Connected Podcast

Survivor Benefits

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Survivor Benefits.
Three retirees discover a new way to live.

Based on a post by Milo_Grigsby. Listen to the Podcast at Connected.



"Jim, you remember my friend Patti right?"

I lowered my morning paper and peered over my reading

glasses to look across the breakfast table at Brenda, my wife of 14 years. The
Arizona sunrise, shining in through tour kitchen windows.

"The one who lives in Iowa?"

"Idaho."

"That's what I meant. Of course I remember Patti, hun.

Is this a senility test?"

"No, I do those in the evenings."

"What?"

"Don't change the subject. Would you mind terribly if

Patti came out for a visit? February is rough in the Mountains."

I sighed a little inside. Ever since Brenda and I had

retired to Arizona, it wasn't uncommon for friends from colder climates to come
for a visit during the winter months. We had a nice sized home with a small
guest house, so it wasn't too intrusive. But my cousin from Indiana and his
wife had just been with us for a month-long visit and I wanted our privacy
back.

"Um; when?"

Brenda sipped her morning coffee and appeared thoughtful.

"In a couple of weeks; maybe? Would that be okay?"

Brenda's bright blue eyes had a hopeful look in them and her

smile was warm. I had never really been able to refuse that smile or those eyes
anything. She knew I would say yes, and so did I. But the game must be played,
so I put on a grumpy air, made a show of snapping the paper back up to the
sports page and harrumphed a little. "I suppose."

I couldn't see it, but I was pretty sure Brenda was still

smiling.

"I'll call her later to work it all out. Thank you,

Jim. I love you."

"Umm hmm, that's nice." I said in return. A piece

of breakfast roll hit the back of my paper. I chuckled and said, "Love you
too hun."

Two weeks later, Brenda and I were driving into Sky Harbor

airport, to pick up Patti. It was a picture-perfect February day in the Valley
of the Sun, low 70's and the cloudless sky was a bright blue dome from horizon
to horizon.

Brenda reached over and squeezed my hand. "Oh I'm so

excited to see Patti! It's been too long!"

I glanced over at her. The low afternoon sun was shining off

my Brenda's silvered hair, which she was wearing in a very becoming pixie cut
these days. It framed her heart shaped face and wide set eyes beautifully,
which at the moment, were sparkling with excitement. Brenda was a classic
beauty, and at 68 her looks have aged like fine wine. Sure, there were a few
wrinkles, but they gave her character. And I loved her and her wrinkles, with
every ounce of my being.

Brenda and I met back in Chicago, 16 years earlier; at a

support group for people who had lost their spouses. We struck up a casual
acquaintanceship, but neither of us was ready for any kind of a relationship at
the time. So I was surprised when she called me out of the blue, about a year
after we met; and asked if I would like to meet her for dinner.

That first dinner became a weekly thing. We enjoyed each

other's company. We had a lot in common and never seemed to run out of
conversation. I was normally somewhat taciturn in social situations, but Brenda
had a way of drawing me out like no one ever had. Weekend breakfasts at our
favorite coffee shops and diners were soon added to the weekly dinners at
restaurants, and shortly thereafter we were alternating dinners and evenings at
our homes. Naturally, and seemingly inevitably, we found ourselves in bed
together and sharing breakfasts the next morning at home. We were married
within a year. We had a comfortable and easy marriage. My marriage had been
childless. Brenda only had one adult son when we met. We both enjoyed our
careers, were financially comfortable, and had our own individual hobbies; and
some we shared.

12 years after we married, we wrapped up our careers and

left frigid Chicago winters behind, to enjoy our retirement in the Arizona
sunshine. And that's where we have been for the last two years. The summers are
a little brutal, but it’s worth it, for the warm winter months.

We waited by the baggage claim and Brenda was giddy,

watching keenly for Patti’s face to emerge in the crowds coming down the
arrivals. Brenda and Patti ran to each other, laughing and hugging each other
warmly, when we met her outside of Security.

In her late 60s, Patti has the tan and wiry fit body of the

outdoorswoman she always has been, with long dark hair, lightly streaked with
silver, that she often wears in a braid, down her back. She and her husband
Earl; who had passed away 3 years ago, had been outfitters and guides on the
Snake River in Idaho, for many years.

After Brenda and Patti had finished hugging and kissing

cheeks, they walked over to me, arm in arm. I held out my hand "Patti,
good to see you again."

She took my hand and pulled me into a hug with the strength

of someone who had been rowing rafts on a river for decades. "How are you,
you old cuddle bear?" she said.

Patti had been at our wedding, and we had visited her and her

husband a couple of times in Idaho for rafting. After seeing me shirtless on
the river, she tagged me with her own personal nickname for me, "Cuddle
Bear." It's not a completely inaccurate description. I'm a little over 6
feet tall, and at present I'm a bit heavier than maybe I should be, at 240. And
thanks to some Semitic heritage on my mother's side, I'm what you might call
"fuzzy".

"Oh" I grunted. "Hi, Patti." I returned

the hug, which involved me bending over a bit to reach Patti's 5 foot 6 inch frame.

We stopped on the way home from the airport, for brunch.

"Oh my god Jim how can you Eat that?" Patti

exclaimed as the waitress brought my huevos rancheros with chorizo sausage.

I frowned a little, down at my plate, and then looked up at

Patti. "What's wrong with it?"

Brenda responded. "Don't even try Patti. I've been

trying to get him to ease up since we got here, but once he discovered
southwestern food, there's been no stopping him."

Brenda was probably right. But damn this food is good. So I

liberally dosed the whole thing with tapatio hot sauce and dug in, while the
two of them ate their more sensible meals.

I ate quietly while the two of them caught up. Over the last

several years, their contact had been limited to tracking each other's Facebook
and the occasional note or phone call, especially during the last couple years
of Earl's battle with cancer and eventual passing. Brenda bragged about her
son's achievements and Patti shared pictures of her grandchildren that hadn't
been posted on Facebook. Patti had spent the last two years selling off their
rafting company to a couple of her senior guides, and wrapping up her affairs
with the intent of selling the remote property she and Earl had lived on. Her
plan was to move somewhere more sensible. She was wistful about this, and Patti
offered the appropriate condolences and words of encouragement.

Our brunch complete, we drove home to the "active

living" retirement community Patti and I had bought into. Our home wasn't
large or particularly fancy, but it was comfortable and came with the added
bonus of the small guest house.  bought it with the intention of moving
Brenda’s mother in, but sadly she had passed before we could get that done.

Nonetheless Patti gushed over the house. She said it was a

palace, compared to the cozy but rustic double-wide manufactured home that she
and Earl had lived in. We got her settled in the guest house, and then all
decided to take a well-earned siesta, before meeting back up for dinner.

Sedated by the huevos rancheros, I dozed lazily on our bed

with Brenda's warmth snuggled up to me, her head on my shoulder. She played
with my chest hair under my shirt, dozing herself, but roused me with a
startling statement.

"I hope I go before you do." she said softly.

"Huh?"

She sighed. "I don't want to be alone Jim, not at our

age. And I don't think I could stand losing another husband."

"Is this about the huevos rancheros?"

She pinched one of my nipples. "Jerk." she said,

with a small laugh. "But no, not really. Patti looks and sounds lost,
unmoored. I don't think I could live like that."

“So, you want me to go through losing my second spouse, so

you don’t have to? Got it!”

I yawned a little.

“Okay, You got me there, Jim,” she chuckled. “But back to

Patti; I just feel her empty sadness. She tries hard to move past it.”

 "She should go move in with one of her kids, be

around her grandchildren. That would perk her up, give her some purpose."

"Maybe." Brenda said. We both yawned and drafted

into sleep.

Patti padded into our kitchen in bare feet, through the open

sliding door, as Brenda and I were doing some early prep for dinner.

"You do know, you two are living in heaven, right? It's

the middle of February and I'm walking around barefoot in shorts and a tank
top." She said with a laugh.

"You should be here in the summer." I responded. I

gestured to the outside with the chef's knife I was using to prep the meat for
the kabobs I was going to grill. "Then it's the Opposite of heaven out
there. You would have fried your feet on the stones."

"But it's a dry heat, right?" Patti asked.

"Yeah." Brenda chuckled. "Like a pizza

oven."

Patti slid onto a stool at the small center island, opposite

from where I was cutting up the meat. She wasn't wearing a bra under her tank
top, and I got a glimpse of her small tits, when she leaned over to inspect the
cuts of meat I was working on. I registered that they were remarkably firm and
high for a woman of her age, and the lack of any tan lines suggested she spent
a lot of the summer months, topless outdoors. I flushed a little with
embarrassment, and quickly returned my attention to my work.

"Lamb?" she inquired. While chomping on a piece of

carrot.

"Yes, it’s kitten?" I answered with a small laugh.

"Smart ass."

"Yes, it's lamb. Any objections to raiding Bo Peep’s

heard?"

She shook her head. "Nope. It sounds delicious,

actually."

"Oh it is!" Brenda answered. "We had some

Armenian friends, back in Chicago; who gave us a wonderful recipe." She
placed a large glass bowl filled with a marinade of yogurt and sliced onions
next to me, on the counter, which I started depositing the cubes of lamb into.

"Sounds interesting, and very authentic." Patti

said.

I finished cubing the lamb, sealed the bowl with plastic

wrap and placed it in the refrigerator. I glanced at my watch. "I need to
get to the store for a few things. You two need anything?"

Brenda did a quick inspection of the cupboards and the

refrigerator.

"Pick up a couple of boxes of wine, if you’re going to

Costco. A pinot for the lamb I think, and maybe a nice chardonnay, too."

"Don't we have a couple of boxes already?"

"Uh huh, both reds."

I kissed Brenda's cheek, grabbed my keys and wallet off the

counter, and headed for the garage. "Be back soon, hun. You and Patti be
good. And Patti, I apologize in advance for the bad influence Brenda is going
to be, during your visit."

Brenda slapped my ass as I exited.

I really didn't need anything, I just wanted to escape the

girl talk that was sure to be transpiring in the kitchen. It seemed a more
polite solution than disappearing into my small den to watch television. Brenda
needs this ‘girl time’ but I need to not get annoyed by the hen chatter. I took
my time wandering the aisles of Costco with no real intent of buying anything
other than the requested boxes of wine. I got a basmati rice to go with the
lamb and maybe one or two personal toiletries, to make my cover story
plausible.

As I thoughtlessly browsed, the image of Patti's pointy tits

kept flashing across my vision. I’ve been completely faithful to Brenda since
we met, as I had been to my late wife, Janice. But even at 69 years old, I'm
still a man and am bound to look and even fantasize a little. I have always
been a boobs guy, regardless of size. Big and bouncy, small and perky, high and
firm or even a little saggy. They all have their charms. Janice's had been on
the small side, possibly a B Cup, but nicely raised, with nipples the color of
cherries.

My reverie on tits was interrupted.

"Excuse me sir. Would you mind?"

The young woman pushing a cart with a screaming toddler in

tow, was waiting for me to roll my cart away from the display of cherries I had
been standing in front of.

"Oh ... sorry .... of course." I flushed a little

with embarrassment, as if she knew what I had been thinking about. It didn't help
that her extraordinary endowments were encased in a tight white tee shirt. Her
tits were lactating and I think she was needing her child right now, to relieve
her mammaries of this distress. I hustled away to pay for what I had in the
cart and headed home.

When I got home, Brenda and Patti were sitting on the patio,

chatting and sipping red wine from a couple of oversized wine glasses. They
were nibbling on some sort of "healthy" potato chips Brenda had
bought. I thought the chips were vile.

I put away what I had bought, started the rice in the rice

cooker. I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator, a bag of old-fashioned pretzel
sticks, and joined them.

"So, Patti, what do you think of the southwest desert,

so far?" I said as I settled onto a chair. She had never been to Arizona
before.

She squinted into the sunset that was just starting over

‘White Tank’ Mountains and then scanned the low scrub of the desert area that
our home backed up to. "It's nice I suppose. Very different from
Idaho." She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. "Do you know when
they plan to finish the landscaping?"

"Good one." Brenda said. "Well, we'll do some

touristy stuff while you are here. Maybe take a drive up to Flagstaff, so you
can see that we actually do have trees and mountains."

We chatted amiably for a while about nothing in particular.

Brenda and Patti refilled their glasses at least once as I went through two
beers, and I finished the bag of pretzels. I checked my watch and rose from my
chair. "I should get the kabobs started." I said as I headed to the
kitchen.

"No more pretzels for you." Brenda called to my

retreating back. "That's enough sodium for one day mister. You know what
your doctor told you."

“Say’s the wino who can’t walk straight” I quipped, as I

skewered the kabobs. Brenda meant well of course, but sometimes I rankled under
her dietary guidance. Sometimes she needs a dose of humility, too.

I lit the fire pit for warmth while the kabobs were

grilling, and we ate dinner on the patio. The clear skies of that day, meant
the desert night air would be chilly overnight. Patti appreciated the lamb and
complimented me on how perfectly it was grilled.

Brenda and Patti cleared the table while I relaxed. My bare

feet propped up on the edge of the fire pit. Patti was right, we were living in
heaven. Back in Chicago we would have been wrapped in sweaters in our den with
the fireplace going and the heat on, to beat back the below freezing
temperatures outside.

"Jim, why don't you start the Jacuzzi?" Brenda

called from the kitchen as they finished cleaning up. "The sky will be
very pretty tonight, and it will be a nice way to finish the day."

"Sure hun." I called back. I grabbed the remote

for the Jacuzzi off the small table next to me. The small 4-person remote
controlled above-ground Jacuzzi was one of the few small luxuries of our home
that we both appreciated. There wasn't enough privacy in our backyard for it to
have been the scene of any hanky-panky between us, but it was nice on
relatively cold nights before bed. Maybe we’ll enclose it this summer.

Patti trotted past me to the guest house. "That sounds

great! I'll change and meet you two in the Jacuzzi."

Brenda followed Patti out, stood behind my seat, and rested

her hands on my shoulders. She kissed the top of my head, right in the middle
of my expanding bald spot. "I love you." she said, with a little more
emphasis than the situation warranted.

I craned my head up to look at her. She was looking towards

the guest house where Patti was changing. "I love you too hun." I
reached up and squeezed her hands.

I was changed and into the Jacuzzi sipping on a beer before

either Brenda or Patti. Patti came out of the guest house in one of the large,
fuzzy hotel style robes we kept there for guests. As she walked past the
Jacuzzi she said, "I need another glass of wine."

Both she and Brenda had drank a lot of wine through dinner

and over dessert. "What the heck." I thought. We were all retired and
didn't have anywhere to be in the morning. I heard them both chatting in the
kitchen and glasses clinking as they both got more wine.

When they came out of the kitchen slider, they were a study

in contrasts. Patti had discarded the robe. She replaced the short tank top she
had been wearing during the day for a spandex tankini top, and was wearing dark
colored tight-fitting boy-short type briefs. The tankini's hem was high enough
above the top of the briefs that I could just make out her still flat belly,
lightly silvered with faint stretch marks. My Brenda was in a demurer
one-piece, showing all her womanly curves. Despite the modest cut of the suit,
her ample cleavage was still on display. They both slid into the tub with
satisfied sighs, and sipped at their wine.

"This has been a wonderful day, you two. Thank you so

much for having me."

"You're always welcome." I said.

"You're such a doll Jim" Patti replied.

"Isn't he though?" Brenda said.

I shrugged off the compliment "You're both just buzzed

from all the wine and satisfied from dinner." They both laughed and
agreed.

"Hey, you know what this reminds me of?" Brenda

said.

"I know exactly what you're thinking. Hot tubbing after

those snowmobiling trips in the Upper Peninsula we took in college." Patti
said.

"Oh my god yes!” Brenda gushed. “What was that guide's

name we had for a couple of years."

Patti lolled her head back, closed her eyes and said

"George." She drew it out. Obviously, George had made an impression.

Brenda smiled. "Gorgeous George."

Patti chuckled without opening her eyes or looking up

"Uh huh, Gorgeous George."

Then they looked at each other and said in unison "Big

George." and giggled like sorority girls at a frat party.

"Ahem." I said. "Someone else is here."

Now, I'm not a prude and not jealous of any of Brenda's

former lovers. We had all come of age in the wild 70s, the post-pill and
pre-AIDS era. I had my share of shags and flings during that time. I just
didn't necessarily want to hear about 'Big George.'

"Sorry love." Brenda said, squeezing my thigh.

Patti sighed. "I do miss it though."

"Snowmobiling?" I offered.

"I think she means sex, dear." Brenda was clearly

a little tipsy. “She’s not a nun, you know.”

"Oh sure, I miss sex. But what I really miss; is having

a big warm body to snuggle up to; on a cold mountain night."

"You could always get a big dog." I quipped.

"Or a man." Brenda offered, her tone a little

pointed. Brenda can get really bawdy when she’s had her fill of wine.

Patti shook her head. "I'm too old and impatient for the

dating scene. No, what I need is someone to just magically appear out of
nowhere." She glanced at me briefly, a slight blush in her cheeks coming
through her tan. She took a drink of wine to cover her embarrassment. Brenda
seemed oblivious to what had just happened. Patti had been looking me up and
down. My hairy stocky body was dressed in only a pair of burgundy swim trunks.

'Okay' I thought. 'This just got a little awkward'.

Patti finished off her umpteenth glass of wine, then stood

up and said "I'm beat, and the wine has gone to my head. I'm going to bed.
You twos, behave out here. Brenda, Please keep the moaning down. Some of us are
jealous." With that she slowly navigated getting out of the tub and
swaggering off to her cabana. Brenda and I stayed in the tub a bit and
discussed the next day’s plans. Over Brenda’s shoulder, I could see the
silhouette of Patti through her closed drapes, stripping down naked, then
moving to her bathroom for a shower.

Brenda was already in bed after I showered off the Jacuzzi

chemicals. She was curled up on her side, facing my side of the bed. She had a
thoughtful look on her face. I came to bed naked, as I usually prefer; and had
just gotten comfortable on my side, facing her; and was getting ready to
sleepily kiss her forehead goodnight, when she said "Hun, would you do
something for me tonight?"

"Sweetheart, I'm awfully tired for any of that,

tonight. How about in the morning? I now you’ll appreciate the superior
performance then?"

She smiled and gave me a peck on the nose. "No, not

that."

"Then what?"

"Would you sleep with Patti tonight?"

I sat bolt upright. "What?"

Brenda only moved her head enough to look up at me and take

my hand. "I don't mean for you to have sex with her. Just keep her
company. She's so lonely and bereft, dear. You heard what she said in the
Jacuzzi. She said the same type of thing over and over when we were talking,
while you were out shopping. How lonely her nights were, even before Earl died.
He was in the hospital for months before he passed, you know."

"Sweetheart, I couldn't. It's too; weird; and

awkward." I lay down on my back, and pulled the blanket up to my chin,
crossing my arms over it. I set my jaw and said; "No, absolutely
not."

"Oh c'mon cuddle bear." she said, kissing my ear.

"Just go see if she wants some company. If she says no, just come right
back." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Maybe I'll reward you
just for trying." She put her hand on my lower belly and slid downward.

At my age; I am, or at least should be; somewhat resistant

to such blatant erotic bribery. Thanks to certain prescription drugs and
over-the-counter lubrication products, Brenda and I still have a reasonably
satisfactory sex life, but it is hardly the center of our marriage. In the end,
it wasn't that. It was her eyes and smile. Like I said, I could never refuse
them anything.

I tossed away the covers. "Oh for pity's sake,

fine." I said, getting out of bed. "But I'm pretty sure I'll be
coming right back."

I pulled on a pair of heavy sweatpants on, shrugged into a

zippered hoodie, and pushed my feet into my slippers. I honestly wasn't sure if
the sweats were against the cold outside or against temptation.

Brenda rolled over to watch me go out the bedroom slider.

She yawned and said "Thank you dear."

I turned one last time and said; “Brenda, are you absolutely

sure you want this? I don’t know how Patti will behave, in her inebriated
state?”

“She might already be asleep, Jim, but she’ll sleep better

with a cuddle bear.”

The glassed door of the guest house glowed with a faint

flickering blue that I guessed was coming from a combination of the television,
or perhaps the small gas fireplace. I could just barely make out the sound of
the television, which was turned down low. Over it I could hear faint crying. I
tapped on the door.

"Patti? You okay? Brenda wanted me to check on

you."

The sound from the television cut off. I heard snuffling and

Patti blowing her nose, before she came to the door. She opened it part way.
She was back in the robe. Her eyes were red from crying. She just stood there,
looking up at me, not saying anything.

I felt awkward. I gestured back towards the house. "Um,

can I bring you anything from the kitchen? Or do you want me to go get Brenda?
She's still awake."

Patti shook her head. "No. I would appreciate some

company for a few minutes though. Do you want to come in?" She pulled the
door open a little further and stepped aside. The small loveseat was lit from
the television and the fireplace.

What I wanted to do was flee back to the safety of the

house. But I'm a caretaker and protector at heart. The sight of this woman
tugged at that. "Sure." I said, and stepped in.

She shut the door behind me and walked to the loveseat. I

saw an old movie on the television and a bowl of microwave popcorn on the small
coffee table in front of the loveseat. The guest house had a small kitchen in
it, but Brenda and I hadn't really stocked it for Patti yet, but apparently my
cousin had left some things behind.

"You want to sit, maybe watch some tv with me?"

she said, sitting on the loveseat and curling her legs up underneath her.

"Okay, for a bit." I sat down.

She picked up the bowl of popcorn and offered it to me. I

shook my head "No thanks. I've already brushed my teeth."

She shrugged and took some herself. "You want me to put

on sports or something?" she said, gesturing to the remote.

"No, this is fine." I had no idea what the old

black and white movie was. It looked like some sort of WWII romance, set in
England.

We sat in silence, the television on low. I was terribly

tired and sitting squared up with my hands in my lap was getting uncomfortable,
so I stretched my arms over the back of the loveseat, well away from Patti. She
incorrectly took it as an invitation and shifted towards me, starting to lean into
my shoulder.

"Patti, I know you're lonely. And to tell the truth,

I'm here because Brenda begged me to come keep you company. That's all there is
to this."

Patti stopped shifting for a moment, but then snuggled up to

me like an unsure rescue kitten. "Just hold me for a few minutes, Jim.
That's all. Please? As a friend?"

'Dammit' I thought. But I put my hand on Patti's shoulder,

as chastely as I could. I didn't pull her into me. She set the popcorn on the
coffee table and rested her head on my shoulder. I couldn't see her face but
her labored breathing and gently shaking shoulders told me she was softly
weeping. I pulled her in and made a comforting hum.

We must have both fallen asleep. I drifted into a dream, a

really amazing dream; about how Brenda would reward me for this selfless act.
It was a really life-like dream too, right up until I jolted awake with Patti's
head in my lap and the top of my sweatpants pulled down. My hand was resting on
the back of her lightly bobbing head.

"Holy shit!" I jumped up, almost tumbling Patti

off the couch. I pulled up my pants and shouted. "Patti, what the hell are
you doing?"

Patti looked just as shocked as I did. It wasn't clear to me

whether it was due to what she had been doing or at my reaction.

"I; I don't; Jim. I'm sorry. I just, wanted." She

put her hands over her face and started sobbing. "Oh my god, Jim."
She jumped up and ran to the small bedroom at the back, and shut the door.

"Oh for pity's sake." I said.

I was lying next to Brenda when she woke up. I hadn't slept

a wink. She kissed my cheek good morning and murmured "I fell asleep, hun.
Sorry. Did you not keep Patti company?"

"Yeah, fine. She's fine. I'm fine. We watched tv and

ate popcorn. I didn't wake you. It was late when I got back in." Was my voice
tinged with guilt? Why should I feel guilty? I didn't do anything.

"That was nice of you." She snuggled up closer to

me, kissing the side of my neck. Her hand drifted down under the covers towards
my waist. "Do you want your reward now?"

I twisted away from her and swung my legs out of bed.

"Um, no. Maybe tonight. I'm, ah; playing golf this morning with some of
the fellas. I better shower and get dressed."

"Oh." She sounded a little disappointed.

"Okay. Weren't we going to do something with Patti today? Maybe the
Botanical Garden?"

"Let's; ah, plan something for tonight, okay? You two

pick out a nice restaurant, or something? Or maybe something is at the
University arena. Whatever. I'll be back in plenty of time."

I retreated into the bathroom, locking the door and starting

the shower. My heart was racing. What if Brenda suspected something? Was I
acting suspiciously? I didn't do anything. Should I tell her? No, that would be
stupid. But Patti was going to be here for two weeks. Shit.

I took a fast shower, not bothering to shave. I came out and

quickly got into my golf clothes. Brenda had gotten out of bed, and I could
hear her making coffee in the kitchen.

I came out of the bedroom and headed towards the garage. I

grabbed the golf cart keys off the pegboard and called "I'll leave you two
the car. Have a nice day sweetheart."

She called after me. "Jim, are you okay?"

"Sure, fine. Everything's fine. I'll be back

soon."

I didn't have a golf game. I just needed to get out of there

before I saw Patti. I drove to the golf course anyway, hoping to get on as a
walk on.

"Hi Art." I said the starter. "Any chance of

a walk-on this morning?" I asked.

I had gotten to know Art pretty well. I played several times

a week with a regular foursome. Nice guy. He lived in the community and had
been a club pro back in Illinois before retiring, so we had a love of Chicago
sports in common.

"Sorry Jim." he said. "There's a Scramble

Tournament this morning. I couldn't do anything for you until after that and even
then there's a wait list. Do you want me to put you down?" He picked up a
pencil and poised it over the old-fashioned paper and pencil system he used. He
refused to use the course's computerized system.

I sighed "Okay, is the pitch and putt open?"

He looked out the side window towards the smaller course

then back at me. "You want to go out as a single or in a group?"

"Single is fine." I said.

He nodded and jotted down my name in the record. "Okay,

hustle out there and you'll go out in front of the foursome that's getting
ready."

I was understandably distracted and played lousy. Didn't hit

a single green and three putted everything. I played so bad I was holding up
the foursome behind me, which was made up of four women that were easily in
their 80s. It's not great getting cussed out for slow play by a group of
bitties like that.

Afterwards I headed over to the recreation center. I watched

a couple of people I knew play pickle ball, exchanged greetings with them,
declining an offer to join. "Wrong shoes" I said, waggling my feet at
them. I went inside and got into an ongoing poker game with some guys who
fought in Vietnam together. By the way they sniggered when I left the game, I
think they fleeced me for $50, but at least they were friendly about it. Finally,
out of excuses, I went home.

Brenda and Patti were on the patio chatting again. I didn't

want to go out there. "I'm home hun." I called.

"How was your round?" she called back.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Listen, I'm going to go

shower."

"That's fine dear. We have an early dinner reservation

in Tempe. Casey's. Is that okay?"

"Sounds great."

How was I going to get through dinner?

Casey Moore's is a Tempe institution. It's popular amongst

the faculty and students at the local university as well as the hip crowd in
Tempe and tourists drawn by its charm, the supposed haunted history and the
infamous open air men's room in the patio seating area, which you have to
experience to understand. Brenda and I had been there once before with another
couple who had a daughter that taught at the university.

We were certainly on the older end of the spectrum of their

clientele. But the young waitress was pleasant, and the food was good. Despite
all of this, my uncomfortable silence through the meal made the evening less
than pleasant. Brenda and Patti did their best to keep things light and to draw
me out, but I wasn't able to overcome the overwhelming guilt I was feeling. I
wasn't able to understand why Patti seemed more at ease than I was. After all,
she was the perpetrator of the previous night's almost-shenanigans. I picked at
my dinner and answered in monosyllables.

The drive home was mostly silent, except for Brenda

occasionally pointing out sights of interest to Patti, who acknowledged them
with enthusiasm. I almost snapped on the drive.

We got home and I retreated to my small den with the excuse

that I had some emails to catch up on, and bills to pay. Brenda and Patti said
they understood, poured themselves more wine, and went out onto the patio. I
sat and played Minesweeper for 2 hours.

Eventually Brenda knocked on the closed door to my den.

"Jim, Patti's gone to bed. I'm going to bed now too."

"Okay hun."

"Jim?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to come to bed with me?"

"Yeah, you go ahead. I'll be there in a few."

I waited a few minutes, trying to get my heart under

control. Part of me wished I would have a massive stroke just to get out of
this predicament. Dammit, Why did I agree to Brenda's ridiculous request? I had
a thought of going to the guest house and asking Patti to go back to Idaho the
next day. But then I would have to explain to Brenda why, or Patti would. Would
the truth be better in that situation, or just another lie?

I finally went to our bedroom. Brenda was already in bed,

reading. I sat on the edge of my side of the bed, taking off my shoes and
socks. I felt the bed shift as Brenda slid over to me, placing a hand on my
shoulder.

"Jim, what's wrong? You've been in such a foul mood

today." She stroked my back. "Please, tell me what it is."

The love and care in her voice was too much. I couldn't lie

to this woman, or keep the truth from her.

"Brenda, something happened last night. Something

terrible."

"When you were with Patti?"

I nodded.

"Is it because she tried to give you a blowjob?"

I spun around to face her in shock. "You, you knew?"

She nodded and was clearly fighting back laughter. "Of

course. Patti told me all about it when you were pretending to be out playing
golf."

"Oh my god, Brenda! How is this funny? And how did you

know I wasn't playing golf?"

"Jim." she said in an infuriatingly patient tone.

"There's a Scramble Tournament every Wednesday morning. Everyone knows
that."

"Answer the first question first; dammit."

She sighed. "Jim, Patti and I have been best friends

since high school. Almost like sisters, really. We tell each other everything.
We never competed for anything, especially boys. As a matter of fact, we even
shared a few in college."

"What?"

She shrugged "What can I say? It was the 70s. Why do

you think we both giggled about" she made air quotes with her fingers
"Big; George."

Suddenly I felt like I was talking to a stranger.

"Brenda, what Patti did was wrong. I didn't consent to it; she took
advantage of me."

"I know sweetheart, and she was devastated. But I understood.

She was drunk, lonely and vulnerable and you showed her kindness. She was just
trying to thank you. She didn't expect anything else."

"A card would have sufficed." I grumbled. “Would

you feel violated if I had one of my friends eat you out while you’re sleeping?”

“Fair point, Jim. And Patti and I both should have apologized

to you for the anguish you’ve been in. As your wife, I should have come to you,
when you returned from the country club.” And now, listening to your confused
sense of guilt about it; well, that was something I completely missed.”

Brenda hugged me, then pulled back and looked me in the eyes

and said; “You did nothing wrong, Jim. You were giving her company while she
was struggling with loneliness. You did it as a favor to me. I knew you were
having a bad day, and I didn’t reach out to you, even after I learned what
happened. I feel so ashamed of my insensitivity.”

“I forgive you, Brenda, and I’m especially relieved that I

have no reason to blame myself. Patti is really hurting, I saw it when she was
crying, with her head on my shoulder. I want to help her, But I need to not be
sent on blowjob missions without my consent.” Then I chuckled; “Imagine me
saying that, 50 years ago, when I was going to college frat parties?”

Brenda laughed, her blue eyes twinkling in the light from

the bedside lamp. "At least you've kept your sense of humor."

"Brenda, why aren't you mad? Or jealous? Or;

something?"

"Jim, darling. I know you love me. And I know you'd

never be unfaithful. Oh sure, you ogle and fantasize about other women, just
like all men. That doesn't bother me. And as to what happened, well, at least
Patti was honest with me about it. And you were too. So, I know I can trust you
both."

"Well, she's only going to be here for two weeks. Now

that you know, at least I can grit my teeth and get through that amount of time
anyway. But you are Never to leave me alone with her? Understood?"

Brenda kissed my cheek. "I promise I'll never leave you

alone with her. Now, come to bed. You still have a reward coming, but doubly so
tonight, since you were so giving, and so honest."

That night, Brenda finished what Patti started the night

before. It was pretty damn good.

The next morning, Brenda was up before me. When I came to

the kitchen, Patti and Brenda were sitting. Brenda got me a cup of coffee and
an omelet, then went to move some laundry.

Patti said; “Jim, I can’t tell you just how much it meant to

me that you comforted me, the other night. And I’m so sorry for how I, in my
inebriated state, sought to return your comfort. I should have cleared this up
as soon as I noticed your discomfort. Please, please forgive me, and please don’t
be afraid to keep being the tender, compassionate man that you are, please?”

What can I say; I’m a forgiving sort of guy, and Patti was

so sincere. We put it behind us, and had a nice day, the three of us.

A week went by. The tension eased and I was able to regain a

little of my equanimity towards Patti. I reconciled myself to the fact that it
was a transient incident. That Patti had no designs on me; and that I was
married to the most wonderful woman in the world.

Survivor Pact.

One evening we were all on the couch, watching television

after dinner. Brenda was on my right and Patti on my left. Brenda abruptly
picked up the remote and turned off the tv.

"Jim, Patti and I have something we'd like to talk to

you about."

My heart dropped into my stomach. 'No' I thought. 'I can't

talk about what happened, to both of them.'

I started to stand, but they both put their hands gently on

my shoulders and urged me to sit.

"Please Jim." Patti said.

"Yes dear, just hear us out. You don't have to say

anything."

I sat but crossed my arms and turned my face to stone,

staring at the coffee table.

Brenda started "Jim, we all have been walking on eggshells

since that night. And honestly, it's because of your discomfort. Neither Patti
nor I are upset at all."

"That's right Jim.” Patti added.  “Of course, I feel

terrible that I upset you. But honestly, I think you're overreacting at this
point. Nothing actually happened."

I blew up and flew off the couch. "Nothing? Jesus H Tap-dancing

Christ; Patti. I went to show you a little kindness, fell asleep and woke up
with my Wang in your Mouth!"

Brenda and Patti giggled a little.

"What The Hell Is So Goddam Funny?" I roared.

Brenda burst out laughing. "Wang?" They both

collapsed into hysterical laughter.

"Of for fucks sake. Okay, my dick, my Johnson, my

member, my Cock! What the hell does it matter what we call it? The fact is that
Patti "and I pointed an accusing finger at her "tried to give me an
unsolicited hummer Without my consent when I was asleep! That's ... that's.. Sexual
Assault!" I was in a rage and breathing heavy. I was standing on the other
side of the room, I felt so violated and dismissed by their levity.

They both did their best to get serious.

"You're right Jim. What Patti did was wrong and she's

very sorry." Brenda said.

Patti added "Yes Jim. It was wrong and I'm sorry."

"Your Damn right it was wrong. And, thank you, for

apologizing." I was starting to calm down.

"But Jim, would you answer a question for us,

please?" Brenda asked.

"What?"

Patti asked, "Did you like it?"

"What? What the hell kind of question is That?"

Brenda continued. "It's a simple one. Did you like it?

Patti told me you were pushing her head down. It must have felt good."

I was thunderstruck by the question. I answered without thinking

"Well shit of Course it felt good. But for the record, I was dreaming. thought
I was pushing Your head down, Brenda."

Brenda nodded. "I thought as much. And Jim, this is the

whole point of this conversation. Remember when I said I hope I go first? Well,
Patti and I have talked a lot about the whole process of grieving and how to
keep living.”

Brenda looked at Patti. Patti nodded and Brenda went on; “Jim,

I told Patti that if I go before you and Patti do, I hope you will be open to
Patti, and find companionship with her. I asked Patti, and she deeply admires
you. She just doesn’t want to pray that I die, in order to resume living,
herself.”

Brenda took another breath and asked me; “What if you could

have both of us, now?"

The question literally took me off my feet. I stumbled

backwards with the shock of it and collapsed onto an ottoman. "I, what?
Brenda; what are you, say; suggest; oh my god! I can't breathe."

Brenda stood up calmly and walked over to kneel down beside

me. I was in basically good health, so she wasn't worried about my heart. But I
did have a history of anxiety attacks. "Just breathe darling. It's okay.
Patti dear, would you please get Jim a glass of water." Patti obliged and left
the room.

“Brenda, you should never ask me something like this with

others in the room.” I told her in panting breath.

“You’re so right, Jim. I’m so sorry.” Brenda softly consoled

me.

Patti returned to us, kneeling down and handing me the glass

of water.

When my breathing slowed, I looked at them both.

"You're either both crazy, drunk or a combination of the two."

They smiled at each other. Brenda said "Well, I will

admit; We have had too much wine this week. And we’ve made big mistakes because
of it. But what it comes down to is this. Jim, you're without question the most
wonderful man in the world. You're generous, loving, kind, understanding and;"

"And you're a great big cuddle bear, with a very nice

wang." Patti added, smiling at me.

Brenda swatted Patti's arm "Oh shush, you aren't

helping. Anyway, Patti and I were talking. You know I told you we've never been
competitive with each other over anything. And that back in college we shared
sex partners a few times. Well, we were thinking. What if Patti moved in with
us and you could sleep or have sex with whichever of us you felt like, whenever
you wanted. After all, we have plenty of money, this place is paid for, and
Patti has all the proceeds from selling her land and business. Three can live
as cheaply as two. Doesn't that sound nice, dear?"

I couldn't talk. My head was spinning. My wife was

suggesting a ménage-a-trois. I handed Patti the empty glass. "I think I
need another glass of water."

Patti returned with another glass. Brenda went on "Plus,

Jim; you remember how I told you that I hoped I went first? Patti completely
understood that. None of us are getting any younger. At least with three of us
in the relationship, if one goes, the other two will still have each other. Now
... doesn't that seem sensible?"

I had surrendered myself to the madness of what was happening.

"So, you two are, or were; you know?"

Patti laughed "Lesbians? No dear. We only shared a

partner together once, and even then, we only kissed each other a couple of
times."

Brenda nodded. "That's right. We aren't interested in

each other, sexually. Although; we wouldn't be averse to the idea of sharing
you together."

"What if I said no to this lunacy?"

Patti shrugged. "I go back to Idaho in a few days, and this

is all forgotten. No hard feelings."

The next words out of my mouth were completely unexpected.

"I; I need to think about this."

They both smiled and kissed me on either cheek. Brenda said,

"Take all the time you need, dear."

“One thing is going to change now.” I got up the boldness to

declare. “You two ladies will not treat me with dismissal and disrespect. This
whole idea was about as badly executed as I could imagine. You both could have
lost me, by such drunken antics and insensitivity to my perspective.”

The two ladies nodded. But I was not done, yet. “The past 5

minutes have been the only constructive communication we’ve had about this
whole crazy and caring idea. You two have no problem being honest with each
other, and extending empathy to each other. But unless that same empathy is not
developed towards me, I’m likely to go play golf and never come back.”

Three days later we sealed the deal.

Four nights later I found myself in bed with both of them. I

took a little blue pill, and we bought extra lube. It was pretty damn good
night for all of us.

Patti moved into the guest house, and I divide the week

roughly equally between them. Most nights it's just to sleep but there is recurrent
sex. Sex with Brenda is loving and comfortable. With Patti it's still new and
exciting. About once a month or so; we all tumble into bed together for a bit
of a romp. And despite Patti's previous denial, I've watched the two of them
enjoy pleasuring each other more than a few times. Brenda claims that it's just
for my entertainment, but they both seem to enjoy the hell out of it.

Patti insisted on paying for a hot tub enclosure, attached

to the house at the back patio. It provided a great variety for our threesome
to play and pleasure.

As far as any of our neighbors know, we are just three

retirees sharing a house and expenses. We keep our public displays of affection
discrete. After all, there is quite a bit of swapping and swinging going on in
our retirement community, and none of us are interested in that scene.

 Based on a post by Milo_Grigsby, for Literotica.

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Connected PodcastBy Dawkins Blog