This episode I wanted to just have something to reference for people who want to know my experience. Usually support calls bring in questions about me and my experience from diagnosis to the point of having created the SPFPP platform.

I share my experience with my first symptoms, my diagnosis, the early resources I was provided with, disclosures and dating. This is the story leading n up to the start of the podcast with some sprinkles of hindsight interwoven into it.

I speak to some useful stuff to where if you are considering a support call, https://spfpp.org/stigma-support-call this is a better starting point so we can maximize our time together for you to vent, ask questions about your experience, and to just be witnessed in your curiosity navigating whatever aspect of having herpes you need!

If you haven’t subscribed to the monthly newsletter, do that here www.spfpp.org/herpes-newsletter so you can be on top of virtual and in person events, workshops, and social opportunities like our celebration in NYC for episode 400 of spfpp on December 19!!!

Anyways check this out and I hope this points you in the direction of what you need more efficiently.

Stay present.

Closed mouths don’t get fed! SO LADIES AND FEMMES SHOOT YOUR SHOT!

In this conversation with Goddess Bats (@actuallybats), we talk about various intersections of identity when navigating herpes, polyamory, sex work, rejection, and identity. Together, we go over:

• What does it feel like to be blamed for “giving” someone herpes—and how do you advocate for yourself one-on-one?

• Are statistics useful, or just a paradox when “everyone has it but no one talks about it”?

• Disclosing in polyamory: do you only date people with herpes? And what about play parties—when does disclosure really happen?

• Never being rejected for herpes—how is that possible? And does ghosting count as rejection?

• The difference between rejection from men vs. women, and why “no” sometimes gets misunderstood as “try harder.”

• Having “game” in sex-positive spaces compared to everywhere else—what does that even mean?

• What exactly happens at a sex party (and what’s it like to walk into one without knowing)?

• How shame from religion, being poly, bisexuality, and sex work all intersect with stigma.

• Why boundaries—clearly spoken—are the real markers of respect versus playful teasing.

We also ask: what can the stigmatized teach us about navigating freedom, authenticity, and connection?

If you’ve ever wondered what conversations about herpes, rejection, sex parties, and stigma is all like, check us out here.

When I tell you all that this was an unexpected conversation, I cannot tell you how . . . surprised I was. You'll hear it in the interview how shocked I was when the topic came up. I knew we'd talk about herpes, but the Bipolar conversation was something that naturally came up.

We go into what bipolar episodes for our guest were like, the hypersexuality that ironically didn't lead to her herpes diagnosis, and how people around her were impacted by her mental health experience as well. There is absolutely a stigma on Stigma stigma here and as we often say, sexual health is mental health. Our guest this week is super dope for being willing to go there with us and be patient with me getting back into the swing of interviewing people!

This episode is important to me because I have a family history and relationship history with partners who've struggled with their mental health and there's a lot of understanding and compassion I can have now that looking back on was dismissed as "oh she was just crazy". I even remember my family dismissing relatives' not normal behavior as "Oh so and so just talkin' crazy" but I never really had a REAL conversation with someone navigating an actual diagnosis, I've just experienced behavior from them that I just couldn't describe.

I'm very fortunate to be in a place in life where my life's work I've been called to supports not only my healing past wounds as it relates to sexuality and stigma, but also mental health stigma. I couldn't be more grateful to be in the position of someone who can witness others with presence and learn from them to be able to help others.

We have some events coming up at www.spfpp.org/events virtually if you want to check those out. I advise you to subscribe to the newsletter: www.spfpp.org/herpes-newsletter to stay up to speed on what's happening from support groups, to disclosure workshops, and community events.

In this episode, I reflect on what it means to hold my rhythm, even when it’s challenging AF. If you been keeping up, you know I been big on talking about atoms and the microconnection they have to the o macro connectionmacroconnectiof stars lately. I use the metaphor of the sun—a star that doesn’t shift its light or heat just because someone says they’re cold. If it did, the consequences would be catastrophic for everything in the solar system's orbit. I realized that I’ve done the human version of that—altering my rhythm, light, and presence in past relationships to "FIX" the other partners. And not only did I fail, but it nearly broke me.

This is my story of stepping away from what I know I was supposed to be doing, doing something else, and slowly making my way back through the emotional friction of grief, guilt, and shame, as well as the insecurities that I've been holding on to. I speak like I used to when I was in rhythm, being REAL. You'll hear me talk about being emotionally manipulated, (as hard as that is to admit as someone who identifies as rather emotionally intelligent) about my pattern and concerns of being used as someone so openly visible about my life in general, and about the weight I’ve carried trying to be "good" and take all the accountability for what 2 people were part of. I been holding that in all year and this past week it was put in my face.

But this isn’t just about pain. It’s about transmutation. About how I’ve found my way back to being the regulating presence I am when I’m in alignment—through smudging with First Peoples of the land (Shoutout to Sedalia) in Canada, through pulling doubles in therapy, and through naming what I was most ashamed to admit: that I kept to myself and dumbed myself down not for me to grieve and heal, but out of fear of being made into content, which still happened. I don't bash my ex for anything, I just speak my experience now after very thorough processing with the intention of what the title is, transmitting stigma into healing.

I love her and every version of her I saw during our relationship and after even during her outward version of grief. But this ain't about her, it's about this thing that's bigger than me as it hasn't been. I'm not trying to defend myself. I've been told I'm holding on to something despite how well things are going for me, and it's hard to receive because I'm clinging to my truth and repressing a part of myself that screams to be let out every day before I go to bed and first thing when I wake up.

I very thoughtfully and mindfully share this podcast episode, with intention of communicating my feelings. The same way herpes has taught me lessons in healing, I truly believe the end of my relationship was a much deeper surfacing of my own insecurities which all stem from trying to "save" or "protect" people and ain't no more room for that AND for me to be present as I have been.

This episode is for anyone who’s dimmed their light to be loved, anyone who' feels like they've been used, anyone who's holding on. For anyone still healing and needs a reminder that you don’t need to change who you are. You can make necessary adjustments that support your becoming who you are, but don't let anyone manipulate you into changing who you are.

In this vulnerable and insightful episode of Something Positive for Positive People, Courtney Brame speaks with Jhivan, who shares their experience navigating life three months post-herpes diagnosis. The conversation explores the emotional and sexual impact of the diagnosis, the fear of transmission, and the internal debate around only dating people who have the same type of herpes.

Together, they unpack:

• What it means to avoid intimacy after a diagnosis

• The logic behind only dating people with the same HSV type

• How fear of transmission affects identity and sexual expression

• The cultural stigma differences between Europe, the Caribbean, and the U.S.

• Learning your body, triggers, and finding peace in the new normal

This episode is a powerful listen for anyone who’s felt the pressure to protect others at the expense of their own connection needs, and for those questioning how to safely navigate dating after herpes.

2025 took me through it. The woman I thought I was building a future with left. I moved in with my grandma, then into my own spot, and just when I started to settle—boom—tornado. Total loss. In every direction of life, I felt resistance. Everything I did to “fix” things only made the weight heavier.

That’s when I got the message from what I can only describe as the echo of my nervous system: do nothing.

Not as in give up, but as in pause. Stop grasping. Let go. From that stillness, things started aligning again—without force, without explanation. That phrase became a mantra for me in the dark: do nothing. And I started noticing how much I was still trying to be liked, trying to defend myself in other people’s narratives. But “do nothing” showed me those stories are theirs to hold—not mine.

“All my effort and action taken just kept creating unnecessary resistance between what I chose and acquiring it.”

“There are stories people carry about me—some that have nothing to do with me, some that do, and some that are about their own avoidance of accountability.”

“Do nothing. That was the message. And when I did nothing, blessings and pleasant experiences validated that choice.”

“Depression was the teacher herpes could never be. And we see what I’ve done with herpes.”

“The same way the sun became the star it is through pressure, heat, and friction—I’m becoming through stagnancy, expectation, and failure.”

This episode is a marker for me. A timestamp. A reminder that I don’t have to react to the world around me. I get to orient my internal world—my beliefs, my nervous system, my rhythm—and trust that the external world will shape around that alignment.

What came through this period of stillness wasn’t defeat—it was clarity. This is how I remember who I am. And this episode is my declaration of that remembrance.

In this intimate conversation, Melissa LeSane opens up about the messiness of living through transition—stepping away from her role as a therapist, navigating a marriage of over two decades, entering a new relationship, and rediscovering herself as a sensitive, spiritual being.

What begins as a discussion on non-monogamy turns into a reflection on how presence—not perfection—is the path back to wholeness. Melissa and Courtney explore the weight of expectations, emotional overstimulation, and the courage to allow identity to shift in real time.

There's a stigma about breakups that you're only supposed to remember and recall the negative so you stay away, heal, don't go back. Especially for men, we're supposed to get someone younger, hotter, make more money, and get hotter. And to do this, you almost have to over-identify with this smallness of self and lean into that negative state.

I choose differently. I don't Miss my Ex. I miss my Motherfucking Homie ya'll. I've tried to just keep this to myself but it won't stay and I feel the pressure build up and as I navigate convos it seeps out unconsciously. So I took my time, wrote this, slept on it, reflected, and feel like this validates my own identity as someone navigating grief.

bell hooks defined "queer" as a way of describing oneself without being confined by fixed definitions or labels. It's about acknowledging one's authenticity and living a life that aligns with that self, even if it doesn't fit neatly into conventional categories like "gay" or "straight." For hooks, being queer also meant being at odds with societal norms and finding ways to thrive on one's own terms. 

In this solo episode, I explore how queer community, education, and presence have deeply influenced my understanding of masculinity—not by changing who I am, but by giving me the freedom to express it with more honesty, softness, and presence.

As a cisgender heterosexual Black man, I’ve found more validation of my identity in queer spaces than in the spaces I was told I “belonged” in. This episode is a reflection on that truth, especially at the intersection of Pride and Men’s Mental Health Month.

I also share how stigma—specifically herpes stigma—has been a gateway into deeper self-inquiry around identity, performance, and liberation. Using Bell Hooks’ definition of queerness as a guide, I talk about how embracing the challenge of unbecoming has brought me closer to who I actually am.

This is for anyone rethinking what masculinity looks like when it’s not measured in dominance or stats—but in connection, curiosity, and care.

Last time I was at STI Engage it was in 2019 where I submitted an abstract on how people living with herpes could find psycho-social support for their mental health through podcasts. Fast forward 6 years later after hundreds of thousands of podcast listens, tens of thousands of conversations, thousands of survey responses, and hundreds of podcasts, we're back with a lot more clarity and consistency to present on the power of what was born through podcasting, the creation of community. Listen in on my session live from Phoenix AZ where I lead the room through a meditation on what stigma feels like at a somatic level, use a real time example of the support cycle from someone seeking it, to it being met by identity validation and community.

If you have a conference or opportunity for SPFPP to share our story, reach out through www.spfpp.org. I'm also always looking for guests to share their experiences with stigma so if you're interested, let me know!