This is part two of the BDSM episodes. Last week we talked about how a BDSM is a exchange of erotic energy and how it's built upon the principles of trust and communication. And in a scene or experience, you have one partner acting in the dominant role and the other in the submissive role. And it's the submissive person who's really in charge of the whole experience. He or she is the one saying "yes, no, maybe, etc." And it's really about creating an experience together that you'll both really enjoy and bond over. 

Now you'll get to hear me talk to my guests, Alan and Leila, about more questions that I have about BDSM and how it works for them in their marriage. And I hope this is helpful for you and you gain some wonderful insights for your own marriage  in this episode.

Make sure you check out Part 1 if you haven't yet.

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Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 Men's Only and Women's Only small group coaching program -  The next cohort starts January 22nd.  We meet weekly for 12 weeks to do a deep dive into the intimacy of your marriage. And this includes a comprehensive course and all materials and coaching to help you apply everything you learn. You'll walk away from this three month program a better husband or wife and power to take your marriage to the next level.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Like many of you, I've had questions about BDSM for a long time. I've had preconceived ideas of what it was and wondered how it fits into my faith and the style of intimate play my wife and I enjoy.  

I have also received emails and DMS from many of you listeners asking me about BDSM in the context of a faithful Christian marriage. I've been hesitant in doing an episode about this for a long time, until I found the right guest.  

I used to think BDSM was dark and evil--a thinly disguised form of rape, aggression, and violence. I also thought it was antisocial if it was about enjoying inflicting pain on others, in some sort of a sick and twisted way. But then again, even a couple in a "vanilla" missionary position could be doing it with dark and evil intent. While sex in vanilla missionary position or BDSM play can be done in a loving, faithful, beautiful, playful, and deeply erotic way that deepens a couple's connections.

In short, it's not really the act, but the intention behind the act that really matters. 

After listening to this episode, you may want to try some of this couple's suggestions to enhance the joy and intimacy in your marriage.

I met Alan and his lovely wife Leila through a men's group that I belong to. They're a faithful, wonderful, and upstanding couple married for nearly three decades. 

I'm very grateful that they were kind and courageous enough to come on my podcast to share their experience with BDSM. They answered many of my questions and I hope you find this episode really insightful, too.  

Note that this is going to be a two part episode. This is part 1 with part 2 being released next week.

***

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Virtual Lovemaking Retreat - Easily accessible due to its virtual nature, this retreat on February 14th-15th is the perfect Valentines gift to you and your spouse! Stay tuned for updates on this exciting retreat!

 Men's Only and Women's Only small group coaching program -  The next cohort starts January 22nd.  We meet weekly for 12 weeks to do a deep dive into the intimacy of your marriage. And this includes a comprehensive course and all materials and coaching to help you apply everything you learn. You'll walk away from this three month program a better husband or wife and power to take your marriage to the next level.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Ever feel like you wish your wife was a little less vanilla? Every wish your spouse would be more enthusiastic about trying new things in the bedroom (or out of the bedroom for that matter)? Ever ask your spouse what their fantasies are, and they look at you with a blank stare or an "I don't know"? Ever get frustrated when, after a discussion about your sex life and things get better for about a week or so, and then fizzle and go back to the way they used to be?

A husband recently emailed me with these concerns, and with his permission, I will be giving you some ideas about this topic today for both the higher and lower desire spouses. 

(Link to referenced episode with Dr. Cami Hurst)

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Are you ready to make some changes in the new year? Are you tired of struggling in your marriage and sex life? Here are some things that can help!

Intimately Us app (free and paid versions) - a fun and easy way to increase novelty, get education, and increase communication and connection.

Free Masterclass: How to Fix Mismatched Sex Drives in Your Marriage (Without Therapy or Pressure) - Get a jumpstart in overcoming desire obstacles

Couples Retreat - An intensive, romantic, and life-changing weekend that will strengthen your marriage and sexual intimacy.

Get Your Marriage On Program - The perfect solution for couples to get the education from the retreat but on your own timeline. Besides education, you get the benefit of one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and a community to support you in your journey. Small group cohorts within this program also offer intensive help and support. New men's and women's small groups are starting in January!

Guides and workshops - Inexpensive learning opportunities about specific topics to improve your marriage and sex life.

Private Facebook group - Christian Couples Improving Sex and Intimacy

Let us help you get results like these amazing couples in 2025!

 I studied martial arts for 13 years when I was younger and I became proficient in three different styles of Karate and Kenpo. As you progress towards being a black belt, the fundamentals don't change, but your ability to be more precise and skilled in using those fundamentals improves dramatically. 

Like in my martial arts training to being a better lover, the fundamentals such as communication, touch and being present with arousal, and so on don't change. But your ability to use those fundamentals to be better at sex hat's deeply connecting as well as giving and receiving pleasure to strengthen your marriage. All those improve. As you become more quote unquote black belt at at sex. 

I occasionally ask my podcast guests for their black belt sex tips. And it's been over a year since I've done a Roundup of the best black belt sex tips offered by my guests on this podcast. So today, I've compiled the best into this episode. 

If you like what you've heard from these guests and want to go back for more, here are the links to the full episodes:

Sofia Ashley - #212: Create A Party Your Libido Wants To Come To)

Catherine Roebuck - #214: When Wives Have The Higher Sexual Desire

Josie McEwen - #167: Successful Vacation Sex & Romantic Getaways, According to a Romance Consultant

Jessa Zimmerman - #217: Eroticism: What Does Your Sexuality Want? 

Adam and Karissa King - #219: How Playing With Your 5 Senses Opens the Door to More Erotic Connection

Dan Purcell & Rhonda Farr - #209: Stop Trying to Change Your Marriage. Let Your Marriage Change You Instead.

Ally Bullock - #203: Why Honesty, Risk, and some Fair Play Lead To Great Connection with Alyson Bullock

Tammy Camp - #151: How a “Good Girl” and Her Husband Bravely Chose a Better Sex Life: A Sextimony

Francie Winslow - #178: Why Christians Should Be Having the Best Sex

Tilly Storm - #210: The G-Spot Guide: How to Stimulate, Explore, and Enjoy Together!

Heather Flake - #158: The #1 Limiting Factor in Your Sex Life, According to a Marriage Expert

Tammy Hill - #179: Having An Orgasm vs Living Orgasmically: What’s the difference?

Dr. Julie Slattery - #181: 4 Pillars to Take Intimacy From Sub-optimal to First-Rate, Both In and Out of the Bedroom

Glenn & Phyllis Hill - #183: The Anatomy of Emotional Intimacy & Connection Codes and #184: Anatomy of a Sex Date

Laurie Watson - #149: Afraid Your Husband Will Reject or Ignore You AGAIN tonight?

Alex & Kadi Dutton - #130: Lingerie? YES PLEASE! with Alex and Kadi of EveryLove Intimates

Mark Goldberg - #193: The Fast and Furious: Over-Coming Premature Ejaculation

Sierra Beltran - #170: Behold Your Beautiful Body Through the Lens of Boudoir Photography!

Ariel Finlinson - #164: Creating Space for Moms (and Dads) to Feel Like They Are in Control Again

Tammy Hill - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Danielle Savory - #201: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 2

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife - #200: The Art of Cherishing Your Spouse, Part 1

Katheleen Smith - #195: Are You a “Sexual Over-functioner?”

Bonnie Young - #168: How Your Marital Power Dynamics Are Affecting Your Sexual Relationship

Resources

If you're in an otherwise happy marriage, but struggle to see eye to eye when it comes to sexual intimacy, I highly recommend you check out our upcoming couples retreat for next March (hurry--prices go up in the new year!).

Check out our Get Your Marriage On Program. These programs are effective at helping you and your spouse communicate better about these things in a relationship and really move the needle in the positive direction.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 I am a big believer in play in the bedroom, and I'm excited that you'll get to join me in this conversation with Adam and Karissa King today. Adam and Karissa have a fun Instagram account called Dear Young, Married Couple. And that's how I first met them a few years ago.

And get this. They are both marriage counselors.

It's a husband and wife team and they are an absolute hoot as you'll get to hear today. I'm grateful we can talk about this topic today because I think all of us need a little boost of creativity and inspiration once in a while, especially when it comes to things in the bedroom, because we all need it to keep the passion alive.

News and Resources

Games mentioned in the episode: Sheets and Ladders, Sensation Card Deck

If you're in an otherwise happy marriage, but struggle to see eye to eye when it comes to sexual intimacy, I highly recommend you check out our upcoming couples retreat for next March (prices go up in the new year).

Check out our Get Your Marriage On Program. These programs are effective at helping you and your spouse communicate better about these things in a relationship and really move the needle in the positive direction.

Our first annual "Get-it-on-athon" is in full swing! Learn more about how to support a worthy couple's fertility journey as you come closer as a couple!

Are you struggling with how to explore your eroticism? Our new and improved Sexploration List can help! Rank your own preferences and desires in 13 different areas and explore and talk about those things together. You'll discover where your desires intersect and maybe get some ideas you both like, but have never thought of!

Intimately Us app - for couples who want to spice up their marriage, get new ideas, and learn how to love each other better.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

It's hard to believe that my wife and I started this work eight years ago! At that time we were 13 years into a happy marriage, but something was missing. We just didn't quite know what it was. And that's when a friend opened up to me about his sex life and taught me about how a healthy, vibrant sexual relationship permeates not only the marriage relationship, but adds texture color in life to all other aspects of life, too. As we focused on enhancing our sexual intimacy as a couple, what my friend told me was absolutely right.

And we've been on a mission to share this message ever since.

That's why I'm excited to tell you about today's guest, Tanya Hale, as she's learned something similar. She calls it being a "well-sexed woman" in that she's found how a connecting and vibrant sex life gives more creativity to life and everyday living. You'll get to hear Tanya's story of a failed marriage, the valuable lessons she learned immediately afterwards, and the new marriage that she's created. You'll learn about the importance of emotional safety and connection, as well as some of her tips to living well and a happy marriage.

News and Resources

Join the first annual Get-it-On-athon fundraiser! Check out how you can help a couple struggling with infertility have a baby by next Christmas!

  Speaking of Christmas, why not ditch the stuff that accumulates and instead invest in experiences that will pay dividends and expand your relationship? Why not attend our upcoming couples retreat in March 2025?

Get Your Marriage On Program: work with me and my team in a coaching setting to help you overcome the specific challenges with intimacy in your marriage. Don't miss the testimonials on the results page, as well, to see how this program is changing the lives of other couples!

I used to think the word erotic was associated with unsavory things like X-rated films, Las Vegas billboards, or sites are not supposed to visit online. But the more I've done this work with myself and in my marriage and with other couples, the more I've come to love eroticism.

The root word for erotic is the Greek word eros, which literally means desire. 

Plato, a Greek philosopher, taught that eros is more than just sexual desire; it's the life force, passionate power that drives individuals to pursue beauty wisdom and even the divine. When you live with this eros feeling, it invites you to yearn for something beyond yourself, close gaps, seek intimacy, and to reach a higher, more spiritual level of love.

Sexual eroticism then are those things that give your intimate moments in your marriage, meaning yearning for closeness and ultimately makes your marriage fill alive and growing and to have love worth making.  By that definition. It's no wonder that red light districts X-rated films and brothels are actually anti-erotic, because when you think of it, those aren't full of that life force. They are full of misery and loneliness instead.  

Anyway, I've come to appreciate that every person has things that they find erotic. What we find sexually exciting is as unique as our fingerprints. In this episode, I'm joined by sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman. And this episode, we'll talk about what eroticism is, why erotic fantasies are important, and how to work through the challenges that couples face in sharing and negotiating sexual fantasies. We'll also discuss tips for building a stronger marriage through your God-given eroticism.  

News and Resources

Our first annual "Get-it-on-athon" is in full swing! Learn more about how to support a worthy couple's fertility journey as you come closer as a couple!

Reserve your spot at our next Couples Retreat in March 2025 (prices go up in 2025)

Are you struggling with how to explore your eroticism? Our new and improved Sexploration List can help! Rank your own preferences and desires in 13 different areas and explore and talk about those things together. You'll discover where your desires intersect and maybe get some ideas you both like, but have never thought of!

Intimately Us app - for couples who want to spice up their marriage, get new ideas, and learn how to love each other better.

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Today is a continuation of last week's question and answer episode, and I am so thankful for all the courageous couples who reached out with their questions. Here's what we discuss in this episode:

• A husband wondering about using dildos and double penetration and getting some guidance there.
• A wife whose husband has been experiencing erectile dysfunction and navigating her own lack of satisfaction in bed.
• A husband reaching looking for some advice after he reacted poorly to discovering some erotic reading that his wife was doing and navigating the aftermath of what happened.
• A husband wondering if he is being selfish for wanting sex because his wife is showing a low level of interest, or none at all.

You can submit your anonymous questions on our website here.

And don't forget to check out last week's episode (#215) for more answers to your questions.

Resources:

December's "Get it On-a-thon" Fundraiser: Get Frisky for Fertility!

Intimately Us App

2025 Couples Retreat

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

It's time to answer some more questions from our listeners! Today I'm joined by my colleague, Caroline, to discuss some of the questions that you have. We cover the following topics:

• A husband who's struggling to connect emotionally with his wife, and he wants to learn how to do that without shutting down.
• A wife is struggling to find ways to connect romantically and sexually, and to have that desire for her spouse, even though he's stopped using porn, which had impacted their marriage.
• A husband is wondering about penis size and how that's impacting his marriage.
• A husband struggling with premature ejaculation wants to know how to satisfy his wife more.
• A husband who has a wife who thinks that anything beyond missionary position is gross and wondering how to navigate this challenge that they're facing.
• A wife who's feeling a great deal of sadness because she wants to feel desired by her husband, including through compliments, though currently she feels like she's not desired in words or actions.

You can submit your anonymous questions on our website here.

And don't forget to tune in next week for Part 2 of this Q&A series!

Resources:

December's "Get it On-a-thon" Fundraiser: Get Frisky for Fertility!

Intimately Us App

2025 Couples Retreat

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Broadly speaking, men are generally more interested in sex than women. However, there are exceptions. Some estimate that 20 to 30% of married couples are in marriages where the wife is the one with actually the higher libido or the higher sex drive. However you want to call it, higher desire wives have a unique challenge that higher desire husbands don't have, as well as having many similarities and challenges in just having libido differences in the marriage that both a higher and lower desire couple faces.

My guest today is Cat Roebuck. She's a fellow sex and marriage coach, and she's an expert when it comes to living as a higher desire wife and the challenges associated with that. And I'm so lucky to have her on my podcast today. She also happens to be my cousin!

In this episode, we're going to talk about how to better understand sexual desire, differences in marriage from a higher desire wives point of view. I particularly liked the discussion about how to love with our sexuality or through our sexuality and not just treat our sexuality as a reward for good behavior or on the other side of love.

It's actually a way we can love others. Also, you'll gonna like her black belt sex tip at the end!

Resources:

December's "Get it On-a-thon" Fundraiser: Get Frisky for Fertility!

Intimately Us App

2025 Couples Retreat

You can find links to all these and more at our website: getyourmarriageon.com 

Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.