
Sign up to save your podcasts
Or


Based on Podcast App listening data
Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.
Today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies.
From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration. As always, with zero shame and plenty of insight.
This episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice.
💛 Here’s what we’re covering:
Why we have kinks in the first place
The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean
The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both)
Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner?
What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s
How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame)
The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex)
Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence
Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53
Ready to turn a little curiousity into something you actually try?
47 tasteful, illustrated positions with step-by-step instructions on how to get in, how to move, and how to transition out
Smart adjustments for real bodies, including different heights, flexibility levels, curves, bellies, and pregnancy
Curated adventures for every mood, so you just pick your vibe and go, whether it's slow and romantic or fast and wild
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex
✅ Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.
Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Ready to turn things around in the bedroom?
We're talking reverse cowgirl, and trust us, there's a LOT more to this position than simply facing the other direction.
Where do your legs go? How do you keep your partner from popping out? And what exactly is he supposed to be doing while you're up there?
We're answering all your burning questions about Reverse Cowgirl, including a few you probably didn't even know you had.
From finding your favorite angle to getting more clitoral stimulation, we're sharing the little adjustments that can make this position a whole lot more fun for both of you.
In this episode, you'll hear:
How to get into reverse cowgirl without accidentally kicking your partner in the face
The simple pelvic tilt that can completely change how this position feels
How to keep your partner from popping out, plus how to avoid accidentally bending his penis
Why reverse cowgirl can be great for clitoral stimulation, especially if you're a little shy about touching yourself
How to stay connected when you can't see each other's faces
What the partner on the bottom can do with their hands to make things even better
The pillow trick that makes reverse cowgirl more comfortable if you struggle with straddling.
Whether reverse cowgirl is already in your regular rotation or you've been curious about giving it a go, you're about to discover some new ways to make this position feel REALLY good.
Grab your partner, press play, and get ready to turn things around.
Ready to add a few more favorites to your bedroom rotation?
If you're ready to explore new angles, discover what feels amazing for your bodies, and have a whole lot more fun together, Ultimate Sex Positions is for you.
You'll get:
47 tastefully illustrated sex positions.
Step-by-step instructions that show you how to get into each position, move together, and find what feels best.
Tips and techniques for more pleasure, so you can experiment with different sensations and discover new favorites together.
Whether you're feeling adventurous or just want to put a new spin on an old favorite, there's something in here for every couple.
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Your husband creates AI videos of the two of you having sex. You're only having sex four times a year. Or you tried a new position once, hated it, and have absolutely no interest in giving it another shot.
Is this normal?!
We're back with another round of Is This Normal?, where we answer your real-life sex and relationship questions and get into all the things you've been wondering about.
And this week's questions are giving us PLENTY to talk about.
We're unpacking some pretty interesting bedroom situations and sharing our thoughts on what's worth exploring, what deserves a conversation, and why your version of normal doesn't have to look like anyone else's.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Is it normal for your husband to create AI images and videos of the two of you having sex?
What it means if you're only having sex four times a year, and whether there's a magic number couples should aim for
What to do when your partner says she enjoys sex, but you're not convinced
Whether it's okay to take a position or sex act off the table after one bad experience
How to talk about trying something again when one partner is curious and the other isn't interested
Some of these questions might sound familiar. Others might have you thinking, "Wait, people do that?!"
Either way, you're going to want to hear our answers.
Press play, then ask your partner which question surprised them the most.
Ready to discover your next favorite position?
One meh experience doesn’t mean you have to write off trying new things. And you definitely don’t have to retry something you didn’t enjoy.
If you’re curious about what else might feel good, Ultimate Sex Positions gives you 47 positions to explore together, with clear instructions that take the guesswork out of trying something new.
Inside, you’ll get:
47 illustrated sex positions, so you can see exactly what goes where
Step-by-step instructions for getting into and out of each position
Tips for moving together and finding your rhythm, so you can discover what works for your bodies
You might find a new favorite, rediscover an old one, or have a really good time experimenting together.
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Would you kiss your partner after they went down on you? What would you do if your partner wasn't enjoying the sex you were having? And how would you handle it if weight gain started affecting your physical intimacy?
Oh, we've got some opinions about these ones.
It's time for another round of Am I the Asshole?, where we read your real-life relationship stories, unpack the bedroom disagreements, and give our verdicts on who's in the wrong.
In this episode, you'll hear:
The husband who loves going down on his wife, but has some very specific rules about what happens afterward
Whether refusing to kiss your partner after oral sex is a reasonable boundary or a bedroom double standard
How weight gain can affect physical intimacy, and what happens when partners disagree about it
What to do when one partner isn't enjoying the sex they're having
Our verdicts on each story, including where we agree, disagree, and think things get a little more complicated
Think you already know who's in the wrong? You might change your mind once you hear the other side.
Grab your partner, press play, and see if you agree with our verdicts. We have a feeling a few of these are going to spark some pretty interesting conversations.
Let's talk about putting those hands and mouths to VERY good use.
The Ultimate Foreplay Guides give you step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, with expert guidance on exactly how to touch, tease, and pleasure your partner.
You'll get separate guides for vulvas and penises, packed with techniques you can practice, experiment with, and make your own.
And who knows? You might just discover a new favorite move tonight.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.
Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!
We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with:
🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does
🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment
🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted
🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts (boob honks, anyone?)
🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want something
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex.
🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation
✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate
✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz, and what to do instead
✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex
✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressured
And of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate, so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex!
Ready to stop guessing what actually works?
The Art of Initiation helps you figure out how each of you actually likes sex to be initiated, so you can make getting things started feel a whole lot more fun (and a whole lot less awkward).
You’ll uncover your Initiation Styles, figure out what makes each of you more open to getting turned on, and get 61 specific ways to initiate that you can actually try together.
And right now, you can get instant lifetime access for just $49 (normally $89).
GET THE ART OF INITIATION FOR $49 →https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation
Sale ends Tuesday, October 6 at 11:59 pm PT.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too.
So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up.
In this episode, you'll hear:
The difference between a rut and a red flag
The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint
Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions
The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps
The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value
The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute
Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here
A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation.
Want the month after this one handled too?
Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.
What if that wasn't luck?
In this episode, you'll hear:
Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
The four things about your orgasm you can actually change
What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short
Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it
The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris
What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body
What if your orgasm was only the beginning?
Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do.
The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one.
You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood.
A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you.
Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it.
Check out Advanced Orgasm here: https://vmtherapy.com/advanced
Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore?
In this episode, you'll hear:
Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it
The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all
Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate
How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous
The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot"
Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead
What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen
Mentioned in this episode:
Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style
Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251
Want to make sure the sex is worth craving?
It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one.
17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything.
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex
Stay Connected
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down?
A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag?
Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal?
The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey
Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely
How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible
Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line?
Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique?
It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques.
Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
From the publisher's feed
Ranked by our users in the last 21 days

6,726 Listeners

1,939 Listeners

1,750 Listeners

850 Listeners

2,972 Listeners

397 Listeners

1,469 Listeners

606 Listeners

301 Listeners

1,561 Listeners

163 Listeners

345 Listeners

1,359 Listeners

259 Listeners

41 Listeners