Sweet Talk for Parents of Kids with Type One Diabetes

Thanks for listening to Sweet Talk all year long! I’m closing 2023 with a recap of some of my top recommended episodes to tune into this holiday season. These episodes will serve you as you brace challenges with food, family, and friends during this season. 

57: What To Do When People Have No Idea What Your Life is Like

37: When Family Doesn't Understand What It’s Like for You to Parent Type 1

36: When Feeding Your T1D Kid Causes Conflict in Your Relationship 

14: Strategies for Managing the Holiday Stress with T1D

Have any questions you’d like to get support on? I encourage you to contact me if you want to come on the show.  I’m always here to answer your questions on your parenting T1D kids. Feel free to email me at [email protected]

Happy New Year!

The mom who joins me this week — Michelle — doesn’t have a specific question; instead, she wants to face off with the broad challenge of how lonely it can be to have diabetes, both for her and her T1D daughter.  Ultimately, she’s bothered by the ways other people misunderstand what her daughter lives and struggles with.  She’s frustrated that people think her daughter has type 2, that they think she can’t eat certain things, and that they somehow think that the cause of diabetes is that her daughter ate unhealthy food. She’s irritated that people don’t understand the ongoing, chronic nature of the care that’s required with type 1.  And she wants to figure out if there’s a way to protect her daughter from the barrage of questions and misunderstandings that come her way. 

Although Michelle and I agree that it’s painful and stressful when our experience of living with and taking care of diabetes is so invisible and misunderstood, we also look to the strength that comes from choosing to be an educator and an advocate in our lives. I make some suggestions of the kinds of things that Michelle (or her daughter) could say when the comments come, while also acknowledging that sometimes we don’t have the bandwidth to respond so generously to people’s comments. As an antidote to other people’s ignorance, I suggest — as always — the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who do understand our experience.  

Michelle shifts to talk more about her daughter’s struggles, and how all the questions people ask push her to hate her diabetes.  We look together at ways Michelle can brainstorm with her daughter about what to say when these interactions happen, while also encouraging mom to acknowledge how genuinely hard this is for her daughter.  And Michelle names all the ways that she’s trying to create more structure in her daughter’s school for a better understanding of type 1. Tune in for this broad-ranging conversation that helps us think about what it’s really like to live with T1D, even years after diagnosis.  

On today’s show, a mom joins me to talk about her nervousness about having a new driver — and to think through any issues that she should be on the lookout for because of diabetes. Mom is understandably anxious about her daughter starting to drive, but can also see that her daughter is pretty responsible about diabetes management.  That said, we looked at the reality of how (the California) DMV requires disclosure of diabetes and how mom might help navigate that process smoothly by getting a letter from her child’s endocrinologist.  We look together at what habits mom will help her daughter put into place to be sure she’s driving at a safe blood sugar — and about having a conversation with the doctor about how to think about what that number is.  We also explore mom’s concerns about her daughter feeling different as a new driver with diabetes and how the two of them could talk about that.  I make some suggestions about how this mom could think creatively about her daughter’s relationship to her diabetes once friends are in the car, instead of feeling worried that she’ll feel like the odd duck because of her T1D.

This remarkable grandmother came onto the show to get some support for her newly diagnosed grandson.  In the last few months, this 12-year-old boy — who was adopted by this family through the foster-care system — has been living with grandma.  She’s observed that the higher his blood sugar, the more volatile his moods are.  She notes that it’s hard to figure out how to keep him in range to help keep him emotionally steady. 

Together we look at different ways this child — and his family — can get the support they need.  I talk about a form of therapy that might be helpful for them called PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy).  I also look at how I might have a slightly different message about food and eating in this situation.  Normally, I strongly support the idea that any type 1 child should be able to eat normally — and that we as parents should just cover with insulin.  In this case, I suggest some diet modifications so they can keep him in range until they figure out more about dosing — all in the name of keeping his moods more stable. 

We also look at different ways to talk to him and think about his highs.  Grandma talks about strategies that she has been using with him when he’s been high — mostly thinking with him about why his blood sugars are out of range.  I suggest that it might be helpful to direct the energy he has when he’s high to physical activity.  That could help stabilize his mood and might also help him get back into range.  I also talk to grandma about how to have her help her grandson recognize how he feels when he’s out of range so he can work to stabilize himself, both emotionally and in terms of blood sugars, all with a lot of validation about how hard the job is.

This week, I’m honored to have Kaylor Glassman back on the show. As a reminder, I know Kaylor from DYF, the organization that runs camp in my neck of the woods in Northern California. She used to work there as the Director of Programs. Now, she’s started her own business called Diabetes Support Partners, which provides support to people in the first year after a T1D diagnosis. 

Together, Kaylor and I are tackling a question that’s written in by a mom whose 10-year-old T1D son is trying to use his diabetes to get out of school. We explore all the possibilities of what might be happening for him, including the chance of celiac disease or other medical conditions that might be causing the feelings of nausea he’s complaining about. We also look at the possibility that this poor kiddo is struggling with some kind of anxiety that’s keeping him from wanting to go to school. Maybe he’s anxious about his out-of-range numbers? Or maybe he’s just anxious about going to school? Or perhaps something is happening at home that’s making him want to stay put? Or maybe diabetes at school feels too hard for him? Essentially, we're looking at how this mom will need to be a bit of a detective to figure out what is going on for her son since there could be a huge range of different issues that are causing him to want to avoid going to school. 

We also explore the challenge that this mom feels about holding the line and sending her son to school, even though he’s saying he doesn’t want to go. I talk about how the balance of parenting is about loving our children while making it clear where the limits are, even when it’s hard to do that, as it is for this mom. Hope you enjoy the show!

As T1D parents, most — if not all — of us grapple with some pretty significant anxiety about keeping our kids safe. The parent on the show this week shares with us about how she’s fighting with that anxiety in the quest to get things right with diabetes. 

Frankly, the parent has one of the hardest diabetes scenarios:  Her daughter, now four, was diagnosed at 13 months.  It’s extra scary to have a diagnosis with such a young child and, in my experience, parents who have those very early diagnoses, often carry their anxiety forward as their children continue to grow.  This parent confirms that her worry continues and that she often can’t tell if she’s facing a “normal” parenting moment because — for her — it’s so complicated by diabetes.  She acknowledges that her worry is always “yelling at her,” telling her that she has to pay better attention.  I notice that despite all this parent’s concrete questions, she’s really taken up with the worry about getting everything exactly right. 

We spend some time talking about how to think about doing diabetes to live your life, rather than living your life for diabetes.  I note how important it is to be flexible — sure, with diabetes, but also in how we think about things so we can create as much normalcy as possible in our lives.  And this parent talks about how hard this is for her since she feels like she’s not getting diabetes right enough. While we detour into some diabetes data, we also take a look at how this mom’s anxiety and guilt get in the way.  It’s a brave and courageous conversation that finishes with some practical thoughts about how to parent when diabetes is in the mix. 

Listen to hear more about:

• Why high blood sugars aren’t as much of a concern for children before puberty
• Risk factors with diabetes and how the landscape of severe medical risk has shifted
• How to think about ordering parent choices and when you might step back from making diabetes the first priority

Mentioned in this episode:

Need help getting your kid the right snacks?

That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com

This week a mom came on the show to talk about her son who was diagnosed a little less than a month ago — but, amazingly, she didn’t have a question about him!  Instead, she wanted to think about her 5-year-old non-T1D daughter who had come to her, saying that she feels “left out” of the family since the diagnosis. I am so impressed that this mom not only had the bandwidth to think about her daughter’s needs but also to come onto the show. I know that when my son was a month from diagnosis, I was still reeling. 

We talk together about how this mom has already started to address her daughter’s feeling of being an outsider: She and her husband are working to spend a little extra one-on-one time each day with her. Mom also got the wonderful idea from another T1D parent to create a little surprise grab bag for her daughter. That way, in small moments when the attention is turned to diabetes, there’s a little something extra for this non-T1D sibling, too. 

I have some suggestions in the episode about ways mom can talk to her daughter, both to validate her experience as well as to strengthen this little girl's already amazing skill of self-advocacy. We also look at the difference between “feeling left out” and being ignored or side-lined and think about how this girl can be appropriately integrated into diabetes care. Finally, we talk about how sometimes we just can’t meet everyone’s needs and we have to ask our non-T1D sibs to wait as we adjust to or focus on diabetes. 

Listen to hear more about:

• How to tend to kids who are jealous of their type 1 sibling and thoughts about how to level the playing field
• Making sure that food isn’t restricted for siblings, as you’re trying to figure out dosing for your T1D child
• Thinking about “consent” when getting diabetes help from your non-T1D sibling

Mentioned in this episode:

Need help getting your kid the right snacks?

That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com

This week, a mom joins me in a wide-ranging conversation about the way her son can get sassy — and be difficult to parent — when his blood sugar is high.  But before we ever got to that issue, we hit on a few other important topics.

First of all, this brave mom talked about how dysregulated she gets when she is following diabetes all, all, all the time.  She shared that she’s made a practice of dis-connecting herself sometimes from the task of managing.  Since this kind of self-care is an important message that I give in all my Sweet Talk programming, we spent a little time here, looking at how this practice evolved for her.  She shared how the reflections of close and loving family members really helped her to see the ways that she was stretching herself too far and that she needed to find a way to take self-care breaks.  

Then, in thinking with her about how to address the high blood sugars that are making her son so hard to parent, we took a detour to talk about disordered eating behaviors and the risk of that with T1D.  It was a great opportunity to share with listeners that my next free workshop — the ever-popular Let Them Eat Cake? — focuses on this issue and is now open for registration.  

Finally, we started tackling the real issue of parenting highs, talking through how you might start a conversation about this to raise your child’s awareness of what is happening in their body.  I name that this is a bit of a process — not something a parent can magically expect their child to be able to do right away, but something you can help them cultivate over time.  We are planting seeds in their awareness.

Listen to hear more about:

• How to think about moderate eating and teaching that to our kids
• The difficulty that some people with type 1 have in feeling full
• How to help your child pay better attention to when they feel full and creating thoughtful behaviors related to food and eating
• How to help your child gain some self-awareness about their behaviors without making them feel bad about themselves. 
• How it can be helpful to talk to our children about hard topics in moments when their blood sugar is in range — and when we (and they) are calm and regulated   
• How asking our kids to pay attention can help them gain insight

Mentioned in this episode:

Need help getting your kid the right snacks?

That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com

This week, I’m talking to a mom with an all-too-familiar problem:  Her teenager, diagnosed for years now and a conscientious diabetes manager until recently, has basically given up on bolusing.  Mom is at her wit’s end, trying to figure out how to help her daughter pick this habit back up.  She’s tried lots of strategies: motivational talk, discussion of best health practices, and even threats.  None of it seems to be working.  And mom just feels like a constant (and exhausted) nag. 

Together we try to reconceptualize the issue: Instead of it being that her daughter is being rebellious, we think about how something has clearly changed for this teen. We look at different ways to approach the conversation with this girl so she is more likely to take up her own care. One suggestion has to do with getting curious about her experience: What happens when mom reminds her to dose? What makes it hard to dose at school? What are her reactions that are getting in the way of adequate diabetes management? The other idea we played with has to do with mom brainstorming with her daughter to set some guidelines around management and then letting her try to fly on her own — without mom’s involvement. Importantly, we also discuss how diabetes has become such a point of contention in their relationship. And we look at how and why it’s critical to create some shift, since our kids really need us alongside them with their T1D challenges.

Listen to hear more about:

• Ways getting curious can be helpful and how to do that
• Why questions that start with “why” are almost never useful
• Thinking about how and what to negotiate with a non-compliant teen, including how to make agreements so you can step back from some management tasks
• Reprioritizing the relationship so mom and daughter can keep the conversation about diabetes in the mix
• How to even start this difficult conversation

Mentioned in this episode:

Need help getting your kid the right snacks?

That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com

This week, I talked with a mom whose T1D son recently left for college. It’s clear that mom trusts her son – and that they have a good relationship – but she’s also nervous about him being on his own.  A lovely priority for her is to make sure that he knows that she’s there for him. We discuss how important it is for her to take a step back and make room for his voice.  The operating question in this episode:  What does he want from her?  

Some highlights:

• Thinking about growing your T1D young adult’s muscle for speaking up for what they want and need from you.
• Learning how to step back little by little
• Talking with your child about how they might want to handle diabetes challenges – while also making room for yourself and your own anxiety
• Noticing when you don’t need to be involved anymore and finding a way to step back
• Learning to notice where your children are competent and thinking about the message that is conveyed to them.  
• What healthy future planning looks like, particularly tuning into our concerns and balancing their wants for independence
• How to practice the communication skills that show your support and help them to  learn to ask for what they need

Mentioned in this episode:

Need help getting your kid the right snacks?

That's why I've created the Sweet Talk Snack Course. It's a free mini-course to give you 6 snack sized lessons on making sure you're giving your kid the right foods to keep them nourished and their blood sugar in check. Get it at https://diabetessweettalk.com