Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.

Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!

We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship.

That means a lot of us are struggling with:

🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does

🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment

🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted

🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts (boob honks, anyone?)

🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want something

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex.

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🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

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✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation

✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate

✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz—and what to do instead

✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex

✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressured

And of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate—so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex!

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🔗 Links & Resources:

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👋 Art of Initiation – Get $20 Off Until March 9 → https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation-special?ref=podcast-198&utm_term=podcast-198

📚 Other Resources Mentioned:

✨ Figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can find what actually works for you → https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide

✨ Foreplay Guides, Ultimate Sex Guide, & More! → https://vmtherapy.com/courses?ref=podcast-198&utm_term=podcast-198

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📲 Stay Connected with Us!

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💌 Join our email list for exclusive tips & discounts ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

📸 Follow us on Instagram for daily relationship inspo ➡️https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

New episodes drop every Thursday! Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss an episode.

And if this episode made you rethink how you and your partner initiate (or if you saw yourself in some of these mistakes 😅), send it to them and start the conversation!

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Ever wish you had a sex therapist on speed dial? We get so many questions every week (because you guys are THE BEST) that we just can’t get to them all—so today, we’re dedicating an entire episode to answering your biggest intimacy and relationship dilemmas.

From navigating mismatched libidos to handling awkward bedroom moments, we’re here to break it all down with practical, shame-free advice.

In This Episode, We Cover:

💬 How to address it when your partner gropes you in their sleep

🧼 Balancing household chores with a partner who wants affection right now

😩 What to do if your partner struggles with death grip

😔 Bouncing back after a disappointing sexual experience

😤 Is “sexual frustration” really a thing?

🔄 How to stop being defensive in your marriage

🚨 NEW FREE Guide! 🚨

Ever struggle with how to start intimacy? We joke a lot about bad initiation styles (hello, awkward boob grabs) but we want to help you find what actually works. That’s why we created a brand-new FREE guide to help you figure out your initiation style—so you and your partner can create a spark your way.

✨ Download it for FREE here: vmtherapy.com/styles

🔗  Links & Resources:

✨ Listen to EPISODE 158: Maybe It’s Not Low Libido… https://vmtherapy.com/episode158

✨ Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197

✨ Treat Your Partner to the Best F0repl@y they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197

✨ Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-197&utm_term=podcast-197

✨ Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.

✨ Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow.

✨ Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Goodwipes is naturally scented and hypoallergenic. Free from harsh chemicals, parabens, and dyes.

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

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🔥 Let’s talk about sex—but let’s make it fun, flirty, and way less awkward. In this episode, we’re telling you about 90 spicy prompts designed to get you talking, laughing, and maybe even blushing with your partner.

We’ll be pulling cards from our brand-spankin-new Sex Talks Card Deck and answering them live, sharing our hottest takes, and reading some intriguing responses from our Instagram community.

Some of these questions will have you reminiscing, some will have you dreaming up new adventures, and others might just be the push you need to turn up the heat in your love life!

In this episode, we explore:

✔️ Why talking about sex is the key to having more (and better) sex

✔️ The five essential conversations that will take your intimacy to the next level

✔️ Real, unfiltered responses from our listeners on what turns them on

✔️ Our own candid answers to some of most revealing prompts

📩 Love what you hear? Leave us a review and tell us which prompt got you hot and bothered! 🔥

💫 Ready to take your conversations to the next level? Grab your own Sex Talks Card Deck now at sextalksbook.com and start exploring with your partner!

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🔗 Links & Resources:

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💫 Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196

💫 Treat Your Partner to the best foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196

💫 Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-196&utm_term=podcast-196

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Connect with us! 👋

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Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Watch Us on YouTube ➡︎ https://www.youtube.com/c/VanessaMarin

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

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Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you!

We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in a way that feels amazing (and doesn’t leave your thighs burning after 30 seconds).

Get ready for expert-backed tips, tricks, and techniques that’ll help you feel like a total badass on top.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

✅ Why Cowgirl is the #1 position for female pleasure

✅ How to actually move (hint: forget what you’ve seen in porn)

✅ Confidence-boosting tricks if you feel awkward or self-conscious

✅ How to last longer without getting tired

✅ Fun variations like Captain Morgan Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, and more

✅ How to transition in and out of the position seamlessly

If you've ever wanted to feel sexy, confident, and in control while on top, this episode is a must-listen!

Links & Resources:

Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-195&utm_term=podcast-195

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.

Thanks Cure. Stay hydrated and feel your best! Visit curehydration.com/PILLOW to get 20% off your first order.

Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.

Thanks Hungryroot. That’s Hungryroot.com/pillow, to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

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Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone.

A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2!

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the most common complaints from partners about what they wish their significant other would stop doing in the bedroom. We’re covering everything from awkward communication habits to frustrating foreplay, plus some surprising grievances about kissing, initiation, and even what happens after the fun is over.

And don’t worry—this isn’t just about calling out the bad. We’re also giving you practical tips on how to improve your sex life by doing more of what your partner actually loves.

💬 Communication blunders

💋 Kissing complaints

🔥 Initiation mistakes

💨 Foreplay fumbles

🍑 Intercourse issues

❌ Anal annoyances

💦 Finishing & aftercare faux pas

This episode is all about getting real and helping you and your partner have a more satisfying, connected, and frustration-free sex life.

🎧 Listen now and find out if you’re guilty of any of these common mistakes!

Links & Resources:

Ready to stop settling for ‘good enough’? ➡︎ http://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-194&utm_term=podcast-194

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks Remi. Head to shopremi.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW to save up to 50%.

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Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat.

Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback.

In this episode, we’re diving into the comment sections of our most viral posts. From debates about quickie intimacy to whether or not you should “fuck first,” we’re breaking down the conversations, sharing what we wish we could’ve said, and offering our advice to help you create a happier, healthier love life—trolls not included.

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-193&utm_term=podcast-193

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.

Thanks Hungryroot. That’s Hungryroot.com/pillow, to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow

Thanks Cure. Stay hydrated and feel your best! Visit curehydration.com/PILLOW to get 20% off your first order.

Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Goodwipes is naturally scented and hypoallergenic. Free from harsh chemicals, parabens, and dyes.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?”

We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions!

This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to help you navigate these tricky (and sometimes awkward!) situations.

Links & Resources:

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Treat Your Partner to the Best Foreplay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to cozyearth.com/pillowtalks and use code PILLOWTALKS for an exclusive discount for up to 40% off.

Thanks Orgain. Head to Orgain.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 30% off your order.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow.

In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for overcoming shame.

Links and Resources:

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-191&utm_term=podcast-191

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

This episode is brought to you by…

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Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you?

We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s simply part of being in a relationship.

Links & Resources:

Your Best Week Ever is designed to give the maximum impact for minimum effort. ****Ready to reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-190&utm_term=podcast-190

Connect with us! 👋

Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

Thanks Remi. Head to shopremi.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW to save up to 50%.

Thanks OneSkin. Get started today with 15% off using code PILLOW at oneskin.co.

Thanks Orgain. Head to Orgain.com/PILLOW and use code PILLOW for 30% off your order.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start.

We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner.

Whether you’re dealing with intimacy, post-pregnancy, or even income issues, we’ve got you covered with tips to help you and your partner move forward and rekindle that spark.

Links & Resources:

Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmtherapy.com/your-best-week-ever/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Treat Your Partner to the Best F0replay they've ever had: https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Check out our NYT best selling book Sex Talks: ➡︎ https://sextalksbook.com/?ref=podcast-188&utm_term=podcast-188

Connect with us! 👋 Instagram ➡︎ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Our VIP Email list: ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

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