Bob talks about corporal punishment from back in the day, while Miles struggles to remember his friend’s nicknames.

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If I can’t work it, then nobody can work it. It’s stupid bullshit. It’s poorly designed. It’s poorly designed. I can’t do things. My God. I wish I could do things. Yeah, fuck you. There it is. can do things. I guess Miles is not going to talk tonight. He’s all mad now. He’s pouting. I’m protesting. I’m pouting. I want tapioca. You know, back in the grotto, when I was at the playboy mansion, things just worked. That’s ridiculous. That’s ridiculous. It’s ridiculous. This website needs to be fixed. Okay. I think it was fixed. It was updated. Yeah, it’s a train wreck now. Okay. Train wreck. Anything else today? You’re ugly. Okay. I appreciate that. hey everybody. Welcome to bob and disgruntled miles yeah show here yeah yeah miles the disgruntled what do you do whenever, you know, you can’t get a door open or something.
I usually can get a door open, so I’m not sure how that equates. I don’t know. I’m trying to think of something. I generally get mad. You’re too in love with technology, Bob. I do love technology. That is true. It’ll be our downfall someday. This much is true. This much is true. We’re going to end up like that Gary Newman song, Me, is what it’ll be. What? You talked right over me. I was trying to talk. I know, I was singing. I know, your horrible singing drowned me out. Okay, I’m sorry. I love technology. It’s the greatest. Yes. It’ll be the end of the world. All right. Restart the show. Let’s restart the show. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Welcome to Static Radio. Okay. Oh, Miles. Glad you can make it tonight. How are you feeling? Man, I’m having a fantastic time. I’m glad I’m here. Fantastic. You sound like you just got your grade from Cinema 102. Oh, I see. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
oh my gosh. Man, you were earlier, you were fucking around and then you stood out of me and then now the worm has turned. You’re right. You are the worm. The worm has turned yes alright alright are you ready? I’m ready. Take three. Hey everyone, this is Miles. Welcome to Static Radio. Glad you’re here. Let’s get started. Bob? Hey! This is great. Did you find anybody else that I know that has died recently? Yeah, I’m going to wait until after the show, I think, to talk to you. Take you out in the hallway and talk to you. Oh, okay. Grab your ankles, son! Do you ever get swats in school? Who? You ever get swats? Is that like a minority? No, you get swats. You get the paddle. No. Really? I’m surprised. I’m surprised you didn’t get swats. No. Really? Okay. Yeah, we were rich. Rich kids don’t get hit. Oh, okay. Well, I wasn’t. I got smacked at least twice. Really? Or what?
Let’s see. One, I don’t remember. And the other one, it was because I shot this kid in both ears with rubber bands from the back of the bus. Oh, wow. So he had these big ears. Yeah. And we had a bunch of rubber bands. And so we were shooting everybody. And it wasn’t just me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this kid that lived down the street from me, he was like, he wouldn’t, you know, I shot him in one ear from the back and then I shot him in the other ear. And I was in big trouble. He told on me. And I’m like, how could, what could happen? Yeah. I got swats on your bare ass. No, come on. What are you?
I’m just imagining it. No, I’m just saying. You had your pants on, but you had to bend over. Did you have to drop your pants? No, no dropping the pants. Oh, I don’t know. I never got it. Well, the thing was, you never knew. And so you couldn’t pad up or anything. And so I didn’t know. I thought it was no big deal. And next thing I know, I’m getting called down. I’m like, guess what? Yeah. How many did you have to take? I think I got two. I got one for each year. But they were good ones. I mean, this is a solid hit. So the principal had a paddle that had holes in it. Oh, those are the best. Yeah. It looked kind of like a cricket bat. Yeah. But with holes. Yep.
Yeah, it was not what I wanted to have done. How old were you? What, 20? No, just joking. Probably 10. I was held back a few years. So what? Don’t make laugh. Man, don’t make laugh. Probably 10 or 11, maybe. I don’t know. Yeah, it was terrible. I won’t say it really deterred me in the future part, but I was a little more, you know, I picked on the kids who were not as tattly. Yeah, probably a good point. Yeah. So, like, I’d have something on them or something. I’d be like, you tell on me, motherfucker. And I’ll… All your nudie bags will be gone. All right. Don’t do it. I’m not going to talk. I swear to God. I swear to God. No, you know, I had to have people who were, who had some scruples for Christ’s sake. I wouldn’t tell on you. All right. Yeah. You don’t want to. Yeah. I can’t believe you didn’t get swats. I mean, you’re such a smart ass. I mean, you got a smart mouth. I’m surprised. No, the only time it was mentioned was around middle school. I think some girl got caught cheating.
And the teacher was this old guy that would used to go out and smoke all the time during class. He’d come back. Yeah. He caught her cheating. She had like the, I don’t know, the answers hidden. I think she was sitting on the answers or something in her thigh or something. Yeah. So I don’t know. Anyway, he’s like, well, I wasn’t going to slaughter, but I’m not allowed to. Oh, so I’m going to swat title. Cause he’s an asshole. Uh, I did get, Uh, I did actually, well, no, I got hit once by a teacher actually. I don’t really open hand. Uh, I got hit in the, uh, back of his hand. He hit me in the shoulder. Oh, wow. Come on. That was probably accident. No, it wasn’t a fucking accident.
Are you sure? Sounds like an accident to me. It was an English class. This guy’s reading a story about a guy who’s riding a horse and gets shot in the shoulder. Uh-huh. Oh, okay. So he was just being dramatic. And he was being dramatic, so he took his hand and back-slapped me in the frickin’ shoulder with it. And you get shot like this. Bam! And the nurse of the guy got shot just like this. Like this fat Polish bastard. Pow! Tidal’s holding back the tears. Look at his three chins jiggling, kids. What are you talking about? You weren’t even fat back then. Nah, I don’t know. I always thought I was fat. You were a little skinny guy. Nah, I don’t know. I always thought I was a fat kid. You hit my shoulder. No, it was just, I didn’t, you know, it’s like one of those things, like I didn’t expect it. It was just like more like, what? I think I got hit with a ruler several times. Yeah. That was like in grade school.
Oh, like the Blues Brothers? Yeah, well, not on the hand, but, you know, like, I don’t know, randomly. I didn’t get in the face. I know that. I got in trouble for, like, making too much noise walking up like the wooden bleachers. Some old, you know, World War II guy. Todd, will you get your ass down here right now or sit by yourself? That cannot be the sound of these steps. That must be your squeaky asshole. Get down here. Oh, yeah. No, I had some hiking boots on. You get your ass down here. Give it to one of the pushups. Yeah. I got in trouble. I think in trouble a lot, but I got for a quiet kid. I got in a lot of trouble. Yeah. Quiet kid. My ass. Come on. No, I don’t.
No, I was a quiet kid. I was. No, please. Come on. I was. I was. Let’s not put falsehoods out there. Please. Come on. I was not the cool podcaster you know today. Okay. I was kind of a quiet, well-behaved, somewhat well-behaved. Yeah. Not well-behaved. A little smart ass. Yeah. I don’t know. You know what? I don’t know. I guess. Nothing major, I don’t think. Kids don’t get swats anymore, do they? Your kids never got swatted. No. Yeah, me neither. Mine neither. I think the worst thing that ever happened to me, I would say middle school. Was being born. Was being born. You see? I know I was in line for lunch, and I had a buddy in front of me. He kind of looked a little bit like John Denver a little bit, but anyway. Rock him out, man.
the teacher thought I had punched him very hard in the back or something possibly because you did yeah no I did strike him, but not hard not were you reenacting the gunshot wound I go, Hey, this son of a bitch, you know what he did? you son of a bitch. And he goes, Kyle, come here. I got something special for you. I gotta talk to you, son. Your son, you take your lunch and you go sit down by those trash cans and you think about what you did. I’m like, oh, are you fucking serious? Like, yeah, you’re going to. And that was pretty humbling. Yes, that was very. I bet you. I bet it was. If I ever meet that motherfucker again, I’m going to spit in his face. I swear to fucking God. Okay. I will jab a finger in his fucking eye until he’s dead.
old fucking man he’s a piece of shit really yeah i you know even though i got swats i wouldn’t say that uh the principal was a piece of shit yeah i deserved it i was being terrible our principal uh we got a new principal when i was like a senior and i don’t know why he came up to me a couple times i was eating he started rubbing my shoulders twice i’m like I’m like… One of those principals, eh? Yeah, I think old Miles is being groomed there. I’m pretty sure. Wasn’t the first time, nor the last. I can tell you that. Oh, yeah. I bet you were. No, I had a weird thing. The funny thing was the principal gave me SWAT. Yeah. Are you okay there? It’s my second job. I’m sorry. I’m
I’m at the kennel right now. I’m sorry. Yeah, I was going to say, I’m dog walking. I’m working at the kennel. This is my second job. I didn’t want you to know this. I’m washing cars at the same time. Yeah, I’ve got to go to my car washing job here soon. So he came along and then as luck would have it, he kept getting promoted as I went from junior high to high school. So he was also my high school principal. Yeah. which was great. Yeah. So I didn’t even get to escape him. You know what I mean? You guys like falling. Yeah. Yeah. It was weird. Although the funniest thing, and I, I was no part of this, even though I know you’re going to think that I was, I was not any part of this whatsoever. I doubtful. So he was a really tall, he was really tall guy, super tall, like, you know, probably, you know, six, six or something.
He was a basketball player in his youth and actually still played basketball. I played for Milliken, I’ll have you know. Yeah, I don’t know where he played for. Anyway, in the wintertime, we used to do recess inside, right? Well, yeah. In high school, you’d go to the gym, and we had a gym that had permanent bleachers. It was really old. These were like built out of wood. Right. So yeah, I’ve had one. Yeah. So anyway, we were all in the gym with the permanent bleachers and everybody’s in there for high school at lunchtime. I mean, you go to the cafeteria, but if you’re done eating, then you go into the gym. Right. Exactly. So everybody’s in there almost lunchtime, almost over. Somebody, not me, throws a dildo out onto the middle of the gym floor. Wow, you guys are way ahead of your time. Yes, and right as the principal was coming into the gym. Oh, good, even better. And he did not miss a beat. He walked right out there and put it in his pocket. Oh!
You know, he had a suit, a suit on and he put it in his, you know, in the, in his not, not the inside pocket, but the outside pocket. Yeah. And everybody was watching. Oh my gosh. The noise, the laughter. No one better laugh. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It’s like one of the, it’s like one of those moments in your high school, you know? Yeah. career that you cannot forget. You’re like, I cannot believe you went and picked it up. I probably was like a sophomore or junior. I can’t remember, but yeah. Yeah. And everybody’s seen it. because it was right out there in the middle. Do you know who did it i don’t i honestly don’t i don’t know it wasn’t one of your friends. No, it was on the other side of the gym. I was on the far, I was on the far side of the gym.
It was one of the Socs. It was one of the Socs. I don’t know who it was, but it was funny as hell. To this day, people still talk about it. You’re sitting there with your buddy Soda Pop Curtis. Yeah, no. My buddy’s… Drug was one of my buddies. Drug. Hey, Drug. His name was Doug when he was high a lot, so they called him Drug. Yeah. You guys have the best nicknames. Every time you tell me a story, you’re like, ah, this guy was dildo breath. Like, I don’t want to know why. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Drug was, I’m trying to remember everybody’s nicknames, but yeah, everybody had a nickname. Yeah. Uh, Skippy. Yeah. I don’t think Skippy was sitting there that day. I don’t, I remember Skippy being there. Yeah. Cause he skipped a grade. He was a smart kid.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you did tell me. That does sound right. I tried to find Skippy. I know he’s a professor, but I can’t find him. Oh, I got some bad news about him. Oh, come on now. Sorry. The funny thing was, and I don’t know if I told you about Skip, so my nickname was Clark for a while. Yeah. Hey, man. Clark Kent. My mom wouldn’t let me get the wire glasses. The wire rim glasses because she’s like, I’m going to break those. I had to get these big chunky plastic glasses and they look like Clark Kent glasses. People started calling me Clark. Those old Vietnam era style glasses. No, not quite that bad, but it was You know, it was bad enough. Yeah. And so, yeah, my nickname for a while was Clark. Clark. And I just went with it. I was not going to fight it. Clark. I had to get, you know, I had to get glasses in high school. Yeah. Yeah. Geez, who else? I mean, there was more. I’m trying to remember. I can’t remember. Beef. Beef.
Yeah, Beaver. His nickname was Beaver. Everybody called him Beave. Hey, Beave. I don’t remember why. It had nothing to do with anything dirty as far as I remember. His teeth or something? No, he didn’t have exceptional buck teeth. And then there was Rat. A kid called Rat. You’d go round and round with him. No, because he had… He always said in gym class, he said, you look like a drowned rat. Because his hair was all crazy. Yeah, so he got that nickname. That was a good one. Rat. Skippy. Hey, Rat. He didn’t like it too much. Dally. Yeah, Rat. I got Rat to eat an aluminum ashtray one time. Oh, geez. Skippy. He actually ate it. Well, he tore it in half and chewed a piece of it. Yeah. Oh, geez. People don’t have any, like anybody who’s young has no clue that there was a time in the world where everybody smoked. Yeah. Like everybody. Yeah. And we were at the end of it, really. Yeah. Yeah. Lucky us. And so you would go to like, we were at Hardee’s, I think it was.
Or McDonald’s, I can’t remember. McDonald’s. And they used to have these little aluminum ashtrays. They did, yeah. They had the big M on it and a little place for your cigarettes. Like a little crinkly edge to it. Yeah. We got something that was late. We had been drinking or what have you. And we were eating… And I said, I’m going to give you $5 if you eat that dirty ashtray. Wow. And he picked it up and he bit it and ripped off a piece. Oh, wow. He was pretty wasted. Yeah. In his defense. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. I think I did give him his $5, though. Hmm. Yeah. I’m like, oh, my God. And then he cut his mouth. It was even worse. He was bleeding. That’s the most unbelievable part that you actually ponied up the money. That’s the most unbelievable part of the story. I always pay my bets. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. And then the night went downhill after that, to be honest with you. You take this.
packet, this ketchup packet, stuff it up your a-hole. I’ll give you 10 bucks. One friend of mine used to love to take ketchup packets. We’d go to McDonald’s or whatever. If we had any leftover ketchup packets, as we walked out the door, he would throw them onto the sidewalk and then stomp on them and ketchup would just go everywhere. You’re such a dickhead. At one time, he does it And I get totally covered in ketchup. Hey, Clark. Yeah, I had to chase him down. I’m like, you son of a bitch. Dang, these are glasses my mom bought you, jackass. Well, I was older at this point. I didn’t have glasses. I wore contacts at this point. Oh, let me change the voice. Hey, these are glasses my mom bought me. These are glasses my mom bought me. A chopper. Yeah. You didn’t have any good nicknames or anything?
you like you live like a sheltered life or something you’re the bubble boy. No, we had, uh, we had some way i don’t remember there was a kid that would twitch a lot. They called him twitch and he did twitch a lot. Uh, there was my friend kinky Catholic, uh, who’s now in politics there was a boner. That you. No, that was not me what was your nickname? I don’t think I really had one. Oh, yeah. That means it was really embarrassing. Yeah. They called me Krabs. Oh, I just, I don’t know. They called me Furburger. I didn’t have a name. I was just like, hey, you. Oh, come on now. That’s not true. That cannot be true. I don’t know if I really had one, Nick.
I don’t know. I had more than one. Yeah. Clark was just the early one. Yeah. No one ever really talked to me. So I don’t know. I don’t think I had one. I don’t know. What am I doing then? Christ. I should have learned from these people. Yeah. Yeah. No other good ones. No other fun names. Uh, I only had like three friends. So yeah, I pretty much named them. Yeah. Yeah. I exhausted my list. Yeah. I didn’t, uh, Oh my gosh. Yeah. Terrible. Yeah. I was thinking a few more. Honestly, I can’t, it’s hard. Oh, well, I don’t know. No, I don’t know. I’m John. I guess I’m blanking out. Oh, you didn’t think about it for a while, huh? Yeah. No, I don’t know. I tried. I got a kid named fairy called fairy. Uh, well, he wasn’t gay or anything, but,
His last name had the word fair in it. Oh, I see. Yeah. Hey, fairy. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I’ll have to get back to you on that one. I don’t know. I’m really blanking out on that one. Oh, my gosh. You’re no fun. I called you one of my nicknames. I don’t think I had one. I don’t know. Okay. Okay. I’ll wait. I’ll wait. I don’t know. The waiting is the hardest part, man. I don’t tell you. I don’t, I really don’t think I had one. I don’t think. Well, in college we had Serge, we had Sarge and we had, uh, what was it? One kid’s name that one was, uh, I think squirrel and turd. I was trying to remember turd. Yeah. Turd and squirrel. Oh,
Lots of good names. In college, we had hundreds of names. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you were like ripping them off. We’d be sitting there. You’d be like, yeah, that’s turd. I’m like, what? Well, he looked like a turd. He looked like a turd. You always said he looked like he snipped a turd. Yeah, he did. He looked like a human turd. He did. And Stan. I think his real name is Stan. Yeah. Stan, yeah. Are those people’s last names? O’Connor. Yeah. Yeah. Clark. Clark. Although that wasn’t his name. Yeah. Yeah. That was his name. Well, it wasn’t his legal name. Right. Right. He just went by that. But yeah. Yeah. Interesting. See, you got into it as you got older. You were just a little shy. I’m telling you, I was in a little bit of a thing. Yeah. I got out of it. Yeah. We did. Yeah. Yeah.
My brother had a friend they called the Big O. Big O. Big O, yeah. Yeah. And I was friends with his younger brother, Little O. Little O, yeah. Who was that girl you had me speaking dirty French to? What was her name? Jenny something. Her name was Jenny. I don’t remember. Dirty French? Yeah, you’re like, hey, this is a funny song. I want you to say to her. I’m like, what’s this? You’re like… I didn’t even know what it was. I’m like, hey, Jenny, hey. I think she’s like, no fucking way. I think she spoke French. Yeah, I’m sure she did. Yeah, I’m sure she did. Yeah, I vaguely remember her, I think. Yeah, yeah. Vaguely. But I got, I mean, you know, that was the, those were back in the day when we
at other stupid things. This worked out here. We got a whole show out of… Out of nothing. Out of you being angry. No, no. That part’s been cut out. Oh, no. I don’t cut anything out. Yeah, it’s going to be edited. So everyone who’s listening, it’ll be edited out. Being all pissy. And about… I’m sure he’s probably dead by now. My old principal picking up a dildo. Yeah. his name was Mike, and everybody be like, what are you doing with that dildo mike later enjoying it all right join it boys nobody got in trouble as far as i know. Somebody did it.