You have pulled the Farmer, which represents industrial reapers, endless chores, and market stalls! You are salt of the earth and pepper of the underworld. Demons and devils and everything in between line up in droves to enjoy your horrid crops (only the best of the worst for the worst folks around!) Naturally, it's hard work keeping Hell fed, and your work is often underappreciated. Don't let any human or bully plants boss you around - you've got the toughest most calloused hands in this realm. This is a reminder to keep toiling and trudging, it only makes your cornucopia that much more disgusting! So sharpen up that pitchfork, chomp on some rat knuckles, and pop some barbed wire berries into your cornhole with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and horrifying horticulturist Scott Piebenga!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Brian Pontiac: Scott Piebenga

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Fashion Intern, which represents coffee runs, runways, and raw denim sleep jeans! Slay! Sashay! Shantay you stay in eternal damnation! You are always dressed to impress...unfortunately you are cursed to a lifetime of striving to impress anyone and everyone. A 2.5-inch zipper doesn't begin to cover the amount of busy work piled onto your plate. Even when you're doing all the thinking for high-end designers, it doesn't stop you from crafting your own creations! And it shouldn't! You've got the world on a string (thread…bobbin…spool…ANYWAY!) It's too bad no one on Earth cared much for your unique designs, but not everyone can be a trendsetter! Maybe you've just got one hell of a sense of style. The Devil does indeed wear Prada, but you can always party in your birthday suit with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and haute couture hellion Devin Henderson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Bobby Le Bobby: Devin Henderson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Rug, a reminder that you aren't a total pushover even though you let people walk all over you! Don't wring out your tassels in shame. You're a testament to how much patience a floor mat can practice, considering the variety of gross happenings that have occured on you. You tend to bring out the worst in people, but at least you get to watch whatever is on TV while it's happening! Just remember that your variety of stains only makes you a tapestry of many colors and stories. You reject that typical beige-gray lifestyle in favor of being a rainbow of dirt and filth...but a rainbow nonetheless! So book your flight to Florida, commit some light onanism, and invite Pauly Shore to roll up with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and low-pile layabout John Garguilo!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Ruj the Cursed Rug: Jorin Garguilo

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Alien, which represents continued education, SoCal surf fashion, and force choking! You're quite an extraverted extraterrestrial, making everyone feel appreciated with your amazing ability to read everyone's mind. You're incredible at assimilating to life (death!) and the creatures in Earth's Hell, even though you're light years beyond them in intelligence! You love to live, laugh, learn about other cultures and revel in their humor - turns out joke probing feels the same in every galaxy! Even though you may be a model specimen (see: JCPenny's catalog), not everything about you seamlessly blends in (see: knife hand). So get your library card and your real estate license and rent out the universe with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and intergalactic gal Michelle Lerch!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Snorky: Michelle Lerch

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled The Imp (Reversed), which represents teenage angst, human studies, and techno most foul! Listener, beware - let this card be a warning to you! You are raving down the wrong road and there's no amount of post-nut clarity or cool as hell drugs that can draw you back into the boiling hot embrace of eternal darkness. And don't get it twisted: censoring your swears, doing close-up magic, and making dirty song parodies isn't going to bring you into your mentor's good graces! Even if he's not your real dad, you should look to the ranks above you, e.g. a little stinker, for inspiration. You're so close to earning all 666 of those hell college credits, so stick to the syllabus for your impternship and keep answering those emails for devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and world's best strepson Scoochie Boochie!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Ty Dewie the Imp: Scoochie Boochie

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You’ve selected The Doodle. Bark bark? Bark, bark bark. If that isn’t clear enough, not sure what is. But if you need the extra walkies, here’s the pooper scoop: you’re a force to be reckoned with and a boss bitch to boot. Just try to remember that when you lose your cool, someone might lose a finger. You’re a true Parisian and foodie with a flair for the psychotic. But at your core, you just want to be loved. Underneath that blood stained fur coat, your heart is as pure as your inbred, overpopulated breed. So grab a human femur to gnaw on and call it puppy love with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton and cutie pupper doggo, Haley Karlson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Teeny Mimi: Haley Karlson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Trophy Maker, and my what a good sport you are. You have a love for the game, especially if that game involves the bones of your enemies. Call it a praise kink or call it a kind heart, you’re always there to celebrate and support whoever walks through your door. Because after all, even losers need loving or you’d run out of customers... Reward yourself with a hot chocolate every once in a while and always remember to celebrate the prize pig that you are. Go team! Don’t let the haters tear you and your freaky body down, keep that DIY hustle going strong and give some soft applause for participation to devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and first place finisher, Will Morris!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Lundbin Gorse: Will Morris

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Improviser, a man about town if that town were a dark and sticky theatre that your one friend invited you to on a random Thursday one time. You’ve got a keen ear for listening and a sense of humility that lets the world know you do not care about its Stephen King references. Patience and long term dedication to your art form mean you’ve met a devil or two, but are always able to keep cool in the face of suggestions like “laser dildo.” No flannel is too fierce, no “zip” is too “zap”, and the only thing stopping you from climbing your way to the top is damnation itself. Get your tickets and prepare those palms for clappin’ with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and "Yes and" fiend, Ollie Hobson!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Dylan Vermooouth: Ollie Hobson

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Abigail, a reminder that the only thing hotter than you are the friends and villagers you've immolated. You're the 17th century's answer to Regina George, and you totally give the term Burn Book a whole new meaning. So fetch! Just don't be boring - you've got plenty of followers who hang on your every word. And your words are so very powerful! Manifest! Persecute! Like and subscribe! But before you start streaming, be sure to check the vibes and try not to be so judgmental, girl - you are a good Christian, after all, with just a hint of bloodlust. Whether it's planning a fake party or pining after your boyfriend, the limit does not exist when it comes to the lengths you'll go to to make yourself the center of attention. So fasten your bonnet, subtweet your enemies, and apologize for swearing with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and Boston witch bitch Elim Almedom!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

Abigail: Elim Almedom

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod

You have pulled the Omen Child, which represents sweet innocence, Catholic church, and horrifying murderous impulses! You are a total sicko, a real psychopath, but the most accomplished amateur surgeon to come out of St. Xavier's School for Boys nonetheless! Maybe it's your midcentury upbringing or perhaps your adorable demeanor, but you are the most wholesome rebirth of the anti-Christ this side of Hell's Mississippi! Gee whiz, you're a real whippersnapper, but don't forget to stay humble! Remember, you don't even have armpit hair yet and you're already aware that you need to see the life drain out of something's eyes in order to feel alive. Golly-gosh-olly, that's one dilly of a pickle! So grab some penny candies, resist stealing from the collection plate, and let boys be scary little boys with devil tormentor Art Brimstone, Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton, and maniacal mischief maker Mary Lou!

Credits

Failed Comedian Ian Hamilton: Ian Hamilton

Art Brimstone: Art Stone

PJ: Mary Lou

Theme Music: Sam Winters

Artwork: Hannah Bess Ross

Hell Soundscape: @MichaelGhelfiStudios

Audio Engineer: Rick Riggs @Handwritten Recording

Editor: Art Stone

Producers: Ian Hamilton & Art Stone

Associate Producer: Natalie O'Sullivan Hamilton

Support the show by following us wherever the hell we are: linktr.ee/netherregionpod