Jack Shitama brings clarity and wisdom to family systems theory in this transformative conversation about leadership, anxiety, and healthy church relationships. Drawing from decades of experience as a pastor, author, and coach, Jack breaks down complex concepts into accessible insights that can revolutionize how ministry leaders approach challenging situations.

The conversation begins with Jack sharing his personal journey into family systems thinking. His encounter with Edwin Friedman's work "Generation to Generation" opened his eyes to seeing congregational dynamics through a different lens—one that helped him stop taking things personally and instead view difficult behaviors as expressions of anxiety rather than personal attacks.

At the heart of the discussion is the concept of differentiation—knowing where you end and others begin, or as Jack puts it, "being a self and allowing others to be the same." This crucial leadership capacity creates healthy emotional space that enables others to mature.

Well talk about: 

- people-pleasing pastors who tend toward adaptivity (giving in without standing up for themselves) rather than traditional reactivity (becoming defensive or aggressive). 

-  Navigating criticism, recognizing sabotage, and responding as a non-anxious presence

Resources

• Friedman, Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue — https://www.amazon.com/dp/0896213417 Amazon
• “Genogram” overview — https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-genogram-5186652 EdrawMax
• Jack Shitama (Author)
  • Anxious Church, Anxious People — https://www.amazon.com/dp/1732009317 Amazon
  • If You Met My Family, You’d Understand — https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60376266-if-you-met-my-family-you-d-understand Amazon
  • Everyone Loves a Non-Anxious Presence — https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/56761973-everyone-loves-a-non-anxious-presence Amazon
  • The Non-Anxious Leader (Website) (Podcast)
• Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team — https://www.amazon.com/dp/0787960756
• Boszormenyi-Nagy & Spark, Invisible Loyalties — https://www.amazon.com/dp/0876681765

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