Suspenders of Belief

A highschool football coach in a small town in Georgia is struggling personally and professionally. Through rediscovering his faith, he is able to turn his life around and positively affect his community. It's surprisingly competent and moving! No really!

After an injury taken by the star quarterback (Paul Walker) the second-string quarterback (James Van Der Beek) steps and ultimately butts heads with the head coach (Jon Voight). This sounds very sporty, but it is pumped full of 90's nostalgia and genuinely a great time!

Dan Fogler is recruited by George Lopez to infiltrate an illegal ping pong tournament hosted by Christopher Walken. But this tournament is to the death! It sounds funnier than it actually is.

A young man receives a mysterious pet for Christmas. To care for this pet one must obey very unusual rules. He-wait wat was that sound? Hey, you can't come in here! I'm a professional Podcaster!! You should show respect! Put down those amiibos! Oh if it's a fight you want I'll AAAARRRGHHH

BLAH AH BLAH BLAH BLAH ESOTERIC BLAH BLAH SUBVERT EXPECTSTIONS FART FART FART FART BUTS DEAGLE DEAGLE DEAGLE

Estranged husband and police officer (Bruce Willis) finds himself trapped in high rise with a bunch of terrorists! Can he escape, save the hostages, and place Alan Rickman's weird accent?

Macaulay Culkin through a miraculous series of events is left home alone while his family leaves on a Christmas vacation. It seems like a dream come true, until his home becomes the target for a couple of bungling criminals. Can he defend his home from Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern??

Arnold Schwarzenegger spends a zany Christmas Eve searching for the one toy he needs to buy his son's love. He and Sinbad commit various crimes in pursuit of said toy. Does that sound deplorable? It kind of is. Also starring Phil Hartman!

A group of teenagers are attempting to relaunch a secluded summer camp, formerly the site of two grisly murders. But the new camp counselors are being picked off one by one? Who is the murderer? Who will survive? Who even plays strip monopoly? Starring Kevin Bacon as some guy.

In the future of space, a mining ship answers a distress call on an alien planet and pick up a stowaway. One of the guys has a minor case of indigestion. I'm sure it's fine. Starring Sigourney Weaver and a kitty.

In John Carpenter's definitive slasher flick, a masked killer stalks a Jamie Lee Curtis and her friends. Sounds pretty rote by today's standards, eh? Does it hold up? Watch and find out!