Stella's Lived Experiences ❤️‍🩹

In this episode, I explore generational abuse through a trauma-informed lens, not as isolated incidents, but as a family system shaped by unresolved patterns of control, anxiety, and emotional insecurity.

I reflect on growing up in an environment where emotional safety was limited, where rest and disagreement were not easily available, and where my role as a child gradually became managing the emotional states of my parents rather than being supported in developing my own identity.

This episode discusses why some children are treated differently within controlling or dysregulated family systems. It looks at how awareness, emotional sensitivity, and the ability to question patterns can unintentionally disrupt these systems, often leading to increased pressure, blame, or scapegoating.

I also speak about the process of leaving a harmful system. Going no-contact was not a sudden or impulsive decision, but the result of prolonged internal conflict and reflection. I share an important realization: parents cannot give what they themselves did not receive, and understanding this does not require self-sacrifice.

Breaking generational cycles does not mean labeling parents as evil. It means acknowledging harm, refusing to normalize it, and choosing not to repeat it.
This is a quiet, reflective episode about grief, clarity, and self-preservation. It speaks to the reality that healing can be lonely and misunderstood, but it can also be honest and stabilizing.

If you have ever been judged for protecting your boundaries or choosing distance for your wellbeing, this episode may resonate with you.

🎙️ Stella’s Lived Experiences | Episode: 19 Breaking the Lineage

In this episode, I share my lived experience of growing up in a control-based family system, migrating abroad, navigating emotional and financial pressure, and ultimately choosing no-contact as an act of survival.

This is not a story about blaming parents or seeking sympathy.
It’s about understanding coercive control, parentification, cultural expectations, and what happens when independence threatens systems built on obedience.

I talk about:

Growing up without emotional safety

Being treated as “the strong one” from a young age

The difference between support and control

Migration, job struggle, and pressure tied to dependence

Why walking away was not cruelty, but self-preservation

What it really means to break a generational pattern


This episode is for anyone who has had to choose themselves without being understood, and for those learning to trust their own clarity after years of self-doubt.

Content note: discussions of emotional abuse, family estrangement, and mental health.

This is my truth.
This is my voice.
This is Stella’s lived experience.

Experience, when used wisely, is a gift. Used recklessly, it can blur boundaries. The art of social work is not simply about having lived experience, but learning how to translate it into practice responsibly, ethically, and compassionately.

At its heart, social work is about humanity. And humanity is not found in textbooks or manuals; it is found in stories, scars, resilience, and the countless ways people survive. Lived experience is the most honest reflection of that humanity. It is not just another tool in the toolbox; it is the heartbeat of the work.

What makes lived experience so valuable is simple: it cannot be replicated, faked, or replaced. It is lived. And because it is lived, it carries an authenticity and power that transforms practice from being a service into being a relationship.

When social workers learn to honor lived experience of their own, their clients’, and their communities’—they don’t just become better practitioners. They become more human. And it is our humanity, above all, that heals.

Welcome to my podcast, Stella's Lived Experiences; a space where small talk finds its way into big truths and deep conversations unfold like stories we’ve been waiting to hear.

I’m your host, Stella Bordoloi—an author, social worker, creative stylist, a raw storyteller, and someone who believes that lived experience is more powerful than polished theory. My memoir, Phoenix of the Northeast, is written in an unconventional, lyrical way; woven with sensory notes, raw truth, and even a playlist to guide the rhythm of memory.

Here, we go beyond surface chatter. We explore what it means to live, to feel, and to remember through story. This is not about being perfect; it’s about being real. Because our lived experiences carry wisdom that no textbook or lecture ever could.

So settle in whether you’re walking, cooking, or just taking a moment for yourself. Together, we’ll dive into the beauty of conversation, from the lightness of small talk to the depth of soul truths.

"Take a breath.

Feel your feet on the ground, the weight of your own body reminding you that you are here, alive, and yours.

Outside, the world will always have something to say about who you should be, how you should live, and who you should love. But in this moment, all that matters is the choice you make for yourself.


I didn’t arrive here overnight. I’ve stood in rooms where my voice was ignored, where my needs were dismissed, where love meant abandoning myself just to be chosen by someone else. I’ve given away my seat at my own table more times than I can count.


But the truth is — no one else can choose me the way I can. And every time I return to myself, I find more of the woman I was always meant to be.


This is Chapter 11: I Choose Me, Again and Again. It’s about the messy, beautiful work of self-commitment. It’s about walking away from anything that asks you to betray yourself, even if it’s familiar, even if it’s hard. It’s about saying, ‘I am mine first,’ and meaning it.


So, settle in. Pour yourself something warm. And let’s talk about the most important love story you’ll ever live — the one with yourself."

They told me I had to be sharp to survive. That softness was weakness. But they never saw the wars I fought, the kind where you win - not by breaking others, but by refusing to break yourself.

This is Chapter 10: Softness is My Sword. It is a story about the courage it takes to stay gentle in a world that tells you to harden. About the quiet resilience that doesn’t roar but still stands unshaken.

"If you’ve ever been told you’re ‘too sensitive,’ maybe this chapter will remind you that’s not your flaw. That’s your superpower."

Welcome to Chapter 10- Softness Is My Sword and redefining softness as one of the biggest strengths in today's world without losing yourself and your humanness for survival.

Welcome back to Phoenix of the Northeast: The Audio Memoir.

I’m Stella Bordoloi — and you’re listening to Chapter 9: The Power I Took Back.


This chapter is about the moment everything shifted.

The moment I stopped making excuses for harm.

The moment I stopped mistaking manipulation for love.


Here, I name what so many women are conditioned to normalize —

Partners who dim our light, betray our trust, and then blame us for reacting.

I speak to the gaslighting, the coercion, the cowardice behind faux tenderness.


But more than that, I speak to the aftermath.

To the woman who didn’t just survive it — she walked through the fire with her spine intact.

This is where I stopped breaking and started building.

Where I stopped explaining and started reclaiming.


If you’ve ever been made to feel like you’re too much for someone who was never enough —

This chapter will meet you exactly where you are.


Let’s begin.

Welcome back to the Phoenix of the Northeast podcast — a memoir in motion, a sanctuary of truth, and a space where no part of us is hidden anymore.

Today, we arrive at Chapter 8 — I Am Not Your Secret.

This chapter is a door slammed shut.


A mirror turned inward.


A moment where I stopped accepting half-love, half-truths, and half-presence.


Because let me say it plain:

I am not something to be tucked away in shadows.

Not your afterthought.

Not your guilt trip.

Not your shame to carry behind closed doors.


I am not the woman you call at midnight but deny in daylight.

I am not your experiment in secrecy, in silence, in survival.


This chapter is for every woman who's ever been hidden, erased, romanticized in private but erased in public.


For every time you were made to feel like your love, your body, your fire was too complicated to claim out loud.


This is the moment I spit that shame back out — and say:

I deserve to be chosen in the sunlight.

I deserve to be spoken about with pride — not whispered like a sin.

I am not your secret.

I am someone you never had the right to hide.




This chapter might feel like a gut punch.

But it’s also a liberation.

A declaration.

A homecoming to self.


Because when I stopped begging to be seen — I realized: I was always whole.

It was they who were never ready for my light.


And I will never again be small to soothe someone else’s shame.


This is Chapter 8 of my memoir — and the beginning of every woman remembering:


You were never meant to be anyone’s secret.

You are the story, the headline, the whole damn truth.


Let’s begin.

Welcome back to the “Phoenix of the Northeast” podcast, where survival isn’t the end of the story — it’s the beginning of sovereignty.

This is Chapter 7: Becoming Fire, Not Fuel.

This is the part where I stopped trying to be digestible. Where I stopped letting other people throw their matches at me — hoping I’d burn for their warmth.


You see, for so long, I was taught to be the fuel.


To bend, to accommodate, to set myself on fire just to keep the room from going cold.


But this chapter? This is where I re-wrote the rule.


Because I wasn’t born to be consumed — I was born to ignite.


Becoming fire, not fuel means saying no even when your voice trembles.


It means walking away from people who only love the ashes of who you used to be.


It means choosing sacred rage over silent suffering.


In this chapter, I speak about the moment I looked at the girl in the mirror — bruised by expectation, burned by betrayal — and said:


"You don’t belong to them anymore. You belong to the flame you carry."


And when I stopped begging for permission to burn, I became my own torch.


This isn’t just a chapter.


It’s a boundary. A blaze. A prayer.


A declaration that I will no longer be kind to what kills me.


From here on, I don’t explain my fire.


I embody it.


Let them misunderstand.


Let them call it anger when it’s really alchemy.


Because this is my rise — and I am the firestarter now.


If you’ve ever felt like your light was too much — or not enough — this chapter is for you.


Not everyone is meant to stand beside your flame.


But those who do? They’ll never ask you to dim it.


Thank you for walking with me through the fire.


This was Chapter 7: Becoming Fire, Not Fuel.

Hi, I’m Stella Bordoloi—originally from the lush, culture-rich city of Guwahati in Assam, North East India, and born in Shillong, Meghalaya. Now based in sunny North Queensland, Australia. My journey is rooted in healing, truth-telling, and reclaiming power through lived experience.

Outside of work, I’m a big believer in rest, beauty, and self-expression. I love curating cozy spaces with candles and soft lighting, writing reflective journal entries, and dancing—something I’ve done since childhood as a trained Indian classical dancer. I find peace in hiking, exploring cultures, and indulging in creative side hustles like personal styling and organizing soulful gatherings with friends. I’m also a lover of trauma-informed movement practices like yoga and Pilates, which have become part of my healing.

This podcast is an extension of everything I love: honest conversations, emotional depth, and making space for stories that often go unheard. Welcome to my world—where softness meets strength, and survival becomes sacred storytelling.