This week, Molly and Thomas sip their tea with the fellow elites of Elite Single. Just kidding. Imagine a dating website based on ruthless, humorless German efficiency with a hidden personality test. WELCOME TO ELITE SINGLES!

As a result of this dating site, Thomas decides that Angela Merkel is creepy and makes up random true facts about her while Molly shakes her head. Molly reveals how she used to look for dirty words in the dictionary, again because Elite Singles is as sexy as the dictionary. The whole point of this app is to take your money and turn it into Mercedes automobiles.

Does anyone know where Molly can get pepper spray?

Also, we're working to unmask the corporate evil league of cock blocks.

*****SEA CAPTAIN DATE UPDATES****

Make sure to look at our Patreon where you can get exclusive rewards for supporting our podcast: patreon.com/swiperightcast. Remember to rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or your streaming app of choice. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram @swiperightcast or reach us by email at swiperightcast@gmail. Previously featured as a New & Noteworthy podcast in iTunes.

A huge thanks to Sydney Jennings Rappe & Michael Rappe for our kickass new theme music. Other music from this episode is from Podington Bear used under creative commons.

What started out as a simple review of novelty niche dating site Sea Captain Date took a dark and twisted turn as we uncovered the true nature behind its founder, Hoyt Bangs--turns out he's a total hack. Thomas gets major phone anxiety, Molly calls in the lawyers, and we all laugh at the three part web series Paranormal Poops, which is tangentially connected to the dating site Sea Captain Date.

Is Hoyt Bangs a con artist in an Enron-like fantasy land full of shell companies? Is he a YouTube comedian pulling the ultimate stunt? Find out as Molly and Thomas go balls to the wall on this sucky twerp.

Make sure to look at our Patreon where you can get exclusive rewards for supporting our podcast: patreon.com/swiperightcast. Remember to rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes or your streaming app of choice. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram @swiperightcast or reach us by email at swiperightcast@gmail. Previously featured as a New & Noteworthy podcast in iTunes.

A huge thanks to Sydney Jennings Rappe & Michael Rappe for our kickass new theme music. Other music from this episode is from Podington Bear used under creative commons.