Stanley McHale's Electrical Podcast

In this, the first Electrical Podcast, Mr. McHale is frustrated at Apple, having just “bought a job” after feeling pressurised into creating a podcast. We meet paranoid aristocrats Hugo and Phillipa at Bromsgrove, their family pile. The slogan on a Lion King poster gets pedantically analysed, Morrissey goes down a storm at his local comedy club, and we try to decide whether Morse or Poirot (but definitely not Tom Barnaby) can claim to be the greatest TV detective of all time. Finally, we meet Alan Merrick, the only living relative of The Elephant Man, who gives us a fascinating insight into the London dating scene.

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FROM THE ARCHIVES: This was (and still is) a film I made way back in 2005 after a friend told me about the Modern Drunkard Magazine and its annual convention. We had a ball. Another big thank you and hello to Frank, Christa, Luke, Nick, Sid and all you other fruit loops out in Denver. I'll be back to the Lion's Lair one day. Good times.

In this series finale Christmas edition of the Electrical Podcast, we are serenaded by Lancashire’s finest Mr. George Formby as he sings a ditty about his time as a trader of human lives. We look into the idea of homophobic Christmas crackers, raise a glass to one of the stupidest things ever said in a shop, and then settle down by the fire for a Christmas story about the worst gig Mr. McHale has ever done.* Finally, we catch up with London’s truest troubadour, Alan Merrick, as he recounts a date in Shepherd’s Bush with French scientist Annette.

Many, many thanks for listening to these ten episodes. I’m off to Los Angeles for a bit, but we’ll be back in spring 2011 sometime.

Have a very merry Christmas, everyone.

Stanley

* Careful now, this story contains exceptionally bad language. I’ve tried to avoid this in the podcasts, but the story demands it, and I’m not sure how you mark a single episode as ‘explicit’ on iTunes. I’m sorry for any offence.

“Nine times….” as the brilliant Jeffrey Jones said as headmaster Ed Rooney in the eighties comedy classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But was is a classic? Rather, was Ferris, instead of being a hero to teenagers everywhere, simply a spoilt, jumped up little menace? And what’s all this Facebook business? Surely it’s not a suitable environment for anyone over the age of twenty-five? We have a good look at the miserly madness of second class post and how it’s harder for the Post Office to send a letter slowly than it is at regular pace, before we wrap a cloak across our faces and head into the dark catacombs of Alan’s Dates, where this week a rather downbeat Mr Merrick has been to a gallery with a Swiss artist called Digital.

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For starters, we look at the common lies told by stand-up comedians, followed up with a critique of the rubbish interests people sometimes include on their CVs, and a story from Mr. McHale’s childhood about a trip to Legoland. Doomsday Diana, the flat’s ghost, makes an unwelcome reappearance to answer a listener’s e-mail, before we examine the importance of accents and their effect in the world of business. As if that wasn’t enough, we then look at the problem of people who are too into average stuff, before Alan Merrick rings in to tell us about his date with high maintenance Donatella at Gordon Ramsey’s restaurant in Claridges.

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This week, we look at the astronomical coasts associated involved when someone is selfish enough to invite you to their wedding. We are interrupted by the unwelcome visit of Diana, the flat’s ghost, who has a talent for looking into the future. Mr. McHale, in an uncharitable mood, them takes aim at people who send postcards from abroad, before opening the bile throttle fully when it comes to the ludicrous way people tend to behave as soon as they get back from holiday. In conclusion, Alan Merrick tells the heart warming tale of his date with Gill, an animal loving vegan, on their date to vegetarian restaurant Mildred’s in Soho.

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Why does the Prime Minister, the best person at being a Minister, allow him or herself to be bullied during Prime Minister’s Questions? The notion is proposed that the leader of the UK should be harder. Forget the engagement of Prince Wilhelm and Kate Middleclass, the royal wedding everyone’s looking forward to is that of Princess Beatrice and some rugby player or someone – and we go there LIVE! Next, we explore the beautiful seaside town of Hove, and investigate Audrey’s Chocolate’s, a local cocoa delicatessen set up just after the Second World War. Gazza teaches us how to take the perfect free kick, and we attend the funeral of Paul Horsley, a local bastard. Finally, in Alan’s Dates, Alan meets Michelle at the Pizza Express in Islington, and he’s got a trick up his sleeve…

First up, we look in far, far too closer detail at the lyrics to Manic Monday by The Bangles, concluding that it’s a homage to TV show 30 Rock or something to do with fruit picking. Gazza gives any aspiring footballer tips on how to shoot, and we discuss American positivity compared to British negativity. This is followed by a thesis on how we all got our surnames, back in medieval forest dwelling times. Anyone with a surname is well advised to listen and so learn more about their own heritage. Later, in Alan’s Dates, we find out about our man’s worrying friend Billy, the hospital porter, before he describes his date in well-to-do Fulham with interior designer Abigail.

Now better than The Lord Of The Rings, with four episodes, this week sees us delve into the ugly business of paying for two drinks by debit or credit card in the pub as well as the vile habit of men carrying around coins in their wallets. Second, we learn some top football tips from Paul Gascoigne, before discussing the idiocy of nationalism and how William Blake’s hymn Jerusalem is quite ridiculously wide of the mark. Importantly, Mr. McHale launches his own Thunderbirds-style initiative: The Board Of Skills (BOS), before we have a chat with Johnny Rockface about his lyrics to the Alan’s Date’s theme tune. Naturally, we also catch up with Alan Merrick himself, who this week has been on a date to Nandos in Brixton.

Find a fuse and stick it in! Light the fire and pour some gin! A toast to her, a toast to him! Electrical Podcast!

Similarly to The Lord Of The Rings, this podcast now has three episodes. In the third, Mr. McHale forgets about the comedy aspect of this series and sets off on a furious rant against Radio 1 and, in particular, it’s hard to spell, vapid presenter Fearne Cotton. Mozzer turns the air blue down at the Side Splitter Comedy Club, we have at look at TCFRA – The Campaign For Real Ale and their abnormal use of English, before paying a final visit to Bromsgrove where Hugo and Phillipa have had a bit of a time of it with the bloody Royals. It’s poppy buying season, so we look at how many it is sensible to buy in commemoration of the dead, before settling back to hear a charming anecdote from the streets of Liverpool. Finally, in Alan’s Dates, our lovelorn hero goes on a rendezvous to one of the East End’s toughest boxing pubs.

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