy to think that we get to our lives at 40 and 50, and hell, 60s are going to be midlife soon enough, as our lifespan continues to grow. It's easy, I think, to get to the point where we fear changing things because we think we're too old for the things we want - too old for love too old for a business tool and I have this saying that you're not too old, and it's not too late. But it is time. If you are getting this nudge inside your spirit, it is time to do something about it. And I think you're a really great example of what is possible when you do your own inner work, when you're clear on what you want and who you are, and when you are willing to see the fear but not let it stop you.

Kathy Eastwood  44:52

Yep, but working with others as well, Suzette, right? You know, I think circles are one of the most important things to help you on the journey, as well. It's an opportunity, but you have to be true to yourself and being willing to share. Because when you are able to share, that's when you learn a tremendous amount.

Suzette Conway  45:12

Yeah, that's so true. Thank you for that. So grateful for our friendship than our circle. Alright, let me ask you this. So, we talk a little bit about some internal challenges like fear and things like that. And some external challenges, even in the sense of like, our parents or other loved ones think we're kind of nuts when we're following our heart. Right? What are some of the challenges that you've that you've faced as you started to do all of this? And as you've been on the journey of creating who you are and what you want, right? And how did you overcome them?

Kathy Eastwood  45:44

I think it's, it's recognizing first, what are those voices? Or what are those challenges? I think addressing them, and learning what they could be right? Right, like, I didn't know I had this voice in my head that, you know. As much as I said, I love my father and all the greatness he's done, my dad is also a male chauvinist. So, he held me back in my beliefs for a lot of years. So, it was identifying them first and naming them, right. And once I can name it, then I kind of put it out there and said, Okay, I need to recognize that that's living there with me and not let it take over. And so, I think naming it was a big thing for me, and then recognizing when it was coming up, and then trying to seek support, you know, when I get there, yeah, I, people would probably laugh at me. But how many coaches and circles and friends and in my sphere, because it depends on where I am at that time, and where I need, you know, help on getting past it. I

Suzette Conway  46:52

love everything about that. I love what you're talking about just this notion of our circles, who we surround ourselves with, right? And that the people in that circle can change, or how many circles, you could think of it like that. But like how many circles you have or who's in the circle changes as your needs change. As you evolve. As you level up as you try new things. It's important to make room for that right for one person to step out and another person to step in. And I know I just made a similar change in my life where I let go of a coach that I've had for six years. And in my mind, when I did it, it was always like, of course, I'm going to go right back to her, I just need some space, you know, to do some other things, I need a different path for a little while. And now I'm not even sure if that like I don't know what's going to come of it. Because I believe in the power of coaches and mentors and, and all of that stuff. But it's a great example of how making room for some people to fall out of the circle so others can come in is important too, right? And to know that we made I don't want to send it we need help like you, I think, we have in us what we need to do what we need to do. But I think it is helpful. And it's okay and important to look for help from other people who are on the same journey, who are maybe two steps ahead of us or who went a different direction that we haven't seen yet, you know, and just we need people to reflect back to us the crap we don't see in ourselves, right?

Kathy Eastwood  48:09

That is true. Like I said, I look at myself as I'm a driver and get things done, and many around me think I'm bossy, telling them what to do.

Suzette Conway  48:20

That's so funny. It's so funny, I think, can I just say also how often it is that women get labeled as bossy when they are exactly what you're describing, which is “I'm confident I know what we need to do. I'm not afraid to speak up”. And sometimes I think accepting that label is a good answer. Like, yeah, I'm like, I'm boss lady, right? Like, you know, you own it and change it. But I think it's also so critical to notice how we name things and define things. And you were saying your dad was at one point, I don't want to label him too much, like you said he was chauvinistic when you were growing up, and that affected how you defined yourself. And I can't help but wonder how that relates to what you said earlier that you were very comfortable being second in charge. Like not stepping into your own power, right? What how does that relate to the messages you receive, about how we define women and their place in this world and how you define yourself as a result? Those are questions worth asking.

Kathy Eastwood  49:16

Oh, yeah, I spent a lot of time on that! Self-reflection, Suzette, very powerful.

Suzette Conway  49:21

I would say selfish. Like, I always asked what it say that if overthinking burned calories I'd be dead or a size four, right? But I think also like if spending enormous amounts of time on self-reflection burn calories, I'd be just as skinny. Oh, goodness. Okay, um, let me see if I have any other questions for you. I think I think we've kind of covered everything I wanted to talk to you about. Let me scroll up a little bit more. Oh, let me ask you this one. Okay, I have two more big questions for you and then we can kind of wrap it up. What brings joy in your life? Like, what do you want more of, today, from where you are today? We've been talking about your journey and where you started. But where you are right now, what do you want more of in your life?

Kathy Eastwood  50:11

More time with friends and family. I know that I will never look back and say “Oh, I wish I worked more.” So, it really is about how to spend more time with the people that I love and care about. And having more travel and wine.  

Suzette Conway  50:36

Okay, so save the travel because that's my last question for you! But my next little last question is, whenever I'm speaking to people about this topic, I always want to know from someone who's doing this in their lives… what advice would you offer to other midlife women who may be ready to create something more in their life? Maybe they don't know what that is yet, right? They're ready to find what's missing? What advice would you offer them about how to intentionally create it and live a richer life beyond what you've already suggested? If there's anything else

Kathy Eastwood  51:04

Don't allow yourself to use the word I can't. I think that “I can't do this I can't do that” is so limiting. And what I often advise people in is my other value, to “think idealistically and not realistically”. Because if you fall short on your idealistic goals, you'll end up at the realistic, you fall short of going for the realistic, you'll fall short of what you really want to accomplish.

Suzette Conway  51:39

Okay, there's so much goodness in that I love that. I love that even if you fall short of your biggest dreams, you're just still ahead of the game for where you were, and you just dreamt realistically. I love that. And then I love. One of the things that I've been practicing two things around what you were saying about don't say I can't, I've learned the power of the word yet. So I can't do it yet. I don't know it yet. I don't feel comfortable with this yet leaves so much room for potential of impossibility. And it rewires the way your brain's neural pathways think about something. So, you can honestly still say I can't do it, right? Like that's how you feel, and doing mantras like “I can do it I can do it”  just reinforces in your brain, the fact that you think you can't do it, right. That's why you have to do the mantra. But there's truth and “I can't do it yet. But I'm trusting somehow that I'll figure it out.” I love “let go of I can't.” And if you can't [do that], add the word yet. And then in and the other thing is, I think watch for subtle versions of that. I know for myself, I the word “try” is how I take myself out. Well, “I'm trying to build a business. I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to learn how to do X, Y and Z.” You know, well, what do you do? “Well, I'm trying to write a book.” It's the subtle way that I sabotage myself instead of being declarative, right? Like I am writing a book. I am you know…

Kathy Eastwood  53:00

…All right. I’m taking notes on that one, Suzette. That's going to help me a lot.

Suzette Conway  53:04

I think it's in line with what you're saying, right? It's just – it’s funny because our ego will take us out however it can. And it's not always obvious. It took me ages to realize that “try” had to come out of my vocabulary because I was preemptively positioning myself to be okay with the failure. And not even just me, other people. Because I'm a big like people-pleaser sort of thing. So, it's like, if I say I'm trying, and I'm not declarative about it, I'm not super owning it, then it's just assumed that I'm going to fail on what I do. No one's going to be surprised, including me.

Alright, so I always like to end on a personal question and we're coming up on our hour so I'm gonna go ahead and wrap us up. What adventure not one adventure what travel would you like to do next? Like you mentioned travel and I know you've always been a lover of travel where do you want to go now?

Kathy Eastwood  53:53

A month in Italy. In Tuscany. In a villa. Where friends are coming to visit constantly.

Suzette Conway  54:00

I love that you said that because all I could think was I'm coming with you.

Kathy Eastwood  54:04

Absolutely!  Suzette, you know how many people we had on our multiple honeymoons? Everyone's welcome.

Suzette Conway  54:13

Hahaha! I love that. I love, love, love that. Oh my goodness. Kathy, this has been so amazing. So, I want to - I feel like I keep trailing us on like “one more thing” - I want to ask you just - what do you feel like you are walking away with today? Like what are you taking from today? What are you hoping to leave as a last thought? What jumped out at you from today?

Kathy Eastwood  54:42

Well, I wrote down I'm going to make sure that I'm not sabotaging myself with the word “try”, because my guess is it's in their, in my vocabulary. You know, my takeaways from today is just it's always good to reflect. So what I'm enjoying is kind of going back through my history and I forget some of the things I've accomplished. So I want to thank you for reminding me because that helps me feel better about things. And you know, I just I hope everyone could feel inspired to think idealistically and not realistically, right? Don't let fears, uncertainty and doubts, get in your way, but just go for it. Because what's the worst thing that can happen? You end up in my parents basement? And they'll have you by the way, so..

Suzette Conway  55:33

[laughter] Everybody listening to this podcast, new backup plan, Kathy's parent’s basement!

Kathy Eastwood  55:39

Exactly. I better call my mother and tell her to get ready..

Suzette Conway  55:45

Make some lasagna or something people are coming.

Suzette Conway  55:47

Well, thank you for that. I feel like I got a lot out of today, it was a very rich thing for me. And I took a few notes as we were going, because I want to sum up for people. It's so funny, I have this thing that I created for one of my other podcasts about how to know if you're ready for your midlife shift. And you hit all of these. So I don't know if you hit all of them, but you hit the big ones. So I'm gonna call out some things you said to remind people, what are some signs that they can know if they're ready for their own midlife shift. And one of them is know your values and pay attention to whether or not the things you're doing and being are aligned to those values. In your case, the job that you were in that you knew you needed to leave when you hit a tipping point was - they weren't value aligned, right? Tap into what your inner child wants, right? Understand. There's a point in our lives when we're sweet and innocent and dream big. And we are trained out of that by society. It's a normal part of the human experience. If you can reconnect to that that's a big thing about first noticing that you're disconnected from it. And then tapping into it by remembering what you wanted as a child. Know your superpower. Yours is caring about other people really, truly wanting to understand them. And, when you can know your superpower, then you can also say, am I using it? Do I get to express it every day? How would I feel if I didn't if I did get to express it as a part of my experience in this life. Seek support. Don't be afraid to seek some support when you're ready, and that includes if you're not sure you're ready. If you think “something's off and I don't know what it is”, it's okay to go ask some friend. Reach out expand your circle as you need to. You also had I'm gonna rephrase this - name it to tame it. Right? Like when you are dealing with things naming it pulls the power out of it, but it also it makes it real in a way that's safe and empowering. Like I got this – my coach used to say on powerful people can look at the truth of themselves,right? And I think that's exactly what you've been talking about. And then my very, very favorite, which I think you need to turn into a bumper sticker woman is think idealistically not realistically, and I think that's a perfect way to end the show. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, Kathy, for being here that

Kathy Eastwood  57:54

Thank you, Suzette. This was a pleasure. Thank you so much.

Suzette Conway  57:58

I hope everybody got something amazing out of this episode. To me, there is so much power in knowing that we are all deserving of and also responsible for creating our best life, whatever that is for us. And shifting and creating intentionally are important skills to learn. And it's so wonderful and inspiring to see people like you can't be who are actually using those skills to create what you want. It's powerful and it's uplifting. So thank you.

I just want to thank my guest, Kathy Eastwood. She is the founder of the equals y. And if you want to reach out to her, I'm going to include all of her contact information and her social channels in the show notes. And Kathy, thank you for being here today and sharing your inspiring story of a midlife shift with us. I'm so motivated by you to continue my own shift and so grateful to have friends like you.

Suzette Conway  58:48

Well, that's it for today's episode. If you enjoyed this show, come join the ongoing conversation that we're going to have about it in the Facebook group and share what resonates with you. There's a link in the show notes for that group. Also, please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don't miss a thing.

Thanks for listening to the Sparkle Moments™ podcast, produced by Purple Chicken Life and shared through the Flittersphere™. I'm Suzette Conway and you can find me at Flittersphere.com.

Remember, you deserve to have your most vibrant life and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related and they're worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves, and when you do everyone around you benefits! So go on, be vibrant.

 SHOW SUMMARY:

This is our first interview show!  It’s part of a series called “Flourishing in Real Life”. In this episode, I have a great conversation with my friend and fellow coach, Tracy Loring. We are chatting about what it means to flourish, how it is different than just getting by, and how it is different in various life stages. We also talk about flow, authenticity, and gardening as a perfect analogy for flourishing!  And you won't want to miss the part about how the stories we create as part of our human experience shape us from childhood on, and whether or not we can or should try to change it. Plus, Tracy shares about her own midlife shift, including how she knew she needed one and how it showed up in her life! Listen in and join the conversation!

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Guest TRACY LORING is a seasoned facilitator, consultant, and certified Expanding Possibilities Executive Coach. She brings over 25 years of experience in talent management, learning and development, team leadership, consulting, facilitation, and coaching. In addition to being a personal and executive coach, Tracy specializes in working with leadership teams to transform the way they operate. She is also an artist and resides with her husband and daughter in New York state. You can learn more about and connect with Tracy here:

Website: https://www.tracyloring.com/
Creative Musings Podcast: https://tracyloring.buzzsprout.com/
YourTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqSC1OucLBWPGeV4w5gwNMA
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Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

TRANSCRIPT:

Suzette Conway  0:05 

Hey there, welcome to the sparkle moments podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul. In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science and personal stories, random ponderings and deep end of the pool discussions. I'm your hostess, Suzette Conway. I'm a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere™, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. This show is part of my mission to raise the world's vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world and beautiful and spectacular ways. I'm so glad you're joining me on the journey.

Welcome to our very first episode in this special series in this podcast. Everything that I talked about on the sparkle rooms podcast is about how we flourish and thrive in midlife and how it can serve us to create a midlife shift into what is the next best expression of ourselves, right, in this human experience. And as part of that, I want to talk to people who can offer a real life perspective on what it means to flourish and how and why they created their own midlife shift. And that is what this special series is all about. Because we all need to be inspired by great examples of women living on purpose.

Today, I am talking to my good friend Tracy Loring. She is a fellow conscious creator and a coaching colleague. We met years ago when we worked together in a corporate learning and development department at a cloud computing company. And I knew right away that we were going to be friends. I love her spirit and her perspective on living, and I love her perspective on living a creative life. And I know that you will, too. Tracy is a seasoned facilitator and a consultant and a certified Expanding Possibilities executive coach. She has over 25 years of experience in talent management, learning and development, team leadership, consulting, facilitation and coaching. In addition to being a personal and executive coach Tracy specializes in working with leadership teams to transform the way they operate. She's also an artist and resides with her husband and her daughter in New York state. You can learn more about Tracy and connect with her at TracyLoring.Com. In the show notes. I'll share some links to her podcast, Creative Musings, and to her Youtube, Instagram and Facebook channels, so you have plenty of ways to reach her. And I promise you will want to. So thank you, Tracy, so much for joining me today.

Tracy Loring  2:28 

Oh, it's my pleasure to be here. Thank you for happening.

Suzette Conway  2:31 

Oh, it's exciting. I'm so thrilled that for our inaugural show for this special series that it's you. I feel like we have a special connection over podcasting since I've been on your show, and you help me get this show started. But mostly just because your warm spirit just always fills me up. It fills my spirit up. So I'm glad you're here. 

Tracy Loring  2:50 

Thank you. The feeling's mutual for sure.

Suzette Conway  2:53 

Oh, thank you. Okay, so before we dive in, you know me, I have a list of questions for us, and we'll see where the conversation takes us. But before we get to that, I always want to start by anchoring to the theme of the show. And for us, that's all about flourishing. So I want to know what does it mean to you to flourish and thrive in this human experience that you get to live

Tracy Loring  3:15 

So flourishing for me and bear with me, I'm I've got a cold. So if I'm extra husky today, this isn't how I always sound for better, very sexy. Again, I can't promise this in the future. But, um, yeah, so flourishing, flourishing... it's such a great word. It to me, it's about living life to its fullest, right, in all aspects of it. So flourishing means tapping into my creative potential. It means sharing my truth in the world, living my purpose, my true nature and spirit, if you will, and doing it in a way that that feels true and effortless that just sort of comes from me without having to think about, okay, how can I take a step back and construct the 13 different ways I can can contribute in the world, right? It's much more effortless, organic, and in flow.

Suzette Conway  4:15 

I love that. I love when you talk about true and effortless to me that feels like the very definition of authentic, right? Like just living authentically is what makes it so effortless. And it's just a natural expression of yourself. But it's my beautiful. Thank you.

Tracy Loring  4:30 

Thank you. Yeah.

Suzette Conway  4:31 

Do you feel like you're living that kind of life these day?

Tracy Loring  4:33 

Oh, I do. I really do. And in ways that I didn't expect, like, you know, in preparation for our podcast, I did think a little bit on on some of these questions. And I thought back about my life and there was a time in my life when I was growing up, probably until my mid 20s, where I would definitely say I was flourishing in my life. I was, things were effortless, I was going through life sort of, from thing, one thing to another, and the way that things drew me. And I felt like I was true to myself. And exploring, you know, especially in my early 20s, it was all about exploration and learning and testing and trying new things. And then sort of I had this kind of lull, if you will, you know, like I got older, different things sort of went on in my life. And I don't know, I just sort of felt like I started to get stuck. And it I wasn't, I wasn't flourishing for a while. And that's really what caused me to take a step back and start to ask myself some questions about is this really the life that I want, and I can go into more detail on that, if you like in a minute. But, you know, once I started to look at things a little bit bit more closely, and make some shifts in my life, I got back to that place of knowing that I'm living my truth, you know, and really tapping into who I am. And what that did is it opened it up and made it easier to share with others. Because part of what is true for me is to share my spirit with the world. And for a while there felt like work to do that. And most likely, in hindsight, it's because I was doing it in a way that wasn't authentic. And now I am, and so it just sort of comes out of me. And, yeah, allows me to, it's almost like, I've been using a lot of planting analogies lately, we just bought a house recently with a beautiful garden and learning about gardening in more depth. And so I've been using a lot of this analogy lately, but it's like my roots got free. You know, when you buy a plant it at the nursery, and its root bound, it's been stuck in that pot, and it's growing, but it can't really expand in the way that it would love. And you pull it out of the pot, and you kind of claw the roots a little bit, and you give them space and then you plant it in the ground, it has a chance to flourish. That's kind of how I feel in my life right now. Like I was root bound for a while, and still growing, still contributing all those things relatively happy. But I wasn't flourishing. And you know, digging, doing the work, digging into the roots, pulling it out, teasing out what was holding me back and getting rid of that sucky container that didn't serve me anymore, is putting me in a position now where I am flourishing.

Suzette Conway  7:40 

I love that analogy of being root bound. Like when you buy those plants that are already started for you, so they're harder to kill, right? That is kind I need! It makes me think, too, that one of the elements of that analogy, if I might add to it is this notion that when you're not root bound anymore, like when you're loosened up, you and you have more space to grow in, you better nourish yourself, like you can take in the nourishment that you need, in a way that you can't when you're in a tight container when you hold yourself too tightly, right? And, and I just gosh, I love that analogy. It gives me goosebumps. And I think it speaks so well to what you're talking about. Like in your 20s I feel the same way about when I was in my 20s I always say I had this what felt like a charmed life to me. Like everything just worked, I would be broke one minute and then get a rebate on something the next minute and I would be you know need something and it would just show up in my life. And everything just sort of had this bit of flow to it that was not necessarily always easy, but that it was always in service of what I needed, if that makes sense. Like I felt like the universe was conspiring with me. And I know that for me when I hit midlife, I look back and all I could think was holy crap, where did that go? Like, where is that woman? And where is that energy? And when did I lose her? And how do we get her back? Right? Yeah, I couldn't define it. I didn't I certainly wasn't as eloquent as you and talking about that. But I knew that there was a time in my life when things were different. And midlife had shifted me somehow. And the best thing I could figure out was that it was like the responsibilities of being an adult, right? You have a mortgage and a job and a career and you're moving up and that and your focus is for me, it became all about proving myself am I good enough to be in my career and my building, what's the word I'm looking for, like sort of off authority and influence and that kind of stuff. And I was really in my ego around that stuff. I wasn't living authentically, not fully, right. And it disconnected me from my spirit. And it took me a long time to realize that was the difference. In my 20s I was still young enough to be connected to my spirit just naturally, and just kind of flowed and do what I wanted to do. And I had the room to do that socially, if you will, because I didn't have any big responsibilities. And that got harder as life went on. And I just - yeah, I love your analogy. It's like It's like somehow, I went from being unbound in my 20s to re-bound. It's like Someone put me back in my pot, and my roots got kind of constricted again. And I wasn't nourishing myself and I couldn't take, I couldn't grow from that place.

Tracy Loring  10:08 

Yeah, you know, I've been thinking a lot about this lately, actually, because I it's funny, you use the word charmed, because I too defined my life that way when I was younger, I was always so grateful for you know. I was really good in a past life, because I was living a charmed life, that's how I felt, and I do still in you know, in many ways feel that way. But I've been thinking a lot about what happened to that girl, because I too have had those moments where, especially as I've started over the past, you know, six-ish years or whatever, where I've started to dig into things and, and claw those roots a little bit more. I've realized that I've started to develop these stories in my head that didn't, I didn't think ever existed before. I was like, where does this come from? Like, where is this coming from, I never used to think this way. Or I would tap into and get a truth, you know, about who I was, or what I was doing in the world are meant to do. And it would remind me of how I used to define myself. And I would find myself reaching out and talking to people that I was really close to at that time in my life. And they would reflect those things back to me like, oh, yeah, this is who you are, this is what you're meant to do. And I'm like, yeah, what the hell happened to that? You know, and I've been thinking a lot about it. And it's almost like, the theory I'm playing with right now is that, you know, we talk about, between the time that we're roughly born and somewhere around five, right, we develop the bulk of the belief structures that sort of form our lives. And, and I believe that's true, you know, we do develop a bulk of that structure pretty early on. And, you know, my theory that I've been toying with is that a lot of those beliefs are there, and they're in there. And as you go through life, little experiences that you have, may start to feed those beliefs, and they get a little bit stronger, and a little bit stronger and a little bit stronger. And they start to take on more of a role in your life than they may have in the past. So it's like, yeah, we create the bulk of our stories between the time that was zero and five, but we're always creating stories. When I feel like, you know, in my 20s, I started to create new stories, so that by the time I was in my 30s, and 40s, those stories had more power than they did when I was younger, because I was just whether it was just literal, less less life experience, you know, I live fewer years, or if things hadn't quite happened, or I hadn't processed it that way. And you know, something you said really cued it in for me as well about where you are in your life at that time, you know, life stages, right? Let's forget age for a minute, let's just talk about life stages. You know, there's a stage in your life, where you're learning, you're growing, you're figuring out who you are. And then there's a stage in your life where you're testing that. Is this who I am? And then you can sort of go into and then the next stage in your life, which is Is this all there is? Yeah, and then and then there's probably a stage where it's like, okay, yeah, this is, this is what I want to do, right. And those stages can last your whole life. And we may not all get through all of them, or they might be really compressed, whatever it is, our journeys are all different. But I feel like for me, I, I lost sight of all of those things I held to be true, because I was having experiences that were tapping into those belief structures, and that were feeding them. And I didn't have tools in those moments to counteract them in the same way I do now. So do I have experiences that could feed those stories now? Absolutely. But I also have tools that helped me look at them and go, "Oh, yeah, that's BS, that's just triggering one of your stories". It's bringing up that old dragon, right? So I think it's really interesting, I think back around raising my daughter, I have a three year old, and what tools and resources can I support her with now? So that as she goes through life, she can more effectively look at those stories and not get root-bound

Suzette Conway  14:31 

You know, alright, so I want to talk to you about that. There's so much goodness in what you just said, but I feel like I want to pick on that last little bit. So you know, I have my niece that I'm really close to. I don't have kids of my own but I couldn't love her more. She were my own and she's 13 now. And I think a lot have always thought a lot about what you just said, like how do I infuse her with tools and knowledge and perspectives that serve her and I have started to - I don't know what you think about this - I've  started to believe It almost doesn't matter what I do, right? That this journey that we're talking about where there's these phases that you go through the developing your beliefs, I could watch her beliefs coming alive. Like I knew when she was five or six years old, we knew about this stuff already, right. And I could see her foundational beliefs forming and how that shifted the way she saw the world and showed up in the world. And I was already I felt like I was desperately trying to infuse her with something that would counteract that, right? And it took me a long time to realize out first of all, I'm not sure, I'm still gonna do it, I'm always gonna try to do it... I want her to be well armed, but I'm not sure it totally matters. I feel like she's all she still is going through all the same phases we did, it's a very human experience, right? And she'll still have to, she'll still see her own stories. You describe them almost like an acumulative way, right, they stack on each other, they get activated at certain times, it's still going to happen to her. And I hope that when it does, she'll remember some of the tools that I left her with, right that I helped embed in her. But I don't know that they will. And I wonder sometimes how much of doing that is me trying to spare her pain, that I don't have the right to spare her from that she in fact, needs to experience to evolve into her own self, like we have gone through in life. And it's just I don't know where I'm going with this. It's like the instinct to want to protect and serve the young ones, with what we know, is so automatic. And yet sometimes I think it's almost, not useless, but like, it's, I don't know, like, it's just not going to work out the way we think that's gonna work out for them.

Tracy Loring  16:36 

Yeah, I agree with you. 1,000,000% Suzette. Absolutely, like I've had this conversation a lot. So being an older mom, I had my daughter when I was 48 years old, so I've had lots of life experience and lots of opportunity to learn different things. And more so than I would have if I had had her when I was 24. Right? I just didn't have the same amount of life experience. And I thought a lot about that, knowing what I know, now, you know - how can I raise her in a way that supports her, but yet is very real and automatic, like, I know, she's gonna create stories, it's inevitable. And I know that as much as I want to prevent her from creating this sort of story, or that sort of story, her little mind is going to make up whatever story she wants, based on her experience and the path that her spirit wants her to live, right. So I know, I can't spare her. I know, I can't protect her from that. Nor would I want to it robs her of her experience as a human. And you know, that's not what I want for her as well. And so the, the path that I've chosen to take with it has been more about helping her know, well, first of all modeling, right? And then sort of talking through with her, here's what I'm doing. So she can see how I do things, how I deal with grief, how I deal with pain, how I deal with frustration, how I deal with different things. And share with her some of the techniques that I learned, as I do it. She's going to observe me and learn anyway, right? No matter what I do, if I choose to never intentionally teach her a single thing, I will always be teaching her because she's going to look at and model what she sees. And so the approach I've taken with it has been, you know, how can I be the best version of me, so I can be the best model for her. You know.

Suzette Conway  18:42 

I love that. Yeah, I love that. Because it's so true. It's like, you know, you think about it's like, I can't stop her from going through those experiences my niece anymore than you can stop your daughter from going through it. But we can maybe arm them with perspectives, right, like, like, I guess the biggest skill is things like self reflection and self awareness. And, and you know, I'm always talking about like, the skills that the tools that we use, in our coaching work and with our own lives, about shifting the energy that we have to a different space so that we can act from there intentionally and respond rather than react from our ego at triggers, right? Like those kinds of skills, I think presuppose the notion that I don't need to remove her egoic triggers. I don't need to try to stop her from having them. It's about teaching her how to see them at work in her life, and not make them mean anything about herself and then choose how to respond intentionally from a space that she can put herself into, if that makes sense. A higher energy space.

Tracy Loring  19:36 

Absolutely.

Suzette Conway  19:37 

Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. It is it's not so much about removing the experience. It's about teaching her some skills for how to process through it.

Tracy Loring  19:45 

Yeah. And you know, and like I said, my daughter's three right. So we're not having deep in depth conversations about her ego and you know, she's still in the middle of forming all that stuff. Our focus really, if there's anything that I've been actively teaching her has been more about self regulation and using her body. So at this point in her life, she's a toddler. So she struggles with self regulation. And because of who she is, as her unique person, she might struggle more than others with that. And so you know, the things that we've been focusing on are breathing, wiggling her toes, you know, taking a deep breath and counting to four, as Daniel Tiger likes to say. You know Daniel Tiger love him. And that sort of thing, right. You know, Santa is going to bring her she doesn't know this, of course, Santa is going to bring her Peppa Pig Yoga Book for Christmas. So we're going to start doing yoga together. And those sorts of things, right. So those are things that I can help her get in touch with, especially her connection with her body is something that will serve her in every aspect of her life throughout all of her life. And so that's something I'm really excited to, to help her develop. And her father and I have talked about, potentially, you know, some martial arts for her in the near future. And turns out, there's a really great place right around the corner from where we live, that that's pretty well established for that. And they have a youth program that starts at age four.

Suzette Conway  21:25 

I love that. So my niece is older. But I remember starting really young trying to, again, we're not having serious conversations, but I tried to teach her to breathe, right. And she would go and and I'll teach her like to try to meditate and breathe and quiet her mind and sit still. And there's moments where she thinks that I'm nuts. And then there's moments where she will try and do it. And I can see her trying to apply it, which is lights my heart up. And then she goes off to and like she would completely drop it. But she'll come back from school, and they taught her some breathing technique in school. And like I taught you that three years ago, I want full credit for this. So it's funny because what what comes with it, like we joke all the time about it, like I can't I don't even know how old she was, when I first talked to her about your fight or flight response. Yeah, you have to manage that in order to reactivate your executive functions and make good decisions. Like, I'm sure I'm turning into a giant, like spiritual geek at this point. But it is, I forgot where it's going with that embodiment, about embodiment. And let's Oh, I'm sorry, this is where it's like, what I hope it does for her is normalize these things for her I want like, you know, you talk about how teaching your little one how to express herself and regulate her emotions, and to model you feeling your emotions and not suppressing them. So whether it's feeling your emotions and processing through them, or deep breathing, or yoga, or all these other things, to me, I think one of the most powerful things about it is that it normalizes it, and it and it's something that's just, they'll just grow up knowing that's part of how you can be as a human being. But it also shows them what it is... that you're human, that I'm human, right, that we get through these things. There isn't any need to stuff that part of us down. And I think that's super important. Because we need our human side and our spiritual side. And they need to see examples of people in their crap. And in their spirits.

Tracy Loring  23:14 

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, one of the things I think a lot about with her, she's, she's female, right? Whether or not she identifies that way, I won't know yet. But, um, you know, that was her sex at birth. And so I think a lot about the way we raise females in our culture, in our society. And so I don't discourage her from getting angry, or expressing her anger, we talk about how best to channel that, you know. And her father and I talk a lot about language that we use with her and things like that. You know, I would, love to break the cycle, of some of the messages that I know I heard a lot when I was growing up, and that I hear society, say. And, you know, I know that she's still going to get exposed to those messages, at school and out in the world, and all all sorts of those things. And absolutely, and like you said earlier, you know, my hope is that when the time comes in the moment, her intuitive soup will pull what it needs to serve her in that moment. And that, in addition to all those other messages in there are some of those things that she heard from Mom and Dad,

Suzette Conway  24:27 

It's like going back to your gardening metaphor, right? You're planting seeds. And I think that it's so critical to be, she's so lucky to have you right, that you're aware of that enough that you are doing that heavy gardening with her in these early first five or six years, because that is where the stories are being formed. So while she's forming the stories of I'm not good enough or no one loves me, could she also be forming and these moments and stories of but I have the tools I need and it's okay to be fully me and express my anger. You know what I mean? Like it's just there, she will get it from other places. Stories are not only cumulative and deeply rooted, they're social, right? We create them from our engagement with other people. She will get them. But there is a window we have until they're about seven, I think, when you are their primary influence on them. And gosh, imagine what you're sowing in her, you know what you're planting seeds for. Yeah, I think that's the extent of my gardening metaphor.

Tracy Loring  25:20 

More will come, I'm sure. More will come! 

Suzette Conway  25:23 

Okay, so let me ask you this. So we talked, there was so much stuff we covered earlier on and you had this - I have to go back and edit it and see what I can pull out - And maybe we can have a second conversation about this. But I want to dig into we tell you about, you know, your 20s versus now in midlife and what you think of is flourishing. And, and I want to dig into from your perspective of midlife now. What do you think you are meant for? And how does that show up in your life in a way that helps you flourish?

Tracy Loring  25:52 

When you say what I'm meant for, do you mean, like purpose in life? Tell me more what you're what you're asking.

Suzette Conway  25:59 

I think, a little bit purpose in life. But I think sometimes too, when I think of "meant for", you know, you mentioned, we talked about things like I'm meant for more, there's something more than this, right? And, and so it's like, what is it you think you're meant for? What are you here for? So yes, a purpose? I'm not one who thinks we have like a single purpose. I think we have lots of purposes. So yes, let's talk about your purpose. But just in the sense of why do you exist at a grander level? Like what are you here to be?

Tracy Loring  26:27 

It's interesting, because I was thinking about this recently, as well. I remember growing up, you know, one of the common questions everyone get most people get asked when they're growing up is "What do you want to be when you grow up?", right? Everybody likes to ask kids that. And I remember probably, until I was maybe, in junior high... the one thing that it wasn't the answer to what I wanted to be, it's what I saw myself being, and it was a teacher. And, and then I wanted to be a doctor, and all sorts of stuff and other things took over. But it you know, when I think back, that's the thing that just always felt true to me. And I never pursued teaching in the academic educational sense. What ended up happening was, my career just sort of followed that path naturally. I was good at it. And I ended up in situations where I just started teaching. And I started teaching art, and then ended up in corporate and doing training and all of these different things. And, and now what teaching looks like for me is sharing stories, through podcasts like yours, and the one I have, through the work I do with leaders, in helping them unlock their potential and see what gets in their way. Through the work I do with my coaching clients, you know, helping them live the lives that they would love. And it all comes back down to, to that sort of element of teaching. And, you know, I've spent time in my personal journey, looking at what my purpose is in life. And I've spent time with my business, looking at my business purpose is. And it all comes down to inspiring joy in the world and inspiring people to live their truth. And, you know, I come back to - yeah, that's kind of what it is to be teacher in a lot of ways. Yeah. So I kind of feel like I had a sense early on, about what that was. But it's, it's when I strayed from that, or when I was forcing it to look a certain way that I didn't feel like it was where I was meant to be.

Suzette Conway  28:53 

Okay, so we're gonna put a pin in that because that is going to anchor us to the next question, because that's I, that's where we're going. But I think it's a perfect example. But I want to, I want to just pause and share too, that you're not alone in that, right. Like I had a similar experience. I wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid, I think all little girls did. It was when we were... teachers, nurses, whatever, typically feminine careers... but I wanted to be a teacher and I always and I ended up... that's how we know each other... from our learning and development days in corporate America. And I used to think that, I still think this, well most people who end up in that kind of a job I always say we're accidental learning and development pros, accidental instructional, you just happen into it. It's not it's not a job that when you're in high school, they go did you know that you can be an instructional designer or a learning program manager? Like it's, you know, it's not like that, right? But you have a natural instinct and a calling towards helping people and towards, and there's an expression of skills, I think in really good people, but people who are really good in these spaces like coaching and training, of compassion and connection and sort of an expansiveness and openness to like letting things come in and see what happens with them. And I think there's parts of that, that show up in you as well. And I know they did for me, but like, where you were going with this was, it wasn't enough, like I woke up one day, and and realized, everything was fine on paper, but I wasn't really happy. And I didn't know why. And I felt like I had this sort of shadow career, like I was expressing my gifts, right? You were talking about that you knew from a very young age, these gifts were, they were in you, and they showed up in a really natural way in those professions. And now they show up differently, but they're still those same gifts. And, and for me, it was like, my gifts were being used in a way that was possible for them to be used, but wasn't the most inspired way for them to be used, if that makes sense. And so I felt like I had this shadow life where it's like, yeah, I'm doing what feels right to me, I guess, right? Like, again, it's this all there is? There must be something more than this. And I knew there was just a point where I knew in my own journey, in my own story, that something had to change. And I didn't know what it was or what it looked like or might be or how it would evolve. But I knew... I don't know how to say it.. it's like there's, there's, it's amazing what we humans will tolerate, how long we will tolerate the intolerable, because it's not quite painful enough, right. So I sat in the space of not being fully expressed in my corporate career for a long time, because it wasn't totally bad. And it wasn't completely off track for how my spirit might want to be expressed in the world. It just wasn't aligned as well as it could have been. And so when I think about your story, I see some of those same telltale signs, right? Like I know, personally, because we've been friends, what some of your your changes have been in your life. And I wonder if you would be willing to speak into that a little bit and talk about what you shifted in your life, how you went from being in that corporate space, being not a mom, being you know, all these things to where you are today? And what just kind of talk about your story, what prompted that shift? How did you know you needed it? And what did you do - how did your shift show up?

Tracy Loring  31:55 

Yeah. So for me, you know, I had gone along in my life, I'd been successful I, at the point where this shift was sort of coming to a peak, a transition point, I was married, happily married, found someone that I never thought I would find, had the kind of relationship I didn't think could exist. Like I hated romantic comedies, because I thought they were just BS, right? That doesn't really exist. Well, it turns out, it's possible. And I found the person that was the right fit for me. Had a beautiful house, made great money, at a job with people that I really liked. And every day, I would get up and get in the car and go to work and was nauseous on my way to work. And it just, it wasn't working. You know, it wasn't working for me. And it was primarily related to my job, you know, other aspects of my life were on track. And it just work wasn't working. And there was an aspect of it, that tapped into what wasn't working wasn't the duties I had for the company I worked for. It's that I had somehow lost alignment with myself. And so for me, what the big trigger was, was two things. One, it was again, going back to embodiment, it showed up in my body, physically, you know, not wanting to to go to work. The second thing though, that really was the litmus test for me, was something my husband said to me. So my husband is super easygoing. Super easy going, right? He has very few asks, from me in terms of our relationship and those sorts of things, really easygoing. He said to me one day, he goes "I can tell you're not happy. And whatever you're going through, when you feel like this, you're not really pleasant to be around." Wow. And I was like, that stopped me dead in my tracks, because it was like, okay, not only was what I was going through hurting myself in my body, but now it was creeping out into my relationship. And the relationship I valued most in the world, which at that time was my husband. So, you know, that was like, Whoa, whatever, whatever's going on with me, I'm putting my relationship in danger. And that was a line I wasn't willing to cross. And so what I ended up doing is I remember having conversation with my boss at the time, fantastic person, mentor friend to this day. And I said, you know, I need to do something, something's got to change. And I had done a little bit of research and had... surreptitiously the universe dropped in an idea for me that was to go explore a course in neuro linguistic programming, which I had been exposed to from different different leaders in the past. And I went and I said, "look, this, this is going to help me. And it's going to help me be a better coach, it's going to help me be a better leader. And it's, you know, that's gonna benefit the business, right?" Because I asked the business paid for it, as a development opportunity for me. And he agreed, and I went on this course. And it was this intense, week long, 9am to 11pm, sometimes midnight, days, super intensive course and neuro strategies, that completely shifted my life. And I came out of that course going, yeah, there was a lot of healing that started in that course. And at that time, I also had a dear friend who was going through their own journey, and they were starting to build a coaching certification. They were on a path to become certified as a coach themselves, and they were looking for people to coach as part of their certification. And I said "sign me up". Because this, whatever this is, this exploration is working for me, and I want more. And so I started working with that person. And again, you know, as a favor to them as they were building their certification. But certainly, I was getting value out of it. And it wasn't long before I went to them and said, look, okay, I need to start paying you, because I'm seeing a change. I'm seeing it change, you know, and it was like, no, no, there's something here. And it was, in particular, the premises that were underlying her coaching practice and the way that she viewed the world and what I was learning, and it was... that really started me on the journey to reconnect. Because what I realized was, who I was, I had gotten off that path, I'd taken a turn a detour somewhere, and I'd forgotten all the things that I knew to be true. And so going through this, this, these explorative workshops, and learning these new premises and starting to practice them in my life, helps get me back to the truth of who I was, and what I believed about the universe. And so yeah, that sort of started that journey again, but But really, if if, if I could pinpoint it, it's, it's when my reality didn't align to who I believed I was. And the way that that got reflected to me, you know, whether it was feedback from my team at work, or feedback from my body, or feedback from my husband, I was getting feedback in my world that didn't align with who I thought I was. And that caused me pain. And that was, you know, that pain got to a point where it was like, okay, that's it no more. This is my rock bottom, something needs to change. And that's when I made those choices.

Suzette Conway  38:06 

I love that. That's also beautifully shared and explained. I love that you just even ended it with right there is that if the feedback if we're open to it, if we can even just see a glimmer of what we know, from our body, from other people, from our co-workers, from our family members, they will, they will reflect back to us in their own way, what they're experiencing of us. And I love that a big part of this for you was recognizing, oh, what I'm seeing in that mirror that they're reflecting back isn't.. I don't like that. That's not what I want to be. It's not who I am. And that's really powerful. I think when we talk about midlife shifts, and how do you know you're ready for a midlife shift, it feels like that's a really key element, right there is pay attention to the input you're getting from other people and other experiences in your body and whether or not they align with you.

Tracy Loring  38:52 

Yeah, you know, somewhere. And forgive me whoever came up with this quote, because I don't remember who did. But it was something to the effect that the definition of pain or suffering or might have been anxiety, one or the other, is when we are out of alignment with the truth of who we are, you know. And that's what was going on. And those are the ways that I was able to identify that, you know, I, I work with people who are out of alignment and have spent the bulk of their life that way,

Suzette Conway  39:22 

So, you created a shift in your life in order to realign to the truth of who you were. Talk to me about, if you're if you're willing, if you don't mind, some of the most impactful and unbelievable results you've created as a result of shifting so that you are more aligned to your own truth, to yourself.

Tracy Loring  39:43 

Yeah, oh, gosh. So I'll just go in chronological order. It'll help me remember. I think the first thing I created was owning myself as an artist and calling myself an artist. So for anybody out there who has experienced this, you'll, you'll know what it is when you have the creative desire to express yourself creatively. But you don't feel like you're worthy of calling yourself an artist. That's where I was in my life and where I had been, you know, and I'd been doing art since I was as long as I can remember. But I could never allow myself to call myself an artist because I wasn't formally trained, I didn't go to art school, I didn't think I was good enough. I, you know, I wasn't in galleries, I wasn't blah, blah, blah... put in all the definitions. So the first, the first thing I did was changed my definition of myself, and owned myself as an artist, which allowed me to unlock not only more creative expression, but to go after things like showing my art in a gallery, like working with other artists in a shop, where I used to show and sell my art, and, and starting to do art workshops, again, like I used to way, way back. So that was really, the first thing was really unlocking that for myself. And that was just unlocked a huge amount of joy that, of course, spread into other parts of my life. That was the first thing. The second thing was, I'd had this vision for this country home, it was, it was a home connected to the flow of nature. And so my husband and I picked up our things and bought a house in 30 days in Bastrop, Texas and moved to five acres. And it was just this really beautiful, magical place where we created a space for ourselves that was connected to nature, and we built an art studio from scratch. And that was just another incredible creation. And then, you know, around that time I also got to a point where both myself and my husband owned that it was true for us to become parents. And so I got pregnant and we had a baby. And that journey in and of itself was I mean, talk about all the stories that we tell ourselves and all the conditions that we think need to be true in order for us to have what we want. I was 48 years old. And I got pregnant and had a baby, you know. Granted, we had help, you know, we used to donor egg and, and had the help of some really amazing doctors. And that was incredible. And I'll always be eternally grateful and will always welcome into our life the woman who helped us do that. So that that was a really, really big thing. And then, you know, throughout that I quit my corporate job and started my own business and am living my life day to day according to the metrics, those spiritual guide posts, like we've talked about that matter to me, you know? Am I joyful, am I inspiring others, am I living my truth? And I've crafted my life around that. And you know, yeah, the the next thing on the horizon for us is, is to build our home from scratch or next home, you know. So, in between there have been all sorts of things I've, I've created in between. I mean, the house that we bought here, we bought know the pandemic in a market that was just ridiculous where people were paying, and are still paying 10s of 1000s if not more dollars over asking, you know... we bought a house for asking and closed in 30 days, you know... and with our first offer on the first house that we put in. So stuff like that, right that just seems to come effortlessly when you take a step back and look at it. But some pretty... those are like the big ticket things right? That I would I reflect back and call the big ticket things but so many countless small things in the way that I live my life and how I show up for myself and my family in my husband and changes in my body and how I my relationship with my body is completely different. My relationship with money has changed. And boy has that served me and not just literally in terms of financial implications, but just the reduction in stress and energy that I was putting into all this angsting about money that has really shifted for me. So yeah, there just been so many big and small things that have come about in that time. And you know, really we're talking... what I think 2015 was when I went on that neuro strategies course. So, you know, it's 2021 now, almost 2022... five, six years? Yeah. hasn't been that long.

Suzette Conway  45:16 

It's amazing. Cuz I know, you know, we haven't talked a lot about it on the show yet, because it's still so new. But we I know, from the work you do, because I do the same kind of work, these creative principles are what make all the difference. And applying creative principles, and premises is a really powerful skill. And when I listen to your story I hear, I just want to call out a few things that I hear from that. One of them is that you talked about calling yourself an artist was one of the first shifts that you created. And for me, what jumps out about that is just the power of words, and thoughts, right. And so I don't know if you've ever heard, I don't know where it comes from, or who created or whatever. But there's this thing that says, "watch the watch your thoughts, they create your words, watch your words, they create your actions, watch your actions, they create your behavior, your behavior creates your destiny" or something like like, there's this whole chain of things. And all starts with words with thoughts. Thoughts are just silent words, right? But with words, because they're symbols of our beliefs, and our feelings and all that stuff. And the simple act of saying out loud what you want, I am an artist, that is who I am. It's what I want. It's how I'm being in the world. It's how I show up. That act is the first step in creation, there's a thing that says that creation happens in two steps. It's the thought and then the deed. You have to think of something in order to go then and try to manifest it and create it. And just that act of I don't want to say simple because it's powerful, and it's sometimes very hard to name, who we choose to be, and how we choose to show up in the world. And the act of calling yourself an artist of speaking the truth of what your soul is... shifted everything for you. It shifted how you expressed yourself, and showed up in the world, which changed your experiences, which shapes your stories, which then affects your thoughts and like, it's all so interconnected. And so yeah, I just want to call that like naming what you want and who you are, is powerful stuff.

Tracy Loring  47:08 

Yeah. And the definitions, you know, how we define ourselves, you know, and we use words to do that. Yeah. But shifting, you know, you make up the definition. Yes. So you can make up a new one.

Suzette Conway  47:22 

Yeah. And I think it's really important to that you made it up, you decided for yourself what that was, right. It's so easy in our world to get into, well... would other people think I'm an artist, or do I have the right to call myself an artist or what really is an artist? You know, it's so easy to get mired in all of that muck, right, as opposed to just, "this is my Spirit speaking to me, I am an artist." There's a line, one of my favorite shows it ever at all time, you should absolutely watch it. whoever's listening to this podcast, it's West Wing. It's a TV show series. And there's an episode where one of the characters is talking to a Nobel Laureate in poetry. And she says to him, she says, "I write poetry, Toby, it's how I show up in the world." And it just... no, she said "Its how I enter the world." And it just lights me up to think about that. And for you, artistry is how you enter the world, right? It informs everything you do. And that small act of naming that out loud is so powerful. The other thing that I love that you said is you said that when you change made these changes and unlocked your joy. And I don't know how you think about this, but I think of joy as a primary sign that what you're doing is in alignment with the truth of who you are, with your spirit. Because all emotions are signals, right? We should pay attention to them they're not to be stuffed down. If you're angry, it's a signal of boundary has been violated, amongst other things, you know. If you're scared, it's a...  you know... there's they're all symbols you should notice. Joy, when you feel that when your spirit lights up. It's because it sees itself. It's like, "oh, this is me. I'm in this activity. I mean, I exist here", like, Yes, right. It's a joy gets it is your spirit getting excited. And I think that's a really powerful thing to notice is that when you were in alignment, you felt joy?

Tracy Loring  49:05 

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And yeah, yeah, I think it's the, you know, quintessentially, most emotions devolve into one of two things, joy or fear. You know, one might say love and fear, but you know, the expression of love is often joy. So, yeah, absolutely.

Suzette Conway  49:29 

It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that stuff. So, okay, so I want to ask you one other thing, though. So where are you continuing to shift in your life? Like you've been doing this work now, you said for about five or six years. That's when you started. So you started your midlife shift about, what 45, would you say? Am I doing your age, right?

Tracy Loring  49:46 

Let's see in 2015, yeah, I would have been 45 and 2016.

Suzette Conway  49:51 

Um, and you've made a lot of shifts and a lot of changes... and I always like to point out that with the work that I do with my own clients, is that, the shift is not what you think it is. Like your shifts, the obvious ones, are like, oh, yeah, you got a new job and you moved homes and changed the state you live in and all this stuff, you had a baby! The shifts are so much deeper than that right?

Tracy Loring  50:11 

Oh yeah, yeah.

Suzette Conway  50:11 

It's a shift in, like, mindset and methods and awareness and, and the way you show up in the world, and yeah, and the amount of joy you feel and how you even measure things like the shifts are so much more. It's like aftershocks on an earthquake, right? They just keep coming and keep coming. And so what I want to know is, what are you continuing to... how are you continuing to shift? In what ways do you shift these days?

Tracy Loring  50:33 

Yeah. So I think the thing that's coming to me is this idea of definitions, you know, continuing to redefine myself in a way that's aligned to who I am, in my, in my truth, and catching myself when I'm defining myself as anything other, you know? So, continuing, and the reason why I say continuing to redefine is that, you know, taking the opportunity to reflect back and go, "What, how am I defining myself right now, what no longer serves me what definitions no longer serve me? And what's the real truth?", and choosing to embrace that and let other things go. So it's this, this continual process, it's what we do in the learning and development world, right? Where we, it's the learning orientation, where you are consistently doing retrospectives around, you know, what, what has this last six months been like for me? Or what does this last week been like, for me? You know, what, what doesn't serve me any longer that I can let go of? And, you know, where do I want to put my focus next, and continuing to, to do that is how I'm continuing to create those shifts. And you know, it's hard for me to say, yeah, and I'm my next shift is going to look like X, Y, or Z, because I have no idea. You know, six years ago, if you had asked me, Tracy, do you see yourself being a parent owning your business and living in New York State? I would have gone... maybe New York State, but hell no, you know, no, what, you know? So I know better than to, then to make any specific estimates about where things will be in any any amount of time. But I do know what I would love in my life. And continuously checking in with that, and exploring what that looks like, and allowing that to unfold in a way that it's meant to. Going back to what I said earlier about being a teacher, you know, when I was eight years old, and somebody asked me that question, and I said, you know, I don't know what I want to be, but I could see myself being a teacher, maybe at that point in life that looks like in an elementary school, in academia, and maybe another point at look like maybe being in college. Now it looks like this, right? So continuously reflecting back who I am, who do I want to be what's true, what do I want to create? And then allowing everything else to just unfold? Is how I'm continuing to make those shifts. 

Suzette Conway  53:26 

I love that. I love that. There's so much beauty and personal power in allowing for evolution and for the unknown, right to just like yeah, I don't know... who am I... I love that... you didn't say it like this, but like, who am I to predict what's coming next, right? Other than just to say, I follow my spirit and where it leads me as long as I'm honor that and let the end let things unfold from there. It's all going to be okay, right? Because it's all just part of your journey.

All right. So what what advice would you offer to people who are may be ready for their midlife shift their own midlife shift? Like, what would you say to them? Other than all the amazing stuff you've already just said. And I feel like the last little bit of just like, stay connected and let it unfold is probably the most profound thing but like, let's see what else is in you.

Tracy Loring  54:13 

Yeah, you know... what I would say to someone who, it feels like they're ready for their next midlife shift, is yeah, don't, don't allow yourself to get root bound. Tease out the roots. You know, look at the stuff that might be holding you back and throw away the container, the old container that doesn't serve you anymore, old definitions, old ways of working. Whatever it is, get rid of that container and allow yourself to flourish in a way that's true for you. Let go how the how, and, and be open to the possibility.

Suzette Conway  55:05 

I love that. Love that. Thank you. Okay, so we're done with that part of the conversation. But I always, I want to end with one sort of off-topic question. And the thing I want to know from you is, what is the next adventure you want for yourself? Like, I don't know, is it travel, is it a cooking class, whatever, like, what are you wanting to try in your life now?

Tracy Loring  55:26 

Oh, let's see, um you know, I want to create a farm. So I have this vision. When my husband and I talk about building our, our home, it's part of this broader farm, where we have animals and we grow things. And he is a gardener by nature and at heart. And so I'm learning more about that. So, you know, learning more about caring for and growing things, is really where the next adventure is for me. I've always had a really strong connection and tie to animals. So that just feels really natural. But yeah, exploring, exploring what that looks like, and what that feels like. It's almost like, my, my next adventure isn't some outward expression. It's it's more deeper connection. And for me, it's deeper connection to nature.

Suzette Conway  56:31 

I love that. So to the people who are going to be listening to this, they can't see your face, obviously, right? But you are lit up with joy. Like, I see the joy on your face, and just the possibility of... it's not even the possibility, it's like letting yourself identify your dream, expanding on what that looks like to you, steeping yourself in like, that's gonna happen, right? Like it just... your face is light up, lit up with joy, and it's just beautiful. So, you know, there's, I feel like as we wrap this up, it's so obvious to me that there's so much truth in knowing that at any point, not truth, excuse me, well, there is truth but power in knowing that at any point in our choosing, we can create whatever it is we'd like in our life, including whatever, however, we need to shift ourselves to have what we want in our lives, right like to make room for that. And I think your story is such a beautiful example of how naming what you want. And allowing for possibilities and applying some creative principles is just it's so simple. It's like a simple bread recipe or something, you know what I mean? But it's so powerful. And I thank you for, for sharing your story with us.

Tracy Loring  57:39 

My pleasure. My pleasure to be here. Thank you, Suzette. As always, I, I just enjoy your spirit and your energy and always look forward to the opportunity to have any conversation. So thank you. 

Suzette Conway  57:49 

Aw, you're so sweet. I love it because this feels like we're having coffee as we're chatting and it feels like I'm in your living room and we're having one of our most amazing chats and I love that. Thank you.

Okay, well, that wraps up our conversation for today. I want to thank you, my guest, Tracy Loring, for being here, and for sharing your inspiring story with us about your own midlife shift. It makes me always so motivated to continue my own shift when I hear stories like this, and I'm grateful to have friends like you to do life with.

For those of you listening, if you loved this conversation as much as I did, I want to encourage you to learn more about Tracy. Check out her podcast, Creative Musings, where she talks about more cool things like this. There's a link in the show notes along with other ways that you can connect to her. And I think that is it for today.

If you enjoyed this show, come join the ongoing conversation that we're going to have about it in the Facebook group and share what resonates with you. There's a link in the show notes for that group. Also, please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don't miss a thing. 

Thanks for listening to the Sparkle Moments™ Podcast, produced by purple chicken life and shared through the Flittersphere™. I'm Suzette Conway and you can find me at Flittersphere.com. Remember, you deserve to have your most vibrant life and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related and they're worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves, and when you do, everyone around you benefits. So go on, be vibrant.

SHOW SUMMARY:

Dream analysis is a powerful tool for developing self-awareness, which helps us live more intentionally. In this episode, we’ll look at what dream analysis is and how to practice it by examining one of my dreams. We’ll also unpack the levels of consciousness in the human mind and introduce you to your inner egoic beast, which we all have. At the end, I'll share a simple way for you to experiment with analyzing your own dreams!

SHOW MAP:

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

Take the 5x5x5 challenge and do your own dream analysis! Keep a bedside journal for 5 days. When you wake up each morning, spend 5 minutes capturing as many details as you can about the dream you remember.  Then spend 5 minutes picking out sections of the dream, finding the symbols, and guessing at what they might mean. If you have more time, break the entire dream into chunks and analyze each one. 

RESOURCES:

SPEAKERS:

Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hey there. Welcome to the Sparkable Moments podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul! In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science, personal stories, random ponderings, and deep-end-of-the-pool discussions. I’m your hostess Suzette Conway. I’m a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. This show is part of my mission to raise the world’s vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world in beautiful and spectacular ways!  I’m so glad you’re joining me on the journey!  

Ok, be sure to stick around until the end of the episode today. We’re actually interpreting one of my personal dreams and I’m sharing the steps for how to do it so that you can apply it to your own life. And at the end of the show, I share a real-life experiment that you can try that only takes five minutes a day. You won’t want to miss it. It’s so much fun and so easy to do!

On today’s show, I’ll be talking about using dream analysis as a tool for developing your self-awareness, which is a foundational skill for intentionally creating your most vibrant life. 

Now, like the other Vibrant Living Tools™, I teach my clients, dream analysis is rooted in self-awareness because when you understand the workings of your inner mind and see the truth of yourself, you can use what you find to shift into higher states of being, where it’s easier to create the things you want in your life. 

So, what is dream analysis?  It is the process of examining and interpreting your dreams to gain clarity on things your unconscious and subconscious minds are processing, the things that may be hampering you in your conscious, daily activities. It helps you to see your underlying thoughts, and feelings, and assumptions, and beliefs, and so forth, so you can work with them and move past them as you address whatever issues need your attention in your day-to-day life. It’s a powerful tool for understanding the workings of your inner mind. Dream analysis is rooted in mainstream psychological techniques, and it was pioneered by psychologists like Carl Jung, who believed dreams were your mind’s attempt to communicate important things to you.   

But you don’t need to be a Jungian psychologist to interpret your own dreams. I learned it from my own therapist who was trained in Jungian methods. But it’s a skill you can learn, and I believe there is no way to get it wrong because the intent of it isn’t to get a perfectly correct answer to some deep-seated struggle. The intent is to practice self-awareness by asking the questions and being open to receiving insights that come from exploring your subconscious mind – all without making any of it mean anything about you. With dream analysis, self-awareness is both the skill you are practicing and the outcome you are creating. 

To understand this, it helps to have some knowledge of the levels of consciousness in the human mind, so let’s start with a primer on that! 

So, your conscious is your awareness that you exist and that things exist inside of you and outside of you.   

Your consciousness is knowing that you know you exist. It’s tied to how you understand and experience yourself and the world around you  It’s your inner life – it is your awareness of your thoughts, and feelings, and memories, and your awareness of your mental processes, like how you perceive stuff – which is taking in information, and identifying and ordering it, and assigning it meaning and value and that kind of stuff. Everyone perceives things and we all kind of have our own mechanisms for how we do that. So your consciousness is involved in how you perceive things. It’s also about being aware of how you learn, how you manage your attention. And critically, it’s the ability to be aware of that inner life – all of that stuff - and the ego that is part of it.

So, I call the ego THE BEAST. This is an acronym – T.H.E.  B.E.A.S.T.  – that represents your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs, your experiences and expectations, your assumptions, your stories, and your strategies, the structures and habits that you use in life, and your triggers. And, yes, a beast can be a large scary monster, but it’s not trying to harm us. Its job is to protect us from dangers. That’s our ego’s job. Our mind sees danger as anything unpredictable or unknowable. Like wanting to start your own business or moving to a new country. In an effort to keep you safe from the dangerous unknowns of those experiences, the beast rises up and sends you thoughts like “I can’t do this.” “I’m not smart enough to figure it out.” “I don’t deserve it.” “See, I’m not allowed to have what I want - something always gets in the way.” These limiting beliefs are one tool of your ego’s efforts to keep you safe. Now your instinct may be to just kill the beast, to eliminate those kinds of beliefs and thoughts and stories, right, so it doesn’t get in your way of starting that business or moving to Paris. This is the goal of most self-help programs - to get rid of the limiting thoughts and feelings. But remember, the beast, your ego, serves an important function. And while it can be scary to look at, it doesn’t need to be killed. It needs to be befriended, it wants to be seen, and understood, and valued, and supported. So put another way, your limiting beliefs and habits, and feelings don’t need to be eliminated to ‘fix’ you. They are part of you and there is no need to deny or destroy any part of you. In fact, there is freedom and power in honoring all of ourselves, in seeing all the parts of us as valid and valuable, without judgment or labels, or fears. Befriending the beast is an essential tool in living a good life because your consciousness includes more than your awareness of your beast, it includes your awareness of how you and other people are influenced and impacted by the beast and how their influenced and impacted by your reactions to it. 

So, my personal coach has a saying that I just love. She says "Powerful people can look at the truth of themselves.”. And I’m gonna add to that. “Powerful people can look at the truth of themselves and use what they find to create vibrant lives.” Conscious living is a superpower.

Your ego isn’t the enemy. It’s a friend trying to help you, but you have to be willing to respect it and use it as a resource.  

Now that we know what consciousness is… let’s look at the various levels of consciousness in the human mind. We’ll start at the bottom and work our way up. It might help if you imagine an iceberg… we’re in the deep dark ocean and working our way up towards the bright, open sky.

At the bottom of the ocean is the unconscious mind is a collection, a repository of thoughts, urges, memories, and past events & experiences that we don’t remember. These things are outside our awareness but continue to exert an influence on our behaviors even though we’re unaware of them.  The unconscious can include repressed feelings and hidden memories, old habits, thoughts, desires, reactions… it’s a reservoir of things we find unacceptable or unpleasant or too painful, embarrassing, shameful, or otherwise distressing to consciously face.   

So, the unconscious mind is about information storage. The subconscious mind, the next level up, is about information processing. It records our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, our experiences… it records our likes and our dislikes, our beliefs, and our values. And then, it determines our memories and it monitors the information all around us, deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what to store for later, and how deeply to store it. 

The subconscious mind is the part of our minds that makes decisions without our needing to actively think about them and often it does so without our awareness or involvement. This part of our mind is stuck in the past and usually unwilling to change. I love how it’s described in the book Awaken to Superconsciousness. Author Swami Kriyananda says the unconscious mind consists of “the unprocessed residue of thoughts, actions, and memories that are ever-present, but more or less unnoticed. They greatly influence the conscious mind, which doesn’t often realize how ungoverned by free will its decisions really are.” So, the subconscious has a huge influence on how we think and act when in the conscious state, it affects every aspect of our life, mostly without our knowledge. Something that’s key here is that those influences are from past actions and experiences and the structures & habits we have created from them. And what this means is that the ideas that come from the subconscious are old ideas. They are not new and creative. 

To me, the unconscious and subconscious sound a lot alike. I tend to think of it like parts of a computer that work together using the same raw materials. The unconscious mind is a database in which we store our thoughts and our feelings and memories and such. The subconscious mind is the processing chip and software that helps us use the information to help us function as we go about our daily life. Most of us are unaware that the chips and operating systems and databases are running in the background and impact everything we do in the computer. And if we are aware, we don’t likely understand all the technology and how it works. BUT.... we can learn to use the technology anyway, like our laptops or cars, even if we don’t fully understand the guts of it. We just need a willingness to learn and some enabling tools like a friendly user interface and a help system! Having the right tools and training makes all the difference!    

Ok, so that’s the unconscious and the subconscious. The next level is the preconscious mind. Freud says this part of the mind includes anything that could potentially be brought into conscious awareness. The preconscious mind acts like a security guard, controlling which information is allowed to enter into our conscious awareness for daily use. Preconscious memories are not the same as easily accessed memories, like knowing your way home. They are unrepressed memories that are no longer buried in our unconscious mind, that we can extract for a specific purpose at a specific time. It’s like if you have an experience of giving a presentation with spinach in your teeth. It was embarrassing and you don’t need that information to function each day, so you stored it away. And, then one day you pull it up into your conscious mind as a funny story you use to illustrate how telling someone the truth is better for them than ignoring the obvious for their own short-term comfort!  Or maybe it’s a memory of being rejected, which leaves you humiliated and feeling unlovable. You stuff that into your lower conscious mind but later you can pull it into the conscious mind when you are helping a friend through a similar situation. So, back to our computer analogy – a computer can store data in long-term storage like a hard drive where it maintains the data even if the computer is turned off… but it’s a little slower to retrieve the data. Or it can put it in short-term memory, where it holds onto its contents only when the computer is on and functioning, but in a way that it’s easier and faster to access, so it can but used when it’s needed, pretty quickly. It’s like the difference between saving a file to your hard drive or saving it into your clipboard so you can paste it into some other place. That’s your preconscious mind, it’s the clipboard.

 Your EGO, that inner beast we talked about, sits in these three levels of unconscious, subconscious, and preconscious. They are all beneath the water’s surface, beneath your conscious, aware mind.

A big part of living intentionally and fully is learning to surface things, to bring them up from the lower levels, into the conscious mind so you can be aware of them and actually use them for your own good.  

The conscious mind is what we operate with during our waking hours. It is our thinking, rational mind, it’s the part of our mental processing that we can think and talk about rationally. Freud says it controls the thoughts, and the feelings, and the desires of which we are aware at any given moment. In our tech analogy, you can think of this as the files on your computer desktop! They are easy to see, and work with, and use for your daily needs. 

Above the conscious mind, at the tippy top of the iceberg, as we start to go into the clouds and the skies, this is your superconscious mind. It is heightened awareness that is above the ordinary range of attention. It is the source of our intuition; it is the wisdom we have before we engage reason and emotions. And it is the seat of our creativity. Tapping into it helps us discover unexpected solutions, create new things, and expand beyond what we think is possible. It is also known as the Higher Self. It can be accessed with tools like mantras or meditations that lift us into a peaceful and energetic state. English poet Alfred Tennyson wrote that the superconsciousness is a state where “individuality itself seemed to dissolve and fade away into boundless being… a state of transcendent wonder, associated with absolute clearness of mind.” Oh, I just love that description. The superconscious mind is your future and holds all the information about your personal evolution. I like to think of it as the conduit between me and my divinity, or Me and God.  

Ok, so you have the unconscious and subconscious minds that focus on the past. The preconscious mind is the bridge from them to the conscious mind, which is in the present moment. And then the superconscious mind is future-focused, and it helps you evolve into your next best self, the next expression of your spirit. So, instead of lower consciousness stories and beliefs about what we can’t do, maybe what we are afraid of or ashamed of... the superconscious mind is full of possibility. Instead of memories of what was, it’s full of visions of what could be and instead of rational thinking, it holds the intuitive knowledge of how to create those possibilities. Instead of determining what we do it gives us room to decide for ourselves, to follow our spirit. Instead of monitoring information around us, it sends information to us for use in expressing our spirit in the world. Instead of influencing us, it reveals us. Instead of drawing on the past to create, we can use the superconscious mind to draw on the infinite future to create. And, instead of the unprocessed residue of our past, the superconscious mind holds the glittery light of hope and love. 

A primary part of the work I do in my own life and in helping my clients, is to make the unconscious and subconscious conscious… to surface them and be are aware of the things we suppress and why we suppress them, and how it impacts us… so we can understand, forgive, accept, let go…and heal. Then those things have less power and influence over us as we live our conscious daily life with a little more lightness. And then, from this place, we can tap into our superconscious, engage our intuition and spirit and create what we would love, with ease, and clarity, and joy. Doing this work helps us to have more choice and creative power in our lives. 

When I talk about being aware, awake, about living consciously… I am talking about being deeply connected to these aspects of yourself. It’s about seeing them clearly and without judgment so you can use them as tools to serve your highest good.  Living from a higher energy, a higher vibration, is living a conscious life in which you see the truth of yourself – the dark and the light –  the struggle and the power!  AND it’s about having the will and skill to shift from a lower functioning space like being triggered and reacting in a way that causes harm… into higher spaces where you can see you are triggered, you can explore it, and you choose how you respond based on the outcome you want for yourself and those around you. Living consciously helps you to act intentionally instead of reacting instinctively, which is a foundational skill for creating a happy, fulfilled, healthy life. 

So… that’s the overview of levels of consciousness. Now, let’s go back to today’s main topic of dream analysis, which is based on the belief that just like THE BEAST, dreams are messages from our subconscious, they are signals of things to pay attention to. Dream analysis is a tool to help us grow and evolve. 

So, recently I woke up from a dream that really stressed me out. It gave me a headache and left me exhausted like I’d used up all my energy doing whatever I was doing in the dream. I also woke up feeling like this soft sense of fogginess in my brain and I knew if I didn’t capture the dream immediately I would lose it - it would fade into the ether of my rational mind and the upcoming day.  So, I immediately went to my desk to write it down.

This is step 1 in the process. Write your dreams down as soon as you wake up. This isn’t about interpreting the dreams yet. It’s about capturing as much detail as possible. Most of us don’t remember all of our dreams and that’s ok. So, when you do remember them, make sure that you capture everything that you can recall. I don’t do this with every dream, but if it’s a long dream, a detailed dream, a really strong dream that leaves an impression on me and lingers in my awakened mind… I pay attention to it and I write it down. Doing it right away matters… before you engage with other thoughts and activities and people. This is because when we dream our brain is using theta brainwaves, which are dominant in deep meditation or in sleep. In theta, we dream with vivid imagery, and intuition, and information found beyond our normal conscious state of being awake. Theta brainwaves are our entryway into learning, memory, and intuition. In this twilight state, we are removed from the outside world, and we focus on signals that come from within. So upon waking up we quickly move from that theta state into alpha waves, which is the resting state for the brain. It’s the state that we experience when we have a sense of being present, in the here and now. It’s this calm alertness. And from alpha, we move to beta waves, which dominate our normal waking state when we’re alert and attentive, and engaged in problem-solving, and making, and focused mental activity.  If you don’t capture your dreams while you’re in the theta state, you quickly move into faster brain wave states and shift into thinking about things other than what was in that dream. And those things that were in your dream start to feel ethereal, like a fog, and they kind of slip between your finger and float away, so you have to capture them. 

So, I’m going to share the dream and how I broke down the symbols in it and connected it to what I was processing in my life recently. Whether you’ve ever analyzed your own dreams or not, I encourage you to listen to the whole episode so you can get some ideas for how to do this in your own life. There are sure to be some spectacular aha moments, Sparkable Moments™. There always are when we look for them!    

And that is step number 2 in the process - Be willing to look for symbols in your dreams and create meaning from them. This is a mindset moment. A choice. We make up everything in our heads all the time anyway. We decide what things mean and what it says about us and the world around us. So, we can use that skill intentionally to make up what the symbols mean for YOU. Just take it all in, find out what meaning you're giving something. If you think it doesn’t mean anything, give it meaning. Just make it up, right? Even if it doesn’t make sense to you, follow that flow of thoughts all the way through to the end and you’ll have it in your conscious mind for later if you need it, and if it doesn’t make sense, you can dismiss it. But this is the time for you to capture it.

So… let me tell you the dream and then I’m gonna break it down for you.   

So, I was driving back from my hometown, in this dream, and I was on a road that I had been on a thousand times. My sister and her daughter were in the car with me. Everything around us was familiar and comfortable and easy. Then we drove on a bridge to cross a river that I always cross as I return home. And suddenly, on the other side of the bridge, everything was unfamiliar territory. The scenery had changed, the road was a scary, steep, downward hill. I didn’t know where I was or how I got here but it wasn’t where I wanted to be. It was not my planned route home and I felt very out of control. I frantically pulled out the GPS trying to figure out where I was, but it wouldn’t work. I couldn’t find our current location or type in a destination. We were lost big time. It didn’t occur to me to stop and assess or even to turn around… I just kept driving forward, hoping to find my way. Finally, we came upon a town, and right off the main highway was its town center. It was bustling with people all around this really pretty courthouse. It was like there was a fair going on. Everyone was happy and running around and having fun, and moving from craft tables to food tables, and in and out of the buildings… like they didn’t have a care in the world. My sister and niece went to find us some food and drinks and I sat at a picnic table under the tree, next to the courthouse, facing the main highway. I took out the GPS again. The screens would automatically maximize and not let me minimize so that I could move the window around and manipulate what I was looking at. I would click in the text box and not be able to type anything – it would just come out as gibberish and no matter how hard I tried, nothing worked. I tried to pinch the screen so I could see the larger area on the map and reorient myself to where we were compared to where we wanted to be. And nothing worked.  

I was growing increasingly frustrated. I was swearing, and getting angry, and throwing the devices on the table… and my family came back with smiles on their faces, drinks in hand, and saying they were going to explore the area. They didn’t even notice that I was struggling. And when they finally did, they didn’t understand why, and clearly, they didn’t care.  I was left on my own, left to my own devices to figure this out. As I kept trying to make the GPS work, and I kept growing angrier and more scared and more desperate, the time was flying by. And I had assumed that other people would start to be worried if we didn’t arrive home as expected, so I was getting anxious. I decided to go find my sister and my niece, but I was also trying to keep up with all our things that we had taken out of our cars, like our sweaters, and devices, and purses, and whatnot. My family had just left them there with me to manage. I put them in a secure place and went off looking for my family and found them in a group of people. They were laughing and watching others do something that I couldn’t see. Everyone had formed a circle around whatever it was they were watching, and I came up from behind but was left on the outside. I tapped my sister on the shoulder, and I told her that we needed to go; we need to figure out how to get home. But she didn’t want to leave. They were having fun.  So, I went in the building and continued to try to get the GPS to work, but it wouldn’t. I was near tears, I was frustrated, I was scared. I knew I couldn’t get us back home and I thought that we would be stuck here forever in this strange town where we didn’t belong, in the wrong place, not the place we were meant to be going.  I tried to get our stuff and go back to the car but now I couldn’t find our things. And then, at that moment, a strange man came up and asked what the problem was, but he didn’t really seem interested. It was like he was humoring me because he knew the truth was that we would never get out of here and we were kind of stuck. I finally made it back to that picnic table and tried to breathe and collect myself. And when I looked up to the main highway, I saw a sign telling me what town we were in and the highway number. I instantly recognized it and got so excited, because I knew how to get home from here. I didn’t need the GPS. I knew my way. So, I ran to get my sister and my niece and said that we could go home. It was tough to get them to come with me, but I did. We piled all in the car and drove off toward home. It was all ok. I could breathe again. I exhaled and relaxed and enjoyed the drive, certain in the knowledge that I was on the way home, and on the right path. Then I woke up. 

This dream is full of stress and struggle… and it’s full of symbols for me to unpack and learn from. I’m going to move through the symbolism quickly and, I’m not going to cover absolutely every little thing, but I want to give you a sampling of how I made the symbols in this dream mean something, and then you can try to notice the themes and key concepts that pop out.

So, you’ll notice that as I go on, my ego, that B.E.A.S.T. inside of me, gets more desperate, bringing out all its old greatest hits, the stories, and beliefs, and assumptions, and fears, and expectations that I have… all in an effort to keep me still and not growing and creating. That’s its job. Safety and efficiency. And it was on full safety patrol here. 

So this is step number 3. This is where you’ll actually interpret the dream. Break that dream down, after you wrote it all down, into a few sentences at a time so that you can look at each chunk of the dream and find the symbolic meaning of it. Consider this through the lens of your ego - what stories is your ego telling you in the dream? How are you defining yourself – are you smart or incapable? Strong or weak? Free or trapped?  Look at the assumptions and the fears that are present in the dream. You’ll know these things when you see them… they’re your stories, you’re your assumptions. They’re going to be familiar to you if you’re open to seeing them. So, choose to receive the awareness of them and the ease of finding them and they’ll jump at you. Before you start this, take a deep breath and set the intention to make a connection between what you are experiencing in your life, either recently or repeatedly, and the symbols that show up in your dream. 

Your dreams are your subconscious mind’s way of processing things you are dealing with, recently or repeatedly. 

Let me give you some context for my dream before we break it down.

So, lately, I’ve been judging myself a lot for not using my creative tools consistently, for not being able to form habits as well as others, as easily as others, and for abandoning and half-assing my experiments over this past summer. These experiments were obvious structures that I got intuitively to help me create things I wanted in my life… better health, this podcast, a book I’ve been working on… and to help me reconnect to my creative process. And I abandoned all of them. 

Add to that the ongoing stories in my head that I’m failing at life and will have to go back to the way things were many years ago because I am not a good enough creator, or writer, or business owner, you name it.

I’ve been questioning why it is taking so long for my dreams to come fully into existence and why I’m not where I want to be when everyone around me seems to be succeeding with ease.

On top of all that, I’ve been telling myself that I’ve already settled back into my old life in many ways - but without any of the perks. I am still developing learning experiences for corporate clients. But at a lower pay and with no benefits and no stability.

Now, the important thing to note here is that these are just stories. They aren’t objective truth. It’s what my mind has decided based on my past experience s and my ego is throwing it up at me a lot lately because, the truth is, I actually am creating the things I want. But I’ve been feeling the pressure of these old stories instead of using the Vibrant Living Tools™ to process through them and see the truth of what I’ve been creating.

Another truth is that I actually enjoy that learning & development work and it has always factored into my vision in terms of how I form my business. It fits the vision I have for this period of my life and it’s what I’m choosing. So, the truth is I am creating my coaching programs and the podcast and a life with more freedom than I used to have. But in my ego, I see it as me being very far away from the dream I set out to create years ago. In a dysfunctional way, it actually spurred me to take action. All of this angst caused me to start sharing what I was creating with people, the podcast, the book. I talked publicly about a lack of bravery. I'm playing with new ideas and creations all the time. And this stuff serves me in moving my dreams forward.

So why the dream? Why is my subconscious mind tormenting me? I’m DOING this life, aren’t I? What more can I want?  Well, the truth is, I haven’t been in it 100%. I slip out of it sometimes and I stay out of it for long stretches.  I’m not using my creative tools consistently so there should be no surprise that I wake up in my old life. Even though the truth is, I’m nowhere near my old life, really. It’s all just stories. 

This is a lot of stuff to carry around in my psyche. It’s exhausting. And even though I pushed through this mess recently and moved forward with those creations… it came with some struggle, which shows up as resistance, avoidance, psychological pain, and self-sabotage, even things like throwing my back out and running late to things and warping my schedule so that I’m working late into the night. It’s all struggles, struggles, struggles. 

Now, I tell you all this not to say “woe is me” or even to criticize myself. I share it knowing there may be some of you out there who may think “gosh, she really isn’t good at this, how can she possibly teach anyone to create this great life if she can’t.”  I share this to show you that having grace for yourself is a creative skill. When you are creating the life you want, evolving into the next level of you, you don’t need to be a perfect creator. Perfect doesn’t really even exist in any way. It’s a myth. 

 Awareness, intention, and intuition are the actual skills you need. In all of what I just described and in the dream .. notice what I’m noticing. I SEE what I’m doing by disconnecting from my vibrant living and creative practices. I see the impact that it has on me. I HEAR my old stories coming up. And I KNOW these are egoic strategies at work. My ego’s goal is to keep me safe by not letting me grow into my next level, which it sees as dangerous.  And it is this awareness that allows me to consciously, intentionally shift into a different, non-egoic state. That is the mastery. Awareness, Intention, Intuition, Shift. Repeat. There is no need for perfection anywhere in that.

See, I no longer believe I need to fix myself. None of us does. I’m not even sure it’s possible to fully eliminate old beliefs and strategies. But I can augment them with new agreements, and new strategies, and new tools that serve my highest good, my true nature, and purpose. I can function from a space that allows me to fully express my spirit in the world. And I can do it, not in spite of my imperfection, but because of it. It is because I embrace my imperfection that I can orient myself in my current reality and compare that to the vision of what I truly want and then ask my intuition for obvious actions and insights to help me get to my vision. If I think I’m perfect, there is nowhere else to go, I sit still. And if I wait for perfect to take a step, then I never move, because perfect doesn’t exist. So, either way, pursuing perfect doesn’t lead to the outcomes I want. The power is in USING my imperfection as a tool. Embracing it allows me to have grace for myself and to identify opportunities for growth and creation and joy… and then shift and function from a higher space and energy. 

Bearing all that in mind, let’s take a look at the dream and the symbols in it. Ok, so I’m just gonna break out some chunks of this dream.  In the begin

In the beginning of it, I was driving back from my hometown and everything was familiar and comfortable. And this is a really obvious symbol, right?  The familiar and the comfortable and easy it’s how my ego likes things to be because it’s safe.  

And then, of course, we go right over the bridge and things suddenly get really scary and unfamiliar. Well, a bridge is an obvious symbol of crossing from one state to another, from one place to another, one skillset into another, one set of feelings, experiences… into something else. And that’s exactly what I was working on in my life and it’s what my subconscious mind and ego were trying to show me, like “oh, don’t cross that bridge, it’s too scary.” Their job is to take me back into the comfort and the happiness of being where I was and to teach me that leaving my comfort zone isn’t safe or desirable.

And then, of course, when I crossed that bridge, the scenery changed. That hill was really steep and scary. This corresponds to the work I’ve done in recent years. My world has changed drastically. I changed almost everything about my life, and it’s been scary at times, and I’ve come up with some steep learning curves and I’ve been afraid at certain points in my journey. But lately, I’ve been having lots of anxiety, more than normal, in addition to that fear that comes from changing things. And I’ve been feeling like I’m spiraling downward in this unstoppable momentum, sort of completely losing control of my life. I believe this is because I’m actually leveling up. The dreams I have in my life are bigger and bolder and the skills I have to enable my willingness and ability to act on them. My ego knows this. Change is happening and doesn’t like it.  This time in my life is a chance to see the change coming, and accept that it’s scary, and choose to do it anyway because it expresses my spirit. One of my mentors, William Whitecloud, says we need to be vulnerable and accept the risks of being a creator and live fully. I love that this dream and this bit of the scary downward hill is a perfect example of that. Yes, crossing the bridge, into new dreams, leveling up, trying new stuff, is scary. But I want to create my life, which means I have to accept the risks and do it anyway. Otherwise, I stand still and I’m not actively creating my life. I become a victim and let it happen to me.

So, the next bit of the dream was that I didn’t know where I was or how I got here but I knew I didn’t want to be there, and it was not my planned route home and I felt really out of control. This just mirrors that I was in my day-to-day life, my awake life, feeling very lost and uncertain and out of control. It aligns with how I’ve been feeling in recent weeks and it’s commonplace that my ego goes to take me out when I’m leveling up. So, as I do things and get better and better, as I was working on launching this podcast, outlining the start of my book… my ego kind of goes “ow, whoa, holy cow, we don’t want those things. So, here’s how I’m gonna take you out. I’m gonna start making you doubt yourself, I’m gonna have you feel out of control. Things are gonna happen that you’re gonna feel you can’t do anything about. And in that way, you’ll pull back and resist a little bit. And my dream was showing me that in a different way, trying to help me see that I was not functioning as well as I could function because of that sense of feeling lost and out of control. And the truth is, there isn’t any right way to do things. I think there’s some right way and I had to control it. But there is no “right way”. We all have our own journey and our own gifts and abilities. And we all have our own way, what’s true for us. But that wasn’t what my dream was showing me. It was showing me fear and the impact of fear so that I could see the impact that fear was having in my life and how it was holding me back.

So then, of course, the big symbol in the story is the GPS and me frantically trying to pull it out and figure out how it would work and why it wouldn’t work… and I couldn’t get anything around the technology to work. Well, “figuring it out” is an egoic tactic. Looking for the “right way” or “how” to do something, doesn’t work as well as finding the intuitive way that’s true for you, that’s obvious… just the very next thing you need to do. And not looking inside myself for my own truth is what causes me to feel lost and panicked. I get disoriented when I don’t refer to my own internal GPS. And in this case, I wasn’t doing that, I was referring to an external GPS. MY coach calls the GPS a Genius Positioning System, which I just love. The symbolism here is that I was looking at external guidance instead of going inside to myself.

So, this is another big thing in the dream. It didn’t occur to me to stop and assess or even to turn around… I just kept driving forward, hoping to find my way. One of the things I’ve learned in my life over the last few years is that “hope” is not a strategy. It is not the same thing as connecting to your genius and looking for ways to move yourself forward.  

And the other things that are jumping out at me from this part of the dream is that pausing is a powerful tool. When we give ourselves a minute to get into the gap between a stimulus and a response, it’s the key to acting intentionally, to responding rather than reacting. It’s the key to mature choice. And so when I’m in crisis like I was in this dream, the answer isn’t to keep moving forward and hope everything just works out okay and just ignore the crisis. The answer is to pause a moment and connect with myself and look at what I want and then act so that it’s intentional.

The other part of this, of course, was that I considered turning around, but I didn’t. and the truth is, sometimes we need to go back to go forward.  We need to relearn things or look at it from a different perspective or position. We might need to go back to trusted tools for safety for a little while. Sometimes we slip into old habits and we need to go back to what is working and away from those old coping mechanisms. When we’re creating our dreams and creating the life we want, it’s rarely a straightforward trajectory. There are lots of side trips and backward and forward movement. It’s a normal part of the creating process. And in this dream I was not allowing myself to pause nor was I allowing myself to turn around to look at things from a different perspective, to get off the beaten path. I just kept driving forward. And that represented this mindless, stubborn use of old methods of coping processes and acting in life over the past few weeks was just what I was going to be stuck with, so I was just gonna go on that path.

So you can see how I’m interpreting this dream, these symbols I should say, how it’s personal to me and what’s going on in my life. And that’s what you have to do when you’re interpreting your dream. Pay attention to things like… I was frustrated that the GPS wouldn’t work. It was a sign that I was frustrated in my own life because I was disconnected from my vision, which is my internal GPS. And I was connected to all the external stuff, in the dream’s case, in the external GPS. So of course I was frustrated. I can’t look outside of myself for the right path to go forward. 

There was tons of other stuff in here, and at first, I thought I was gonna share all of this with you, but I think you probably get the sense of what I’m talking about as we analyze what each of the symbols mean in this dream.

I want to see if there is anything else I want to share here.  Oh, so at the end, when I finally made it back to the picnic table and I looked up toward the highway and I saw that sign telling me the town I was in and the highway I was on, this was really just a very vivid sign, a symbol in the dream because signs are everywhere when we look for them. I believe that anyway. And when we take the time to slow down and look at them, to be aware and awake, the information and the answers we need come to us. Just like in the dream when I paused, when I quit fretting over the GPS, when I stopped trying to convince other people to come on this twisted, chaotic journey with me, when I quit caring what other people were doing at the fair… and I just paused for a moment to sit with what I needed to do for myself, I got the sign I needed. I got clarity on how to go forward.

So there’s all kinds of goodness in this dream. It was full of rich, actionable insights. It shows me what my subconscious mind is processing, and really, it’s part of what I need to process consciously but I’m stuffing down, right, so it comes to me in the dream.  This is useful fuel for me. I can see my egoic tendencies in action in a way that I can’t see them in my day-to-day life. And when I SEE that, I can respond to it intentionally, rather than reacting. And I do this without the need to judge or criticize myself.  In doing so, I reclaim my power as the predominant creative force in my life rather than letting things ‘happen to me’ as the “will of the universe”, like I’m some kind of victim and things are “just the way they are”.

I have to see it and own it in order to shift it. If I run away from it because it highlights that I am imperfect, or because it reinforces my stories, or because it’s embarrassing to talk about… I can’t possibly shift it… because I can’t affect what I’m not willing to acknowledge.  

And that is step 4 in the process. This is another mindset moment. Give yourself some grace, a break from the judgment and making things mean anything about you. This gives you room to SEE important things and then USE what you find.

These messages from my subconscious mind are signs and opportunities. They help me get back to that place of loving, mindful observation so that I can act from there with awareness and intention, and intuition instead of acting from judgment and fear. 

Now, I could make this dream or my struggles, or my egoic messages and stories and doubts… mean all kinds of things about me. I could say it’s a sign that I’m lazy, or unmotivated, or incapable of forming good habits, or of creating the life that I want. And in the past, I would have done just that and then I’d have stewed in that for weeks, and further sabotaged myself.  But I don’t do that as anymore. I don’t look at it with self-criticism and judgment.  Instead, I look to be aware so I can evolve.  

The dream analysis, like all the Vibrant Living™ tools that I use with myself and my clients, helps me bring the subconscious into the conscious so that I can USE it and work with it. And it can do the same thing for you. It helps to look at our thoughts and feelings and behaviors and assumptions and expectations and so forth so that we can understand them so that we can challenge and question them, and so that we can shift and rise above them. It’s a tool for seeing where you are and what you’re struggling with so that you can compare that to where you want to be and make the necessary adjustments. 

So, the noticing of where I am is not to berate myself and criticize myself for not being further along. It is simply input. Often, we are afraid to look deeply at current reality. It can be uncomfortable to notice our mental state, or our emotions, or the progress we are making or aren’t making, to notice our triggers, and our longings, or where we are falling down. But it’s an essential tool for the creative journey. And learning to look at it without judgment makes it easier to do over time, and that makes it easier to leverage as a creative practice. Think about that GPS that didn’t work. A GPS, like our own internal genius, your intuition, works by orienting us to where we are and compared to where we want to be. Without that clarity we struggle to create things intentionally, to go forward toward what we want for ourselves. 

So, let’s summarize the 4 steps of dream analysis:

I hope you’ll experiment with the dream analysis technique and that you find this to be a useful tool for connecting to and moving around the levels of your own consciousness. It doesn’t have to be a big deal… try giving yourself what I call a 5x5x5 challenge. Keep a bedside journal for 5 days. When you wake up each morning, spend 5 minutes capturing as much detail as you can about the dream you remember.  Then spend 5 minutes picking sections out of the dream and finding the symbolic meaning and just kind of guessing at it.  And of course, if you have more time, break the entire dream into chunks and analyze each one.  

The dream I had was a wake-up call to reconnect to my magical, creative, Vibrant Living Tools™ and to my spirit. I see it as a reminder of my glorious imperfection and the truth that I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to be awake. Awareness is mastery. Perfection is a myth. And so… with this awareness, I re-engaged with my tools, I got clear, new visions of where I am in this moment and where I want to be, and I let my intuition guide me there. Intuition is the only GPS I really need. And you have the only GPS you really need, too, because we all have intuition.

Well, that’s it for today’s episode. If you enjoyed this show, come join the ongoing conversation, that we’re gonna have about it in our Facebook Group and share what resonated with you. There’s a link in the show notes for that group. Also, please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don’t miss a thing. 

SHOW SUMMARY:

In this episode, I'm talking about midlife shifts. Tune in and learn what the shift is, whether or not it's a midlife crisis, and how to know if you're ready for your shift. Then I’ll share 9 tips for starting your midlife shift and 5 tips for overcoming the fear of doing it!

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Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

TRANSCRIPT:

Hey there. Welcome to the Sparkable Moments podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul! In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science, personal stories, random ponderings, and deep-end-of-the-pool discussions. I’m your hostess Suzette Conway. I’m a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. This show is part of my mission to raise the world’s vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world in beautiful and spectacular ways!  I’m so glad you’re joining me on the journey

At the end of today’s show, I’ll share some tips for how to identify if you are ready for your midlife shift, and if so, what you can do to start it, and how to overcome any fears you have about this pursuit. Be sure to stick around so you don’t miss it!

In this episode, I’ll be talking about midlife shifts and how to know if you are ready for yours.  

I’m going to share the story of my own midlife shift, including what lead up to it, when and how I knew something big had to change in my life… and what I did about it.

And we’ll talk about how to find the courage to take action in support of a midlife shift if that is what you want in your life. And I’ll share some specific actions that you can start with.

So, let’s jump into this by first considering the language that we use around this topic, specifically the idea of a midlife crisis. Is what we experience in midlife really a crisis or just the ebb and flow of life that naturally leads to questioning our human experience? Is it a problem or an opportunity, an inevitability or an anomaly?   

The concept of a Midlife crisis is not new. We hear about it all the time. We hit our 40s and kind of go nuts making radical life changes. We buy fancy cars or have affairs or quit our jobs and move to Paris in response to some internal struggle over how we define ourselves and our lives.  

I’ve been fascinated by this concept for years. I’ve tried to define midlife crisis for myself and I’ve even explored how researchers and experts in the field would define it. It’s not easy because there is no single answer to it.

The term “midlife crisis” was coined by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in 1965 and it became popular because of a 1984 book by Gail Sheehy called Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life. Sheehy claimed that we will inevitably experience a crisis between the ages of 37 and 42 and that it’s a predictable experience she defines as an anxiety around the truth of our own mortality. It’s when we start to ask questions like “is this all there is?"  I’ve also seen it described as a panic over not achieving life goals and questioning our purpose. 

Susan Krauss Whitbourne is a professor emeritus at the University of Massachusetts, and she’s a psychologist, and the author of the Psychology Today blog "Fulfillment At Any Age". She suggests that midlife crisis might more accurately be called an "ego integrity" issue because it is centered on confronting our morality and our sense of meaning and purpose and connection to others and concern for our own welfare.

Based on all this and my own experiences, I would sum up a midlife crisis as an angst-filled state of existential uncertainty and worry, a time of questioning our purpose, what we find meaningful, our role in life, and whether we’ll achieve our goals before we run out of time and die. The crisis may send us on a desperate quest to attain goals, regain our youth, or to find answers to life’s mysteries. And it’s all in an effort to make sense of our human existence. 

I think if it as more like a midlife angst than midlife crisis. Either way, I don’t know about you, but that is what I felt like for most of my adult life! It intensified as I got older and it showed up as a ton of fretting over whether or not there was more to life and a deep fear that I would wake up at 85 and regret the life I’d lived. 

But is that a crisis? And is it inevitable that we all have this kind of crisis? Do we all have it at the same age? How long does it last? Does it look the same for all of us? 

Professor Whitbourne questions the very premise of a crisis altogether. She says it is pretty much a myth and that only about 10% of adults experience a true crisis, though I’ve seen reports that put it as high as 40%. But we’ll just go wither 10% for right now. She also says the label itself can be destructive and misleading, in part because there is no clear definition of midlife. I agree with her on this. Sheehy’s book, for instance, suggests midlife includes ages 37-42. In generations past when we only lived to our 60s, 30 would have been squarely in midlife. But we live longer now than ever before. So, is midlife our 30s? 40s? 50s? Maybe it dips into our 60s when we retire and start a whole new career or life chapter with still another 25-30 years of life left in us, If we can’t agree on where the middle is, how can we even use the term ‘midlife’ with the word crisis.  

Whitbourne also suggests that the label is problematic because we might adopt it when we face challenges in midlife as an easy way out. It’s simpler to just label it as a midlife crisis than to look inside ourselves and do the work to figure out what is really going on.  

Whitbourne also suggests that often what we label as a midlife crisis is just an unhappy event that could and does happen at any age in adulthood… whether it’s a divorce, an accident, losing a parent, struggling with a serious illness, or losing a job. These are serious moments, but they often don’t create a deep existential crisis.  I understand her point here, but I can’t help but wonder, how many of these events can someone tolerate before it does become a crisis for them? And how much does our ability to process it affect whether or not it is an existential crisis, making us question the quality and purpose of our existence?

Here’s what I think. The answer to what is a midlife crisis and does everybody have it and when do we have it… is “who knows?”. 

From a science and research perspective, and as someone who enjoys using words thoughtfully, I agree with Whitbourne that we haven’t universally defined what midlife is and it’s likely unhelpful and maybe even unhealthy to use of cliché terms like Midlife Crisis. Not just because it isn’t scientifically accurate, but because it minimizes the meaning of the words when we throw it around as a casual cliché. 

But from a more human perspective, with less interest in word precision and more interest in experience, I think the answer is… well it’s still “who knows?”.  

Midlife is different for all of us. The duration of our lives varies. And so does our experience of it. We each have different levels of resilience and fortitude, unique perspectives, and even different internal and external resources for responding to life’s circumstances. All of these things contribute to whether something is a crisis or just a life event we must manage. 

New York psychologist Vivian Diller, Ph.D., suggests that because we live to be older now, this quandary is no longer about thinking “I have so little time left.” It is now about asking “Do I want to live life this way?”.  And Psychology professor Margie Lachman says we can see the midlife crisis as more of a midlife checkup. 

I agree with both of them. Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s an opportunity. There is power and purpose in a midlife shift – in intentionally reflecting on our lives, without regret or judgment, and asking if it’s what we’ve wanted. And if not, we get to explore what we do want and then choose to create that. There are legitimate crises in life, and we need to respond to them accordingly. But I think a midlife malaise is not about that. Instead, it’s about asking “what’s next”.  

This perspective comes from personal experience. My life is pretty great today. I’m getting healthier, I have a sense of freedom with my time and creativity, I get to do work that I love, and use my gifts to make a difference in the world. I’m being true to myself and living an authentic, holistic, mostly balanced life. I have a sense of purpose, and I have finally, mostly relaxed into myself and I can live the life my curious, adventurous, fun-loving spirit craves!

Life isn’t perfect, and some days are better than others. But I have master skills now that make all the difference and I use them daily to continually evolve and intentionally shift into my next best self, over and over and over again. That is the gold, the answer to everything else for me. It is a source of my peace, satisfaction, hope, and joy in life. But it wasn’t always this way. 

I’ve spent most of my life trying to resolve a deep inner angst. I was never quite satisfied where I was or happy in life, I was always looking for more, trying to fill an emptiness in my soul.. trying to feel whole and enough. You know what I mean, right, thin enough, smart enough, pretty, successful, stable, wealthy, and kind enough… on and on with all the ways we measure ourselves.

The struggle was visible everywhere in my life. At 31 I had a short and disastrous marriage followed by a quick and painful divorce. It left me broken and unable to create future relationships. I was humiliated, lonely, financially unstable, gaining weight rapidly, and generally unhappy. 

I pushed through and tried to go on with the rest of my life. I graduated from college at 32 and went back to corporate America and kept building my career. I bought a house and enjoyed my family and friends and went about living a mostly good life that checked nearly all the boxes. But still, I had the angst and emptiness. Then in 2008, it got worse because there was an economic crash, I got laid off from a job that I’d poured myself into for 11 years. I felt betrayed and rejected and I was scared because I was unemployed for 14 months and I almost lost my home. And I felt aimless and lost. I didn’t know where I belonged. 

Eventually, I got a new job that I loved. But after a couple of years, I was back in a rut and unhappy, thinking again that I needed another change to fix my dis-ease…. my disease of unhappiness. Over the next 3 years, I changed jobs 4 times looking for that fix. I took the last job in desperation, in a small company with a toxic environment at half my pay… and it was quickly clear they were insolvent and couldn’t afford to pay me. I knew it was a matter of months before I’d get laid off and be looking for work again. 

All of these struggles were symptoms of something larger, something deeper. But I couldn’t see it as that when I was IN it.  So, for years I struggled. I felt out of control and full of anxiety about the future, my purpose, my weight and fast declining health, whether I’d have a good life if I’d ever find love… all of it. And I was full of guilt for wanting more than my “good on paper” life, more than a lot of people get in this life. I was so depressed there were days could not manage to do the dishes or get off the couch or call a friend. All I wanted to do was sleep and eat and zone out from the pain I felt. But I couldn’t really disconnect because my brain was always on, I was always obsessing, striving, doing, searching, and proving myself.  and the whole thing had its own momentum… I was getting worse, fast. I tried lots of things to get on track in life… job changes, online dating, weight loss surgery, vacations, therapy, always walking around with a smile on my face… none of it made me happier or eased the angst I felt. I was chronically stressed out and it was impacting every aspect of my health physically and mentally and it was impacting my life.  It was exhausting and overwhelming and it was robbing me of a good life. I was desperate for relief.

After nearly 2 decades of floundering, of wondering if there was something MORE and BETTER to this human experience… 2 decades full of divorce, unemployment, nearly losing my home, unable to be in a relationship, poor health continuing to decline, struggling with undiagnosed depression and anxiety… I was fully burned out and at my breaking point. 

I’d like to say this was me at 28, that I figured this out early in life and did something about it! But I wasn’t. I was in my late 30s.. then my mid-40s, and then my late 40s, and I was still in this place. So, in addition to all this struggle, I was judging myself for not having figured out how to live well. And, I thought I was the only one like this and so I was, on top of everything else, embarrassed that I couldn’t get it together.

 And I didn’t understand why I felt such pain and unhappiness, because, despite the struggle and everything I just described to you, my life was really good on paper. I had a home, a mostly prosperous career doing work I was good at and that I mostly enjoyed. I had an education, a good reputation, loving family & friends, I got to travel, I made good money.  I was mostly a happy person.

 But really, I was only half-happy. Something was off and had been for a very long time and clearly, these struggles were a SIGN. My spirit screaming for my attention.

 I was suffering from what I call chronic low-grade unhappiness. It was the worst kind of unhappiness because it was unrelenting and had a significant impact, but it didn’t stop me from living my daily life, so I didn't realize exactly how bad it was when I was in it. 

 In that kind of situation, we humans tolerate the intolerable for a really long time. While that helped me to be resilient, to be a functionally depressed person, it stopped me from making the meaningful changes that I needed in order to go from surviving to thriving.

 After 20+ years of this, I was so “over” feeling unhappy and unfulfilled in life, over tolerating this as if it was normal and all I deserved or all I was capable of creating.

I reached the peak of my distress in 2016 when I went through some boxes and found old journal entries that I didn’t remember writing, entries that highlighted how unhappy I had been for so many years. 

 Then I found a thick folder full of 15 years of business ideas scrawled on sticky notes, envelopes, notepads, napkins.

 Then I found new year’s resolutions from past decades, decades I tell you, with the same goals showing up every year because I never fully accomplished these changes that I thought would make me happy.

 It was like evidence of a crime… proof I wasn’t creating what I wanted in my life…. that my unhappiness was all my fault... And it left me no room for continued denial or complacency. It was clear my soul had been screaming at me for a long time to do something different, to be someone different. And I was so tired of being restless, lost and empty and disconnected, lonely and hopeless. 

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong yet, or how to fix it. But I knew I could not find the path out of it with my old methods anymore. 25 years of trying had proven that.

In this moment, I finally realized that I didn’t need more... I was meant for more… and that meant  I needed something different… and that felt way bigger than having more money or getting skinny or finding another husband or getting out of debt. This was about whether or not I was living the right life, living in the right way.  The answer seemed to be a resounding NO and that terrified me. My worry and fear over a wasted life deepened and my heart and my spirit were broken by seeing how long I’d been suffering in this state.

 Around this same time, my sister and I were having amazing conversations about life and I mentioned how I was struggling and that I felt like a trapped artist - I didn’t feel like my spirit was being fully expressed in the world. I told her I’d been thinking about selling my home and pressing the reset button on my entire life. It would mean I didn’t’ have to work and I’d have the time, money, and mental space to explore what I truly wanted. She asked me “Why don’t you do it?”… and I didn’t have a good answer. There was literally no reason NOT to do it.

 At that exact moment, something shifted in me.  I finally knew something big needed to change. Now. And I finally had the courage and the will to do it.

Was all this a crisis? Honestly, I don’t know. It felt like one. But the label doesn’t really matter. Regardless of what I called it, and when it started or how long it lasted… it was definitely a psychologically uncomfortable state. It was painful. And it needed my attention. And so, I gave it my attention. 

I decided to sell my house! And that last job at the insolvent company didn’t even last until I got it on the market. But by then I knew my path. I was NOT going to get another corporate job. I wanted to work for myself. That’s not true for everybody, but it was true for me. And even though I didn’t know what that looked like yet, I was ready to embrace the discomfort of the unknown! I was finally ready to explore all the possibilities of my life.

So, I sold the house, put everything in storage, moved into my other sister’s dining room…  and started my midlife shift!  I was 48. Scared. Excited. Determined. And feeling a sense of relief that I’d never known before. 

I took a year off to unclench and breathe, and I played with some business ideas. I traveled and reconnected with old friends and I journaled like a madwoman. And I got a coach and found a community of people like me, seekers, creators, people determined to get every drop of goodness out of this life.  They understood the angst and the need for answers.

Now, not everyone has the option or the need to sell their home to create a better life. The truth is, I probably didn’t need to do it either. In many ways, it wasn’t the most strategic or healthy choice I could have made. But it was ONE choice, one way that I was willing and able to show myself that I was committed to big, imperfect action toward the next best version of me. One way to acknowledge that I’d seen the truth and was no longer willing to tolerate my current reality.  And it was absolutely what my spirit wanted at that moment.  I had been wanting to sell my house for years. And for the first time in years, I was listening to my spirit again.

 I had some big goals in my mid-life shift. I was gonna write a book, and create massive weight loss, and build a thriving business. What I didn’t know then was that these things were just more symbols of what I thought a good life looked like. I was still using my left, corporate brain and strategizing and planning and seeking proof of my enoughness by measuring whether or not I hit my goals. But it was a starting point. It was enough to own what I wanted, which at that moment, was just to figure out what I wanted. So I was playing with some ideas. I didn’t know what any of it would look like, how long it would take, or if I could even do it. But I knew I had to start. I knew I wasn’t too old, it wasn’t too late, but it was time… and I jumped in!

 And today… I run my own business and I have freedom in what I do, and who I work with, and where I work and live. My health is improving and so is how I define health. I’m a learning and development consultant, I’ve started writing my first book and I’ve launched this podcast. I’m a happiness coach helping women create a midlife shift into the next expression of themselves. I no longer feel burned out, trapped, or stuck in life.

 These are the outward signs of my shift. They are fun and they align with my gifts and interests and goals, and it’s exactly what I wanted for myself. What might be harder to see are the internal wins that came from doing deep work on myself and learning new tools for functioning optimally in service of my highest good.  I’m happier because I live an authentic life, connected to my true nature and my purpose, to my own spirit. It’s a joyful life full of meaning and well-being, powerful conversations and Sparkable Moments™, and all the things that light up my soul.  I wake up each day eager for this glorious life I get to have, and I go to bed insanely grateful, and most days… pretty satisfied, and fulfilled.

 This isn’t because things are always rosy and perfect. They aren’t. It’s because I’ve learned how to dance with my doubts and fears and to love and leverage my inner critic.

I’ve learned how and why our ego and identity are formed, which helps me to see its value and its limitations… and it helps me hack it for my own higher purposes. 

I’ve learned that I get to break the rules and conditioning that no longer serve me and create new agreements with myself that are aligned to my values, purpose, and true nature. 

I’ve learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

 I’ve learned to embrace a deep sense of purpose and feel good about my place in the world.

 I’ve also learned some crazy powerful tools to help me intentionally shift into a higher state of being so I can operate from there. 

 And I’ve learned to stop expecting myself or my life or other people to be perfect, especially as a condition I had to meet before I can have what I want.

 And I’ve learned to stop thinking that I have to be done and fully evolved before I can claim my happiness or own this shift in my life.

 Mostly, I learned that the thing that was missing, that “something more” I needed, was ME. I had disconnected from my spirit, from my personal truth and purpose, and from my own inner power.

 I had spent my whole life trying to meet other people’s expectations, pleasing them and doing what I was supposed to do, following the rules, walking the right way on the right path, thinking that would create a good life. Once I reconnected to my inner spirit, to the divine, pure, authentic part of me, everything changed.

 As I created this midlife shift, I started to learn how to be more strategic, which for me meant being more aligned to that spirit by identifying my gifts and talents and my essence. I created a mission based on what I believe is my primary purpose. I interviewed people, read books, took courses, and researched what creates human flourishing… what makes us happier, healthier, and more fulfilled. And it turns out that science breaks a flourishing life into the same categories that I’ve always used for new year goal setting and examination of my own life.  The science and my own heart were aligned  And the great news is that science identifies ways of optimizing how we function in each of these areas. And so does our intuition, that inner divine genius that we all have. It also knows how to optimize our human experience.

 So, as part of my strategic approach, I explored each area using the science and authentic conversations and personal experiences – discussing with others our stories, our hopes, and longings, our dark side as well as our light. I talked to people about how we define ourselves and the world around us. And I learned about creative principles and tapping into my intuition.  I spent years experimenting to see what would work or not, and I found a phenomenal personal coach and built that community of like-minded seekers, and I created a collection of techniques and tools and methods. Then, I rebranded flourishing as living vibrantly and I alchemized it all into this powerful system that I used in my own life and with my clients. It helps us confidently, intentionally, and continually rise up into the next level of ourselves and have a thriving life. All of this has evolved into the Flittersphere™, which is a collection of communities and experiential, transformational programs.

 The building of the Flittersphere™, the doing of this work, it is a spot-on expression of my spirit. It’s been and continues to be an amazing journey, to go from floundering to flourishing. I’ve found my way out of my restless, sad, unfulfilling state and got past the guilt I had for wanting more than what I was already so blessed with. The journey is full of beauty and mess. It’s included a lot of work and struggle and pain. And I wouldn’t take away any of it because it got me here. And because it is often in the dark, in in the struggle, that we learn and grow the most.

So, now that you’ve heard about my journey, I’m wondering which bits of it resonated with you. Where in it did you see your own story, your own struggles? If you can relate to any of it, the next logical question is… how do you know if it’s time to create YOUR midlife shift into a more vibrant YOU? Well, you can look for some signs, for some evidence of your own spirit being stifled.  For instance,

 Here are some other signs you could look for.   

 Any one of these things is a sign that you need some tending to, that you are not thriving. We humans can tolerate the intolerable for a really long time, especially when the pain of the intolerable situation starts to feel normal and change starts to seem impossible or like it is just one more thing to take on.

 It’s ok to feel that. To sit with it a minute. And, it’s ok to want something different, to want to stop tolerating what doesn’t serve your spirit.

 So… let’s see if I can help you get started with how to start your own midlife shift. While I can’t pack in 5 years of intense focus and a lifetime of seeking and learning into one podcast, I can leave you with a few obvious actions toward what’s next. I’ll put a link to this in the show notes to a document that summarizes this, but here goes.

These are just a few of the things you can do to start your midlife shift. But as I share these ideas I can almost HEAR your thoughts racing. You know, like how you can’t do it, or how no one will support you, hell, they may laugh at you over this. Maybe there is no time or money for what you want, or you lack the skills or the discipline to do it. Maybe there is no personal space in which to even get still and be quiet!

It’s normal for our minds to race towards reasons for NOT to do something. We all fear change. It’s an evolutionary tool of the mind to keep us safe. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move toward what you want. It just means you need to learn to hack the way your mind works so you can create the courage to act in your own best interest. 

 Let me teach you a few tips for hacking the normal fear functions of the brain.

A good friend of mine said something once that I’ll never forget… everything you want is on the other side of fear. (QUOTE: See if I can attach Cara’s name to this) When we learn to manage our fear, to befriend it, and understand it, we can move past it to what’s on the other side, to creating the life we would love. 

Ok, so let’s summarize all of this.

 I hope you can see from today’s show that there is so much beauty and power in intentionally transforming your life. You are the predominant creative force of your life. Owning that, accepting responsibility for creating the experience you want in this world, is powerful and life-affirming. Scary as shit, but life-affirming!  And the beauty and magic that comes from it is stunning, uplifting, and life-changing.

Happiness comes from expressing your true spirit in the world – authentically, meaningfully, and fully!  I believe this self-expression is our primary purpose in life. If you don’t, that’s ok.  Either way, following your spirit will still lead to an amazing human experience!

I want to challenge you to start exploring what you want for your life at this point. Go download the tips I shared using the link in the show notes and practice applying them. Just a little each day. When you are ready for your community, I invite you to join us in the Flittersphere™. There’s a link for this in the show notes, too. Come tell us what you think of this topic and how you are applying the techniques in your life.

Ok, that’s it for this episode. Please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don’t miss a thing! 

Thanks for listening to the Sparkable Moments podcast, produced by Purple Chicken Life LLC and shared through the Flittersphere™. I’m Suzette Conway and you can find me at Flittersphere.com. Remember… you deserve to have your most vibrant life and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related, and they are worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves… and when you do it, everyone around you benefits! So go on, be vibrant!

SHOW SUMMARY:

In this episode, I’m talking about what it means to live a vibrant life and why it is so important to create your life intentionally. It has a little something to do with your purpose, science, magic, and your divine nature!

SHOW MAP:

 WHAT TO DO NEXT:

RESOURCES:

SPEAKERS:

Hostess SUZETTE CONWAY founded the Flittersphere™, a collection of courses, communities, and coaching programs, to support women 40 and older in creating a vibrant midlife! It’s a great time to shift things so you can release the burned out, angsty, restless feeling of living disconnected from what you are meant for and finally have the deeply satisfying life your spirit craves. Suzette started her company in 2017, bringing the wisdom of a 25-year career in corporate learning & development, a degree in communications, deep curiosity and a love of exploring the human experience, a nerdy obsession with positive psychology (the science of thriving!), a craving for Sparkable Moments™... and a determination to live vibrantly! This quickly turned into a mission of enabling better human experiences and helping women live more Sparkable Lives™!   From that, this podcast was born! Learn more and join the Flittersphere™ with the links below.

TRANSCRIPT: 

Hey there. Welcome to the Sparkable Moments podcast, where we have conversations to feed the soul! In this show, we explore the human experience using a mix of science, personal stories, random ponderings, and deep-end-of-the-pool discussions. I’m your hostess Suzette Conway. I’m a happiness coach and the creator of the Flittersphere, which is a community of women intent on crafting our most vibrant lives. This show is part of my mission to raise the world’s vibration and consciousness by creating better human experiences to change the world in beautiful and spectacular ways!  I’m so glad you’re joining me on the journey! 

In today’s show, we are talking about what it means to thrive as human beings. At the end of the show, I have a fantastic gift for you and a heads up on a new program that’s launching soon! And, I also have an activity you can do in under 20 minutes to help you live more vibrantly. Be sure to stick around to hear all the details and grab the gift!

Ok, this is the first episode of my new podcast!  Whoo Hoo!  You can’t see it right now, but I’m doing a little happy dance as I record this show. I am beyond excited to put this into the world.

It has been just under a year since I admitted to myself that I wanted to create the Sparkable Moments™ podcast and seeing it come to life brings me immense joy and satisfaction… and honestly, a little fear and some nagging concerns about my ability to commit to things... but mostly joy and satisfaction!

And I think that's so fitting since joy and satisfaction are central themes of today’s episode.

So, let’s get started… because I want to talk about something important. I want to talk to you about living a rich, full life in which we flourish as human beings. I call this living a vibrant life and it has a little something to do with being happy, so let’s start there.

Very few of us are happy all the time. It’s normal for emotions to fluctuate, and happiness comes and goes throughout our lives. And not just day to day, but in stages of our life. For instance, data shows that young kids are pretty happy, but unhappiness grows as we age. Midlife, especially, is a time when happiness tends to take a dive.

A study published in the Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization analyzed over 14 million participants and found that for people in Europe and the United States, unhappiness increases and hits a high in our late 40s. They looked at indicators for unhappiness like anxiety, worry, loneliness, sadness, stress, depression, and pain. They even looked at confidence levels, feeling like a failure, feeling left out, and being under strain. They factored in age, marital status, political views, education, the economy, and so forth. And what the research tells us is that it’s clear that we get unhappier in midlife. 

Why is this the case and why isn’t it a midlife crisis? The researchers in that huge study suggest there are three possible reasons.

First, we learn to adapt to our strengths and our weaknesses over time and start to see our realities change… so in mid-life we start to think we won’t realize our dreams and aspirations from when we were younger.

Second, it may be that cheerful people live longer than miserable people and there is sort of this “survival of the fittest” effect in which we see higher levels of happiness as we age past midlife because there are simply more happy people left at those older ages.

And third is that as we age past midlife, we recognize that people around us are getting sick and dying and we start to be grateful for our blessings and good health and, therefore we become happier. Simply put, we CHOOSE happiness more as we age than we do in midlife.

Other research shows us that we are happiest at ages 33, 55, and in our 70s, on average. Thirty-three because we have the energy and knowledge to pursue our dreams. 55 because we’ve built up enough assets and authority to be comfortable. And seventies because we’re free at that age of many stressful responsibilities that we have at younger ages, and we have the time and room to reflect on our accomplishments. And these findings support that we are unhappier in midlife, and it adds to possible reasons why. In midlife, many of us lack the energy, assets, and freedom that we have at other points in life. It makes sense. Our energy and assets are going to our families and our careers, and everyday life is full of stressors we don’t often have when we are younger or older.... like kids to raise, mortgages to pay, etc.

There is tons of research on this issue and it is clear that we get unhappier in midlife. Some people may see this data about midlife unhappiness and think it is evidence of a so-called midlife crisis. Personally, I’m not a fan of that concept. I prefer to see it as a call to create a midlife shift that helps us to be happier and healthier and to thrive again, on purpose. It’s an opportunity to look honestly at our current reality and ask ourselves what we want, and then choose to create a life in line with that. We don’t lose the ability to be conscious creators just because we age into midlife. We simply need to reconnect to those creative skills. This is a primary focus of creating a vibrant life.

Now, the details of what makes a life vibrant will be different for each of us. But I think I can define vibrant living in a way that most of us can relate to and that still gives us the room to paint our own personal picture of it.

So, what is a vibrant life?  I define it as a life that is full of joy, meaning, and wellbeing, in which we are aligned to our gifts and strengths and to our true nature and purpose, a life in which we live intentionally and function optimally, in service of our highest good, honoring what our genius spirit wants for us.

I love that definition. It speaks to my soul. What a life to aspire to! I developed that definition of a vibrant life for myself after years of practicing intuitive, spiritual, and creative principles in the pursuit of my own best life. It’s got all the good stuff in there – the stuff that lights us up and lifts us into our best selves… I mean, look at it! We’re using our gifts, tapping into our strengths, knowing and honoring our essence and purpose, embracing intentionality and choice and all the personal power and responsibility that entails, and functioning really well, more than just getting by, it means thriving. And it’s all in SERVICE of our inner spirit.. of something bigger than our human selves. I find the notion of knowing about that something bigger, and honoring and connecting to it.. to be awe-evoking. When I let myself really settle into what it means for me, it gives me goosebumps.. and hope… and a deep sense of purpose and possibility.

I think this definition of a vibrant life is a framework that is universally applicable but can also be personally customized. What are YOUR gifts? What is YOUR essence? What is YOUR genius spirit calling you to do and be in this life? What does it mean to YOU to live optimally?  What is YOUR highest good? What does it mean to YOU to connect to your something bigger?

Reflecting on all that is a soul-satisfying experience. And so is living in alignment with it!  This is spirit-centered work, and it isn’t for everyone. Let’s break it down a bit and see how it resonates with you.

We’ll start with Joy. I think of this as more than simple happiness. Happiness is a typically fleeting, emotional state – a positive, pleasant, or pleasurable feeling. That seems simple enough. But to me, pleasant or pleasurable represent very different experiences. When I think of pleasant, I imagine an agreeable person or a fall afternoon with clear blue skies and a lazy day of reading in the sun. When I think of pleasure, I think of sex and chocolate and crispy, salty, pieces of pork belly melting in my mouth!  Pleasant is an evening walk. Pleasure is a full-body, deep tissue massage with scented oils, and music, outside, for 2 hours.

The word pleasant is actually rooted in the 14th century meaning for being liked, or acceptable, or approved of. It evolved to also mean to delight, to attract someone, to amuse, or entertain. And these are all perfectly lovely things. But then there is pleasure. In the 14th century, this came to mean desire, the source of enjoyment, or that which pleases or gratifies the senses or the mind. I love that! Now, by the 15th century pleasure evolved to mean "sensual gratification” and "indulgence of the appetites as the chief objective of life".

Think about that… the pursuit of pleasure was seen as a primary objective of life. A pleasant life wasn’t enough. Seeking pleasure, something richer and more gratifying, was the goal. And I think there is something even higher than pleasure. It’s JOY.

These days, as we are actively exploring all the things about the science of happiness, which I love, we are often told to skip the pursuit of happiness in favor of meaningfulness. But I think a full and satisfying life includes both. And to me, that is where joy fits in. I think you can plot it on a continuum as related but different experiences. We can move from simple happiness to pleasant experiences to pleasurable experiences and then on to JOY.

JOY is happiness plus meaning. It is heart-centered happiness that lights up your soul. The lower kinds of happiness are hedonic. They are rooted in pleasure. And there is nothing wrong with pursuing them. But they are quickly passing emotions and experiences. Joy is a transcendent experience that lingers beyond the moments of whatever triggered the happiness. It is a higher kind of happiness, called a eudemonic state. Because joy includes the positive emotions of happiness, which are proven to be good for us, and the deeper experiences of meaning, also proven to be good for us, JOY itself contributes to our overall wellbeing and helps us flourish in our human experience.

Here is an example of joy. Happiness might be having a good glass of wine with some friends while you listen to a cover band sing your favorite 80s music. But Joy is the free, full-throated laughter with your best friends as you sing along to those songs and reminisce about your teen years while reveling in your midlife tradition of getting together every week at your favorite pub to bond and celebrate the doing of life together. The wine and the music are fine. But the meaningfulness of the rest of it is what creates the deeper joy that serves us so well as human beings.

Joy is powerful. And now I hope you see why I also included MEANING in the definition of vibrant living. Living with Meaning is about living in a way that is personally significant, and that includes having a direction or purpose that motivates us. This provides a sense of balance and context that helps us move beyond the commotion and craziness of life by anchoring us to something bigger than ourselves. Meaningfulness can be tied to things like connecting with good friends, raising a family, helping a sick loved one, or maybe the satisfaction of solving a problem, teaching someone a skill, or growing a community garden. It often includes other people, but it doesn’t have to. It just needs to be significant to you and have some higher purpose. That’s the difference between the visceral, pleasurable feelings of hedonic happiness, and something higher and more meaningful

Wellbeing is the third big anchor in vibrant living. Wellbeing is about being comfortable, happy, and healthy in life. We already know that joy and meaningfulness contribute to wellbeing, but it’s more than that. Wellbeing can relate to any area of your life. So, ask yourself - are you comfortable, healthy, and happy as it relates to your physical health, or spiritually, or emotionally? What about your finances, or your relationships or your work? How are you doing with your sense of self-expression and creativity?

Wellbeing is really about quality of life. And I contend that the higher your sense of wellbeing, the easier it is to express your spirit in the world, which makes you happy and helps you thrive, and creates wellbeing. It’s like a loop. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to be doing well in every area of your life to thrive. But the more wellness that you can create in more areas of your life, the better you’ll feel about your life and the better you’ll feel in life.

Like the rest of the definition of vibrant living, wellbeing can be personalized. Think about what it means to YOU to be physically healthy and how that may be different than what it means to someone else to be physically healthy. We have different life experiences, capabilities, resources, and goals. For me, health includes things like lowering my systemic inflammation and keeping my blood sugar in check, and being able to move freely and without pain. For someone else being healthy may mean being able to run a marathon. For others, it could be developing the flexibility and stamina needed to play with their grandkids. Maybe it means being fit enough to walk around old-world cities for days, allowing for more joyful travel experiences. The same can be said for what it means to you or anybody else to be well in any area of your life. 

With all that being said… you might still be asking what is the value of a vibrant life? Why should you care about intentionally creating an authentic, awe-inspiring, soul-satisfying human experience? Well, I contend that you should not only care about it, you should make it a priority. Why?

Simply put, creating a vibrant life helps you live a longer. It helps you to be happier and have a more satisfying existence. Why would you want to settle for anything less than the highest quality life you can create?  To me the “why do it?” is really about “why not do it?”

And it isn’t as hard as we think it is. There are so many little things that we can purposely do to live a better life. Consider optimism. Research shows that optimistic people are better leaders, more resilient, and they tend to have fewer health problems. They live longer and have better moods, higher self-esteem, and better relationships than pessimistic people. Developing this mindset is possible. It’s not like you are either optimistic or not. You can train yourself to become more optimistic. 

Not enough for you? Research also shows that deep, chronic loneliness is a bigger predictor of early death than smoking. We humans are biologically wired for connection. Nurturing good relationships is essential to thriving. So, what can you do to create better relationships in your life? It doesn’t’ have to be earth-shattering stuff. Small changes over time move us forward.

Want more? People with a sense of purpose get sick less often. They better manage and mitigate stress and they have a strong sense of psychological balance, a mental fortitude. And, they also live longer. Purpose is powerful. There is a lot out there these days on the urgency of finding your purpose and how to do it. This is why… it improves the quality of your life.

Personally, I believe that your purpose is not so much something you find, as it is something you remember and reconnect to. You can do this by experimenting and trying new things, engaging more in the world, and opening your mind to possibilities. We’ll talk more about purpose in a bit, so stick around for that.

But for right now, I just want to say, clearly, it’s important to know what contributes to human thriving, like optimism, connection, purpose… and for that matter creativity, play, and good sleep. It’s also important to know how to create these things in your life in a way that works for you. And when you do, it can have powerful impacts on the quality of your life. So, whether you’re here for 20 years or 120 years, don’t you want to make the most of it?  I know I sure want to.

And if you are like me, you deeply desire to have the best human experience you can in your time on this earth. To me, the most basic reason to create your vibrant life is because you can and because it feels good.

If you need a deeper answer, I have one for you. It starts with my favorite quote, from French Philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. Pierre says “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Our true nature is spiritual, divine.

I agree with Chardin so much that I actually believe it is our primary purpose is to live our best human experience and that doing that is rooted in an ongoing effort to reconnect to and fully express our true, spiritual nature, our own divinity. All other purposes we may remember or find or create for ourselves are part of that primary purpose.

Yes, you heard that right. I believe creating our most vibrant lives, is our primary purpose.  And dare I say… our responsibility… to ourselves, to God, to the universe, and to all that came before us and all that comes after us.  It is the highest form of living intentionally, living consciously, and living bravely.

I think the folks in the 15th century had it right --- the pursuit of more than a pleasant life is good for us. We deserve to create a vibrant life, to truly thrive. We are designed for exactly that. I know all that can feel like a big task, a difficult perspective to live up to. It’s worth pointing out that none of this needs to be done perfectly. You don’t need to experience some perfect level of wellbeing and meaning and joy in every area of your life in order to be living vibrantly. Perfect doesn’t even really exist. The point of the definition of vibrant living, the point of the quest for living our best lives and seeking the something more we are meant for… it’s all about an ever-evolving, spiraling up of our spirit’s expression in the world. The evolving is never done. We’re never done. That means there is always room for expansion and growth. It means we can always choose to thrive in whatever space we are in at any given moment. It’s about mindset and intention, really. It’s never about perfection. In this way, you can think of the goal of experiencing a vibrant life as directional. It’s meant to pull you towards a higher state of being, like some gravitational force. That state of being is not a destination you reach and then you’re done. It’s an ongoing journey.

And if the directional pull only moves you one inch further today or five feet closer tomorrow… or if you have a quantum leap into your next best level of self-expression… or if you feel like you are sliding backward years in your evolution… it is all ok. Because it ALL matters and it’s ALL valuable. That’s because all of it, even the bits that don’t feel so vibrant, help you to evolve into who you are meant to be. It’s all part of the journey that you’re on.

I think it’s powerful, in fact, to train ourselves out of thinking of things from the perspective of “sliding backward’. On those days when we engage our egoic doubts and fears and assumptions and expectations, our limiting beliefs, and self-sabotaging strategies… when we engage in our humanness more than we engage our spiritual nature… it’s not a failure. It’s not a step backward. It is, in fact, part of the experience as a whole. The egoic human part of us isn’t less important than the spiritual part of us. It’s there to help us see and value and strive toward the spiritual part of us. We need our humanness. So even when we experience what feels like a failure or setback, it’s a myth that that is a less valuable part of us or that it in some way counteracts our goal of evolving. It IS in fact, the evolving. It IS the journey to see that part of us at work and to see all aspects of our human and spiritual nature and choose what of us we will express in any given moment. We never leave the path of our own evolution. The whole of the experience is something to celebrate and embrace.  

When we can train ourselves to see our experience from that perspective, we don’t need to be perfect. We simply need to be aware, intentional, and engaged in the pursuit, fully immersed in the human and spiritual experiences of ourselves. That alone will change you forever. That alone deeply connects you with the something bigger than you.

I love all of this stuff and I hope that you do, too. One of my favorite things about vibrant living is that it’s so popular right now. There is an entire industry around flourishing. The field of positive psychology studies things like resilience, gratitude, and altruism. Neuroscience studies things like the effects of loneliness on our brains. People like Ariana Huffington are rethinking how we live and work, so that we prioritize wellness and end burnout. Mindfulness apps like Calm and Headspace are wildly popular and raising millions in funding rounds.  Wellness tourism, like a retreat in Bali, is a $639 billion industry. The spa economy alone is worth $119 billion. Bookstores are full of resources on happiness, meaning, habit formation, emotional intelligence, mindset, mindfulness, and human performance. Human Flourishing is having a moment.

This isn’t fluff. Ancient wisdom and spiritual traditions have long known what science is now proving…

I value all this stuff so much I use it in my own life, and I incorporate it into my coaching programs that help professional women flourish in midlife. It brings me immense joy to integrate the science-backed practices with the spiritual and ancient wisdom along with intuition, and creative principles. I’ve seen it create powerful transformations in my own life and with my clients and coaching colleagues. And what I know is this… Vibrant living is something you can do intentionally. Thriving is a choice. You can craft your own best life along your personal path by leveraging the old and new, the known and the proven, the intuitive and the rational, the masculine and feminine. Or as I like to call it all.. the science and the magic.

Indeed, human flourishing is definitely having a moment.

I don’t know about you, but I’m determined to live my best life and I’m on a mission to help others do the same. I want you to know that it is ok to want more than a safe, average, good on paper, pleasant life. It’s ok to want a deeply satisfying life that is full of joy and meaning and so much more.

We are meant to thrive. When you feel yourself thinking… something is missing. Something is off or wrong in my life. I should be happier, right? Is there something more to life?  The answer is yes... you are MEANT for something more. And that “more” is found by reconnecting to yourself, to how you truly want to be in this world and then learning to intentionally be that.

It’s why I take this stand for YOU and me and every other person on this journey… here it is: You deserve your best life, and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related, and they are worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves… and when you do it, everyone around you benefits because a thriving version of you is better able to contribute to the world and the people in it.. and because experiencing yourself fully is your right and your primary purpose! It is time to be fully expressed in the world. 

When we do this, we create a vibrant life full of  SPARKABLE MOMENTS™ that light our spirit on fire and awaken us in unexpected ways. They may be moments of inspiration, or insights; moments of deep connection, to other people, or the world around us, or to our authentic self. Whatever they are, Sparkable Moments™ leave us feeling expanded, more open, more alive, more aware. Living our best life, true to who we are and what our spirit wants is what produces the Sparkable Moments™ and the vibrant life that is so good for us and the world.

Imagine what is possible in a world full of self-realized, happy, fulfilled, on-purpose people living in a way that lights up their spirit! If you feel ready for that, I want to invite you to join the Flittersphere™. It’s a space to connect with other women who are eager to revel in people, and possibilities, and purpose as they do this soul-satisfying work. There is a link to the online community in the show notes. I hope you’ll join us in the Flittersphere™ as you embrace your own journey to your best life.

To get you started on that journey, or to help supplement it, I’ve also included a link in the show notes to a worksheet that will help you begin to explore what you want in each area of your life and what holds you back. I invite you to complete the activity as a gift to yourself… a few moments of purposely focusing on what you’d love in your life as if you actually matter. Because you do.

I think many of us tend to put others before ourselves, often to our own detriment. We think it’s the right thing to do but that’s not always the case. We spend all of our energy trying to do and be everything to everyone and we have nothing left for ourselves. By the time we hit midlife, living this way can leave us stressed out, burned out, exhausted, unhappy, resentful, etc., and it likely leaves us struggling in more than one area of our lives – our health, our relationships, our career, our creative expression, and more. 

It is ok to question how you are living and if it serves you. I hope you can see from today’s show that creating your vibrant life is good for you and the world around you. You deserve nothing less. It’s your right and, if you want it, it is your responsibility to build it.  Vibrancy is a choice, and while making choices that serve us can feel scary sometimes, it’s actually a very good thing. Intentionality is a strength. Showing up for yourself, as yourself, is a superpower.

I feel so strongly about this that I have built an entire group coaching program that will help you shift your life so you can live vibrantly… with joy, meaning, and wellbeing, aligned to your gifts and strengths and to your true nature and purpose, living intentionally and functioning optimally, in service of your highest good and what your genius spirit wants for you.

The program is opening for enrollment soon and if you feel called to do this work in your life, I invite you to join in. As a special gift in celebration of launching this Sparkable Moments™ Podcast, I’m giving you a discount code that will take 15% off the program price and it will be good for the first 3 months after launch. The code is SYVL15. So, an abbreviation for Shift into Your Vibrant Life™ 15. Write that down and then join the Flittersphere™ community and watch for the launch announcement.

I hope that the concept of intentionally creating your vibrant life resonates with you and that you’ll join us on this journey.

Ok… that wraps up today’s episode. In the next episode, I’ll share a personal story of how I showed up for myself in midlife so I could live more vibrantly. And I’ll talk about how the constant quest to live fully, to not waste this life, has driven me and tortured me, and how it finally freed me to live authentically by pursuing what my spirit wants. I hope you’ll listen in as we discuss the power of a midlife shift… and why it may be time to focus on YOUR midlife shift. 

If you enjoyed this show join the ongoing conversation in the Flittersphere™ and share what resonated with you. There’s a link in the show notes. Also, please share the podcast with your friends and subscribe so you don’t miss a thing! 

Thank you so much for listening to this inaugural episode of the Sparkable Moments™ podcast. I hope you’ll come back often to have more conversations to feed the soul! 

Thanks for listening to the Sparkable Moments podcast, produced by Purple Chicken Life and shared through the Flittersphere™. I’m Suzette Conway and you can find with me at Flittersphere.com. Remember… you deserve to have your most vibrant life and the world needs the highest version of you. Those two things are related, and they are worthy of your attention because you are the only one who can create the life your soul craves… and when you do, everyone around you benefits! So go on, be vibrant!

Hey there! Welcome to the Sparkable Moments™ Podcast.

In this podcast, we are going to laugh and play and also get into the deep end of the pool with some amazing conversations as we focus on creating and sharing the Sparkable Moments™ that I believe are the cornerstone of a full, rich life.

So, what exactly are Sparkable Moments™? They are the moments that light up your soul and make you feel alive! It could be a laugh-til-you-pee conversation with a dear friend or a deep sense of connection to a total stranger. It might be a blast of insight from a passing comment or a big breakthrough on a project you’ve been working on for a while. It could be a moment of stillness as you take in a sunset. It could even be a moment when you push yourself past a fear and don’t die from being who you are meant to be - you know, like skydiving, or asking someone out… or say… starting a podcast! Whatever it is for you, if the experience leaves you feeling alive and fully engaged in your life right in that instant - it’s a Sparkable Moment™. My hope is that the stories, techniques, and conversations on this show will lead you to Sparkable Moments™ in your own life.

Like me, the podcast will be all over the place! The length and format of each episode will vary as I move between solo shows, interviewing guests, and maybe even hosting panel discussions. That’s because this podcast is an exploration and an experiment that feeds my free-spirited soul! And I hope it serves your soul, too!

I’m Suzette Conway and I’ll be your hostess on the show. I’m the founder of the Flittersphere, a community of women intent on creating vibrant lives by cultivating an explorer’s heart, getting real, and embracing the fullness of life - the beauty and the mess. I’m also a transformational coach and trainer, a speaker, writer, and now a podcaster! My background is in corporate learning and development. But these days I’m running my own business because my heart is in exploring the human experience through the lens of science and magic - the crossroads of facts, research, emotion, storytelling, flow states, intuition, feminine and masculine energy, creative principles, and practices… It all just lights my soul on fire!

I created my business and I do this work because I believe that the world needs the best version of each of us and we all deserve our best lives and those two things are related. So I’m determined to live my most vibrant life while I help other people do the same thing. I know that in doing that we can raise the consciousness and energy of the world and create amazing human experiences.

You can find me and learn about the programs I offer at Flittersphere.com and don’t forget to subscribe to the show so you never miss an episode!

I’m so glad you’re joining me on this adventure! Go on, check out the latest episode!