Surrendering our Dreams

Just like we all have fears, we all have dreams. Just like God wants us to surrender our fears to Him, He also wants us to surrender our dreams. But surrendering doesn't always mean give up on. It can mean go hard after but be open to God changing the plan as you go.

Show Notes:

Surrender is one of those hot-button words in Christian circles. As a teenager, I heard it a lot, but I only knew what it meant in very vague terms. I think one of the big reasons for this was we lost our understanding of how the Holy Spirit is to be a constant companion and guide in the Christian life. But we'll talk more about that in future episodes. Today I want to look at a specific facet of surrender. We've already been looking at it in part, though I didn't really use that word. I said that it is right to conquer our fears with God's help and power and to step out and do whatever He calls us to do, regardless of how frightening it is.

But just like everyone has fears, we all have dreams, too. They range from a nice house, to a spouse, to mountains of chocolate, to leaving a legacy, to winning a million dollars, to adopting a hundred kids in Africa. We have crazy dreams and realistic dreams, selfish dreams and selfless dreams. Just like our fears, God wants our dreams. It's all part of the process of our will aligning with God's will, of surrender.

Like I'm sure all of you do, I have my own ideas of how my life should go. I am twenty-seven years old and very single. If you had asked me ten or even five years ago if I would get this close to thirty and still have no romantic prospects, I'd have told you that I sure hope not. I want a husband and kids more than I can express. I watch my friends and younger siblings walk through these steps of life, and I keep wondering if I am destined to be single for the rest of my life. On the bad days, I've done nonsensical things like searched my married friends' social media for proof of their happiness and joined an online dating site. It's because I'm afraid of being alone, afraid that my dream will never come true.

This is a different type of fear than we've talked about before. The fears we've discussed so far are those that keep you from doing something. On the other hand, these are fears that can cause you to do things you regret. A lot of the process for dealing with them is the same, though. There are still lies and truth you have to figure out. Along with those steps, you have to surrender the dream. That doesn't mean trying to change what you want to the opposite thing, like if I can convince myself that being married and having kids is really a terrible existence, then I can be fine being single. That's only a temporary fix. Those dreams and desires are ingrained and even God-given. They don't go away so easily.

But wait, if they're God-given, why aren't they coming true? Why do I have to surrender them, if they're in line with what God wants? First of all, God-given doesn't necessarily mean in line with what God wants. It just means he has a purpose for them. I really love kids. That's integrally related to my desire to have some of my own. Because of that, I work well with them, I mentor them, I care for them. I serve my friends by babysitting. I work in camp ministry. It's all related, and those parts are good, because they're not fear-driven. It's when I allow my fear of the dream never coming true to make me not trust God and do things I wouldn't normally do that it's a problem.

We need to give our dreams to God because we are called to follow His will in all things. Just like we're not allowed to have private sins He can't say 'no' to, we're not allowed to have private dreams he can't deny. It might sound harsh, but remember, God knows what's best for you. It's like a parent telling their kid they can't have chocolate before dinner or to not touch the hot stove. They're protecting them from what they know to be bad, but the child doesn't know better and can only see far enough to know that they want something that they're not getting. I wonder if, when we get to Heaven, we'll get to see all of the things we threw grownup tantrums about that would have ended so badly if God had allowed us to have them.

There are two reasons that we should give over our dreams to God and be willing to go wherever He leads: the moral reason and the personal reason. The moral reason goes like this. God is Creator of everything. By that fact, He owns all. Everything and everyone owes Him their loyalty and is responsible to do as He asks. On top of that, God the Son gave His life on the cross for you as a ransom to sin and death, to which you had unwittingly pledged your life. Now He owns you doubly.

It reminds me of a scene in The Fellowship of the Ring movie where Legolas stands in the Council of Elrond and corrects Boromir's flippant treatment of Aragorn. "This is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance." In that moment, Boromir has a choice. Legally speaking, this guy is his king. But Boromir is a proud man, son of the Steward of Gondor, a nation which has existed without a king for almost a thousand years. His response is very telling. "Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."

We are also very proud people. We think that because our lives have run for so long without surrendering to the rightful king, we don't need to. This is why many people don't really start to follow hard after Christ until after something goes terribly wrong in their life. Suddenly the ruling steward isn't doing such a great job. Maybe following the king would be better.

Secondly, we have the personal reason. God doesn't command us to obey Him and then remain distant, waiting to punish us when we don't. He's personable. As we saw earlier, He cares very deeply about our lives and seeks our ultimate good in everything He does. His idea of obedience is not just "do as I say," it's "do as I do." When Jesus left the Earth, He promised His disciples that He would send the Helper, the Holy Spirit, third person of the Godhead, to be with them and help them. We don't have to obey on our own. It's not a taskmaster we follow but a Helper, Comforter, Counselor, and Guide. Like Aragorn, God builds the relationship, gives us reasons to trust Him, and is always on our side. At the end of his life, Boromir changes his tune. He says to Aragorn, "I would have followed you my brother, my captain, my king." Who Aragorn was never changed. The honor and allegiance he was owed never wavered. But now Boromir gives it gladly, because he sees more clearly who Aragorn is and that he deserves loyalty. Who God is never changes. The honor and glory he's due never lessens. We are called to a high standard, but we are indwelt with One who makes it possible and is always advocating for us.

Still, there are days, weeks, months, and maybe years when we don't feel like it. How do we take the knowledge that we should turn our dreams and desires over to God and live the way He has called us into a desire to want to do just that? We all know the tension between should and want. It's the reason we know we should be on a diet, but we eat the chocolate cake anyway. We have goals, ideal places we'd like to be—slimmer, richer, healthier, more spiritually active, a better friend, etc. However, our day-to-day actions are sending us in the other direction. We prioritize and desire the now reward more than the then reward.

The same is true in our spiritual lives. Our mind is a constant battleground, whether we realize it or not. The two sides are our flesh—or sinful nature—and the new 'us' that the Holy Spirit transformed when we were saved. I heard a sermon a few years ago by John Lynch that helped cement my understanding of the new me. He said we have a new name that reflects who we are: Christin________. For example, my name would be Christinhannahrebekah. I am different, fused with the Spirit of Christ. However, there is still a war going on, because until Heaven and the final transformation of my body, I still have the flesh nagging at my mind. It shoots thoughts and desires into my heart that, on a good day, I would never consider. Not every day is a good day, though.

The thoughts of the flesh sound like this:

"You can't wait. Take it now."

"You can't trust that God will provide. Cut the corner. Cheat the system. Take what's yours. Look out for yourself."

"Telling that lie about them will make you feel better about yourself than speaking truth will."

"You can look at him/her and not sin. You're not actually committing adultery. Don't worry, I'll never push you that far."

"They meant to do that. Get them back."

We can all think back to times in our lives when thoughts like this have come up and when we've listened to them. Why is that? If we were being logical, we would know that those are all lies sent to destroy us. We would agree that the long-term effects aren't worth the short-term rewards. Then why do we do it? Why do we listen? Because we're not primarily logical. We're primarily emotional. Psychologist and professor of Leadership Ethics, Jonathan Haidt explains it like this. Your emotions are an elephant. The rider is your logic. The elephant is big and can go and do what it wants. However, with careful and deliberate effort, the rider can learn to direct the elephant (The Happiness Hypothesis, 2006). For us as Christians, the presence of the Holy Spirit makes the rider's job a little less difficult. God wants us to be in control of our wild desires so that we can turn them toward Him and serve Him better. One way we can do this is by increasing our desire for God. When our desire for God is the strongest of the desires we have, we will head the right way every time.

How do we increase our desire for God? First, we have to realize just how wonderful God wants us to feel. My tutor in this subject has been John Piper, and he has written far more on this subject than I ever will be able to. His motto is that "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. (Desiring God, 2011)" The summary is this: God is crazy about you. He designed you with emotions and emotional needs and desires. He created you for joy. He wants you to be happy. The problem is that when sin entered the world, we forgot what our affections were designed for. God made us to know Him and serve Him and be so happy in the process. But we got lost. Now we think that money, power, sex, the best food, and friends telling us we're the greatest will bring us joy. All of those things turn sour and will ultimately destroy us. The one pleasure that can never run dry is that of knowing God. We can never have enough of Him. He will never turn sour.

When we know this and still don't desire to know and follow God, it's probably because of one of two reasons—distrust or apathy. When I have a dream that I don't get, I am hurt, or something else goes wrong, I might blame God and shove it in His face. "Why? I thought you said you loved me and wanted me to be happy! This isn't making me happy!" In this case, we have to go back to the truth. God does not change. He is not fickle. God does want us to be happy, but He also sees the bigger picture. He doesn't want us to find our happiness in our circumstances and earthly possessions. He wants us to find it in Him. C.S. Lewis used the analogy of standing in a toolshed and seeing the sunbeams coming through holes in the walls. When he stood to the side, the beams were beautiful, the brightest thing around. These represent God's gifts to us, the good things in life. When he stood inside of the beam, however, he could behold the sun, the brightest thing of all—God (God in the Dock, 1970). I'm going to take the illustration one step further. When bad things happen in our lives, it's like someone has covered up the holes in the wall. There is no more sunbeam, and it looks like the sun has altogether abandoned us. We're wrong. All we need to do is step outside the toolshed. The sun has been there all along. It was only our perspective that was messing with our beliefs and emotions.

The second reason we don't desire God is apathy. Apathy is so deadly. By its definition, it couldn't care less. When you're apathetic, there is nothing that will motivate you. You have no desire to be anywhere but where you are. You're content and complacent, slowly dying and not caring at all. Because of the monotone of our first-world life, we all fall prey to this at some point. We lose sight of the purpose of our lives. We think what we do doesn't really make a difference, whether good or bad. We fall back into our pet sins and neglect our quiet time. We allow fears to creep back in and keep us from being useful. We use busyness as an excuse. Like moss growing on a slow-moving sloth, we start to look just like the environment around us, and we don't care at all.

If this is you, wake up! God wants more for you and your life! He wants to make you happy, not complacent. He desires you be filled with the Spirit, overflowing with joy and love for others, not mildly content but deep down wishing there was something more to life. There is! It's Him! How do we get out of apathy? How do we create desire where there is none?

Step One: Pray. Your life depends on it. Ask for help. You don't need to manufacture a desire for God on your own. God is ready and willing to help you, to drag you out of the muck of apathy, clean you up, and put you back on the path of serving Him. Get down on your knees and ask Him to rescue you from yourself.

Step Two: Make a long-term commitment. Your life is God's. You owe Him your allegiance. So make it real. Write it down on a piece of paper. Surrender control. Whether you're apathetic, untrusting, or in a good place, write it down. Scribe the dreams you're afraid He'll never fulfill. Write down the ones He's giving you that you're afraid to go after. Tell Him you're His to do with as He wants.

Step Three: Find accountability. When it comes to beating apathy, this is an absolutely vital step. Find someone you don't want to disappoint and tell them you need help staying on track. Set goals with them for each week and what you're going to accomplish toward where God is calling you. Without strong accountability, often the small flame of our desire to do something greater and get out of an apathetic pattern splutters out after a short while.

I think a major contributor to the culture of apathy is that our dreams are too small. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about what her next steps would be. She didn't know if, after summer, she wanted to go to school or do an internship or something else. I asked her what her end goal was, where she wanted to be in ten years. She gave me a response that I felt wasn't really her. I helped her understand a little more of what she was looking at if she went that route and voiced my concerns about it not fitting with her personality and what I had previously understood she wanted out of life. I pressed her for her biggest dream, what she really wanted to do but felt would never happen. She told me. I helped her see it wasn't so unattainable as she thought, and together we made steps to get there.

I'm willing to bet you can relate. What dreams do you have that you think are too big? What excites you and gets you thinking about how awesome it would be to ___________? These dreams are God-given. They're not too big. When we tell ourselves that, we are willing to settle for little dreams, ones we feel are more attainable. When we do that, we have less drive to achieve. We tell ourselves we won't end up making a difference, even if those little dreams come true. We fall into apathy. To avoid this pattern, we need big dreams; we need God dreams. I believe every one of us has a crazy dream inside us that God has placed there for us to chase after. When we do, we will find ourselves on the wildest ride of our life. In the end, it may not work out exactly as we pictured it, but that's okay. Like I said earlier, just because a dream is God-given doesn't always mean it will happen the way you originally wanted or expected, but it does mean that God is going to use it. So long as you're moving forward in what He wants, He will continue to clarify and give life to that dream until you find yourself living the version of it that He planned all along. That is the best place you could ever be.

Don't settle. Don't tell yourself, "That could never happen." Dream big. Trust God, go after it with all your heart, and wait with eager expectation for what He will do through you.