Stories I told my daughter

Once upon a time, there was a little monkey named John. John did not like wearing underwear. In fact, his favorite thing to say was:

“Monkeys don’t wear underwear!”

All the animals in the forest knew this about John.

One fine day, John went for a walk. He walked and walked. He skipped between the trees, strolled past the flowers, and arrived at the edge of the lake.

There, he met his friend, Absalom the Elephant.

Absalom looked down at John and said, “John, you aren’t wearing any underwear.”

John just giggled. “Of course not!” he said. “Monkeys don’t wear underwear!”

But Absalom raised his trunk with concern. “Be careful, John. The lake is full of mosquitoes.”

Bzzzz… Bzzzz…

A giant mosquito circled John. It looked left. It looked right. And then—ZAP! It stung him!

“Ouch!” shrieked John. “Ow, ow, ow!” He looked at his big friend. “Absalom, quick! Is it possible to borrow a pair of your underwear?”

Absalom kindly brought him a pair. But elephant underwear is… very, very big. Too big!

John completely disappeared inside them! He couldn’t see a thing, and he certainly couldn’t walk. So John took them off. And it didn’t take long before he forgot all about it.

John walked and walked. He skipped between the trees, strolled past the flowers, and arrived at a tall fig tree.

There stood Golda the Giraffe, munching on sweet figs. Golda peeked down from the treetops. “John, you really ought to put on some underwear.”

But John just shook his head. “Monkeys don’t wear underwear!”

Suddenly—Bzzzz-bzzt! Bzzzz-bzzt!

A swarm of fruit flies arrived. They spotted John’s bare bottom. “Look!” whispered the flies. “A giant, ripe fig!”

And NIP! And NIP!

“Yeowch!” John screamed. “Golda! Golda! Do you have any underwear I can borrow?”

Golda gave him a pair. But giraffe underwear is… very, very long. Too long!

John took one step. Trip! He took another step. Stumble!

He had to take them off. And once again, he forgot all about his troubles.

On went John, walking and walking. He skipped between the trees, strolled past the flowers, and arrived at the murky swamp.

There sat Methuselah the Toad.

“Ribbit, John,” croaked Methuselah. “You should wear underwear. This swamp is crawling with fleas.”

But John insisted: “Monkeys don’t wear underwear!”

Right at that moment—BOING!

A mischievous flea launched itself directly onto John’s bottom. BITE!

“Gosh almighty!” John yelled. “Methuselah! Please! Do you have any underwear?”

Methuselah hopped away and brought back a pair. But toad underwear is… very, very small. Too small!

John couldn’t even fit one tiny finger inside. That was enough for John. He turned around and ran all the way home.

“Mommy!” John cried, running into the arms of his mother, Hedva. “I want underwear! Right now!”

Mother Hedva looked at him with great surprise. “But John,” she said gently, “I thought you were the expert. You said monkeys don’t wear underwear.”

But just as she was speaking—Bzzzzzzzz…

A bumblebee buzzed nearby. It saw Mother Hedva’s nice, round bottom. And then—STING!

“Goodness gracious!” Hedva shrieked, jumping into the air. She rubbed her smarting bottom and said very quickly:

“John… I have changed my mind. I was wrong.”

She managed a small smile. “Monkeys MOST CERTAINLY wear underwear!”

She winked at John. “And you know who else does? Smart little children!”

From that day on, everyone in the forest knew: Monkeys wear underwear. In the trees, by the lake, in the swamp, and everywhere in between.

And John? John wears his underwear with pride. But sometimes, with a twinkle in his eye, he still says:

“Once upon a time, I used to think that monkeys don’t wear underwear.”

And then, all the animals have a good, hearty laugh.

Long ago, in a time when enormous beasts still roamed the earth, there lived a young person named Elli in the land of Not. Everyone knew Elli as the strongest and bravest in the whole country. Yet Elli did not go about picking fights or showing off, for truly strong people have nothing to prove. Instead, Elli worked in the fields, cared for the fruit trees, and lived a quiet and peaceful life.

One morning, just as the sun was rising, there came a loud knock at the door. When Elli opened it, a royal messenger stood there holding a letter sealed with the king’s mark. The message commanded Elli to come to the palace at once.

Elli did not know why the king wished to see them, but a royal command is never ignored. And so, before long, Elli stood in the great throne room and bowed respectfully.

The king looked at Elli for a long moment and then said,

“People tell me you are the strongest person in our land. Recently, a king from a distant country visited me. We spoke of our kingdoms, and before we knew it, our talk turned into boasting. Each of us tried to outdo the other, until our pride led us too far.