SAN FRANCISCO, CA—According to sources, if one were to suddenly acquire superpowers, the experience would be quite complicated and difficult to adjust to.

“I don’t know how you’d even begin to deal with having super strength or the ability to fly,” said local man and non-super human Michael Gannon, who noted that he can barely handle his own life without also having to worry about being able to lift cars or fly through the air.

“I mean, I barely have time for my wife and kids as it is; I don’t know how I could juggle all of that plus my job and my friends.”

At press time, Gannon was imagining what it would be like if he had the ability to shoot fire from his hands.

This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/24/super-powers-would-actually-be-quite-complicated/