Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Sexual fantasy makes many of us anxious, because it often taps into darker aspects of ourselves we don’t always understand, let alone want to disclose. Hearing our partner’s fantasies can be just as unsettling, especially if we assume that they want us to go along with what they share. 

But an intimate marriage requires the strength and courage of two people who can tolerate actually knowing each other, sexual selves included.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Darcy Sterling of We Need to Talk to break down why fantasies can be so scary to share (or even hear). They discuss why it’s tempting to soften or backpedal what we reveal, what doing so costs us, and why it can be healthy to play with the darker aspects of self.

**SAVE $200 on our upcoming workshops and retreats (use code JFF200)**

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast to talk about her book, That We Might Have Joy. They discuss why intimacy is so challenging, why “never say no” is terrible marriage advice, and why the friction in marriage is often exactly what our soul needs to grow.

No one hopes for a marital crisis. But it's not uncommon for couples who emerge from one to look back and see it as the catalyst for a more mature, more alive partnership. Adversity and disappointment pressure us to face what's true, and while that rarely feels good, it's what allows us to become more solid, more knowable, and more capable of real intimacy.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jen Banks of the A is for Adversity podcast to talk about how adversity refines character, why intimacy takes more courage than most of us expect, and how the way we handle not getting what we want shapes our marriages.

Pornography brings up a lot of feelings on both sides, and most of that charge comes from the meanings we attach to it, not the behavior itself. Much of this tension is the result of a culture that taught many of us to treat sexuality with fear rather than understanding. That fear tends to show up as shame, and shame doesn't make porn use go away, it just makes it harder to face honestly, ultimately fueling more anxiety, rigidity, and compulsivity.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about pornography, touching on why trying to control a spouse's use tends to backfire, the difference between trust and forgiveness, and how couples who see porn in fundamentally different ways can stay in honest conversation instead of retreating into their own camps.

Past trauma doesn't just stay in the past. It can show up in our relationship in unexpected, inconvenient, and disheartening ways. Desire can disappear without warning. Old distress can resurface years after we thought we'd made peace with it. Our instinct is often to judge ourselves for the ways that our past trauma impacts us, but judgment only pushes desire further away. Understanding does the opposite. It gives us something to work with instead of something to fight.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Kendra Nielson of the Fulfillment Therapy podcast to talk about how shame and dissociation show up in intimacy, why self-betrayal erodes desire, and what it actually takes to reclaim a sense of belonging to yourself when there has been trauma in your past.

Join us for the FREE Pornography Q&A on 9/17 at 7 PM MT! Click HERE to get the link for the call.

Sexual standards set by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints seem clear — no sex before marriage, total fidelity during marriage.

Guidelines for sexual activity are set out for young Latter-day Saints in publications like “For the Strength of Youth.” But what about older singles who have never wed or those whose marriages end in divorce or death? How do they then navigate the possibility of intimacy?

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Peggy Fletcher Stack and David Noyce of the Mormon Land Podcast to address older singles and how they can navigate the complex realities and decisions they face with integrity.

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Leaning into the discomfort that comes from being exposed and known sexually can be particularly dysregulating. It takes a lot of courage to take ownership of who you are and what you desire and then to share that most intimate part of yourself with your spouse.

Today we are re-releasing this popular podcast from the archive. In it, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of the Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast to discuss duty sex and what couples can do to bring more desire, passion, and aliveness to their intimate relationship.

Listen to the full episode to learn more about:

Spontaneous Desire vs Responsive Desire

Escaping exposure and responsibility through resentment

Limiting narratives around sexuality that keep couples from growth

Modesty as a form of self-respect

Most of us are far more aware of our spouse's flaws than our own. It’s easy for us outline exactly what they're doing wrong while staying strangely unaware of our own part in the very pattern we're complaining about. This kind of  self-deception may feel protective, but when we stay focused on our spouse instead of ourselves, we keep our marriage from growing.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of Sexy Marriage Radio to talk about her book, That We Might Have Joy. They discuss why changing a marriage is about behavior, not ideas, the higher and lower desire dynamic, and the pull to hide behind marital roles instead of revealing who we actually are in our relationship.

Pain during sex is far more common than most people realize, and once the body learns to associate intimacy with pain, it can keep protecting itself long after the original cause is gone. That protection can look like flinching at a touch, bracing before closeness, or a body that pulls away before the mind even understands why. Understanding why the body holds onto pain, and what actually supports progress, can make a real difference for those who feel the pain and the partners who love them.

In this NEW podcast Q&A, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Jess Seitz, a trauma-informed pelvic floor occupational therapist and founder of Pain Free Intimacy, to talk through what causes painful intercourse, why the body learns to guard against it, and how couples can navigate the often difficult conversations that come along with it.

Sometimes a partner goes quiet because they're overwhelmed and trying to find their footing in the conversation. Other times, silence is a strategy, a way to make a spouse squirm and bend until the relationship settles back into its old, immature rhythm. There's a real difference between going quiet in conflict and the silent treatment, and knowing which one you're up against changes how you respond.