The secret to a concrete commitment in your marriage is to Build it on a Solid foundation – Christ

In order to have a solid foundation in Christ first you must be fully committed to Christ.

Sometimes we have trouble with understanding what that really looks like. It simply means to put 100% of your trust in Christ.

Here’s an easy acrostic for the word TRUST that will give you some suggestions on how to deepen your trust in Christ.

 “Trust in the lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  But in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.”                       Proverbs 3: 5, 6 (NIV)

T = Time with him in prayer

* Find a quiet place alone

* Do it daily

* Tell Him what you need

* Thank Him for what he’s already done

****Journal….Journal…Journal

R = Remember God’s purpose is bigger than my problems

“These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold.”                1 Peter 1:7(NLT)

Part 2 is episode 018 and it will be coming soon.

STFW 016: The 5 Building Blocks of a Strong Marriage Overview – Show Notes:

This is an overview of all of the five building blocks that build a strong marriage. The theme verse for this entire series is from the book of Matthew:

“Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash.”                                                              Matthew 7:24-27 (NLT)

First we should look at some of the common reasons marriages fail. These are like the “winds” and “flood waters” Jesus talks about in Matthew 7:24 – 27.

* Unreasonable  Expectations

* Unaccepted  Differences

* Unresolved  Conflict

* Unforgiven  Mistakes

* Unreliable   Commitment

Strong marriages have these five building blocks:

* Block #1 – Strong marriages are built on a Concrete Commitment

* Block #2 – Strong marriages have Caring Consideration

* Block #3 – Strong Marriages use  Constructive Communication

* Block #4 – Strong Marriages show Compassionate Cooperation

* Block #5 – Strong marriages have a Consistent Connection

Each week I will be going into great detail on each one of these essential building blocks. In fact, these blocks are each a whole series themselves. So I hope you subscribe to my podcast so you don’t miss any of them.

Straight Talk for Wives Episode 015 –  Show Notes:    

5 Tips to Re-ignite The Romance in Your Marriage

If you want to re-ignite the romance in your marriage like you had back when you were dating;  you should try doing the same types of romantic things you did back when you started dating. Look what it says in the Bible:

“But I have this against you: you have let go of the love you had at first. So remember the high point from which you have fallen. Change your hearts and lives and do the things you did at first.”       Rev. 2:4-5  (CEB)

Here are some tips to refuel those romantic flames…

Tip #1:  Forgive past failures

If you’re going to rebuild a strong physical connection in your marriage, you need to forgive yourself for your past failures in this area. You also need to forgive your husband of his past failures in this area. This is a must if you want to re-ignite those romantic flames again.

It says in 1 Cor. 13: 5b “Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.” Just let it go.

Tip #2:   Focus my attention back on my husband

When I first started dating my husband, we were inseparable. Really. It was pitiful. But I thought about him constantly. And I bet you did the same thing.

Tip #3:    Foster Romantic Thoughts 

Daydream about your husband and the romantic times you’ve spent together. Think back to the last time he romantically kissed you. No, I’m not kidding, just do it. If you’re at home, go grab a shirt of his and put some of his cologne on it and take in scent. Hopefully he wears a cologne that you like. If not, go buy him some new cologne that you do like and make him start wearing it.

Straight Talk for Wives Podcast Episode 014 – Show Notes:

How To Strengthen My Marriage Connection By Knowing My Husband’s Love Language Part 2

 

In this episode, I share more details that I’ve learned from the book; The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you don’t have this book, I recommend you buy it TODAY.

Straight Talk for Wives Podcast Episode 013 – Show Notes:

How To Strengthen My Marriage Connection By Knowing My Husband’s Love Language Part 1

The Five Love Languages – Introduction

This podcast is jam packed full of helpful tips I’ve learned from the book; The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If you don’t have this book, I recommend you buy it TODAY.

Straight Talk for Wives Podcast Episode 012 – Show Notes:

Identifying & Repairing Unhealthy Connections in Your Marriage by Understanding Boundaries – Part 2

Understanding the Ten Laws of Boundaries from the book, Boundaries in Marriage, and how they work in marriage.

* The Law of Sowing and Reaping: Our actions have consequences.

“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Gal. 6:7-8 (NIV)

* The Law of Responsibility: We are responsible to, not for each other.

            “For each one should carry their own load.”         Gal. 6:5 (NIV)

* The Law of Power: Clarifies what we do and don’t have power over.

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”                                                           Matt. 7:3-5 (NLT)

    4. The Law of  Respect:  If we want our boundaries respected we must respect  the boundaries of others.

“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.”        Luke 6:31 (NLT)

    5. The Law of Motivation: We must feel free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes.

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”                1 John 4:18 (NLT)

 

Giving of our time, love, vulnerability should be done out of our choice

based on our Values not out of fear.

You should learn and practice these five simple words:

“That doesn’t work for me”.

* The Law of Evaluation: We need to evaluate the effects of our boundaries on our spouse.

“Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.”      Eph. 4:15 (NLT)

* The Law of Proactivity: Taking action to solve problems based on deliberate thought out values verses being emotionally reactive.

 “Jesus replied, ‘You must love the lord your God with all your heart, all your soul,   and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is  equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”  Matt. 22:37-39 (NLT)

 8.  The Law of  Envy:  States that we will never get what we want if we focus on what others have devaluing    what we have seeing it as not enough.

“You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it.”                                                                                   James 4:2 (NLT)

9.  The Law of  Activity:  Taking the initiative to solve our own problems      instead of being passive.

“Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.”  Gal. 6:4 (NLT)

* The Law of Exposure: Our boundaries must be communicated or they are invisible to others. (Eph. 5:13-14)

 

Stating your VALUES ahead of time, will protect you down the road.

Six Suggested Values that will help establish healthy boundaries in my marriage:

* Love of God

* Love of my husband and family

* Honesty

* Faithfulness

Straight Talk for Wives Podcast Episode 011 – Show Notes

Identifying & Repairing Unhealthy Connections in Your Marriage by Understanding Boundaries

Boundaries Basics

What is a Boundary?

Definition: A property line that indicates ownership and responsibility

Why do we need boundaries?

…because they help us do four things:

Boundaries help us clarify ownership of something

Boundaries help us clarify who has responsibility

Boundaries help us realize our freedom

“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand. Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.”  Galatians 5:1 (MSG)

  4. Boundaries help us keep in the good and keep out the bad

 

Ultimately, boundaries are all about “self control”.

I highly recommend you buy Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Also, I encourage you to check out the Boundaries website where you can take a Boundaries quiz to see how you’re doing in this area.

Join me for the 2nd part of this talk on Boundaries in Marriage. It will be released on December 15, 2015.

–Kristy

Podcast STFW 010 – Show Notes:

How To Repair An Unhealthy Codependent

Connection in Your Marriage

You need to consider making these 5 choices if you want to repair an unhealthy codependent connection in your marriage.

* Choose to base my self-worth on God’s Love for me

“You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”                                                              John 15:16 (NLT)

“For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. 17 God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it.”     John 3:16,17 (NLT) 

2. Choose to take responsibility for my own health and well-being.

Be sure to do what you should, for then you will enjoy the personal satisfaction of having done your work well, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.                                                        Galatians 6:4 (NLT)

 3. Choose to allow him to take charge of his own health and well-being.

 …For we are each responsible for our own conduct.    Galatians 6:5 (NLT)

 4. Choose to set healthy boundaries and limits on myself.

 “The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just than when we offer him sacrifices.”                                                             Proverbs 21:3 (NLT)

5. Choose to be God directed knowing that He brings the ultimate results!

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

 

If you’re interested in learning more about Codependency; here’s a list of books I highly recommend:

* Codependent No More – Melody Beattie: Awesome book on Codependency

* Codependent No More Workbook – Melody Beattie: Awesome Workbook to go with the book!

* Love is a Choice – Hemfelt, Minirth, Meier: My top choice for help with Codependency

* Love is a Choice Workbook – Hemfelt, Minirth, Meier, Newman: My top choice for help with Codependency

 

Podcast – STFW 009 Show Notes:

 

Some symptoms that I may

have a codependent connection

with my husband….

 

 

These are just some of the symptoms that may indicate the connection in your marriage is unhealthy in a “Codependent” kind of way.  

Show Notes:

Six Choices to Help Prevent an Affair Part 2 of 2

 

In this episode, I share the 2nd three choices you need to make to help prevent an affair in your marriage.

Choice #4: Choose to Control My Media Intake

Check these areas and see what changes you should make:

* Movies or movie channels you subscribe to

* TV shows

* Social media – Facebook

* Internet

Choice #5: Choose to Combat Temptation

* Relationships with co-workers – are they appropriate?

* Am I causing other husbands to be tempted by how I dress?

* Am I careful not to engage in sharing personal marriage issues with other men

Choice #6: Choose to Count the HIGH Cost

Realize that it is a very high cost to pay if you’re entangled in an inappropriate relationship with someone other than your husband. You can choose to change today. Our God is an awesome God and He can take our mistakes and make miracles!

Choose today to prevent an affair by making the six choices I’ve shared. Share this with your husband and both of you will be one step closer to a better marriage TODAY!