"I really didn't realize how ashamed I was about how happy I am". In this episode I reflect on just how much I've pushed down my happiness both publicly and even privately just to keep other people comfortable especially in a time where there's not much visibility of joy and happiness. Releasing my resistances to joy, happiness, pleasure, and receiving brought up many emotions, including the last of my rejections for applying for grants! I speak about growth, rejection, the nervous system, and how herpes helps with identifying the need to manage stress.