You have pulled the Rug, a reminder that you aren't a total pushover even though you let people walk all over you! Don't wring out your tassels in shame. You're a testament to how much patience a floor mat can practice, considering the variety of gross happenings that have occured on you. You tend to bring out the worst in people, but at least you get to watch whatever is on TV while it's happening! Just remember that your variety of stains only makes you a tapestry of many colors and stories. You reject that typical beige-gray lifestyle in favor of being a rainbow of dirt and filth...but a rainbow nonetheless! So book your flight to Florida, commit some light onanism, and invite Pauly Shore to roll up with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and low-pile layabout John Garguilo!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Ruj the Cursed Rug: Jorin Garguilo

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

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