Did you know that 64% of people say they want more foreplay than they currently get? And most people say they wish it was part of every sexual experience.

No wonder foreplay frustrations are so common. Maybe it feels too short, too routine, or like your partner just doesn’t quite “get it.”

The truth? Foreplay isn’t just a warm-up. It’s one of the most powerful ways to feel connected, build anticipation, and experience more pleasure (especially since only 10–15% of women orgasm from intercourse alone).

💛 In this episode, we cover:

Does foreplay actually count as sex?

How to ask for more foreplay without hurting your partner’s feelings.

Types of foreplay beyond handjobs and BJs—like massage, sensory play, toys, and even “choreplay.”

What to do when one of you wants more foreplay and the other wants less.

How to talk about your fantasies without feeling awkward.

Tips for breaking out of a foreplay rut and keeping it playful.

What to do when your favorite turn-on is your partner’s turn-off.

And yes… whether it’s okay to not really be into foreplay at all.

Foreplay can (and should) be one of the most exciting and intimate parts of your sex life. And after this episode, you’ll have the tools to make it way more fun, connected, and satisfying for both of you.

Check out our Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Next level techniques and step-by-step instructions, let’s just say, these guides are our #1 best-seller for a reason!

⁠Links & Resources

👉🏻 Get The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: http://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

👉🏻 A Survivor's Guide To Reclaiming Your Sex Life After Abuse here: https://vmtherapy.com/freebies

🎧 Stay connected

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

⏰ Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

10:54 – When your partner won’t give foreplay

18:25 – Tips for talking about foreplay

23:25 – Exploring different types of foreplay

31:00 – I want more foreplay, my partner wants less: finding middle ground

37:55 – How to start the conversation about foreplay

40:47 – How to mix things up in the bedroom

45:49 – I don’t want to give blowjobs, but my partner loves them

55:54 – Women who don’t like foreplay

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

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Aging is inevitable. But letting your sex life fade away? Nope.

This week, we’re tackling one of our most requested topics ever: sex and aging.

We’re answering your biggest questions about how intimacy shifts as the years go by: from libido changes, to navigating menopause, to keeping things hot.

💛 In this episode, we cover:

How old is too old to have sex (spoiler: never)

What to do if your libido and your partner’s don’t line up anymore

Navigating perimenopause and helping your partner understand it’s not about them

Feeling sexy in a body that doesn’t look like it did at 20

How to manage vaginal dryness, erectile changes, and shifting anatomy

Creative ways to keep intimacy exciting even when it feels like you’ve “done it all”

And you’ll also hear sweet (and funny) messages from listeners who say that sex in midlife and beyond is actually the best sex they’ve ever had.

You’ll also hear some of our favorite messages from listeners in their 40s, 50s, 60s (and beyond!) about why sex actually gets freer, hotter, and more confident with age.

Because here’s the thing: aging is inevitable. But a boring sex life? That’s optional.

✨ Ready to spice things up at any age?

42 step-by-step positions with illustrations, tips, and playful modifications

A workbook + printable cards to track your favorites (and keep things exciting)

Expert tips and troubleshooting for when sex doesn’t go as planned

An audio version so you can get quick, shame-free guidance anytime

Whether you’re looking for fresh inspiration or new ways to connect, The Ultimate Sex Guide will help you discover just how good sex can get!

Check it out here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate

Links & Resources 

Get our sex positions playbook here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/ultimate

E215  Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode215

E121 When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode121

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Timestamps 

00:00 – Intro

03:38 – How old is too old to have sex?

11:12 – How does libido change with age?

16:22 – When does a drop in libido become a health concern?

19:18 – Navigating perimenopause with your partner

33:31 – Body image and aging

39:34 – Best sex positions for older couples

44:34 – Vaginal dryness and aging

46:18 – Does your labia shrink or change with age?

49:52 – How to keep your sex life exciting as you get older

54:03 – Trouble staying hard as you age

==========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

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There is absolutely zero shame in using toys in the bedroom. In fact, they can be a game-changer for pleasure, intimacy, and just plain fun.

Whether you’re curious about where to start, nervous about how your partner might react, or worried about your kids (or pets!) discovering your stash, we’re covering it all in today’s episode.

We’re also sharing some of the funniest (and most relatable) real-life sex toy stories you sent us. Because if you’ve ever had a vibrator confiscated by your toddler or opened a box of anal beads in front of your in-laws, you are definitely not alone.

💛 Here’s what we’re diving into:

The best starter toy for women

How to talk to your partner about wanting to use toys (without hurting their feelings)

Whether orgasms feel different with a toy

Why it’s totally normal if toys aren’t your thing

Talking to men about male sex toys

Using toys solo vs. with a partner

How often to use toys (and why your partner should never “hand you off” to one)

The best ways to store your toys so kids or family don’t stumble across them

Hilarious (and mortifying) real-life mishaps from our listeners

If you’ve ever had questions about sex toys and tools or just want a good laugh at the stories we’ve collected — this one’s for you.

Resources & Links:

Our sex toy recommendations ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/recommended-products

Episode 172 How to Bring Toys Into the The Bedroom Without Making it Weird ➡️https://vmtherapy.com/episode172

Expert-led guides and courses on intimacy, pleasure, and communication

Two brand-new date night ideas every month (one cute, one sexy)

Monthly live calls with us where you can ask us your questions directly

Unlimited access to Vanessa AI — your 24/7 virtual sex + relationship coach

A private, supportive community of couples working on the same goals

Whether you’re brand-new to exploration in the bedroom or just looking for fresh ways to connect, Deeper gives you all the tools, tips, and real-talk support to make your relationship feel exciting again.

💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Timestamps

00:00 – Intro

04:21 – Safety tips: What “For Novelty Use Only” really means

11:11 – Best beginner toy for women

19:24 – How to talk to your husband about toys (without hurting his feelings)

26:21 – Will your orgasm feel different with a toy?

29:03 – Is it normal to not enjoy toys?

30:26 – Can toys make pleasure harder without them?

37:57 – Male partners trying toys for the first time

43:48 – What if you only want to use toys solo (not with a partner)?

48:44 – Should you use toys every time?

53:50 – How to store toys discreetly

55:43 – Funny toy stories

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The postpartum stage can be one of the hardest (and least talked about) seasons a couple will ever go through.

Your relationship changes. Your body changes. Your sex life changes.

And with all of that comes a swirl of feelings you might not have expected:

Resentment toward your partner

A crushing imbalance in the mental load

Feeling “touched out” 24/7

Nervousness (or fear) about having sex again

Worries about your body never feeling — or looking — the same

The awkward, elephant-in-the-room disconnection that can build over months

In this episode, we’re answering YOUR most personal, vulnerable questions about intimacy and connection after having kids — from being scared to get pregnant again, to changes in sensation, to finding your spark when you feel more like co-managers than romantic partners.

💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

Why being “cleared” for sex at 6 weeks doesn’t mean you have to be ready

How to break the silence when it’s been months (or longer) since you’ve been intimate

What to do if sex is painful after a tear or complicated delivery

Navigating body image, “too loose” worries, and changes in arousal triggers

How to reconnect when parenting has taken over every ounce of energy

Advice for partners who struggle to see their spouse sexually after birth

The most powerful way a partner can make a new mom feel truly seen, appreciated, and desired

Whether you’re weeks postpartum or years down the road, this conversation is a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re not alone, and you can find your way back to each other.

👩‍👩‍👧 Raise safe, smart & shame-free kids — and build a lifetime of trust so you’re the one they turn to.

From “Where do babies come from?” to “What does 69 mean?” 😳, Beyond the Birds & the Bees gives you the exact words to say in just 5–7 minutes per topic.

A complete digital parenting tool-kit. Think bite-sized, age-by-age audio guides and real-life scripts make even the trickiest conversations easier — so your kids learn about sex, consent, identity, and relationships from you, not TikTok.

Start today ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/kids

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Imagine this: your partner sits you down and says they want to open your marriage…

Not for a real-life person.

But for their AI companion.

Sounds like a Black Mirror episode, right? But it’s real.

In today’s episode, we’re diving into the wild, complicated, and very real intersection of AI and relationships.

From romantic connections with chatbots to emotional venting with AI companions, technology is evolving faster than most of us are prepared for. And it’s already showing up in our love lives in some unexpected (and sometimes unsettling) ways.

Whether you’re curious, skeptical, or straight-up concerned, this is a conversation every couple needs to have.

Here’s what we’re getting into:

The Reddit story that left us both speechless (yes, he wants a throuple with his AI girlfriend 😳)

Why saying “I don’t use AI” isn’t a real boundary anymore

The emotional intimacy trap: how AI companions are starting to meet very human needs

Why venting to AI can quietly erode real-life connection

The most important questions to ask your partner now about tech, boundaries, and connection

How to use AI intentionally to strengthen your relationship (not threaten it)

Real-life examples of how AI can either divide or deepen your bond

How to Safeguard Your Relationship From AI

Download it here now 👉🏻 https://free.vmtherapy.com/ai

Vanessa AI: a relationship-focused tool that’s trained NOT to cross boundaries

Our entire library of core courses + guides on intimacy, sex, and relationships

Monthly coaching calls with us and two date night ideas every month (one cute, one spicy 😉)

💛 Learn more at vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover.

In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar.

Here’s what we’re getting into:

Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it)

What to say if your partner has never had one before

How to know if she’s really having an orgasm

The truth about female performance anxiety

Which positions are best for helping her O

How to help her experience multiple orgasms

G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen?

What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!)

How to make it last longer + aftercare

💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School!

It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms.

Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are.

Here’s what’s inside:

A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want

The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide

3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI

2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us!

Lifetime access to go at your own pace

And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise

💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had.

👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get.

👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth

🎧 Stay connected

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

⏰ Timestamps:

00:00 – Intro

04:00 – Why do women fake it?

12:50 – How to be a supportive partner

25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming?

26:25 – Do some women not need to finish?

31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms?

33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure

38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent?

42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0?

46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting

47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming?

49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer

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You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.”

But what if… you don’t know? 👀

This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦

We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like:

“How do I know if it was an orgasm ?”

“It felt good… but it was short — does that count?”

“Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.”

“I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?”

“What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?”

“Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?”

“What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?”

Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward.

✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more.

The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body)

Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet

Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh

The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood

Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure

How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend.

Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything.

Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is.

These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing.

We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that leave you wondering if love really can survive it all.

💛 Here’s what we’re serving up for you:

The hygiene ick that made one woman reconsider everything

Why flopping a penis around is not a valid form of initiation (seriously, stop)

Oral after sex: hot or gross?

Postpartum icks that no one warns you about

Peeing, poor aim, and other bathroom-related turn-offs

The financial icks that hit harder than expected

🎧 Basically, if you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought “ew”… this one’s for you. ‘Cause you know what? Sometimes laughing really is the best medicine.

🔗 Links & Resources

EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46

EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198

❤️ Ready to go deeper?

Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way.

Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community.

Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much.

👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected:

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe.

You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?!

This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮

We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire.

Whether you’re currently dry heaving on the inside… or worrying that you’re the one giving them the ick… this episode is full of perspective, permission, and practical advice.

💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

The real definition of an ick (and how it’s different from a red flag)

What to do when your partner’s behavior starts killing your attraction

The most common icks (bad breath, loud chewing, weird toenail habits…)

Your funniest icks from Instagram (you did NOT hold back)

🎧 And don’t worry—we’ve got even more ick stories and questions coming next week in Part 2.

🔗 Links & Resources:

EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46

EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198

❤️ Ready to go deeper?

Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way.

Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community.

Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much.

👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper

🎧 Stay connected:

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices