If you were to pause and think about your very best sexual experiences that you've ever had, can you identify what made them so great? 

For many years, academics studying human sexuality at universities were primarily interested in figuring out what goes wrong in the bedroom so they can fix it and get back up to baseline functioning.  But, the guest I interview in this episode took a very different approach: she didn't just want to study people who are experiencing sexual dysfunction, she wanted to study people with extraordinary sex lives and what they were doing right.

Dr. Peggy Kleinplatz is a sex therapist and part of the faculty at the University of Ottawa. She's written several books (mostly textbooks for other sex therapists to read), but she wrote one book with Dr. Dana Menard for the rest of us called Magnificent Sex, sharing her breakthroughs and her research on how to acheive optimal sex. She is also the founder of OptimalSexualExperiences.com, a resource for group therapies all over.

News & Resources

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Intimately Us App

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. 

Guides and workshops - Inexpensive learning opportunities about specific topics to improve your marriage and sex life.

Private Facebook group - Christian Couples Improving Sex and Intimacy

Let us help you get results like these amazing couples in 2025!

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Do you ever feel like a failure at sex?

 In this episode, I'll be breaking down why perfectionism is the enemy of good sex and how you can build a virtuous cycle of intimacy with small, consistent wins. I'll share real stories, practical strategies, and a fresh way to think about sex that takes the pressure off and brings the pleasure back.

If you're ready to ditch the pass fail mentality in the bedroom and start experiencing deeper connection with your spouse, you won't want to miss this episode.

Resources:

Intimately Us app (free and paid versions) - a fun and easy way to increase novelty, get education, and increase communication and connection.

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. Small group cohorts within this program also offer intensive help and support. New men's and women's small groups are starting in January!

Guides and workshops - Inexpensive learning opportunities about specific topics to improve your marriage and sex life.

Private Facebook group - Christian Couples Improving Sex and Intimacy

Let us help you get results like these amazing couples!

 The number one libido killer is stress. And experiencing stress from time to time is just a part of life; however, there are skills out there that'll help you manage it better.

One of the black belt sex tips I often teach is a concept called "calm the heck down," which, if you've listened to my podcast for a while, you'll see this theme popping up often. It's the ability to settle down within your own skin and be fully present in the moment. This, along with a few other skills, are essential to learning how to deeply emotionally connect with another person that you absolutely love.  

So I'm excited for our guest today: Denita Bremmer. She is an expert in somatics, which is a fancy word for the intersection of the mind, body and spirit. And she teaches how to listen to your body in a way that grounds and connects you so that you can reach new levels of love and intimacy in your relationships.

By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with the following:

• Fresh ideas on how to create more safety within yourself and in your relationships
• How to better metabolize stress
• Work through and heal a history of trauma 
• How to work with your body instead of against your body as a tool to help you deeply connect with others. 

And, of course, listen to the end for Denita is fantastic black belt sex tip!

Coming up . . . 

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! (Starts today! You can also register and get the recording to use another time.)

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Today's episode is about flirting and having fun by trying on a different persona on a date night. It's about using the power of role play to infuse fresh life into your marriage!

It's like putting on a different outfit than the one you usually wear and being playful. And because this is get your marriage on, we'll add a sexy twist to it, of course!

My guest is my friend, Katie Runyan. She's the founder of Faithful Fling, an online resource my wife and I use to get creative ideas for date night. You'll find Katie to be a very creative and fun person.

I realize that the idea of sexy role-play isn't for everyone, just like not everyone is into all the fun that goes into picking out a Halloween costume, or being super romantic for Valentine's day, and that's okay. But I encourage you to listen and pick out the principles you find can apply to your marriage, to take your marriage to the next level!

***

You can win 12 Free Dates from Faithful Fling by participating in the Sextimacy Challenge going on now on the Intimately Us app!

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! 

 Other episodes you might like: 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 Our childhood and families of origin have a profound impact on our worldviews, including our attitudes towards sex and intimacy. Not knowing anything different, for the most part, we tend to intuitively model what we've seen and absorbed from the culture we grew up in.

My wife and I are blessed to come from wonderful families. We had good childhoods and felt the support and care of our parents, which I'm very grateful for. Yet, after we were married, we were anxious about sex, which we felt was quite taboo. And for a long time really plagued us in our marriage.

The reality is sexual growth and understanding is actually developmental, meaning we grow from stage to stage line-by-line one step at a time If we choose the courageous path of growth, as we discussed in our episode last week.

There are many in midlife that realized their past attitudes towards sex and intimacy are no longer serving them today. They might come to a crisis in their relationship or feel stretched in their marriage to grow and progress. I hope that this podcast, my apps, my programs, and my retreats help you wherever you are on your journey and help you learn truths and apply principles to aid you in your spiritual and sexual development.

My guests today are Dr. Heidi Hastings and Dr. Scott Hastings. Heidi has her PhD in human development and family studies, and Scott is a medical doctor and physician. Talk about a power couple! They are also the hosts of the Marriage IQ podcast, and I've had the opportunity to get to know them personally over the last year. 

And I am excited that you get to meet them here today, too!

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! 

 14-Day Sextimacy Challenge - Complete challenges in the Intimately Us app to earn points and a chance to win one of our amazing prizes. Starts February 1! All the details are in the app.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Take a moment to think about the evolution of your own sexual journey as a couple.

How far have you come in the last year? Or the last two years, or the last five years? Is what's important to you today the same as what was important to you in the last two or five years?

I bet it's different. It's then reasonable to assume that what's important to you today sexually could be different a year or five or even ten years from now. And this episode, you'll get to hear this conversation I had with Amy and Greg Langford, where we talk about the five phases of a sexual relationship. See which phase you find yourself in today and learn what's ahead for you. 

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 14-Day Sextimacy Challenge - Complete challenges in the Intimately Us app to earn points and a chance to win one of our amazing prizes. All the details are in the app.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 This is part two of the BDSM episodes. Last week we talked about how a BDSM is a exchange of erotic energy and how it's built upon the principles of trust and communication. And in a scene or experience, you have one partner acting in the dominant role and the other in the submissive role. And it's the submissive person who's really in charge of the whole experience. He or she is the one saying "yes, no, maybe, etc." And it's really about creating an experience together that you'll both really enjoy and bond over. 

Now you'll get to hear me talk to my guests, Alan and Leila, about more questions that I have about BDSM and how it works for them in their marriage. And I hope this is helpful for you and you gain some wonderful insights for your own marriage  in this episode.

Make sure you check out Part 1 if you haven't yet.

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 Men's Only and Women's Only small group coaching program -  The next cohort starts January 22nd.  We meet weekly for 12 weeks to do a deep dive into the intimacy of your marriage. And this includes a comprehensive course and all materials and coaching to help you apply everything you learn. You'll walk away from this three month program a better husband or wife and power to take your marriage to the next level.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Like many of you, I've had questions about BDSM for a long time. I've had preconceived ideas of what it was and wondered how it fits into my faith and the style of intimate play my wife and I enjoy.  

I have also received emails and DMS from many of you listeners asking me about BDSM in the context of a faithful Christian marriage. I've been hesitant in doing an episode about this for a long time, until I found the right guest.  

I used to think BDSM was dark and evil--a thinly disguised form of rape, aggression, and violence. I also thought it was antisocial if it was about enjoying inflicting pain on others, in some sort of a sick and twisted way. But then again, even a couple in a "vanilla" missionary position could be doing it with dark and evil intent. While sex in vanilla missionary position or BDSM play can be done in a loving, faithful, beautiful, playful, and deeply erotic way that deepens a couple's connections.

In short, it's not really the act, but the intention behind the act that really matters. 

After listening to this episode, you may want to try some of this couple's suggestions to enhance the joy and intimacy in your marriage.

I met Alan and his lovely wife Leila through a men's group that I belong to. They're a faithful, wonderful, and upstanding couple married for nearly three decades. 

I'm very grateful that they were kind and courageous enough to come on my podcast to share their experience with BDSM. They answered many of my questions and I hope you find this episode really insightful, too.  

Note that this is going to be a two part episode. This is part 1 with part 2 being released next week.

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 Men's Only and Women's Only small group coaching program -  The next cohort starts January 22nd.  We meet weekly for 12 weeks to do a deep dive into the intimacy of your marriage. And this includes a comprehensive course and all materials and coaching to help you apply everything you learn. You'll walk away from this three month program a better husband or wife and power to take your marriage to the next level.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Ever feel like you wish your wife was a little less vanilla? Every wish your spouse would be more enthusiastic about trying new things in the bedroom (or out of the bedroom for that matter)? Ever ask your spouse what their fantasies are, and they look at you with a blank stare or an "I don't know"? Ever get frustrated when, after a discussion about your sex life and things get better for about a week or so, and then fizzle and go back to the way they used to be?

A husband recently emailed me with these concerns, and with his permission, I will be giving you some ideas about this topic today for both the higher and lower desire spouses. 

(Link to referenced episode with Dr. Cami Hurst)

***

Are you ready to make some changes in the new year? Are you tired of struggling in your marriage and sex life? Here are some things that can help!

Intimately Us app (free and paid versions) - a fun and easy way to increase novelty, get education, and increase communication and connection.

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. Small group cohorts within this program also offer intensive help and support. New men's and women's small groups are starting in January!

Guides and workshops - Inexpensive learning opportunities about specific topics to improve your marriage and sex life.

Private Facebook group - Christian Couples Improving Sex and Intimacy

Let us help you get results like these amazing couples in 2025!

 I studied martial arts for 13 years when I was younger and I became proficient in three different styles of Karate and Kenpo. As you progress towards being a black belt, the fundamentals don't change, but your ability to be more precise and skilled in using those fundamentals improves dramatically. 

Like in my martial arts training to being a better lover, the fundamentals such as communication, touch and being present with arousal, and so on don't change. But your ability to use those fundamentals to be better at sex hat's deeply connecting as well as giving and receiving pleasure to strengthen your marriage. All those improve. As you become more quote unquote black belt at at sex. 

I occasionally ask my podcast guests for their black belt sex tips. And it's been over a year since I've done a Roundup of the best black belt sex tips offered by my guests on this podcast. So today, I've compiled the best into this episode. 

If you like what you've heard from these guests and want to go back for more, here are the links to the full episodes:

Sofia Ashley - #212: Create A Party Your Libido Wants To Come To)

Catherine Roebuck - #214: When Wives Have The Higher Sexual Desire

Josie McEwen - #167: Successful Vacation Sex & Romantic Getaways, According to a Romance Consultant

Jessa Zimmerman - #217: Eroticism: What Does Your Sexuality Want? 

Adam and Karissa King - #219: How Playing With Your 5 Senses Opens the Door to More Erotic Connection

Dan Purcell & Rhonda Farr - #209: Stop Trying to Change Your Marriage. Let Your Marriage Change You Instead.

Ally Bullock - #203: Why Honesty, Risk, and some Fair Play Lead To Great Connection with Alyson Bullock

Tammy Camp - #151: How a “Good Girl” and Her Husband Bravely Chose a Better Sex Life: A Sextimony

Francie Winslow - #178: Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex

Tilly Storm - #210: The G-Spot Guide: How to Stimulate, Explore, and Enjoy Together!

Heather Flake - #158: The #1 Limiting Factor in Your Sex Life, According to a Marriage Expert

Tammy Hill - #179: Having An Orgasm vs Living Orgasmically: What’s the difference?

Dr. Julie Slattery - #181: 4 Pillars to Take Intimacy From Sub-optimal to First-Rate, Both In and Out of the Bedroom

Glenn & Phyllis Hill - #183: The Anatomy of Emotional Intimacy & Connection Codes and #184: Anatomy of a Sex Date

Laurie Watson - #149: Afraid Your Husband Will Reject or Ignore You AGAIN tonight?

Alex & Kadi Dutton - #130: Lingerie? YES PLEASE! with Alex and Kadi of EveryLove Intimates

Mark Goldberg - #193: The Fast and Furious: Over-Coming Premature Ejaculation

Sierra Beltran - #170: Behold Your Beautiful Body Through the Lens of Boudoir Photography!

Ariel Finlinson - #164: Creating Space for Moms (and Dads) to Feel Like They Are in Control Again

Tammy Hill - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Danielle Savory - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife - #200: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 1

Katheleen Smith - #195: Are You a “Sexual Over-functioner?”

Bonnie Young - #168: How Your Marital Power Dynamics Are Affecting Your Sexual Relationship

Resources

If you're in an otherwise happy marriage, but struggle to see eye to eye when it comes to sexual intimacy, I highly recommend you check out our upcoming couples retreat for next March (hurry--prices go up in the new year!).

Check out our Get Your Marriage On Program. These programs are effective at helping you and your spouse communicate better about these things in a relationship and really move the needle in the positive direction.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.