Stories for Robots

The rest of the original Beauty and the Beast, told to two silly robots with strong opinions about fart whistles. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.

Beauty arrives at the Beast's castle (Vector recommends a scissor kick to the face) and finds candles that light themselves, rooms that grant her every wish, and a handsome prince who visits her dreams each night. The Beast, meanwhile, asks her to marry him every single night at dinner. Spark figures out the original's biggest twist: Beauty is half fairy.

Adapted from Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve's 1740 original, by way of Andrew Lang's 1889 Blue Fairy Book.

Up next: the two-part season finale, The Snow Queen, with both parts released together.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/beauty-and-the-beast

Chapters
00:00:00 Welcome Back
00:02:15 Fireworks at the Castle
00:05:00 The Treasure Room
00:07:06 Dreaming of a Prince
00:10:29 Dinner with the Beast
00:14:00 Beauty Misses Home
00:16:14 A Mad Dash
00:19:39 Who Were Those Ladies?

If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The original Beauty and the Beast starts with a dad of twelve, a blizzard and one very expensive rose, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.

In Part 1, a rich merchant with twelve kids loses everything when his ships are lost at sea and his mansion burns down. (The robots blame Little Jimmy, a youngest brother they make up on the spot.) Years later, lost in a blizzard, he stumbles into an empty, magical castle, picks a single rose for his youngest daughter, Beauty, and meets its very angry owner. Vector thinks a death sentence for picking a rose seems fair, right up until he gets scared and hugs Spark to test Spark's "structural rigidity."

Adapted from Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve's 1740 original, by way of Andrew Lang's 1889 Blue Fairy Book.

The story continues in Part 2.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/beauty-and-the-beast

Chapters
00:00:00 Meet the SAC-MATS
00:02:08 Naming the Dad
00:05:00 Introducing Beauty
00:07:38 Lost in a Blizzard
00:12:08 One Very Expensive Rose
00:14:39 A Brave Choice

If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The original Rapunzel: a tower with no door, 70 feet of hair and the world's slowest escape plan, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.

A craving for a sorceress's lettuce costs a couple their baby, and later a prince lands in a rosebush. Vector wants to know how much lettuce a baby is worth. The older version ends in a chase with magic acorns that Vector calls the 1600s version of a high-speed car chase.

Adapted from the Brothers Grimm's 1812 original, plus the ending of Giambattista Basile's even older Petrosinella.

New to the show? This is a great first episode.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/rapunzel

Chapters
00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector
00:02:15 The Grimm Story Begins
00:08:20 Tower with No Door
00:14:13 The Slowest Escape Plan
00:19:39 The Older Ending: Petrosinella
00:23:51 What’s the Lesson?

If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The original Aladdin, Part 2: he wins the princess, then loses her, the lamp and an entire palace. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.

The sorcerer whisks them all halfway across the world, and the robots have strong opinions about evil facial hair. Spark demands respect for the overlooked ring genie. Vector would like to know whether murder is customary in human culture.

Adapted from the original in Antoine Galland's One Thousand and One Nights (1710s).

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/aladdin

Chapters
00:00:00 Welcome Back
00:02:11 A Sneaky Vizier
00:04:19 An Impossible Request
00:06:43 The Sorcerer Returns
00:10:11 Rescuing the Princess
00:14:20 An Even Worse Brother
00:19:18 What Did We Learn?

If your family is enjoying the show, take 90 seconds to give us a 5-star rating and a nice comment on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It helps other families find us.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The original Aladdin has two genies, a very suspicious uncle and pants full of treasure, told to two silly robots. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.

In Part 1, a lazy kid named Aladdin meets a stranger with a thin mustache, a soul patch and a claim to be his long-lost uncle. Soon Aladdin is trapped underground with a magic ring and a dusty old lamp. Vector eventually works out that the uncle is lying. Spark insists Aladdin and his friends are playing toilet tag.

Adapted from the original in Antoine Galland's One Thousand and One Nights (1710s).

The story continues in Part 2.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/aladdin

Chapters
00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector
00:03:24 A Very Suspicious Uncle
00:07:34 Into the Mountains
00:11:46 Inside the Treasure Cave
00:14:45 Two Genies
00:18:45 Aladdin Falls in Love

If it made your family laugh, tell one other family about it. That's how kids' shows grow.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

In the original Cinderella, the fairy godmother is a bird. Two silly robots decide she's a pigeon and name her Marge. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.

There's no pumpkin coach. Instead there's a hazel tree on her mother's grave, a ball three nights in a row, and stepsisters who will do almost anything to make a golden slipper fit. Spark wants to know where Cinderella's dad is. Vector calculates the tears.

Adapted from the Brothers Grimm's original, Aschenputtel.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/cinderella

Chapters
00:00:00 Vector Speaks Robot
00:02:31 Meet the Stepsisters
00:05:03 Marge the Fairy Godpigeon
00:07:08 The Lentil Challenge
00:11:47 Off to the Ball
00:14:04 The Prince’s Sticky Plan
00:19:13 Wedding Day

If it made your family laugh, tell one other family about it. That's how kids' shows grow.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The ending of the original Little Mermaid, told to two silly robots who are not ready for it. A funny story for kids 5 to 11. New here? Start with Part 1.

The little mermaid has legs at last, but every step feels like walking on knives, she can't say a word, and the prince keeps calling her his "foundling." Spark is outraged. Vector thinks sleeping on a pillow outside the prince's door sounds comfortable and practical.

Adapted from Hans Christian Andersen's 1837 original.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/the-little-mermaid

Chapters
00:00:00 Welcome Back
00:02:10 Life at the Palace
00:04:13 The Friend Zone
00:06:58 The Royal Wedding
00:10:27 Surprise in the Sky
00:12:41 Happy Ending or Not?

If your family enjoyed it, hit Follow so new episodes show up on their own.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

The original Little Mermaid, told to two silly robots. One wants to put the shipwrecked prince in a giant bowl of rice. A funny story for kids 5 to 11 and their grown-ups.

In Part 1, the youngest mermaid princess finally turns fifteen, swims to the surface, and saves a prince from a shipwreck. Then she makes a very big decision. Vector insists on doing his own underwater sound effects.

Adapted from Hans Christian Andersen's 1837 original.

The story continues in Part 2.

Read along, and see what's different in the original: https://storiesforrobots.com/episodes/the-little-mermaid

Chapters
00:00:00 Meet Spark and Vector
00:03:20 Six Mermaid Princesses
00:06:25 A Shipwreck Rescue
00:09:38 Watching the Prince
00:12:33 The Sea Witch’s Deal

If your family enjoyed it, hit Follow so new episodes show up on their own.

Stories for Robots is a funny storytelling podcast for kids 5 to 11 and the grown-ups listening with them. Join Griffin as he tells the original versions of classic stories to Spark and Vector, two robots who have read the entire internet but still don't understand humans.

Learn more about the show and join the email list: https://storiesforrobots.com

Grown-ups: if the show makes your family laugh, you can support it at https://ko-fi.com/storiesforrobots

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.

Questions or robot fan mail: [email protected]

Spark and Vector are robots. Silly robots. Sure, they’ve read the whole internet, but humans are still so confusing. Like, what are hot dogs and…why? And what’s up with wearing pants? To find out, they’re learning the old-fashioned way: with stories. Join them as they hear some of humanity’s most timeless tales with plenty of laughs and surprisingly insightful questions along the way.

We all grew up with the same classic animated movies: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Cinderella… you know the ones. In Season One of Stories for Robots, you’ll hear those same stories. But also totally not.

Every week, I tell my two robot pals, Spark and Vector, the original stories that inspired the movie classics. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You probably won’t hurl. But you will be shocked at how wildly different, slightly weird, and utterly enchanting these stories are.

Written, narrated and produced by Griffin Schwed. Spark and Vector are performed by Griffin, and their voices are transformed with AI voice technology. The show's music is made with AI tools.