In this episode, Cindy Esliger tackles one of the most uncomfortable questions to ask when workplace conflict keeps following us: what if some of it is us? When the same kinds of breakdowns happen with different teams, managers, or companies, it is tempting to build a case for why everyone else is the problem. Cindy explains why honest self-assessment is not about taking all the blame. It is about recognizing the part of the situation that is actually within our control. When we can see our own patterns, habits, and blind spots, we have something we can change. Self-awareness, as Cindy puts it, can be a career accelerant.

Cindy explores the blind spots that can make us harder to work with than we realize, including defensiveness and becoming a “polite saboteur,” where resentment and disagreement hide behind good manners. She points to several signs that deserve our attention: recurring conflict, an instinct to explain away feedback, being quietly left out of conversations, hearing the same criticism from more than one person, and feeling increasingly isolated at work. Rather than acting like a defense attorney building the case for our innocence, Cindy encourages us to conduct a forensic investigation and ask three questions: 1. What is the part that I am playing in this? 2. How am I contributing to this situation? 3. Who am I blaming for this situation that I’m experiencing?

Once we recognize our contribution, Cindy says there is a choice between opting out and going through it. Going through it means staying present with what is actually true, repairing relationships when necessary, and accepting that other people still may not respond the way we want them to. Cindy recommends asking for specific feedback, getting curious instead of defensive, looking for patterns across professional relationships, repairing friction directly, conducting our own forensic investigations, and getting support from someone who can reflect what we cannot see ourselves. Once we can see a blind spot, we can work with it. Asking whether we might be part of the problem is not a verdict. It is an opportunity to take back some power and become someone people trust and want to work with.

Key Moments:

00:00 What If Some of It Is You? 

01:38 When You Are the Common Denominator 

03:10 Self-Awareness Is a Career Accelerant 

04:39 Understanding Your Blind Spots 

06:12 What Defensiveness Is Telling You 

07:38 The Polite Saboteur 

09:30 Signs You Might Be the Problem 

12:26 Conduct a Forensic Investigation 

13:51 The Choice to Go Through It 

15:15 Turn Self-Awareness Into Action

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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Cindy Esliger explores the gap between the level we’re operating at and the title on our business card. We too often wait for the promotion before developing executive presence, assuming we need permission to start acting like a leader. Cindy argues that this has the order backwards. Presence isn’t a mask or an attempt to become someone else. It’s about making existing strategic thinking, judgment, and leadership ability more visible, so decision-makers don’t have to struggle to imagine us operating at the next level.

Cindy explains that leadership begins with moving from execution to influence. Instead of simply completing tasks, we demonstrate readiness by shaping priorities, reframing problems, offering recommendations, and taking ownership of gaps that weren’t specifically designated to us. She identifies three concrete behavioral shifts that help make that transition visible: 1. Speak in terms of outcomes, not tasks, 2. Ask questions that reframe the problem, and 3. Take ownership of things nobody assigned us. That presence also shows up in managing professional relationships. Managing up means bringing options and a recommendation instead of just reporting problems. Managing across means building trust and becoming the connective tissue between teams. Managing down means staying composed enough that people feel safe bringing bad news forward while it’s still fixable.

Cindy also discusses gravitas, a core component of executive presence, and describes three key ways to build it: clarity, composure, and credibility. It means saying the main point first, creating a pause between what happens and the response, following through, and setting boundaries without apologizing or overexplaining. But maintaining that level of self-monitoring takes energy, so Cindy offers four strategies for making presence sustainable: 1. Build in downtime on purpose, 2. Separate presence from performance, 3. Batch emotional labor, and 4. Treat recovery time as maintenance, not indulgence. Ultimately, developing presence before permission is about closing the gap between how we already think and how visible that thinking is to others. It happens through small, repeated choices that allow capability to shine without pretending to be someone else.

Key Moments:

00:00 Developing Presence Before Permission

02:50 Why Waiting for the Title Holds You Back

04:00 Moving From Execution to Influence

06:54 Managing Up, Across, and Down

08:24 What Gravitas Actually Looks Like

12:53 Setting Boundaries With Presence

17:05 Making Executive Presence Sustainable

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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Cindy Esliger explores what happens when years of quietly minimizing ourselves at work start to make our expertise invisible. Many of us have learned to soften our language, wait to be asked for our thoughts, and let the confident answers of others stand even when we know there is a better one. Cindy explains why being competent is not enough if no one understands the contribution we’re making. Visibility is not vanity. It’s information, and closing the gap between how capable we are and how visible we allow that capability to be is essential to career growth.

Reclaiming our voice means noticing how often we ask permission to use it. Tentative preambles, qualifiers, overthinking, and waiting until an idea is certain quietly undermine our authority and can keep us from contributing at all. Cindy reminds us that the people who invited us into the room have already decided that our expertise belongs there. Speaking with conviction means trusting our preparation enough to put an idea on the table. The same applies when we disagree. Avoiding conflict doesn’t preserve harmony. Respectful disagreement can build trust, especially when we make the point about the work rather than the person and present a solution to a problem.

How we use our voice matters too. Cindy identifies three specific habits worth listening for: 1. Uptalk, 2. Pace, and 3. Qualifiers. The goal is not to sound like someone else or perform confidence. It’s to recognize the habits that undercut the expertise and authority we’ve already earned. Reclaiming our voice takes practice, but over time the gap between what we know and what we allow others to see can close.

Key Moments:

[00:00:07] When You Have the Idea but Don’t Say It

[00:02:57] Visibility Isn’t Vanity

[00:05:43] Position Your Expertise Strategically

[00:07:17] Stop Asking Permission to Speak

[00:10:14] Choose Boldness Over Burnout

[00:13:07] Disagreement Can Build Trust

[00:17:23] Three Vocal Habits That Can Undercut Authority

Resources discussed in this episode:

—

Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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Cindy Esliger looks into the gap between who we have become and what we still won't allow ourselves to believe is possible. Many accomplished women in engineering have already exceeded anything their younger selves could have imagined, but continue to play smaller than their capabilities suggest because of learned patterns that prioritize safety over possibility. Cindy explains how these patterns develop, why they persist long after the original threat has passed, and how they quietly limit career opportunities. Rather than chasing more achievements, she encourages us to give ourselves permission to imagine what comes next and to build careers rooted in curiosity instead of fear.

Much of what holds us back is not a lack of confidence but a nervous system that learned to stay safe through appeasing others. Cindy introduces the concept of the fawn response and how it can appear in everyday work situations, from staying quiet in meetings to over apologizing, overcommitting, or constantly managing other people's comfort. She explains the difference between perfection and wholeness, encouraging us to stop measuring ourselves against impossible standards and instead embrace growth as an ongoing process. Rather than trying to become a polished, finished version of ourselves, she reminds us that we can be whole while still evolving.

Cindy offers practical ways to begin shifting these deeply ingrained patterns: Pause before automatically saying yes to requests, ground ourselves by reconnecting with our senses when our minds start anticipating threats, ask ourselves what we genuinely think and want instead of defaulting to what is expected of us, and follow the threads of curiosity that fascinated us as a child. Treat career growth as an ongoing practice of experimentation rather than something to perfect. Cindy reminds us that by choosing curiosity over control and trusting our own instincts, we become examples of what’s possible for anyone who comes after us.

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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In this episode, Cindy Esliger explores the career plot twist and why so many ambitious professionals wait until burnout forces us to make a change instead of recognizing the warning signs early. Drawing on her own experience of reaching a breaking point, she explains how success can quietly become unsustainable through a series of small decisions that add up to an overwhelming burden. Cindy challenges the common beliefs that we need to do what we love, find our purpose through work, or say yes to prove our value. Instead, she encourages us to redefine success on our own terms and recognize that just because we can do something doesn't mean we should.

Rather than waiting for circumstances to dictate the next career chapter, Cindy shares five practical suggestions for recognizing and planning a career plot twist before burnout takes over: 1. It’s not necessary to have it all figured out before taking the first step, 2. Ask better questions, 3. Ask how much planning is actually enough, 4. Learn to spot the signs that it's time to move on, and 5. Make peace with the road not taken. She explains how setting boundaries became the most transformative tool in her own career, allowing her to regain control without sacrificing success.

Cindy also explains that recognizing the need for change is only half the challenge. The other half is effectively negotiating for it. She walks through a three-phase approach of preparation, discovery, and agreement, showing how to advocate for career changes in a way that supports both individual goals and organizational needs. Cindy emphasizes that sustainable success isn't built by creating a bigger bonfire. It comes from building a career that leaves room to thrive rather than burn out. By regularly revisiting boundaries and defining our own ‘enough’ point, we can build careers that grow with us rather than consume us.

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

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Cindy Esliger examines what happens when we have a bigger vision for our career than our current work environment supports. Bold ideas can disappear into the ether when colleagues are more comfortable following the agenda, protecting the status quo, or doing things the same way they’ve always been done. Wanting to think outside the box is not a flaw, and Cindy points out that dreaming bigger is a practice, especially when fear, limited thinking, and workplace pressure make safety feel more responsible than possibility.

Cindy identifies three fears that often shape career decisions: 1. Fear of failure, 2. Fear of rejection, and 3. Fear of instability. These fears are real, but they’re data instead of instructions to stop. Cindy contrasts safety-driven decisions, which ask what will keep us comfortable, with aligned decisions, which ask what we need to do the work we actually came to do. She encourages us to consult our future selves by asking three questions: 1. Who have we become?, 2. What did we have to let go of to get here, and 3. What is the one thing we would tell ourselves today that would save us two years of hesitation?

Cindy also challenges us to get honest about what we truly want, without requiring a business case or immediate proof that it’s possible. When the answer feels buried, she offers four questions to help us uncover it: 1. If we already knew the answer, what would it be? 2. In a perfect world with no constraints on possibility, what would we want? 3. What is the thing we’ve always wanted but never said out loud, and 4. If nobody in our lives had an opinion about it, what would we do? Specific wants create something to plan around. The goal isn’t to wait for permission from small thinkers, but to deliberately seek out generous and curious people who are willing to think bigger, explore possibilities, and support meaningful career growth.

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger explores why accountability has earned such a negative reputation and reframes it as one of the most empowering tools we can develop in our careers. Rather than treating accountability as punishment or as another way to criticize ourselves, she explains how it shifts our focus away from waiting for recognition and toward building confidence and control. In workplaces where expectations are often unclear and recognition is inconsistent, accountability becomes a way to reclaim personal power rather than relying on external validation.

Cindy explains that many of us associate accountability with being harder on ourselves, admitting failure, or trying to earn recognition in systems that may never reward our efforts fairly. She distinguishes accountability from punishment by showing that accountability is forward-looking and rooted in growth, while punishment keeps us trapped in shame and self-criticism. She also explores how accountability applies not only to ourselves but also to creating clarity with others by setting expectations, documenting agreements, and encouraging follow-through. Cindy highlights how developing internal standards strengthens self-worth, improves decision-making, and helps us identify when to advocate for ourselves or move on from environments that no longer serve us.

Cindy identifies five workplace warning signs that make healthy accountability difficult: 1. Vague expectations without clear deliverables, 2. Lack of consequences when others don’t deliver, 3. Credit stealing goes unnoticed, 4. Shifting goalposts, and 5. Isolation when we are the only woman or one of very few. She also shares five practical strategies for building accountability in an empowering way: 1. Control the controllables, 2. Take care of our foundation, 3. Make small controllable changes, 4. Create rituals and routines, and 5. Encourage accountability in others. Accountability is not about working harder for someone else's approval. It is about building the confidence, evidence, and self-trust to create the career you truly want.

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger looks into why being the most reliable, hardest-working person in the room can quietly become one of the biggest obstacles to career success. While overfunctioning often earns praise and makes us feel indispensable, it also keeps us trapped in tactical work and limits opportunities to develop the strategic thinking and leadership skills needed for career advancement. Cindy examines why the cycle of constantly fixing problems is so appealing, why it’s especially common for women in technical fields, and how tying self-worth to productivity creates an exhausting pattern that ultimately leads to burnout and career stagnation.

Cindy explains how overfunctioning becomes self-reinforcing through perfectionism, expectation escalation, and the belief that constantly saying yes is what makes someone valuable. She outlines three major consequences of staying trapped in this pattern: 1. Burnout, 2. Career stagnation, and 3. Erosion of confidence. She also challenges several limiting beliefs, including the idea that boundaries are a sign of weakness, that being the gold-star employee leads to leadership, and that burnout is always a personal failure rather than a signal that something needs to change.

Rather than focusing on what can’t be controlled, Cindy shares five practical strategies for starting small in breaking free from the overfunctioning trap: 1. Single-tasking as opposed to multitasking, 2. Set small boundaries when saying no, 3. Dedicate one hour per week to mental well-being and career reflection, 4. Create a system to manage workload that isn’t simply keeping everything in our heads, and 5. Audit internal standards regularly. By stepping away from playing the role of everyone else's safety net, we create space to lead more strategically, build genuine confidence, and pursue careers that are both successful and sustainable.

Resources discussed in this episode:

—

Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Cindy Esliger explores the real cost of losing belief in ourselves and how self-doubt quietly limits career growth, especially for women in STEM and other male-dominated workplaces. Staying silent, downplaying achievements, and waiting for permission can feel like the safer path, but those choices create invisibility over time and prevent us from pursuing opportunities we’ve already earned. Cindy explains why self-confidence is not a fluffy concept but a critical skill for building a successful career.

Drawing on the unique challenges women face in technical fields, Cindy explains how repeated microaggressions, vague feedback, and being overlooked can slowly erode confidence. She highlights six warning signs that lack of self-belief is costing us: 1. Asking permission instead of taking initiative, 2. Working harder and later than everyone else to prove worth, 3. Attributing success to luck, timing, or other people while owning every failure, 4. Staying quiet in meetings or minimizing ideas with apologies, 5. Declining opportunities because of feeling underqualified, and 6. Apologizing excessively even when nothing is wrong. She also challenges common beliefs that keep us stuck and explains the difference between confidence built on external evidence and self-confidence that comes from trusting ourselves.

Cindy closes with four practical strategies to strengthen self-confidence from the inside out: 1. Understand the difference between confidence and self-confidence, 2. Use our voices effectively and powerfully, 3. Stop relying on other people’s belief in us, and 4. Manage our thoughts deliberately. Believing in ourselves is not about arrogance. It’s about trusting that we can handle whatever happens, continuing to take action despite uncertainty, and creating the career and life we truly want.

Resources discussed in this episode:

—

Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success, Cindy Esliger dives into why building professional relationships can feel uncomfortable, especially for women working in engineering, STEM, and other male-dominated environments. While technical competence matters, Cindy explains that career growth is also shaped by the informal networks we build through interaction. She discusses keeping everyone at arm’s length to protect professional credibility and becoming the person everyone relies on emotionally, showing how both extremes can limit career opportunities, making a case for true connection.

Cindy shares six common pitfalls that quietly undermine our success: 1. confusing boundaries with walls, 2. becoming everyone’s person without receiving support in return, 3. dismissing connection as frivolous or unproductive, 4. showing up as all business and wondering why people think we’re cold, 5. Letting fear of seeming weak prevent us from being human, and 6. assuming others will not reciprocate our first offer of connection. She also reframes three limiting beliefs that keep many professionals isolated. Strength is not handling everything alone. Workplaces are not always unsafe for authentic connection. Enduring is not the same as thriving. Cindy then shares practical strategies for building stronger relationships.

Cindy emphasizes that engaging with colleagues is not a distraction from the work. It’s part of the work. Strong professional relationships improve team dynamics, encourage innovation, create opportunities, and provide the reciprocal support needed to prevent burnout. She challenges listeners to begin with one simple action by asking a colleague a genuine question before their next meeting and listening with curiosity. Building meaningful professional relationships is a skill that grows with practice, and taking the first step can transform both career success and everyday work life.

Resources discussed in this episode:

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Contact Cindy Esliger 

Career Confidence Coaching: website | instagram | facebook | linkedin | email

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.