Slept restlessly. Dreamed of evil guards, mean snitches and brutal thugs.

Guards are the least of my worries, I've been washed in all kinds of water since my earliest childhood:

From three to five in a children's weekly home, from six to eleven in after-school care and "holiday games", with various holiday camps in between.

As a teenager in a "work and leisure camp". Finally, an apprentice hostel and pre-military training.

How To Diaries is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Informers wouldn't have liked me either, because the Stasi had known everything about me for a long time. Since the summer of 1982 at the latest...

In the early summer the Vopo (local slang for German police) counted me out on Alex because they didn't like my "Swords to Plowshares" patch.

In late summer, the Stasi dragged me into a surveillance van, accusing me of incitement. Which was definitely not true.

Anyway, they never want to see me here again. Berlin ban! The message had got through - the East can go f**k itself.

I usually avoid fights. But when they are unavoidable, I can take a lot and hit back hard. Recently, my stepfather had to learn never to touch me again.

When I was fourteen, I ripped a bullwhip out of his fist and kicked and punched him back until my mother intervened before one of us would die.

How To Diaries is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit tjannot.substack.com/subscribe