SWM 059 – Anonymous Questions from June and July 2020

Today we’re answering questions from our Have A Question page that we received in June and July.  We have questions about a wife falling asleep during sex, a bunch of questions about penis size insecurities, why blowjobs can make you nauseous and what to do about it. Also, why single people should still remain celibate in today’s culture, how to deal with a husband who is overly sexual and how do you deal with a spouse who is screaming at you.

First thought I wanted to mention that we’re currently running a short survey about how you like sex to be initiated in your marriage.  It’s just a few questions and only takes a minute or two.  If you haven’t filled it out yet, check it out at https://www.uncoveringintimacy.com/latest-survey.

And now, on to the questions.

Question 1: Wife keeps falling asleep during sex

Hello, I’m a 50 year old male married to a 42 year old female. We have two boys ages 6 and 4. I have the higher sex drive between the 2 of us. In the past, I’ve discussed, asked, argued, written her a letter regarding our sex life. Unfortunately, things have not changed much. I know she had told her friends in the past that she is very sexual. I’ve never really been on the receiving end, even before we had kids. The last 2 times we’ve been intimate she has fallen asleep. The first time, I went down on her and brought her to orgasm. As I was laying next to her with my mouth by her vagina, she reached out and started to fondle me. Twice she stopped and the second time I heard her snore. I took her hand off of me and told her good night. She got mad that I was annoyed and we had sex to completion. 4 days later, as I was going down on her, she fell asleep. I again stopped and put a pair of sleeping shorts on and got back in bed. With my back to her, she was kissing my neck, trying to fondle me and eventually got me onto my back. She mounted me and was kissing me. She doesn’t really like to kiss after I’ve gone down on her. After about 10 minutes she rolled us so that she was on her back. We continued for another 15 minutes. She started to talk dirty which she also doesn’t do. Eventually she asked if I was close and I said no. My brain and penis were angry. She got annoyed that I wasn’t going to orgasm and asked me to get off of her. I have not really spoken to her in over 13 hours. I’m upset, humiliated and I feel rejected. Am I wrong (justified) to feel this way?

So, let’s break this down:

* She’s clearly exhausted if she’s falling asleep during sex, yet, she’s not turning you down for sex.* Yes, she fell asleep, but she did her very best to recover, even going so far as to push through some of her typical boundaries.* You got upset because she’s exhausted and you didn’t appreciate the effort she was putting in.* She got frustrated because she pushed through some boundaries, allowing herself to be vulnerable, but it wasn’t getting you aroused.  So, she probably felt upset, humiliated and rejected.* Then you ghosted your wife, who you vowed to love, no matter what, for 13+ hours.

Feelings are feelings.  You can feel however you like and justify it.  The question I’m far more interested in is – is it profitable to feel this way.  From my perspective, you’re neither justified nor is this profitable.  Personally, I’d say you owe her an apology, but maybe I’m reading it wrong.

As one of our supporters said in the forum while discussing this she’s 42 with 4 and 6 year old boys.  When my eldest was 6 and my second was 4, I was only 31.