This episode is about surviving salty days. This episode is about the ways that death, grief, and my life exploding, have made me care a lot less about things being perfect, ideal, or optimal.

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This episode is about grief. It's about a concept I learned about on Mary H.K. Choi's podcast, "Hey, Cool Life!" of taking the ingredients you're given in a day, and doing your best with them. It's about making a ten-course meal out of salt. It's about turning the black ink of loss splattered across the imperfect masterpiece of your life, into something resembling beauty, while also acknowledging that this black stain was never meant to be there. It's about honoring your shitty days and your good days, because they all matter and they all make up your beautiful, brutal life.

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This episode is about my first New Year’s Eve without 아빠. I did not know how massive the waves of grief would be on New Year’s Eve — December 31, 2023.

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Today, Thursday, October 26, 2023, marks 1 month — 30 days — since my dad died. Greg and I visited his grave at Fairfax Memorial Park (cemetery), and at 2:37 pm, I talked to him. This is a recording of that conversation. This episode is about grief and death.

The Seung Hyun Ko Memorial Fund: ⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/seung-hyun-ko-memorial-fund⁠

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An audio journal of my day on Saturday, August 26 to Monday, August 28, 2023. What it's like to take care of my dad who has stage 4 lung cancer (Non-Small Cell Lung Adenocarcinoma) with Leptomeningeal Disease, with Brain, Spine, and Cerebrospinal Fluid Metastases.

Venmo: ⁠https://account.venmo.com/u/jieunandgreg⁠

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The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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An audio journal of my day on Friday, August 25, 2023 — also known as Greg's 34th Birthday. A recap of our day, a birthday message to Greg, an audio clip of us sitting in the sounds of Sky Meadows State Park, and an audio clip of us walking through the woods.

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The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jieunandgreg/

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An audio journal of my day on Tuesday, August 22 to Thursday, August 24, 2023. What it's like to take care of my dad who has stage 4 lung cancer (Non-Small Cell Lung Adenocarcinoma) with Leptomeningeal Disease, with Brain, Spine, and Cerebrospinal Fluid Metastases.

Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/jieunandgreg

Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠⁠

The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jieunandgreg/

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An audio journal of my day on Monday, August 21, 2023. What it's like to take care of my dad who has stage 4 lung cancer (Non-Small Cell Lung Adenocarcinoma) with Leptomeningeal Disease, with Brain, Spine, and Cerebrospinal Fluid Metastases.

Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jieunandgreg/

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An audio journal of my day on Saturday, August 19, 2023, and Sunday, August 20, 2023. What it's like to take care of my dad who has stage 4 lung cancer (Non-Small Cell Lung Adenocarcinoma) with Leptomeningeal Disease, with Brain, Spine, and Cerebrospinal Fluid Metastases.

Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠⁠

The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jieunandgreg/

Get full access to Stay Soft, Stay Open at staysoftstayopen.substack.com/subscribe

An audio journal of my day on Friday, August 18, 2023. What it's like to take care of my dad who has stage 4 lung cancer (Non-Small Cell Lung Adenocarcinoma) with Leptomeningeal Disease, with Brain, Spine, and Cerebrospinal Fluid Metastases.

Patreon: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/jieunandgreg⁠⁠

The Ko Family's Cancer Gofundme: ⁠⁠https://www.gofundme.com/f/emergency-funds-for-mr-and-mrs-ko⁠⁠

Instagram: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jieunandgreg/

Get full access to Stay Soft, Stay Open at staysoftstayopen.substack.com/subscribe