Pillow Talks

By Vanessa & Xander MarinHealth & Fitness Sexuality

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14th
on Sexuality
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673
Followers
Typical duration
59 min
per episode
If it hooks
35%
finish an episode

Based on Podcast App listening data

Pillow Talks episodes

October 08E281: Am I the Asshole? Kissing After Oral, Weight Gain, and Bad Sex
Would you kiss your partner after they went down on you? What would you do if your partner wasn't enjoying the sex you were having? And how would you handle it if weight gain started affecting your physical intimacy?
Oh, we've got some opinions about these ones.
It's time for another round of Am I the Asshole?, where we read your real-life relationship stories, unpack the bedroom disagreements, and give our verdicts on who's in the wrong.

In this episode, you'll hear:
The husband who loves going down on his wife, but has some very specific rules about what happens afterward

Whether refusing to kiss your partner after oral sex is a reasonable boundary or a bedroom double standard

How weight gain can affect physical intimacy, and what happens when partners disagree about it

What to do when one partner isn't enjoying the sex they're having

Our verdicts on each story, including where we agree, disagree, and think things get a little more complicated

Think you already know who's in the wrong? You might change your mind once you hear the other side.
Grab your partner, press play, and see if you agree with our verdicts. We have a feeling a few of these are going to spark some pretty interesting conversations.
Want to give your partner a few more reasons to say, "Do that again"?
Let's talk about putting those hands and mouths to VERY good use.
The Ultimate Foreplay Guides give you step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, with expert guidance on exactly how to touch, tease, and pleasure your partner.
You'll get separate guides for vulvas and penises, packed with techniques you can practice, experiment with, and make your own.
And who knows? You might just discover a new favorite move tonight.

Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
1 hr 1 min
October 01 E280: The Initiation Mistakes You Don’t Even Realize You’re Making
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating. But for most couples, it’s anything but smooth.

Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help!

We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with:
🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating while the other never does
🚨 Getting caught off guard and feeling pressured to have sex in the moment
🚨 Waiting until the end of the night, when you're both exhausted
🚨 Using "lazy" or unsexy initiation attempts (boob honks, anyone?)
🚨 Feeling like your partner only flirts when they want something

Sound familiar? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re breaking down the most common mistakes couples make when initiating sex.

🔑 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ The #1 reason why most couples struggle with initiation
✅ Why timing matters just as much as how you initiate
✅ The major mistake that makes sex feel like a pop quiz, and what to do instead
✅ What to say (and what not to say) when initiating sex
✅ How to make your partner feel wanted instead of pressured

And of course, we’re sharing our top tool to completely transform the way you initiate, so you and your partner can experience more connection, better intimacy, and yes… way more satisfying sex!

Ready to stop guessing what actually works?
The Art of Initiation helps you figure out how each of you actually likes sex to be initiated, so you can make getting things started feel a whole lot more fun (and a whole lot less awkward).

You’ll uncover your Initiation Styles, figure out what makes each of you more open to getting turned on, and get 61 specific ways to initiate that you can actually try together.

And right now, you can get instant lifetime access for just $49 (normally $89).
GET THE ART OF INITIATION FOR $49 →https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation
Sale ends Tuesday, October 6 at 11:59 pm PT.
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSOR
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
48 min
September 24E279: Ask a Sex Therapist: Kink Icks, Spicy Pics, and Vanilla Sex
Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time?
Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today.
We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud.
From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of honest conversations, practical advice, and a little TMI.
In this episode, you'll hear:
How to ask your wife for spicy pics in a way that feels fun for both of you

What to do when your partner's kink gives you the ick

How to navigate intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch

Whether it's normal for sex to be average most of the time and mind-blowing only occasionally

Why clitoral stimulation can sometimes feel so intense that it almost hurts

How to tell your partner you want something different during foreplay without hurting their feelings
Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation.
And who knows? You might even pick up a new trick or two to try tonight.
Ready to put some new moves in your foreplay repertoire?
We've got your next favorite thing to do in bed. Actually, make that several.
The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are packed with step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, so you can discover new ways to touch, tease, and drive each other absolutely wild.
You'll also get an entire section dedicated to navigating foreplay frustrations, including how to ask for what you want and give feedback that actually helps.
Because the more you know about each other's pleasure, the more fun you get to have together.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
1 hr 2 min
September 17E278: How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan
Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too.

So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up.

In this episode, you'll hear:
The difference between a rut and a red flag

The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint

Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions

The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps

The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value

The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute

Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here

A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation.
LINKS & RESOURCES
📝4-Week Relationship Reset PDF: your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 278:How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan - https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset

👋The Art of Initiation: your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying
https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation

✅Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide: a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!)
https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide
Want the month after this one handled too?
The Spark is our $9 a month membership for couples whose lives are full and whose relationship keeps sliding to the bottom of the list. Every month we deliver a fresh drop of ideas straight to you.
The planning is done for you. The ideas show up, and the two of you pick whatever sounds fun.

Small sparks, on a schedule. Enough momentum to keep you out of the rut you just climbed out of.
Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee.
Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
53 min
September 10E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers
Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.

What if that wasn't luck?

In this episode, you'll hear:
Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets

Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets

The four things about your orgasm you can actually change

What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short

Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it

The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris

What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body
What if your orgasm was only the beginning?
Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do.
The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one.

You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood.

A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you.

Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it.
Check out Advanced Orgasm here: https://vmtherapy.com/advanced

Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
53 min
September 03E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)
At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore?

In this episode, you'll hear:
Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it

The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all

Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate

How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous

The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot"

Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead

What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen
Mentioned in this episode:
Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style
Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251

Want to make sure the sex is worth craving?
It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.

Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one.

17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything.
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
50 min
August 27E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers
It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.

In this episode, you'll hear:
Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down?

A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag?

Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal?

The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey

Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely

How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible

Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line?

Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique?
It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.

Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques.

Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.

Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience.
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
51 min
August 20E274: Is it Normal to Not Orgasm During Sex? We Got Attacked for Talking About This
We recently shared a reel answering a question from a woman who didn’t orgasm during sex. The comments section turned into something we've never experienced in over ten years of doing this, including one accusation we still can't believe we had to respond to.

In this episode, you'll hear:
The one line in that reel that set the whole thing off

The accusation that hurt more than anything we've ever been called online

The ball of clay explanation that changes how you understand your own anatomy

The percentage of women who actually orgasm from penetration alone (it's not what you've been told)

The rule we have in our own sex life

As promised in the episode, our Survivor's Guide is a free resource for survivors of sexual assault who want to reclaim their sex life. Grab it here: https://vmtherapy.com/survivors-guide-opt-in

Finishing School is our orgasm course for women, and it starts exactly where this episode does, with understanding that you're not broken.
Learn how your anatomy actually works

Do the mindset work first, because that's what makes every technique after it land

Get step by step practices for orgasming on your own and with a partner

Learn how to create more sensation during intercourse instead of less
Check out Finishing School here: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
1 hr 7 min
August 13E273: How to Try New Sex Positions Without Killing the Mood
This week we're answering all your questions about trying new positions, from how to introduce something new when you've been together forever, to why switching things up can kill the mood, to the pillow trick that changes everything, plus how many positions you actually need for great sex.

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
🛏️ How to introduce new positions when you've been together forever

⭐ The most underrated position, and no, it's not missionary

🎬 Why switching out of missionary sometimes kills the mood

🍆 What to do when he goes soft during a transition

🛋️ The best pillow and furniture for better positions

⏱️ How long to give a position before deciding "nah, this isn't it"

🔢 How many positions you actually need in one session
Use this episode to talk with your partner about what you'd actually love to try next.

💦 Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
47 fully illustrated positions (5 new!) with step-by-step guidance

17 brand-new pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything

Recommendations for what each position is best for, plus troubleshooting and aftercare

Right now, get the whole guide and every bonus for just $49, half off the regular $97
The sale ends Monday, August 17, so don't wait.
👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex

💛 Stay Connected
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
1 hr
August 06E272: What Do Men Really Think About….? (Part 5) Rough Sex, Vibrators, and What Turns Them Off
It’s time for another episode of What Do Men Really Think About… and Xander’s back in the hot seat to answer your burning questions about preferences, fantasies, the death grip, and how to give better feedback in bed.
Plus, we’re giving you questions to share with your partner to help you get on the same page and build your goals for your sex life!

💛 In this episode, you'll hear:
🔥 Do men actually prefer rough sex?

💬 The most misunderstood thing about men and sex

🕯️ How to use the 5 to 10 minutes right after sex for more connection

🗣️ Do men really want feedback in bed?

🍑 Reverse cowgirl, the view, and the butthole anxiety

💧 How men really feel about discharge and everything else your body does during sex

🔌 Do men get upset when you need a vibrator to orgasm?

❓ A round of quick fire preference questions to take home and ask your partner tonight
🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month?
The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to keep intimacy alive without having to figure it all out on their own.
Fresh, doable ways to connect delivered every month, so you never run out of ideas

Real guidance from a sex therapist and her very own regular dude

Low pressure prompts and conversations that actually fit your real life

Built for couples in any season, whether things feel stuck or you just want more of a good thing
💛 Stay Connected
👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark
📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Cure. Cure Hydration just launched in Target, which I'm genuinely pumped about. I stocked up last week and the box is already half gone. So next time you're at Target, grab some! Use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Quince. Make your summer wardrobe easier. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
58 min

About Pillow Talks

From the publisher's feed

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and…