Spoiled Mind - Lets be Real

Lola is 21 years old and originally from Buenos Aires. She works as a freelance Web Designer and sings. Lola is not only beautiful but has a big heart and even bigger dreams. Starting with my two favorite questions Lola had a simple one-word answer for both questions. Hear the podcast to find out yourself.

We meet on Tinder and we were both in underwear making this Interview. While chatting on Tinder we quickly find out that we want similar things. Not only Sex, but a good time, including talks, laughs and so on. Overall, just a good time! I booked the Hotel and Lola brought the wine. 

She didn’t have much expectation to be honest, but a feeling… In Argentina, it is not easy and doesn’t work out often to meet someone you don’t know. Nevertheless, expectations often lead to disappointment. She just had a feeling that I am a good guy and I hope she is right about that.

Our meeting starts very differently as we talked a lot about serious topics. Even further, very personal topics about her life and fears. For me, in the moment, it was more important that she feels mentally good. Sex can be a strong physical need but maybe we compensate it with some mental issues sometimes. It can be much more valuable to simply be there and to listen to someone. I thought that I should be that person.

We also come to a very interesting topic I like to talk about. “You can control all about yourself”. It is true. Physically and mentally you decide what’s going to happen. Your thoughts, your fitness, your mental state it is all you! The only thing which is out of your control is the outside world. How people treat you, think about you or what’s so ever. They are all individual and even treating them equally they may think differently about you. As simple as it is. Again, how you feel or what you do is always up to you! And let me tell you, you are capable of incredible things and you can do whatever you want

The biggest turn-on for Lola is being human. She mentioned that is very different to have sex with girls and boys. Women know each other and have more confidence to communicate their thoughts and needs. In her opinion Argentinian men are not the best. “You never know how they react”. That’s what she is afraid of. Lola just likes people! Again, for her it is not important if you are men or woman, but you need your brain and feelings.

Lola mentioned that there are relationships, where some girls need to fake orgasm for years. Living in fear of their husbands. I don’t want to imagine that, and it is difficult for me to believe, but I leave it here. Some things I might never fully understand simply because I am a man, but that is why I am here and that’s why I am doing this blog/podcast as well. Giving everyone who wants to speak a voice and a platform. No matter what believe or experience.

Lola wants equality. The same respect for everyone, salary, rights and she want women to be heard. She doesn’t like that there are some women, who talk about rights for women but don’t do anything. I loved to see her passion for this topic growing over the interview. How do you feel?

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Anna is 19, Design Student and lives in Colombia. She sounds and looks so innocent, but she is not. We meet originally on OkCupid / Bumble. During the chat, she answered my two favorite questions and had a look at my blog. She was very surprised by my perspective. Mainly because we think very differently. During that time, she had a lover and we didn’t meet.

A couple of weeks later we chatted again and decided to meet. It wasn’t easy as Ana got nervous couple of times last-minute and canceled. Another time it was me who canceled. At the end, we meet and she got positively surprised. We had a pleasant chat and decided to go to my place.

Anna likes older men – much older considering her young age! She likes the experience in and outside the bed of older men – “They know what they want and are more confident”. She simply wants to collect more experience and maybe find love. At the beginning, she wasn’t sure about going out with older men. Normally just dating guys in her age she loved going out with older men after she tried the first time.

Sexually it is important for her to have everything with consent. It didn’t come out if men, women or both should start but we talked about couple of signals. That could be touching, asking for going somewhere for example.

She would like to find a sugar Daddy but also is not sure if it is for her. She tried a Sugar Daddy App and liked that men say what they want. What didn’t come out well in the interview is that we discussed a lot of what a sugar daddy means for her and she also secretly looks for love and a stable relationship. Not denying that she is young and is financially not independent. Overall a very typical picture in Colombia if you ask me. More about it maybe in another podcast.

In the end we talked about indigenous people because she is. This topic maybe doesn’t fit well in the podcast episode, but Anna brought a very valid point there. Often indigenous characters in movies get sexualizes. We all know Pocahontas, don’t we?! But hear the podcast to hear more about it.

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Welcome back with the Interview after having sex with Alexa in Colombia. Overall, she finds the Sex creative. In a funny way she described as great filling all wholes. It was funny to hear, but overall we tried couple of different positions and things. Most exciting for her was one position I call “The Star”, Anal and fingering her.

We talked a little bit more about double penetration (in this case my Penis in her ass and my thumb in her Vagina). She described it as more intense and a combination of pain and pleasure at the same time. A funny expression of her was “wrong pleasure”, which I find kind of funny.

It was interesting to hear that Alexa actually never had an orgasm with a man before (I guess that includes me as well). In her opinion, it is most likely a mental thing. She needs a lot more stimulation which maybe can take hours. Strangely enough, she said that if she masturbates, she could cum in around 30-60 seconds… So probably it is a huge mental block, but who knows?!

Girls who know me a bit better probably know that I am really into squirting. I like it from a viewer perspective but also doing it practically. I told her this before in chats and Alexa was very skeptical about it. Still, she was open about it and willing to try. Surprisingly she squirted a couple of times and likes it – with room for improvement (P.S. Insider Tipp: Maybe try in the shower if she feels unsure about if it is squirting or peeing).

My theory is that girls can have 3 different kinds of orgasm: Clitoral, Vaginal and Squirting. She said squirting is similar, with great pleasure, but still different than an orgasm. We had a little discussion about being kinky. Face licking (I can admit I find it funnier than a turn on) is not her thing, but she likes it a bit rougher till the edge of forcing, strangle and light BDSM.

We also talked about the difficulty of continue or switching some things you do sexually. If you do the same things for too long it may become less intense and she/he starts to feel numb or gets bored. On the other side If you are on the right spot, with the perfect speed, intensity, and position you better not let go because she/he is about to cum. But as we said it is often difficult to read the body language and it requires some trust, respect and a bit familiar with your partner. That’s why so many people say that sex with their partner is mostly better!

I am 100% in for sexual equality, which means for me that there are two people who deserve sexual pleasure and a woman has the right to help herself! Sexual politeness is arguable in my opinion. That doesn’t mean you always do things you don’t want to get what you want but there are things women avoid doing because it feels “wrong”?! Alexa also mentioned that sexual culture in Colombia is very man focused.

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I had a couple of Interviews before and after having sex and I will continue so. I really like this kind of series as it shows several interesting things. I do think that we are always more open and honest after having Sex. We are open and talk more about topics we didn’t talk about before and we are straighter and more open about things. But maybe I am wrong, and it is just a “feeling”.

A bit background about how we meet and who is Alexa. We meet through Tinder and meet once before we meet to have Sex. Alexa is born in Colombia but spends a while in Belgium. I would consider her a Latina, but of course, some behaviors are very European. Her Tinder Profile was straight forward saying that she looks for both. Love and Sex without mentioning Sex itself, but “kinky fun”.

The Interview with Alexa started with my two-favorite question. Maybe listen to the “podcast about what is the meaning of Life and What is love”  before. The first question was probably a misunderstanding as I quickly continued to the second question – my bad. Alexa had a pretty scientific approach to the question of what is love. At least she didn’t think that these questions are stupid.

Talking about reproducing was interesting, especially because Sex is in her opinion something about pleasure. On the other hand, and that was didn’t come out in the interview, was the kind of keen to get a kid soon even if she is not sure about time and partner.

I did a couple of mistakes in the podcast and jumped very quickly into different topics. I am sorry. The topic about using Sex to condition the partner is a real thing and I should follow up on that rather than trying to get a story out of her if she ever used Sex to get something she wanted. Anyway…

After asking her what she is into (sex half asleep, Love sex, but also hardcore like anal or group sex) she doesn’t seem to be super keen to continue with sexual topics. I had another hard cut and continues with something more recent.

Alexa thinks climate change is a real thing and a problem for future generations. Maybe that is one of the reasons she hesitates to bring another human being to this earth? Who knows. Likely little things would help our earth already. For example fly little, eat less meat and be more aware of the environment. I totally agree and maybe we have another episode about that?!

The Interview before having Sex ended with the open question from her “what I worry about”. We talked for a bit afterward. Also about the Podcast, some expectations or things we might want to try/do and had some fun. If you are curious about the Interview after having sex stay tuned and watch this space. You will be surprised =)

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It is a pleasure to interview such a gifted and knowledgable women doing her PhD in Sociology. This podcast is very long (38 Minutes) but you can’t keep the topics in 10-15 Minutes. I also don’t want to spoil you with too much content. Also because I am not an expert at all and write something she didn’t say or mean. Just listen to the podcast and enjoy.

We talk about her personal background: Why she starts her career in this field and why she is passionate about these topics. Sexual stigmas, for example, are still a very hot topic in modern society. Also from an economic perspective, where companies are more or less interested in a healthy diversity of the workforce.

In recent years there is a lot of progress for having equal rights for homosexual people. Still, there is so much more to do. Teaching kids, start not to stigmatize sex in general and so on. There are tons of studies out there which prove that gender inequality (or Gender Pay Gaps) is real and there are still people who doubt that. So, it is already difficult to bring everyone on the same base if you have to fight against these people.

Social issues are always complicated. There is no right answer to many of the questions we maybe ask ourselves. From a scientific perspective sociologist also don’t give any guidance. They just present facts or results of there studies.

Another interesting topic for me was to discuss the roles of society in general, governments and companies. Who is responsible for driving change and how far can a government go to support in the form of laws or rules to do so. Doesn’t it all start with people? How we raise our children? How we see and treat other people? And not to forget how media is influencing our opinion.

First to understand the difference and basics. Transgender, Intersex, Gay – What does it all mean?

Sex – Biological Sex is normally male of the female which mostly will be decided by external genitals. Sex could be also defined by chromosomes. Depending on the combo (again, I am not an expert). Intersex people mostly have a not clear definition of external genitals, organs or chromosomes.

Gender – can be a Social Characteristic. Transgender often don’t identify themselves with the biological sex they are born with. Transgender just means everything which probably goes beyond that.

Sexual Preferences – is a personal definition of what you are attracted to. All these buzz words like Sapiosexual, Pansexual, BDSM or Poly is going in that direction.

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I love to hear the mood after having Sex. It is so much more relaxed. Of course, we may sound a bit childish, but that’s probably all the endorphins. We talked about her first experience squirting and she did was surprised that she could do it again.

She liked to be on top and from behind. We talked about her preferences to have soft or hard Sex. We talk about several more things. One interesting thing is to describe how men should practice oral sex. Everyone is different. That’s why it is very fascinating to explore likes and dislikes together. Talking about after having sex should be kind of a normal thing. Not to show off, but to listen about what the other partner liked a lot and what they maybe want to improve.

In general, it works best having no expectations. In her opinion, Latin guys are very selfish. You would be lucky to get an orgasm. Trust, confidence and communication is an important thing for having good Sex. She was very wondering why I didn’t ask her for a blow job. For me, there are two reasons. First, the pleasure of a woman is my pleasure. The other thing is that I can’t relax that much during a blow job. We still did a video for her boyfriend afterward.

Hearing the Interview after a while was interesting. I just imagine a feature lover or partner would listen to the podcast or If I would be in the position of hearing such an intimate experience with her and someone else. Is it too much? Would you prefer the concept of  “Don’t ask, don’t tell” or you want to share or even be there if your partner is with another person? Exploring being non-monogamous is very exciting, but also confusing for me. There are so many things which I would like to try, but I am also afraid of.

Just having in mind that also a lot of lovers I had were in open relationships or could imagine being in one. It is also very difficult for me to find similar open-minded people. Not just for Sex but are Sex positive and don’t look for a common modern relationship model. What do you think?

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A very exciting Interview. It was the second of its kind (first interview of this kind). But let me explain first how it comes. I matched with a girl in Mexico on Tinder. Actually on a day where I just arrived and she was looking for someone to go to a party with. It was already so late, so we didn’t meet, but kept contact.

She is in an open relationship with her boyfriend. We talk about her deal with him and how the relationship works for her. From her side, it is a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship because she is also jealous. We also talked about Mexican culture and how open relationships are perceived.

She liked public places, but in general she just like normal sex. In general, it seems that Mexican are pretty open-minded, but still have limits if it comes to culture. Also, threesomes are interesting but not as good as she expecting. For her kissing and touching are a super turn on. She also talked about a experience where she had sex within someone, who didn’t kiss her at all.

Insider: I do have some classy nude picture (you just can see my bump) and it was interesting to get feedback because for a lot of countries it is probably a no-go to show.

Well, I hope you enjoy this episode. In the next podcast episode, you will hear about what we did, what she liked and much more. It was a great and fun day. I really enjoyed my time with her and I am very happy to share the interview with you guys. So stay tuned =)

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First of all let me tell you that I don’t just date older women. I still meet and date younger girls. It is a preference and I am happy to share and explain it. There are a lot of different people out there. You can have your preferences and also happy if someone want to write about “why younger girls are better”. Send me the article here.

In my personal experience women know what they want in higher age. Maybe because they already tries couple of things. Maybe because I don’t want to be that person they try it out with and probably fail. Younger girls switch sometimes in what they expect or want. From Friends with benefits they start to think that it could be more. It can be really frustrating sometimes and takes away the sexual energy. I don’t know why, but I would always like to know what it is so I can put the right amount of time and energy in.

I know that this statement will roll your eyes. Of course the age doesn’t say anything about the experience. You can have had Sex with 20-30 guys in the age of 20 or 40. It doesn’t matter. That is the first point. The other is what kind of sex you have. With that I more less mean quality and variety of different things you tried.

But let me go with some vage arguments… An older women had more time to explore her own body. An older women also had more time to try things she really wants to try. And older women is more likely more mature with her sexual needs and get into the mode – I don’t care anymore. I wouldn’t even say older women are more active. At the end they likely know what makes them reaching an orgasm and know what they like and communicate it.

I don’t wanna say they are never complicated but mostly less complicated than younger girls. Why? I think they are often better settled in life. They have a stable job or at least know where they wanna go. They are often in a time were they either have kids or don’t want them. Family planning is often over. Imagine a 37 year old women. She is horny as fuck, but you are not Mister right. She needs a fuck buddy, but don’t want a kid with you.

Some girls are already single mother and it is often taff, because you basically give up your life to provide all you can for your child. This women are crazy to get some sexual relief or maybe a day or night off to relax. They don’t look for a new daddy or anything complicated.

Younger girls still have so many options. Maybe they study and have no clue what to do after. They start their career and no clue yet what it means to go up in business. Same for their personal life and relationships. That can be really annoying. They are also often not financial independent yet. I am not the fan of financial support. Always happy to help and grow, but I also have my business stuff to deal with. Don’t get me wrong I would always stand up for a women to get equally paid, but in my position I just can raise my hand and word for it.

At the end I would summarize it like this: I can relax much more with an older women. Doesn’t matter how hard I fight with other people about how older women are or not. Everyone is different. Some stuff will be valid and others not. If everything goes wrong I get back to myself. I just feel better with an older women and I also can relax more.

With younger girls I often feel a bit pressured. That doesn’t come from the girl. Just from myself. If I would need to proof myself or teach them something. Often I need to lead. I would love to get to know a dominant women (a successful, confident and smart women is so fucking hot!). However I don’t mind different experience and it is still just a preference.

Maybe this question comes up. There is no definition for me. There was a time, when I said double my age, but I am getting older too. At the moment the age limit for me is 45. I did had an sexual encounter when I was 25 and she was 53. It was purely for sex. Of course there are some physical limits  sometimes, but in general age is just a number, right?!

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that will be a short article, because most things are said in the podcast. It is more less about the different places I know and what my experience is with different kind of ways. Also have to add that most of the places I will describe are online or social media.

Tinder is probably the most famous way to find Sex. It is easy, casual and still not that bad. I know it has a bad reputation, but how easy is it to unmatch someone?  I would love to have more options and filter. For example if someone looks for something casual, friendship or serious. Also what the person is into. At the end it just matter to meet someone and see from there. I often wanna check out in advance but if you agree to something and it doesn’t work out, it is weird.

What I also don’t like is the time you invest. I don’t want to check 100 profiles in 1-2 hours and swipe right in case I like the girl, because sometimes they didn’t read my profile and recognize after the match that they don’t wanna chat. Some don’t answer and in most of the cases it is a boring conversation anyway. That is why I always swap right and select after the match, because I have a natural filter already included. I just match with girls, who are interested in me.

I also try to swap as fast as possible to whatsapp, just to be free to also share more pictures or stay in a more private zone. If you stay in Tinder for long you stay there with a lot of other guys, who are hitting on her. It is the same game like getting her number. Meeting someone as soon as you feel it could be a real match. Maybe don’t think about when you would get her in bed. It happens when it happens…

As said in the podcast (nearly the end). Tinder is still the best way for me to meet new people and find sex. Not because I focus to find a sexual partner, but because it is the most used app for dating.

I don’t know who is really using this to meet completely new people. I heard about it, but I doubt the success. I think Facebook changed pretty much our feeling of privacy. If you agree or not. But we don’t accept easily new friends anymore. We also think about what we share or not publicly. Still the general privacy sucks a lot, but at the end it is your choice. Tell me if you ever tried to meet completely new people via facebook and how it works for you.

Twitter is a thing I discovered recently for me. For me it works to find people, who are interested in threesomes, Swinger or sexually niche stuff like cuckold or BDSM. It is still a very consuming manner. Never meet someone yet, but had 2-3 hot leads. For everything special I would try to search for people in Twitter.

Never really get Snapchat. It will always be a App for kids and teenager for me. Of course the filters are cool and it has some good points on its side, but really finding new people and meeting them in real life… nahhhh. You can consume some pictures and videos from girls, who like to share them or want to make money but that is it. Let me know if you think differently and share your experience.

Same, Same but different. Barely meet someone I meet on Instagram. If yes, definitely not for Sex. Same for Snapchat. You probably find some girls, who like to share pictures or videos, but the rules are very strict. Don’t expect to see any nipples or a pussy. It is still funny for sexual quotes.

It was the first place back in my young days where I searched for Sexual encounters in the section He for She. It results in one BDSM romance I had in London. Lots of fake stuff and wasted time, but it was always exciting. Now it is not an option anymore. There is not that much in central and south america anyway. They recently closed/deleted the section. I guess new laws or privacy reasons in the U.S. Fair enough.

I don’t like this platform in the list, but “lets be honest” says it all. Couchsurfing is a source to find people for sex. I never used it actively for that purpose only, but mostly when I start to travel alone. My honest advice…. Don’t look for Sex, but a friend. Often you maybe end up having sex, because people from Couchsurfing are in general really open minded. In that time I traveled around for the first time 50% of my sexual encounters were from Couchsurfing. It does changed a lot in the last 5 years. Anyway… In maybe 150 people I meet with I slept with around 10. That maybe is not a lot, but again I would never force it.

I admire people, who can go out in a club or bar and get a girl… I think in my entire life that worked out just two or three times. It is just not for me. As explained I am more the dance guy If I go out, which is not happening often. I also consider myself as a feminist and just don’t like to bother girls… Maybe because I am also afraid of rejection. It is much easier online =)

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An interesting topic I got into after matching with a girl from Tinder, who lives in the US. But let me get there step be step. It starts with a normal match. I think it was Mexico, but at the end it doesn’t matter. She was not at the place anymore. I was writing her, that I don’t see a lot of sense in writing, because she lives far away, but she insists to write a bit and explained why distance doesn’t really matter for her.

In my opinion we need to separate here two things. Being close in the sense of distance and being close emotionally. The rest is kind of self explaining. You can be far away from someone but still close emotionally. A good example for that is a long term relationship (LTR). That is a concept, which works for some people. Often you are close to people, you are close (distance) with. I would say family, neighbors, school/college/university friends and work colleges. As more time you spend someone or seeing someone regular as closer you may get?!

Well, I am not a psychologist, but people are lazy. We are also social beings. If you put two people on a lonely island, they probably end up working together. But my point is somewhere else. For a strong bond you need to spend time with another person. Talking reveals how the person thinks. We decide for our own if we can relate to that or not. Of course we don’t need to agree everything. Getting to the point. It is much easier to build up a emotional connection with someone if we see that person more often.

If you think about it, it makes sense… You are very close to your family with whom you spend a significant amount of time. Same counts for school friends or college. Your best teenager friend, you meet up tons of time and experience the world. The first long relationships you could never erase from your head.

Lets get back to my Tinder match I mentioned at the beginning. I do agree that you don’t need to life close by the person. There are 8 billion people out there. There are probably couple of soulmates out there and dozens of people you would connect with. The problem is how to find them and how to communicate. If you find a person, who resonates with you, why not building up this connections? If it comes to social relationships it is about quality and not quantity, right?

The only thing you need is to invest time and later on probably money. Genuine interest, communication and time. How much time do you have to connect to new people? Make new friends? I think a lot of people rather invest the time in friends they already have. For a good reason. This are the people who make us happy. But consciously investing time for new people… Well the question is up to you.

First of all I totally agree with the fact that you should spend time to connect to someone, who may not live around. It is about quality! And so often you have meaningless conversation with people you meet. Tinder or other Dating Sites are no different. So why not stick to people, who are on your page. The problem is the time you invest. Doesn’t matter how long it last nearly all of friends I made online and never meet are fading away after a while. I never meet a good friend online.

I meet my 2nd best friend on a online dating site. We spend a quality time together and after I left my country we still regular chat and check on each other. My point is that you need to ensure you will meet. Better sooner than later, because just in the real word you build up memories. Emotions for someone online are in my opinion fake. A trick of your brain, where you start to love what you imagine. This is not real. I would always prefer to meet someone in real life and keep contact with them online than the other way around. I do meet most of the people online first, but I try to meet as fast as possible to avoid wasting much time.

I start to explain above. What we do, when we write with someone online is to create this person in our imagination. We through all information in and mix it with our own feelings and interpretation. So often it is different in the real world. Voice, body language, smell and much more play an important role if we meet new people. Also our own expectation. That maybe even more important, but also plays in that we create something in our head rather meet and see.

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