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I had read this step many, many, times before. All the times I was very much involved in the 12 step program, I tended to focus on just a few of the steps. I focused on the first step because I, well, was in a detox center, or halfway house or recovery program of some sort. It was difficult to look at myself as anything but unmanageable. I focused on the fourth step because I could make myself look like I was trying to work the program and depending on how I wrote fourth step, I could actually look good. After that I zoomed to the 10th step, and told everyone how I was continuing to take a look at myself. Oh, brother! Mea culpa, mea culpa! Me and my Spirit were one! Ha! That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Of course, when I worked as a counselor/therapist, I showed people how to prepare for, and do the fifth step. Some folks would do the fifth step with me. I would help them as best I could because I was good at giving advice but not so good at taking it. It would be a while before I could even begin to find humility and truly surrender to God by saying the Almighty “yes”.