Latter Day Struggles

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In July of 2026 the LDS children's magazine, the Friend published an article addressing a little LDS girl's concern about there being "no girl bishops" in the church. In this article the reader follows as the child's aunt explains the tenants of what is commonly referred to in conservative Christian circles as "gender complementarianism" using a sports analogy. This episode is Valerie's response as to why a sports analogy evades fundamental issues around structural inequality within Mormonism. 

She then shares her thoughts on how she wished she had discussed this issue with her own daughters when they were younger, which might have invited both critical thinking & the ability for them to be involved in ways that would not have negatively impacted their identity development.  

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Purpose

01:36 Why This Topic Matters

03:28 Plan for Today

07:30 Reading the Article

11:28 Initial Reactions

12:25 Complementarianism Explained

17:06 Sports Analogy Breakdown

28:17 Core Issue Authority

29:46 What Kids Are Learning

34:08 Parents Damage Control

37:09 Mormonism as Culture

39:53 Closing and Community

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In this episode Valerie is guest on the podcast Hidden Wisdom & engages in a beautiful conversation with Meghan Farner on a range of topics, from thoughts on her resignation from the LDS church, the joys and struggles of the authentic spiritual journey, and Valerie's extensive work with hundreds of people healing from Mormon faith crisis and finding a deepening path towards healthy, vibrant spirituality both within and beyond LDS practice.

This episode is a reminder that more and more people are speaking up about both transcending the limitations of Mormonism while including their Mormon experiences in their deepening spiritual journey.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

04:23 Starting the Podcast

08:01 Disciplinary Council and Resignation

13:06 Keeping the Good in Mormonism

17:17 Faith Expansion Sorting Process

24:03 Atonement as Wholeness

31:27 Reimagining God and Patriarchy

41:10 Mysticism and Direct Experience

48:46 Programs and Closing Thanks

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In this episode Valerie welcomes Dr. Brad Reedy, colleague, author, and fellow psychotherapist working primarily with an LDS audience in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Brad has spent decades helping LDS families find peace and connection when life gets complicated and the LDS belief system and practices no longer can hold a family together and sometimes threaten to tear them apart. 

Val and Brad focus on the family composed of a queer child (including an adult child) and devout parents.  How does a family handle this situation in a way that restores self love to a wounded child while honoring the fears and loyalties of the parents?  Learn more about this and so much more in this beautiful bridge-building episode.  

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

05:34 Therapy vs Religious Certainty

08:28 Three Parent Populations

11:29 Staying in the Room

17:03 Trojan Horse and Patience

20:47 No Agenda in Therapy

26:33 Healing Before Complexity

30:44 Safety and Longing

34:12 Shame and the False Self

37:45 Queer Youth Survival

44:04 Whole Not Good

50:26 Turning Wholeness Into Shoulds

51:09 Closing Thanks and Resources

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In this not-to-be-missed episode, Val interviews Michael McLean (of The Forgotten Carols and Mr. Kruger's Christmas) and his delightful son Jeff about a book they just co-wrote recounting their journey to unconditional love for self and one another in a religious tradition that still struggles to embrace the reality that the worth of EVERY soul (not just the married heterosexual soul!) is infinitely good, lovable, & 'enough'.  

This conversation is candid, raw, and maybe as 'real' as anything that you've heard on Latter Day Struggles and it is the essence of why we do what we do here.  We share conversations like Jeff's and Michael's to remind us that miracles of healing are possible as humans awaken to the real message of Jesus Christ:  That love knows no limits.  

In the next episode Val interviews therapist and colleague Brad Reedy, who contributes to Jeff and Michael's book.  Don't miss these profound and touching episodes!  

DON'T HIT STOP after the interview this week y'all! Please enjoy a beautiful original song written by Jeff McLean for his therapists and helpers along the way during his journey that led to the writing of Stay in the Room.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guests

05:00 Jeff on Identity and Culture

10:18 Michael on Painful Truths

16:21 Jeff on Shame and Hiding

20:16 Host Therapy Framework

27:28 Michael Valley of Shadow

32:18 Temple Recommend Turning Point

40:33 Host Reframes the Journey

45:39 A Living Room Breakthrough

49:41 Houston Hotel Confrontation

55:12 Love Loud Safe Harbors

59:08 Writing The Book As Recovery

01:10:54 Die Before You Die

01:21:05 Hope For Unapologized Hurt

01:27:41 McClain Foundation Plans

01:29:15 Closing Gratitude + Original Song

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In this episode, Val is joined by Greg Prince, and their focus begins with Hugh B Brown’s legacy of gutsy leadership & expands to an exploration of the broader implications of the LDS Church's aging leaders (due to their succession-by-seniority-policy multiplied by advancements in medicine in the past several decades). 
Does modern science about increasing life expectancy & therefore increased dementia risk in elderly leaders call for a conversation about how LDS leadership is chosen? Listen in to hear what Greg & Valerie have to say about this. 

Want to listen to this whole series? Jump back to episode 185.

Timestamps:

00:00 Episode Setup

00:48 Welcome Greg Prince

00:59 McKay Era Recap

03:26 Meet Hugh B Brown

07:03 Brown Versus Benson

10:26 Uchtdorf Comparison

12:17 McKay First Presidency Picks

16:58 Succession And Dementia Data

25:07 Fixing Succession Rules

29:58 Power Shift To Twelve

33:34 Youth Exodus And Relevance

36:35 New Contract For Members

40:39 Closing And Resources

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The news is getting out.  Patriarchy harms everyone in its clutches. The women and children of course. But men too. Actually, it hurts them a lot. The more we have words for how this hurts us, the more we can advocate for change but also embody change in how we see ourselves, treat one another and live our lives.  

If you are just realizing that much of your faith crisis is connected to the massive impact that patriarchy has had on you and you're ready to confront this and heal from the impacts of patriarchal programming, you're invited to join Valerie's upcoming Healing from Patriarchy support and processing group that begins in October 2026.  This is where women find their voices and men find their vulnerability. Seating is limited. Please join us for a life changing experience and a wonderful community of friends on the same journey.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Redrop Preview

09:08 Series Part Six Setup

16:48 True Self False Self Framework

21:07 How LDS Homes Teach Roles

28:58 Creativity and Becoming Self

37:03 Healing Men Through Love

42:40 Invite to Mixed Gender Group

49:28 What Is Spiritual Agency

56:03 Virtue Script Pressure

01:04:12 Reclaiming Identity

01:10:32 Becoming A Reformer

01:16:46 Choosing Amid Expectations

01:25:00 Raising Agentic Kids

01:30:50 Where To Find Valerie

01:31:47 Favorites And Farewell

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In this special Office Hours recording, a couple dozen people joined Valerie to talk about the emotional experience that only the former devout Mormon will understand.  Why does this weekend bring up so much?  

Listen to Val & four of the guests that attended this Office Hours recording as they talk about grief, loneliness, fear, and confusion.  They hit topics that likely hit home with you too:  about parenting and mixed faith marriage emotions...loss of simplicity, feeling left out of the celebratory mood, and other emotions typical of this weekend that many of us used to find connecting and meaningful in times gone by.

Timestamps:

00:00 Tribute Episode Re Drop

01:45 Queerphobia Paradigms Preview

03:30 Why Share This Now

05:38 Office Hours Pop Up Intro

07:15 Conference Weekend Complexity

09:28 Loneliness In Faith Shift

13:37 Compassion And New Community

18:43 Grief Over Conference Changes

26:05 Existential Grief And Integration

31:57 Fear And Emotional Overload

35:18 Fear Of Disconnection

37:01 Differentiation In Mormon Families

37:55 Bookshelf Metaphor

39:07 Practice Compassionate Curiosity

41:49 Parenting In Mixed Faith

44:55 Collaborate With Your Partner

52:09 Create Conference Safe Space

54:09 Discernment Over Zeal

58:47 Closing Reflections

59:49 New Healing Group Format

01:01:46 Final Thanks And Goodbye

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Just a quick announcement to start a process of changing my philosophy here on Latter Day Struggles. I care deeply about two things: YOU... And offering psychologically healing content for your Mormon faith expansion journey. If time or resources have ever been a barrier in joining one of my deeply healing groups--this upcoming pilot experiment group is for YOU. 

To all of you licensed and graduate level mental health workers out there who so loyally support me, please listen to this episode as well. I want to support each of you who do clinical mental health work with those in Mormon faith crisis. Listen here as I share a special gift to you as part of your tuition when you join this group. 

Finally, thank you all for your trust and support. I feel fortunate every day that I get to be in connection with such amazing humans. 

Please share this announcement with anyone in your circles who might benefit. I expect this group to fill quickly so don't hesitate if this work calls to you!

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome And Update

00:49 The Access Conundrum

02:55 No Quick Fixes

04:45 New Pilot Format

05:39 Curriculum Upfront

06:55 Ten Live Sessions

09:02 Affordability And Irony

11:13 Experiment And Invitation

12:25 Support For Clinicians

15:29 Scholarships And Gratitude

16:57 How To Join And Goodbye

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Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups

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Very few of us doubt that we have been profoundly impacted by the imprints of patriarchy in our early personality development. What most do not know is that this is not a 'life sentence'. 

In this episode Val walks through her passion, approach, and even a few specific activities built into her updated Healing from Patriarchy group curriculum. If you are not sure if this experience if for you, this episode is for you. If you are worried about sharing vulnerable things in a group, listen in and rest assured that all group members can participate as little or as much in the group processing activities. And most of all, if you are tired of doing faith crisis thing alone or only with angry people who offer no path to healing, this episode is your invitation to find your people and your peace. 

** If you believe in Valerie's work and would like to contribute to a scholarship fund that helps others afford group healing work, please reach out at [email protected] to make a tax-deductible donation. 

** If you need assistance to join a group, scholarships are sometimes available, pending donation participation from our listening community.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Overview

01:21 Why Groups Feel Risky

02:38 Patriarchy Group Opens Up

06:33 True Self Narratives

13:21 Who This Is For

21:41 What We Will Cover

27:04 New Exercises Preview

31:16 Polygamy Letter Healing

41:45 Logistics and Community

45:18 Final Invitation and Goodbye

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Patriarchy impacts people at a soul-wrenching level, and perhaps no other group is more stricken than our LGBTQ+ community. Please join us for a re-drop of a beautiful episode looking at Carol Lynn Pearson's breathtaking book, Goodbye, I Love You, which Valerie references to describe a 5 messages internalized by LDS queer people AND 5 healing counterpoints- deep truths about the divine identities of our queer loved ones and selves. 

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Redrop Plan

06:20 Why Patriarchy Needs Context

10:49 Origins Jesus and Mormonism

15:45 Awakening and Upcoming Episodes

32:20 Re-drop Begins No More Goodbyes

38:25 Book Premise and Audience

41:27 Paradigm One Innate Worth

51:30 Paradigm Two Unconditional Love

01:03:25 A Father’s Blessing

01:11:15 Microaggressions and Doctrine

01:22:33 Attachment Theory Explained

01:29:44 Brad’s Heartbreaking Story

01:40:53 Raising Consciousness Hope

01:48:27 Final Review and Farewell

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Valerie’s Support & Processing Groups

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