Pillow Talks

By Vanessa & Xander Marin

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and serious... more

4.8

24462,446 ratings

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FAQs about Pillow Talks:

How many episodes does Pillow Talks have?

The podcast currently has 277 episodes available.

Pillow Talks episodes:

September 10, 2026E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers
Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.

What if that wasn't luck?

In this episode, you'll hear:
Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets

Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets

The four things about your orgasm you can actually change

What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short

Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it

The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris

What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body
What if your orgasm was only the beginning?
Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do.
The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one.

You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood.

A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you.

Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it.
Check out Advanced Orgasm here: https://vmtherapy.com/advanced

Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
53min
September 03, 2026E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)
At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore?

In this episode, you'll hear:
Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it

The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all

Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate

How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous

The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot"

Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead

What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen
Mentioned in this episode:
Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style
Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251

Want to make sure the sex is worth craving?
It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.

Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one.

17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything.
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
50min
August 27, 2026E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers
It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.

In this episode, you'll hear:
Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down?

A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag?

Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal?

The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey

Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely

How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible

Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line?

Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique?
It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.

Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques.

Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.

Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
51min
August 20, 2026E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This
We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including one accusation we still can't believe we had to respond to.

In this episode, you'll hear:
The one line in that reel that set the whole thing off

The accusation that hurt more than anything we've ever been called online

The ball of clay explanation that changes how you understand your own anatomy

The percentage of women who actually orgasm from penetration alone (it's not what you've been told)

The rule we have in our own sex life

As promised in the episode, our Survivor's Guide is a free resource for survivors of sexual assault who want to reclaim their sex life. Grab it here: https://vmtherapy.com/survivors-guide-opt-in

Finishing School is our orgasm course for women, and it starts exactly where this episode does, with understanding that you're not broken.
Learn how your anatomy actually works

Do the mindset work first, because that's what makes every technique after it land

Get step by step practices for orgasming on your own and with a partner

Learn how to create more sensation during intercourse instead of less
Check out Finishing School here: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
1h 7min
August 13, 2026E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood
This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pillow trick that changes everything, plus how many positions you actually need for great sex.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
🛏️ How to introduce new positions when you've been together forever

⭐ The most underrated position, and no, it's not missionary

🎬 Why switching out of missionary sometimes kills the mood

🍆 What to do when he goes soft during a transition

🛋️ The best pillow and furniture for better positions

⏱️ How long to give a position before deciding "nah, this isn't it"

🔢 How many positions you actually need in one session
Use this episode to talk with your partner about what you'd actually love to try next.

💦 Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
47 fully illustrated positions (5 new!) with step-by-step guidance

17 brand-new pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything

Recommendations for what each position is best for, plus troubleshooting and aftercare

Right now, get the whole guide and every bonus for just $49, half off the regular $97
The sale ends Monday, August 17, so don't wait.
👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

💛 Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
1h 0min
August 06, 2026E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off
It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better feedback in bed.
Plus, we’re giving you questions to share with your partner to help you get on the same page and build your goals for your sex life!

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
🔥 Do men actually prefer rough sex?

💬 The most misunderstood thing about men and sex

🕯️ How to use the 5 to 10 minutes right after sex for more connection

🗣️ Do men really want feedback in bed?

🍑 Reverse cowgirl, the view, and the butthole anxiety

💧 How men really feel about discharge and everything else your body does during sex

🔌 Do men get upset when you need a vibrator to orgasm?

❓ A round of quick fire preference questions to take home and ask your partner tonight
🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month?
The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep intimacy alive without having to figure it all out on their own.
Fresh, doable ways to connect delivered every month, so you never run out of ideas

Real guidance from a sex therapist and her very own regular dude

Low pressure prompts and conversations that actually fit your real life

Built for couples in any season, whether things feel stuck or you just want more of a good thing
💛 Stay Connected
👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
58min
July 30, 2026E271: The Real Reason You Can't "Let Go" in Bed
You're finally in bed together, but you can’t stop thinking about tomorrow's to-do list.

We've all heard the advice to “just let go”. Stop thinking, stop controlling, lose yourself.
But 80% of you tell us that you struggle to actually do that.
So we're saying something a little controversial this week: "just let go" might be the worst sex advice out there. Listen in to learn what actually helps you feel present and connected to your partner during sex.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
Why "just let go" tends to backfire and pull you further into your head

The real reasons your brain won't quiet down

Why you'll never be perfectly present the whole time, and why that's actually OK

The questions to ask yourself mid-distraction to spot what's really in the way

A better goal to chase than "letting go”

How your nervous system decides whether pleasure feels safe, and how to help it settle

If you've ever laid there convinced something's wrong with you for not being able to switch off, nothing is. Your brain is doing exactly what brains do, and there's a kinder, more useful way in.

The Spark is our $9/month membership for keeping playfulness, curiosity, and closeness alive when real life keeps getting in the way.
If this episode hit home, it's the easiest place to start putting it into practice:
Fresh prompts, date ideas, and conversation starters delivered every month

Built for real couples with real lives, not just the honeymoon phase

Small, doable ways to stay connected and get out of your head together
👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark

Stay connected
Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander.
Get our weekly email at https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe.
Loving the show? Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen, and leave a review to help more people find us.

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Made from viscose from bamboo — breathable, soft, and built for summer. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
51min
July 23, 2026E270: The 5 Silent Relationship Killers That Turn Partners Into Roommates
We ran a poll and 67% of couples told us they feel more like roommates than partners.
This week we're walking through our D.R.I.F.T. Framework: the 5 silent relationship killers that chip away at intimacy, plus the small shifts that bring you back to each other.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
The full D.R.I.F.T. Framework and why that 67% roommate stat lands so hard for so many couples

📱 How the average person's 144 daily phone checks can turn date night into two people scrolling side by side

🔁 When "who's grabbing the kids?" takes over and the deeper conversations start to disappear

😐 Why the absence of conflict isn't the same as closeness

🙏 The gratitude gap that lets resentment move in, and why appreciation is one of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage

🤝 How the "bristle reaction" kills everyday affection, and the 10-second reset that brings it back

These might feel like small things, but over time they add up to real distance. The good news: once you can name them, you can start to shift them, together.

🕯️ Ready to swap the drift for a little more spark every month?
The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep choosing each other on purpose, with low-pressure ways to stay close long after the credits roll on date night.
Fresh ways to reconnect that you don't have to dream up yourself, so "fine" never gets the chance to settle in

Simple, doable ideas that bring real conversation and everyday, non-sexual affection back into your week

A monthly nudge to keep intimacy intentional, because connection takes intention, not mind-reading
👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark

💛 Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
57min
July 16, 2026E269: Tie-Breakers: We Referee Your Realest Relationship Standoffs
Every couple has that one thing they’ll argue about until the end of time. TV in the bedroom. How to load the dishwasher. Can men and women just be friends? 👀

We asked our community to send us the disagreements they just can’t seem to settle with their partner, and today we’re weighing in as your official referees.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
💋 Is oral foreplay or the main event?

🐾 If the pet falls asleep on your lap, are you officially off chore duty?

👀 Can men and women really be just friends? Our take.

✂️ Who gets the final say when it comes to grooming and body hair?

🕯️ Want more fun, flirting, and connection with your partner every single month?
The Spark is our monthly membership full of playful, low-pressure ways to keep things exciting, no matter how different the two of you are.
Fresh sweet & spicy date ideas, conversation starters, and intimacy prompts every month

Simple ways to reconnect, even on your busiest weeks

Something you can actually look forward to doing together without having to plan a thing
👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark

💛 Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
1h 2min
July 09, 2026E268: Ask Us Anything: Only Fans, The Ick, & Creeps In The Comments
It’s Xander’s birthday! And this week for our Ask Us Anything episode, we decided to answer some of your personal questions!
This one really pulls back the curtain on us as a couple. Ready for honest reactions, beyond real talk, and more than a little oversharing?

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
Whether we've ever set foot in a swingers or sex club

If we’re starting an Only Fans

Is it weird that our parents know intimate details about our sex lives because of what we do

Our honest answers about giving each other the Ick

Who really initiates more between the two of us

Our favorite time of day for sex, and the reasoning behind it

How we handle the creeps who show up in our comments

The single position we'd choose if we had to pick just one forever

At the end of the day, we're two people figuring out long-term love, running a business, and life together… while keeping intimacy our priority. Thanks for being on the ride with us.

🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
🔥 Ultimate Sex Positions: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex
🔥 The Art of Initiation: https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?utm_term=podcast

🔗 Links & Resources
🛏️ Get the TABU Pillow — Comfortable, discreet, and actually changes the angle in ways that make a big difference 🔥. We’re obsessed. → https://vmtherapy.com/pillow
💛 Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Made from viscose from bamboo — breathable, soft, and built for summer. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Cure. So Cure Hydration is officially in Target now, which I'm way too excited about. I stocked up last week and I'm not ashamed to say I've already restocked. Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
...more
1h 7min

FAQs about Pillow Talks:

How many episodes does Pillow Talks have?

The podcast currently has 277 episodes available.

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