SWM 147 - How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

The most common argument I hear for premarital sex is, "You need to know if you're sexually compatible before getting married. Otherwise, you might end up stuck in a sexless, unfulfilling relationship."

And it sounds like sound reasoning.  We test-drive cars before buying them.  We have probation periods for people we hire at work.  We sample foods before purchasing them.  Shouldn't sex, which is one of the most intimate parts of marriage, be tested beforehand to make sure you're a good match?

It's a compelling argument that convinces many people to abandon their principles.  It makes you question your morality.  It promises both immediate and long-term gratification.

However, it's based on a flawed premise.

Links in the episode:

• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (Course)
• The Art of Edging (eBook)
• Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage (podcast)
• National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study
• Let's talk about sex... and ADHD
• Determinants of female sexual orgasms
• Should Couples Live Together Before Marriage?
• Cohabitation Experience and Cohabitation's Association With Marital Dissolution
• The Pre-engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous Findings

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 146 - Legalistic vs Loving Approach to Marriage - Shifting from Rules to Relationship. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

In my work as a marriage coach, I often see couples transition from one type of marriage to another. There’s no clear line between these states, no set of rules that definitively places someone in one category or the other. Yet, by observing how they handle conflict, express themselves, and interact in small ways, you can often tell which state their marriage is in.

A big part of my job as a coach is helping people shift from one type of marriage to another as most issues in marriage are resolved by doing so.

• Free webinar for Christian wives - Jan 26, 8pm EST
• Marriage Coaching

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Oct, Nov, Dec 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Talking about a lack of sex
• Not drive due to cancer treatments
• Wife doesn't want to use lube
• Our sex life is routine
• Strap-on to help with premature ejaculation
• Do husbands like handjobs?
• Can a married couple film themselves during sex?
• Is sex better on a full stomach?
• How do you start anal sex?

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• SWM 002 - Getting rid of veto power in the bedroom (podcast)
• Sexual Frequency - Why I don't worry anymore (post)
• SWM 125 - Rethinking duty sex (podcast)
• Coaching (service)
• My wife wants me to tie her up?! (post)
• BDSM Survey Results (post)
• Some rough sex statistics (post)
• The art of edging (ebook)
• MarriedDance.com - Hollow strap-on (toy)
• Where did my sex drive go? (ebook)
• Do Christians make sex tapes?
• The way to her heart? Response to romantic cues is dependent on hunger state and dieting history: An fMRI pilot study (study)
• Ghrelin is related to lower brain reward activation during touch (study)
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged - for Christian Wives (webinar)

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 144 - Why wives have a complicated relationship with sex and what to do about it. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

One of our supporters posted a question in our forum which led to a bit of a discussion on what men perceive as sexy, and it shook the questioner a bit, because it was radically different from what she had been led to believe her whole life.

This led into a larger discussion about why women tend to have more hangups about sex than men do.  I shared my thoughts in the forum in a bit of a rant and then realized that I don’t know if I’ve really tackled this a whole lot on the blog and podcast.  If I have, it’s been a few years, so it’s time for a refresher for the new people.

So, I’m going to try and make it a little less ranty and a little more coherent and see if maybe I can teach some other wives and women out there a bit about what many men think regarding sex in the hopes that it might help some marriages, present or future.

• What does the Bible say about hell (and our souls)(blog post/podcast episode)
• Becoming More Sexually Engaged (course)

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

August 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Exhibitionism
• No sex in 4 months
• Should I disclose previous porn struggles to fiancee
• Other resources
• What qualifies as mutual masturbation
• Need rougher sex to orgasm

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Dealing with differing sex drives in marriage (page)
• MarriedDance.com (store)
• RomanticBlessings.com (store - US only)
• LoveHopeAdventure.com (blog)
• HotHolyHumorous.com (blog)
• Gary Thomas (substack)
• BDSM for Christians
• The art of edging (ebook)
• BDSM survery results (post)

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Agust 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Wife trades chores for sex
• How to handle no sex due to birth
• Water-based lube that doesn’t cause UTIs
• Guy’s relationships always end in affairs
• Post-childbirth and penis size preferences
• Wife is a gatekeeper

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Sliquid H20 Lube (product)
• How does breast or penis size affect sex (survey)
• Responsive desire is a blessing (post)
• Desire vs willingness (post)
• Where did my sex drive go (ebook)

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

July 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Wife’s love dependent on mood
• Why don’t you direct people to God?
• Can’t seem to manage other positions
• Wife rejects exploration and being seen
• Nervous about sex outdoors
• Crossdressing rehash

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire - The Lion Within Us (podcast)
• Your definition of gross changes when you're aroused
• SWM 068 (podcast)
• SWM 070 (podcast)
• SWM 099 (podcast)
• Is it wrong for Christians to crossdress? (post)
• Healing from crossdressing

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 139 - Why won't my spouse do x? I would do it for them. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Recently, I’ve noticed a question popping up all over the place. It’s come up in our supporter forum, coaching sessions, emails, comments in our latest survey, and more. This question points to a fundamental tension in many marriages - at the root of it is a self-centric desire. The desire for our spouse to serve our own needs and expectations. Whether it's about sex or more subtle emotional needs, this recurring question often revolves around a common theme: a wish for partners to be more like ourselves.

For men, this question frequently focuses on sexual matters. Some men wonder why their spouses don’t engage in sex as often as they would like or why they don’t fulfill certain specific desires. On the other hand, when women voice similar concerns, the issues are often more nuanced. Many women express frustration with their partner's inability to intuitively understand their needs without explicit communication.

And, of course, in some marriages, those dynamics are reversed.

Both scenarios boil down to a deeper, more universal issue: the tendency to project our own needs and expectations onto our spouses, often without fully considering their unique perspectives and experiences.

In this post, we’ll delve into why this tendency is problematic and how understanding our partner’s individual differences can relieve this frustration.

• Our latest survey (on the topic of BDSM)
• Spontaneous desire is a blessing (post/podcast)
• Responsive desire is a blessing (post/podcast)
• Responsive vs Spontaneous Desire (post)
• How to feel "connected" during sex (post/podcast)
• Desire vs willingness (post)
• Trapped gatekeepers - blame the guard, not the prisoner (post)
• Our Sexploration List (resource)
• Marriage coaching

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 138 - BDSM Survey Results. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive or just dipping our toes into the topic. In the end, we received over 1,000 complete responses from a wide range of couples, some for whom BDSM is part of their daily life, others who were engaging in BDSM activities didn’t think what they were doing qualified, others who wished they were doing such things but didn’t know how to start, and those who thought it was disgusting that I even considered asking questions about such a topic.

or the last three weeks, I’ve spent evenings and weekends digging through the data, coding it, doing pivot tables, building charts, running correlation formulas, and more, trying to get what I can out of it. It’s aptly called data mining because often it feels like sifting through a lot of rocks and dirt just to try and find a nugget of something valuable contained.

Today, I’m going to share what I found.

• K7Fit - 14 Day Energy Challenge
• Join as a supporter to get access to all the survey comments
• Marriage Coaching
• Arousal Non-Concordance
• Interested in a Christian BDSM forum/resource? Click here.

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.