Spiritually Kinky: Creating the Path to Being Fully Seen, Deeply Felt & Wildly Free

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My dad died on Tuesday.

This is a raw, unstructured episode about grief, about loving someone you couldn’t save, and about the story he lived inside his whole life: “I’m unlovable.”

I share why my dad is one of the biggest reasons I do this work. I talk about the kitten that helped him let love in during his last weeks, and why I’ll keep reminding you, one conversation at a time, that you are not broken. You’re programmed. That story isn’t true.

If you’ve ever felt alone, unlovable, or not enough, this episode is for you. 🩷

If you’re struggling, in the U.S. you can call or text 988 any time. Outside the U.S., visit findahelpline.com.

Contains explicit language and mentions of suicide and addiction.

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Have you ever sat with people you've known forever and realized you don't quite know how to be the version of you they know anymore? 🩷

Nothing dramatic has happened. You're at dinner, the conversation is one you've had for years, and you get ready to join in... then realize you don't actually want to say it.

In this episode, I stay at that dinner table with you. Because I don't think you're outgrowing your friends. I think something much quieter is happening: the old conversation stopped organizing you, and nobody had to do anything wrong for that to happen.

This one is for creators and entrepreneurs who've changed faster than the rooms they keep walking into.

In this episode:
🩷 Why you feel out of place around old friends and family after you change
🩷 The difference between outgrowing people and outgrowing a role
🩷 What if they aren't the ones keeping you the same?
🩷 Why expectation isn't authority
🩷 Why you don't need to prove you've changed
🩷 Letting the people you love meet who you are now
🩷 The grief of missing who you were, even when nothing went wrong

"You don't have to be who you've always been just because you're somewhere you've always been."

Before you automatically become the old version of you again, give yourself a second, and ask: Who am I here now?

🩷 Go deeper inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool: (Join Here)
🩷 Watch on YouTube: (Watch here)

I'm Dustin Lea Wheeler, author, host of Spiritually Kinky, and guide through 35,000+ transformational conversations. Recoding reality from the inside out, for entrepreneurs and creators.

Lead with love, my friend. 🩷

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Why Enough Doesn't Mean You Have to Stop Wanting

Have you ever wondered why you still want more in life when there's nothing particularly wrong with the life you already have?

Maybe you're grateful. You're not miserable or desperately trying to escape. And yet, something inside you still wants something more.

That can create a surprisingly uncomfortable question:

Shouldn't this be enough?

You can appreciate the career you've built and discover you'd love to create something of your own. You can deeply love your partner and still desire another level of intimacy.

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores the silent instruction underneath the guilt or confusion we can feel about wanting more—the belief that appreciating what we have and desiring something new can't exist at the same time.

When that instruction is running unconsciously, desire can become tangled up with dissatisfaction. Instead of simply noticing what we'd love to create next, we start searching for evidence that something about our current life isn't good enough.

Eventually, we may become dissatisfied enough to give ourselves permission to change.

But what if you don't need to hate this chapter before you're allowed to turn the page?

There's an important difference between endlessly chasing more because nothing ever feels like enough and allowing a genuine new desire to emerge from a life you already appreciate.

Enough doesn't have to mean finished.

The creator changes through the act of creating. The person standing inside today's result isn't exactly the same person who made the original choice.

You experienced something. You created something. You changed.

And now you get to choose from here.

Wanting something new doesn't automatically mean you're ungrateful, unfulfilled or incapable of being satisfied with what you have.

It may simply mean you're still creating.

So instead of asking:

Why isn't this enough for me?

Try asking:

What would I love from here?

Join the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool and learn to recognize the silent instructions shaping your reality so you can consciously create a life you actually desire instead of simply repeating the life you've survived.

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Why Getting What You Want Can Feel Scarier Than Wanting It

Why can getting what you want feel scary?

We spend so much time worrying that we won't get what we want that we rarely talk about the anxiety, self-sabotage or fear of success that can appear when we actually do.

Sometimes the relationship becomes real. The client finally says yes. Something you've been imagining and working toward moves close enough that you actually have to participate in it.

And suddenly, you feel uncertain.

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores why something you've consciously chosen can feel surprisingly uncomfortable once it becomes possible—and why that discomfort doesn't automatically mean something is wrong.

Imagine having a great date with someone who gives you exactly the clarity you've said you wanted. They ask to see you again, and fifteen minutes later you're standing in front of the refrigerator wondering whether you actually like them.

What happened?
The possibility got closer.
The same tension can appear when a client you've been trying to create finally emails, “I'm ready. Where do I pay?” Suddenly you're editing the sales page instead of sending the payment link.

It's easy to call that self-sabotage.
But there's a more interesting question:
What changed when this became possible?

This conversation explores the relationship between self-trust, fear of change, unconscious patterns and receiving what you want without turning every uncomfortable reaction into another problem you need to fix.

Because imagining a new reality and actually living inside one are very different experiences.

At some point, conscious creation asks you to participate in what you've created.
The creator has to be willing to experience the creation.

And when the future you've been imagining becomes something you can actually touch, another question becomes available:

Do I still choose this now that it's real?
Sometimes the future doesn't arrive with fireworks.
Sometimes life simply looks at you and says:

Someday is Tuesday. You in?

Join the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool and learn to recognize the unconscious structures shaping your reality so you can create a life you actually desire instead of simply repeating the life you've survived.

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How to Figure Out What You Actually Want

What do you actually want?

For such a simple question, an incredible number of people find themselves thinking:

“I don't know.”

But what if you don't know what you want because you've become incredibly practiced at listening to everything except desire?

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores why it can become so difficult to know what you really want in life—and what may have happened between the moment something inside you whispered “I'd love...” and the moment you learned to interrupt it.

Imagine noticing that you'd love to live near the ocean.

Before you've even had time to feel the desire, your mind is already calculating the cost of moving, questioning whether it's realistic and trying to figure out how the entire thing would work.

Logic arrived with a fucking spreadsheet before desire got to finish the sentence.

Do that often enough and eventually you may stop hearing the original signal.

There's another distinction that matters here too: knowing what you want isn't the same as knowing what you want to escape.

You can create enormous movement trying to get away from the wrong relationship, the exhausting job or the life that no longer fits.

But movement isn't necessarily direction.

Conscious creation asks a different question:

What would I fucking love?

That question can feel surprisingly vulnerable because admitting what you want means admitting that something matters to you. But hearing a desire doesn't obligate you to pursue it.

Wanting isn't choosing.

Before True Choice, there may be something even simpler:

Contact.

Can you hear yourself wanting before you analyze what you're allowed to have?

Maybe you don't need to work harder to figure out what you want.

Maybe you need to become available to noticing what you want.

Inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool, we're learning to recognize the structures that have been organizing our lives so we can consciously choose what we'd actually love to create.

If you're ready to unlock your superpowers of conscious creation and create a life you actually desire instead of simply repeating the life you've survived, come join us.

And today, don't pressure yourself to figure out your entire life purpose.

Just notice when something inside you says:

“I'd love...”

Then let yourself hear the rest of the sentence.

Support the show

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What happens when the problem you've spent years trying to overcome finally starts disappearing... but you don't know who you are without it?

We talk a lot about healing, breaking patterns, leaving survival mode and creating a new life**. But we rarely talk about the identity shift that can happen when the strategies that helped you survive are no longer required.

Maybe you became incredibly capable because there was a time when things didn't get handled unless you handled them. Then life changes. Someone you trust says, “I've got it.”

You should feel relieved.

Instead, twenty minutes later you're standing in the fucking kitchen making sure they're doing it correctly.

That's where this episode of Spiritually Kinky™  begins.

Because healing isn't necessarily about getting rid of your strength, independence or the parts of yourself you developed through difficult experiences. It's about discovering whether you still have,......choice,

What happens when being strong is something you *can* be instead of something you *have* to be?

The capacity remains. The compulsion loosens.

And when survival is no longer organizing so much of your attention, something unfamiliar can appear:........space

Instead of immediately filling that space with another problem to solve, another version of yourself to fix or another goal to chase, what if you let yourself ask:
*What would I love?

This is where healing becomes conscious creation—and where **True Choice, self-trust and identity change** begin to take on a completely different meaning.

Maybe freedom isn't becoming someone new.

Maybe it's discovering who you are when the strategies that once helped you survive become choices instead of requirements.

The hammer is still in the house.

You just don't have to carry the fucking thing everywhere.

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If you're ready to understand the unconscious patterns shaping your reality, strengthen your self-trust and start consciously creating a life you actually desire instead of just one you've survived, join us inside the **Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool**.

And today, instead of asking what else you need to fix, ask:

**Who do I get to stop being now?**

Then don't immediately give the problem its chair back.

Let desire sit there for a while.

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What if something you've been asking for has already started happening...

and you haven't actually let yourself receive it?

Something changes.

Something you've wanted finally arrives.

For a moment, you feel it.

And then:

Yeah, but...

Maybe it was luck.

Maybe it doesn't really count.

Maybe it wasn't enough.

And just like that, new evidence gets interpreted in a way that allows your existing understanding of yourself to remain exactly the same.

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores New Results—the final movement in the conscious creation structure.

And this isn't simply about getting what you want.

It's about what happens after you get it.

Because:

Sometimes we don't sabotage the result before it arrives. We sabotage its meaning after it gets here.

Your brain uses previous experience to generate expectations about what is likely to happen next. When reality produces something that doesn't fit an existing expectation, that mismatch can create new information.

But a contradictory experience doesn't automatically erase years of previous learning.

We can experience something genuinely new and still interpret it through an old identity.

That's why getting something and receiving it may be two very different things.

Receiving asks:

Can I allow this experience to become information?

Not exaggerate it.

Not turn one beautiful experience into a guarantee about the future.

But also not minimize it until it becomes meaningless.

If you've spent years believing nobody chooses you and someone genuinely chooses you, you don't need to suddenly believe everyone will always choose you.

But perhaps you can finally receive:

I have experienced being chosen.

Something new is true.

And you're allowed to let it count.

We also explore the vulnerability of arriving somewhere you once desperately wanted to be—and why high-performing people can become so accustomed to striving, fixing, healing and becoming that they immediately move the goalpost when a result finally arrives.

Because if every new result immediately becomes another version of “not enough yet,” you can physically create an entirely different life while emotionally continuing to live inside the old one.

You are allowed to let something be enough before you choose again.

Let the fucking result land.

Let yourself notice the person who arrived.

Because perhaps one of the most beautiful parts of conscious creation is something we continually miss:

Receiving yourself becoming.

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Inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool, we work with:

Choice → Focus → Flow → New Results

Not as another rigid formula, but as a structure for consciously creating a life you actually desire instead of unconsciously repeating the one you've survived.

Your new results aren't only things you get to have.

They're evidence you get to learn from.

Before you move on today, ask:

What evidence has my life already given me that I haven't fully let count?

Don't make it bigger than it is.

Don't make it smaller either.

Let what's true be fucking true.

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What if the thing you call being intentional is actually control?

And what if control isn't bad?

For many high-performing people, control has been an incredibly successful strategy. It helped you anticipate problems, stay prepared, become independent, make shit happen and survive uncertainty.

But eventually, conscious creation asks something different:

What happens when the strategy that helped you survive uncertainty becomes the very thing limiting your ability to create inside it?

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores Flow and the difference between consciously creating an end result and trying to control exactly how that result must happen.

Because there is a difference between precision and control.

Precision says: This is what I choose.

Control says: And this is exactly how it must happen.

We explore why letting go of control doesn't mean becoming passive, why failed strategies don't automatically mean failed choices, and how becoming attached to a particular person, platform, opportunity, timeline or strategy can cause us to mistake the vehicle for the actual end result.

You'll also discover why Flow requires presence, how to recognize obvious aligned action without knowing the entire path, and why surrender doesn't require you to give away your authority.

You don't surrender your choice. You surrender your insistence that authority requires knowing exactly what happens next.

Because underneath control is often a deeply human desire to know we'll be okay before we're willing to move.

Self-trust offers something different:

I don't know what will happen, but I trust myself to remain with myself while I discover it.

The result can stay precise while the route stays fluid.

That's Flow.

That's participation without strangulation.

🔥 JOIN THE SPIRITUALLY KINKY COMMUNITY FOR CREATORS

Inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool, we're learning how to consciously create lives we actually desire instead of unconsciously repeating the lives we've survived.

We work through:

Choice → Focus → Flow → New Results

Get precise about what you choose. See current reality clearly. Participate with what emerges. Develop the self-trust to move without requiring certainty about every step.

And next...

What happens when reality finally gives you new evidence, but your old structure refuses to let it count?

We're going into New Results.

Support the show

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What have you consciously chosen...and what are you actually rehearsing with your attention?

Because those might be two completely different things.

You can choose a thriving business and spend most of your attention monitoring why people aren't buying.

You can choose wealth and continually check for evidence that you don't have enough.

You can choose love and analyze every interaction looking for rejection or abandonment.

You can choose visibility and obsess over the views that aren't happening.

You've consciously chosen one reality...

while your attention keeps rehearsing another.

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler explores Focus—the second movement in the conscious creation process.

And focus isn't positive thinking.

It isn't pretending current reality doesn't exist.

It isn't ignoring your circumstances, suppressing disappointment, or spiritually bypassing what is actually happening.

Current reality is data.

And conscious creation requires us to see that data clearly.

But there's a massive difference between allowing current reality to inform your next action...

and allowing current reality to determine what's possible for your future.

Your current reality gets a vote in what you do next.

It does not get a vote in what you're allowed to choose.

This episode explores the creative tension that exists between True Choice and Current Reality—and why the gap between what exists and what you've chosen isn't necessarily a problem that needs to disappear.

That tension is part of creation.

The question becomes:

Can you tolerate the space between what exists and what you've chosen without abandoning the choice?

We unpack why our automatic feeling-based system often wants to collapse a new choice back down to something familiar, how analyzing a problem can eventually become rehearsing the problem, and why the absence of what you want can quietly become the primary object of your focus.

You'll also discover an essential distinction between reality and interpretation.

Self-trust isn't blindly believing your first interpretation of everything.

It's remaining present long enough to discern what is actually true.

And that's where focus becomes powerful.

Focus is the capacity to remain organized around what you've consciously chosen while being fully present with what actually exists.

You don't have to deny the present.

You don't have to know exactly how the future will unfold.

You need to know what you've chosen, see clearly where you are, and become willing to participate in the space between them.

And once you can do that...

we reach the next movement in conscious creation:

Flow.

Because eventually, you have to stop controlling exactly how the gap between your choice and current reality gets closed.

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Inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool, we go deeper into the structure underneath conscious creation.

We uncover your True Choices, get honest about Current Reality, identify the unconscious instructions and automatic responses pulling your attention toward the past, and learn how to consciously create through:

Choice → Focus → Flow → New Results

Stop asking what is to tell you what can be.

Start consciously creating what you would actually love.

Support the show

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What if the goals you're working so hard to achieve aren't actually what you want?

We tend to assume that because we set a goal, we made a conscious choice.

But look underneath many of our goals and you'll find something else making the decision.

Our past.

Our fear.

Our conditioning.

Our limitations.

Other people's expectations.

Our need to control what happens.

Or sometimes...

we never really chose at all.

In this episode of Spiritually Kinky™, Dustin Lea Wheeler breaks down seven ineffective ways we choose—and how those choices can keep us unconsciously recreating variations of the same reality.

Because there is a massive difference between choosing what you genuinely desire...

and choosing what you believe will fix, resolve, escape, prove, or control something.

We explore what happens when you choose a goal because you believe achieving it will finally make you feel worthy, successful, lovable, safe, or complete.

We look at choice reaction—when your entire goal is built around getting away from an unwanted experience.

We unpack choice from limitation—when you aren't really asking what you want, but what seems realistic based on your current circumstances and past results.

We examine goals built around other people's opinions, where your life quietly becomes organized around keeping everyone else comfortable.

Then there's control—when you've chosen an end result but decided it must arrive through one exact person, strategy, opportunity, timeline, or route.

And indirectness—when the thing you think you want is actually just a vehicle you've decided will get you somewhere else.

Then there's one of the sneakiest choices of all:

Default.

Not choosing.

Because not choosing is still choosing.

It's like sitting in a rudderless boat.

Sometimes the current carries you onto a beautiful shore in the sunshine.

Sometimes you're smashed against the rocks.

And if you aren't actively creating toward what you love and desire, you can very easily become an element in somebody else's ambitions.

Once we see these patterns, something becomes clear:

Most goals aren't necessarily true end results.

They're often solutions to negative visions.

So what does a true choice look like?

It's beautifully simple:

An end result you desire to create for no other reason than you would love to see it made manifest.

Not because it fixes you.

Not because it proves something.

Not because somebody else approves.

Not because you already know how.

Simply because you would love to create it.

That's where conscious creation begins.

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Inside the Spiritually Kinky Community for Creators on Skool, we use specific processes to uncover your true choices and separate what you genuinely desire from what your conditioning has taught you is possible.

We also use a lens-based creation process to break the big vision into precise end results that work with your natural rhythm and flow.

Because conscious creation isn't about controlling every detail of your future.

It's about becoming the active creator of a life you would genuinely love.

Choice → Focus → Flow → New Results

And once you know what you actually choose...

the next question becomes:

What the fuck are you focusing on?

Support the show

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 🍓 Explore all the Spiritually Kinky magic on the website: www.spirituallykinky.com