JeaNette Smith is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who authored Side by Side: Supporting a Spouse in Church Service to help couples keep their relationships strong and connected amidst demanding Church callings or busy careers. Her inspiration for the book came early in her career while her husband, Bret, was serving as a bishop, leading her to study how couples can actively grow closer rather than drift apart during intense seasons of service.
Over their years together, JeaNette and Bret have put these principles into practice across numerous callings, including three bishoprics, a branch presidency, a stake presidency, and as mission leaders in the Dominican Republic. JeaNette is a frequent contributor to Meridian Magazine and the author of two books on adolescent romance. JeaNette and Bret are the parents of four children and the grandparents of fifteen. They continue to work side by side in their family life and with their grandchildren.
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Side by Side: Supporting a Spouse in Church Service
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Highlights
JeaNette explores how couples can navigate demanding Church callings without straining their relationship. Drawing on her personal background supporting her husband across various leadership roles and her professional expertise, JeaNette emphasizes that Church callings should be treated as shared, couple-centered opportunities that strengthen marriages rather than burden them.
Key Insights
Viewing Callings as a Team Effort: Demanding leadership positions run much smoother and foster deeper connection when couples view the assignment as a joint effort, with the leader using their spouse as a trusted sounding board and counselor.Navigating Confidentiality Wisely: Leaders should refrain from complete emotional isolation; while specific names and details must remain private, sharing emotional burdens, general concerns, and spiritual joys keeps the couple connected and avoids emotional drift.Emotional Availability Matters Most: Marital tension rarely stems from physical absence alone; it arises when leaders become emotionally disengaged and fail to share their inner thoughts and feelings with their spouse.Prioritizing Intentional Connection: Daily practices—such as morning companionship scripture study, short check-ins, or casual dates—help maintain alignment and ensure open channels of communication.Maintaining Appropriate Motives and Boundaries: Spouses must approach confidential insights with pure motives aimed at lifting burdens rather than satisfying curiosity, while leaders must genuinely value their spouse’s wisdom as an equal partner.Prioritizing Personal Self-Care: Spouses and leaders alike must prioritize self-care and personal well-being to avoid resentment and build the capacity needed to serve others effectively.Leadership Applications
Integrate Daily Companionship Study: Leaders can establish a daily routine with their spouse to study scriptures, pray, and discuss upcoming ward or stake needs together to invite shared revelation.Share the Emotional Weight Without Oversharing: Leaders can share their personal feelings, fatigue, or spiritual insights with their spouse to process stress safely without revealing confidential names or specific details.Involve Your Spouse in Leadership Activities: Where appropriate, leaders can invite their spouses to attend youth activities, missionary setting-aparts, or stake events together to make service a fun, shared experience.00:02:00 – Jeanette’s Background
Jeanette shares her personal experiences as a bishop’s wife and her professional background as a marriage and family therapist.
00:04:30 – Navigating Marriage and Church Callings
Discussion on how church callings can strain relationships and the importance of turning these challenges into opportunities for growth.
00:07:00 – The Importance of Communication
Exploration of the need for open communication between spouses regarding church responsibilities and the emotional burdens they carry.
00:09:30 – Confidentiality and Trust
Jeanette emphasizes the balance between confidentiality in church leadership and the necessity of sharing feelings and experiences with one’s spouse.
00:12:00 – Shared Experiences in Leadership
The significance of couples working together in church callings and how it strengthens their relationship.
00:15:00 – Companionship Study
Jeanette discusses the practice of companionship study and its benefits for couples in leadership roles.
00:18:00 – Advice for Newly Called Couples
Tips for couples newly called to leadership positions on how to navigate their responsibilities together.
00:21:00 – Maintaining Trustworthiness
The importance of being a trustworthy spouse and the need to keep confidences regarding ward matters.
00:23:30 – Friendship Dynamics
Discussion on the shift in relationships for bishop’s wives and the importance of maintaining friendships outside of church.
00:26:00 – Self-Care for Spouses
Jeanette highlights the necessity of self-care for spouses in leadership to better support their partners.
00:29:00 – Emotional Availability
Exploration of the difference between physical presence and emotional availability in a marriage.
00:32:00 – Navigating Different Experiences
The challenges of reconnecting after church meetings and the importance of sharing spiritual experiences with one another.
00:35:00 – Handling Difficult Situations
Jeanette shares a personal story about navigating sensitive situations while maintaining a strong marriage.
00:38:00 – Date Night and Connection
The role of date nights in fostering connection and communication between spouses.
00:40:00 – Pure Motives in Communication
The importance of having pure motives when discussing church matters and supporting each other.
00:43:00 – Seeking Help and Humility
Encouragement for leaders to seek help when needed and to be humble about their struggles.
00:45:00 – Avoiding Judgment
The need for spouses to refrain from forming judgments about others in the ward and the importance of compassion.
The award-winning Leading Saints Podcast is one of the top independent Latter-day Saints podcasts as part of nonprofit Leading Saints’ mission to help Latter-day Saints be better prepared to lead. Find Leadership Tools, Courses, and Community for Latter-day Saint leaders in the Zion Lab community. Learn more and listen to any of the past episodes for free at LeadingSaints.org.
Past guests include Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Hank Smith, John Bytheway, Reyna and Elena Aburto, Liz Wiseman, Stephen M. R. Covey, Benjamin Hardy, Elder Alvin F. Meredith III, Julie Beck, Brad Wilcox, Jody Moore, Tony Overbay, John H. Groberg, Elaine Dalton, Tad R. Callister, Lynn G. Robbins, J. Devn Cornish, Bonnie Oscarson, Dennis B. Neuenschwander, Kirby Heyborne, Taysom Hill, Coaches Jennifer Rockwood and Brandon Doman, Anthony Sweat, John Hilton III, Barbara Morgan Gardner, Blair Hodges, Whitney Johnson, Ryan Gottfredson, Greg McKeown, Ganel-Lyn Condie, Michael Goodman, Wendy Ulrich, Richard Ostler, and many more in over 800 episodes.
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