Storyflo Comedy — Daily Comedy Brief

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, November 6th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Onion. Trump To Cut Off Aid To Israel. It’s an interesting stance, considering the longstanding relationship between the U.S. and Israel. The reactions from the public are a mix of disbelief and dark humor, with some suggesting the money could be better spent on, say, building arches—because who doesn’t love a good arch? Others chimed in with biting sarcasm, noting that while the financial support may stop, emotional backing for whatever’s happening over there will remain intact. It’s a bizarre moment where the absurdity of the situation seems to be the only constant. Next. Second, from The Onion. Lily Bowen and Mr. Novak. Then, there’s a whole mix of bizarre headlines floating around. A man with a shellfish allergy gets taken out by a gun—because, of course, that’s how life plays out sometimes. And who knew the TSA was di

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here. November 5th. Seven pieces of comedy from the open web — let's see what stuck. Let's get into it. First, from McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Way to Vote Yourselves Out of Five Thousand Bucks, Chumps. Trump's recent promise of $5,000 to every adult if Republicans held Congress has taken a hit thanks to a Democratic win, leaving many to ponder the lost opportunity. The article humorously laments that voters have traded away this cash for democracy, suggesting they could have splurged on luxury items or even started businesses. The writer paints a vivid picture of what that money could have bought, like a house with two bathrooms—one for pooping, one for “storing documents.” Amidst the tongue-in-cheek commentary, there's a jab at economists, labeled as the culprits behind the loss of this promised cash, with their pesky calculators and “communist machines.” The absurdity continues as the writer contemplates how the money could have

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, November 4th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from McSweeney's Internet Tendency. McSweeney’s Election Night Coverage. Ginny Hogan and Carlos Greaves are covering election night for McSweeney’s, and it’s already a wild ride. They kick off with a strong opinion—Stephen Miller should be in jail, which is a sentiment that probably resonates with a lot of folks. As the updates roll in, they’re not holding back on their thoughts about candidates like Vivek Ramaswamy, and they’re even taking a moment to revel in their own scoop on Jon Ossoff's re-election. Elon Musk’s midterm spending is noted, but surprise, surprise—he’s still rich. Meanwhile, they’re pondering the existential questions of life and midterms, and apparently, Florida has decided to replace Arabic numerals with Roman ones. Because, why not? It’s an absurd twist that leaves you wondering how anyone will manage to drive

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Hey, it's Wit. November 3rd. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Chuck Schumer Warns That Winning Goes Against the Aims of the Democratic Party. Chuck Schumer is sounding the alarm, suggesting that recent Democratic victories are counterproductive to the party’s goals. In a candid letter, he reflects on the party’s struggles, including two losses to Trump, and questions the wisdom of running an aging candidate again. He humorously notes that his leadership deserves a spot in the “loser hall of fame,” highlighting the absurdity of their strategies. Meanwhile, Republican strategist Stephen Miller weighs in, expressing disbelief at the Democrats' recent successes, attributing them to a temporary anomaly. He predicts a return to familiar faces like Kamala Harris or Hillary Clinton in future elections, implying that history will repeat itself. Election strategist James Strong a

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit here, November 2nd. The comedy desk — seven sets, sketches, and stunts worth your eight minutes. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Liberal Punk Band Writes Strongly Worded Letter Addressed to The Machine. The Living Kennedys, a liberal punk band from Seattle, have decided to confront The Machine—yes, that all-encompassing symbol of global capitalism and oppression—by writing a strongly worded letter. Lead vocalist Jell-O’Rourke expressed their frustration with the state of affairs, emphasizing the need for proper channels to voice their anger. They pointed out issues like the Military Industrial Complex’s lack of female leadership and the grim reality of child labor in chocolate production, all while dreaming of a future where the metaphorical boot stomping on humanity uses gender-inclusive language. In a twist, The Machine responded with surprising earnestness, commending the band for their approach and assuring them that

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, October 31st. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Millennial Psychopath Hides Motorola Razrs in Candy Apples. In Springwood, Ohio, a 37-year-old man named Jay Myers is revamping the classic urban legend of the razor blade in candy apples, but with a twist. Instead of blades, he's stuffing 2004 Motorola Razrs into the apples, aiming to put the “trick” back in trick-or-treat. Myers claims the challenge was getting the phones to fit, which sounds like a fun puzzle until you realize it’s a fruit-based horror show for kids. The neighborhood kids aren’t impressed. One trick-or-treater, Nancy Doyle, called Myers a “wackjob” and was baffled by her dad’s excitement over the vintage tech. Apparently, the old phones are more of a nostalgic relic than a treat. Meanwhile, another parent, Sam Jarvis, expressed concern over the safety of Halloween treats, recalling past find

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, October 30th. Seven from the writers' rooms and the open mics — here's the one I keep thinking about. Let's get into it. First, from McSweeney's Internet Tendency. Reasons Why I Still Need You, a Werewolf, to Come into the Office During the Full Moon. The article humorously addresses the challenges of having a werewolf employee during full moons. It starts by firmly stating that the full moon shouldn't be an excuse for absenteeism, urging the werewolf to plan ahead like anyone else would for a dentist appointment. The company promotes a culture of shared suffering, suggesting that enduring the transformation at the office fosters camaraderie, even if it involves bone-cracking and howling. Meetings are non-negotiable, with a clear expectation that the werewolf must participate, claws and all, while keeping any violent urges in check until after hours. The piece highlights that other employees face their own struggles, like Gary's bad k

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. It's Wit. October 29th. Seven things made me laugh out loud at my desk; we'll start with the worst one. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Local Guy Still Stoked From Using ‘Liminal’ in Conversation Two Weeks Ago. In Manayunk, Pennsylvania, a brunch enthusiast named Edwin Smaddle is still riding high after successfully using the word “liminal” in conversation two weeks ago. Witnesses noted the moment was like a linguistic miracle, with Edwin feeling as if he had switched places with a divine being. His friends, initially skeptical due to his previous vocabulary misfires—like misusing “promulgate” and confusing “cruciferous”—are now both impressed and slightly envious. Meg Gregory, a friend who’s seen Edwin’s ups and downs in wordplay, mentioned that his newfound confidence has made him a more generous tipper, though she noted his ego has inflated a bit too much. Meanwhile, lexicographer Melvin Frunk cautioned against the fleeti

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Hey, it's Wit. October 28th. Seven in comedy — pour the coffee, this gets weird fast. Let's get into it. First, from McSweeney's Internet Tendency. If the First Marathon Had Been Completed by a Running Bro. Pheidippides arrives, drenched in sweat, claiming he’s achieved a personal record for running from Marathon. Aristides, eager for news, learns that Pheidippides is more focused on his running stats than the battle with the Persians. He details his run, citing elevation changes and muscle pain, while Aristides just wants to know about the battle. Pheidippides casually mentions the Persians were defeated, but he’s more concerned with his electrolyte levels and the importance of good footwear. As the conversation shifts to the impending threat to Athens, Pheidippides suggests swimming out to intercept the Persians, casually eyeing a triathlon. Next. Second, from The Hard Times. Hollywood to Begin Working on New Horror Franchise ‘The Woman

From storyflo. This is your daily audio brief. Wit, October 27th. That's the joke. Here's why it landed — seven of them, actually. Let's get into it. First, from The Hard Times. Aging Goth Couple Barely Scare Each Other Anymore. In Peoria, Illinois, an aging goth couple, Rob and Patricia Ferney, are grappling with the unfortunate reality that they can no longer scare each other like they used to. Their home, a permanent Halloween display, and their shared love for horror films have lost their edge over the years. Patricia reflects on how their once-thrilling scares have turned into a routine, leaving them feeling a bit stale. Rob admits that after 15 years together, he’s just too familiar with Patricia’s scare tactics, leading them to couples counseling—held at a cemetery, no less. They’ve even resorted to Zoom sessions with their therapist, as finding one willing to meet in person at a graveyard proved challenging. Therapists specializing in aging goth couples are few and far between,