You finally build up the courage to say something vulnerable, maybe about feeling disconnected, wanting more intimacy, or missing the spark in your relationship. And then, instead of a conversation, you hear: “Well, I guess I’m just a terrible spouse then.”

This podcast episode dives into what’s really going on when that phrase shows up. It’s not about blame or guilt. It’s often a sign of emotional overwhelm. We’ll explore why this defensive response shuts down connection, what’s happening under the surface, and how it can impact both emotional and sexual intimacy in your marriage.

If this phrase has ever brought your conversations to a standstill, this episode will help you understand it—and move past it—with more compassion and clarity.

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “maintenance sex”? For a lot of people, it feels unromantic - maybe even a little cringy. It doesn’t sound poetic or passionate. But what if we’re thinking about it all wrong? In this episode, we’re challenging the way we see maintenance sex. Instead of seeing it as leftovers or a chore, what if we saw it as a sacred act of love, something we choose to do, not because we’re wildly turned on, but because we care about keeping that thread of intimacy alive? Maintenance sex is about presence, not just passion. Intention, not obligation. It’s about choosing to stay physically connected through the messy middle of real life—when you’re tired, busy, or not exactly in the mood—but still want to touch, laugh, kiss, and share that part of ourselves. If you’ve been feeling disconnected or missing the spark, this episode is for you.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “We should have sex… but I’m just not feeling it” - only to go through the motions and walk away feeling disconnected? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re talking about a concept that might just change how you think about intimacy: Good Enough Sex. It’s a model developed by sex therapists Barry and Emily McCarthy that shifts the goal of sex away from pressure and perfection and toward emotional connection. We’ll talk about why sex in long-term relationships doesn’t need to be earth-shattering every time to be meaningful. You'll hear why letting go of unrealistic expectations can actually make intimacy more enjoyable, and how “just okay” sex can still be deeply satisfying when it’s rooted in mutual respect, presence, and love. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt the weight of performance in the bedroom and wondered if they were the only one. (Spoiler: you’re not.)

Why do you react the way you do in sexual situations, whether it’s craving something specific, avoiding certain dynamics, or feeling stuck in the same patterns? And why does your partner seem to approach sex so differently? In this episode, we explore how the Enneagram can shed light on your unique relationship to intimacy. The Enneagram isn’t just another personality test - it’s a deep dive into the core fears, desires, and motivations that shape how we show up in the world, including in our sex lives. Each of the nine types brings its own emotional lens to relationships, and when you begin to recognize those patterns in yourself and your partner, things start to make a lot more sense. This episode isn’t about putting you in a box. It’s about offering a new perspective - one that can help you grow in self-awareness, communicate more clearly, and build a more connected and compassionate intimate life.

Enneagram Books:

The Road Back To You - a basic primer on the enneagram and the types

The Path Between Us - about how each type in relationship

The Wisdom of the Enneagram - an indepth look at enneagram and each type

Sex and the Enneagram - A Guide to Passionate Relationships for the 9 personality types

What if sexual discipline isn’t about restriction, but about freedom? In this episode, I’m exploring a concept that doesn’t get much airtime in Christian marriage spaces: sexual discipline within marriage. Too often, it’s framed as something just for singles, something to “hold onto” until marriage. But what if it’s actually a key to deeper connection, emotional wholeness, and a healthier sex life with your spouse? I’ll talk about how sexual discipline isn’t about control for control’s sake, but about learning to lead ourselves well. It’s a practice that can help you show up fully in your marriage - free from pressure, fear, or shame.

You’ve probably heard it, or maybe even said it: “Our marriage is great… except for the sex.” On the surface, it sounds minor. The friendship is solid, the parenting is on point, and there’s hardly any conflict. But a lackluster sex life isn’t just a small crack in an otherwise strong foundation - it’s often a sign of something deeper. In this episode, I’m explaining why sexual disconnect in a marriage is rarely just about sex. I’ll talk about how issues like emotional distance, unresolved conflict, or even spiritual disconnection can quietly build up and show themselves in the bedroom. And more importantly, I’ll offer ideas for how to begin healing, not just your sex life, but the connection underneath it all.

In this episode, we’re diving into something that can quietly wear down even the strongest relationships: the Two-Choice Dilemma, a concept from Dr. David Schnarch. It’s what happens when you feel stuck between two hard options—like speaking up and risking conflict, or staying quiet and feeling invisible. It often shows up in marriage, especially around sex and emotional connection. Let’s talk about how growth in a relationship isn’t pain-free, and why it’s so tempting to wait for a magical third option that doesn’t exist. Instead, real change starts when you face your own discomfort, manage your own anxiety, and make choices that are honest even when they’re hard. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your marriage, like you’re doing the emotional work alone, or like every option feels like a loss, this episode will give you something to think about and some real encouragement to keep going.

What I often see from those who listen to this podcast, or even from my clients, is that they want a quick fix to their problems in the bedroom. They think that if they learn the right position, or the perfect rhythm, or how to last longer, that it will magically fix all the issues they’re having. So let me say again….Better sex is not about technique. Technique won’t spark your desire again. Technique won’t make you feel wanted again. But it does feel like the easy answer. So if technique won’t do those things, what will? Let’s talk about what the harder work actually looks like, why we avoid it, and what’s possible when we stop skimming the surface and go deeper.

When your spouse suggests trying something new sexually, like a different position, a toy, or even roleplay, it can catch you off guard. Maybe your first thought is, “Where did that come from?” and your second is, “Do I have to say yes to this to make them happy?” These moments can stir up all kinds of questions: Is this who they really are? Is something missing in our relationship? Are they getting ideas from somewhere else?

In this episode, we’re slowing that moment down. Instead of jumping to fear or assumptions, we’re taking a closer look at what’s really going on. Why do we want to try new things in the first place? What do those desires actually mean and what don’t they mean? We’ll talk about how to approach these conversations with curiosity and compassion, and how being honest about our desires can actually bring us closer. Because trying something new doesn’t mean your marriage is broken - it might be an invitation to grow, together.

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you grow or how open you are to trying new things, it still doesn’t feel like enough for your partner? Maybe they’re asking for more - more intimacy, more variety, more connection, more emotional depth - and despite your efforts, you feel like you're always falling short. In this thought provoking episode, we explore what’s really happening in relationships where one partner feels like they can never give enough, and the other seems to always want something more. We take a closer look at both perspectives to understand the emotions, expectations, and deeper needs that are often hidden beneath the surface. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling inadequate or misunderstood in your relationship, this episode offers insight, compassion, and a path toward greater understanding and connection.