Latter Day Struggles

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Have you ever done something for the first time and feel that pit in your stomach as it approaches?  Well, here at Latter Day Struggles, pretty much EVERYTHING  that we do is a first!  And it always brings that insecure "what have I gotten myself into?" sensation!  

This episode is Val's candid reflections about an evening shared with over a hundred "in person" and "streaming" loved ones who have experienced growth and healing with her.  

A bottom line?  You might be experiencing growth and healing in some way through this podcast and platform.  But you are also giving this gift of healing to Val and Nathan Hamaker.  They thank you and love you.  

Hoping you enjoy Val's thoughts on the gift that this healing community is to her.  Because of you.  

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Event Recap

01:06 Why Stories of Healing

04:25 Origin Story Artwork

06:08 Sharing Beyond the Room

08:19 Event Day Emotions

08:37 Three Audience Groups

13:04 Grief and Perspective Shift

16:56 Program Highlights and Readings

25:40 What It Meant to Me

29:24 Q&A Next Steps

34:24 Closing Gratitude

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Lately there has been a lot of talk about the LDS disaffiliation crisis in the 21st century. Here at Latter Day Struggles we support open dialogue about what happening in our LDS homes and congregations.  

Please enjoy this special "audiobook" addition of a Latter Day Struggles series unpacking some groundbreaking research done by therapist Liz Macdonald exploring common LDS family dynamics shared by young adults whose disaffiliation experiences were the most challenging.  

We care about people all across the spectrum of faith in and around the LDS church.  Taking research like this seriously could profoundly reshape our community in healthy ways. 

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome

03:54 Meet Liz and The Study

11:48 Method and Study Limits

22:03 Four Key Findings Overview

28:00 Disconnected From Self

52:20 Fear-Based Theology and Parenting

01:02:38 Conditional Love and Worthiness

01:12:42 False Self and Hidden Struggles

01:22:32 One-Way Communication and Fear

01:31:17 Blaming Outside Influences

01:40:20 New Episode Research Overview

01:57:49 Purity Culture and Shame

02:08:05 Adult Development and Compassion

02:20:19 Fear of Selfhood

02:30:25 High Demand Religion

02:44:22 Research Recap

02:52:12 Eight Stages Walkthrough

03:04:59 Parents Threatened by Growth

03:19:13 Fundamentalism and Safety

03:27:20 From Identity to Intimacy

03:34:37 Recommendations and Repair

03:41:27 Closing and Resources

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In this episode Val digs into the concept of prophet worship [or any time humans hand over their discerning power to a formal authority figure] from the context of psychology and the “shadow”. 

While we tend to talk about our “shadows” from the context of that which we are ashamed of, sometimes we actually disown our greatest divine attributes. 

Tune in to this episode to learn why this happens and how to reintegrate our “golden shadows” back into our core identities.  This conversation is an extension of Episode 447, so go back and listen if this intrigues you!

Does the idea of awakening your core identity or "True Self" resonate with you ? If so, jump onto a waitlist to join Valerie’s next healing group that focuses on the awakening of one’s True Self core identity. 

This group is titled “Fundamentals of LDS Faith Crisis Healing” and the next group of this type begins spring of 2027!

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Setup 

03:09 Traditional Shadow Basics 

07:58 Golden Shadow Defined 

09:27 Projection and Triggers 

12:36 Golden Shadow Projection Example

17:07 How Outsourcing Happens

20:08 Official Carrier and the Cost of Imperfection 

25:37 When Following the Prophet Doesn't Work 

29:36 Reclaiming Discernment 

32:22 Practicing and Giving Yourself Grace 

35:52 Integration Not Overcorrecting 

39:15 Closing Thoughts

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In this episode Valerie tackles a seemingly contradictory pair of claims: 

The LDS church is experiencing record-breaking growth! 

The LDS church is experiencing record-breaking defection! 

Is one narrative simply not true? 

Interestingly, the answer is no, both narratives are true. Join Val as she unpacks these seemingly contradictory claims & breaks down how these claims reflect specific kinds of data collection.  She also explores how these narratives are tracking two different demographics of people in different stages of faith and consciousness development.

Valerie’s hope in episodes like this is to shine a light on normative human growth & development in the context of faith and to illustrate how the churches that do not understand or believe in stages of faith development only serve populations in [important but] earlier stages of growth & pathologize those in later stages, causing ever increasing levels of family fractures and institutional defection. 

PS: to read more & see the data, pick up a copy of download the book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church and What We Can Learn from Them by Jeff Strong, linked HERE.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Series Setup

02:45 Two Conflicting Narratives

04:16 Record Baptisms Data

06:17 Disaffiliation Statistics

12:01 Both And Explanation

14:03 Three LDS Demographics

14:21 Active Core Strengths

17:58 Disaffiliated Core Growth

22:30 Never Fully Affiliated

26:11 Stages of Faith Framework

29:26 Attachment Stage Church Fit

31:02 Differentiation and Homelessness

41:44 Integration and Compassion

44:20 Closing Reflections

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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part III of III]

In this final episode of this beautiful series featuring guest author Jeff Strong & his bestselling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them, Val & Jeff cover four "culture imbalances" that thousands of disaffiliated LDS offered as reasons they could not grow in the context of the LDS church. Listen in to hear some sobering & important data that offers a more accurate narrative surrounding the current LDS dissafiliation crisis.

As painful a this information might be for devout LDS loved ones, this information is vitally important. Can those who loved the church and want what is best for their faith- expanding families listen to their feedback and create safe harbor for those on unexpected faith journeys? 

The only way our LDS homes and wards can become this kind of community is to listen, learn, and trust the words and experiences of those who often only leave because they feel that thriving spiritually is not possible if they stay.

Jeff's book Torn linked HERE

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

02:45 Why These Talks Matter

05:00 Unexpected Family Reversals

13:14 Why Culture Is Key

20:25 Imbalance One Who Belongs

28:53 Balancing Standards With Love

35:13 Transactional Faith Pitfalls

44:54 Map Not The Sea

50:57 Agency Versus Compliance

54:28 Trusting Individual Conscience

01:00:23 Pressure To Conform

01:03:15 Ubuntu And Closing Takeaways

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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part II of III]

In this fascinating episode, guest author Jeff Strong & Valerie tackle several key points that Jeff courageously and gently addresses in his bestselling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We can Learn from Them.

Today, Jeff & Val lay out several culture issues that are pressuring the need for churches to adapt-not because people are becoming less and less "spiritual"...but because evolution is an upward spiral and human beings entering new stages of faith development have different needs. If these needs are not acknowledged; or if they are vilified, shamed, or pathologized- they will go away. We are seeing this at record rates in the LDS church. 

Listen in as Jeff and Valerie clarify not only why so many lifelong multi-generational Latter Day Saints are leaving--but also share how spiritual growth/ differientiation & community belonging need not be mutually exclusive.

Jeff's book Torn linked HERE

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Book Setup

01:38 Recap and Survey Numbers

03:13 Seeing and Humility

10:12 Culture as Soil Metaphor

15:44 Acceptance and Faith Stages

25:19 Fear to Hope and Growth

29:18 Four Storms Shaping Belief

37:19 Culture Change and Margins

45:44 Diversity and Balanced Energy

51:05 Next Episode Preview and Closing

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Series Title: Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them [Part 1 of 3]

In this three part series, Valerie is joined by Jeff Strong- friend, colleague, and author of the best-selling book Torn: Why People We Love are Leaving the Church & What We Can Learn from Them. In this opening episode, Jeff shares his personal experience as an LDS bishop and father at a crisis point in time when his missionary son disclosed that he was coming home and leaving the LDS church. 

In this moment, Jeff felt that everything was falling apart & in his own valley of the shadow, he could not meet his son where he was in his own valley of the shadow. The following 13 years comprising hundreds of interviews with disaffiliating Latter-day Saints & heartfelt soul-searching about the true meaning of faith culminates in this book: a Love Letter to the Devout Latter-day Saint who has a loved one who has left the faith. 

Please listen to this series & consider reading than then gifting Jeff's book to one of your loved ones who does not understand your spiritual journey. Together we can heal our community and build bridges of understanding & belonging. no matter where we are on the spectrum of faith.

Jeff's book Torn linked HERE.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Introductions

02:07 Why Jeff Wrote Torn

02:56 Faith Crisis Sparks Research

06:16 Years of Writing and Rewrites

07:32 Who the Book Is For

11:07 Upstream vs Downstream Trauma

13:48 A Devout Reader’s Reaction

17:06 Mixed Faith Marriage Pain Point

20:24 Disaffiliation Numbers and Studies

28:36 Counter Narratives on Growth

29:52 Growth vs Activity Metrics

32:07 Convert Baptisms and Disaffiliation

33:04 Two Truths in Church Life

35:59 Four Waves Overview

38:11 Why Waves Feel Sequential

40:50 Upstream vs Downstream Pushback

43:54 Stages of Faith Transition

47:37 Belonging Over Belief

51:31 Success Stories of Inclusion

55:58 Bar Mitzvah Closing Story

58:27 Wrap Up and Next Episode

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In this episode, Valerie & colleague Jana Spangler are guests on Dan Wotherspoon's Latter Day Faith podcast where they talk about a little known version of the human shadow.  

Many of us know about the 'classic shadow'...you know...parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of and seek to hide.  What about parts of ourselves that we also hide...even though they are our our strengths, our superpowers and even manifestations of our unique spiritual gifts & attributes?  

Listen in as Dan, Jana, and Valerie discuss why people in general tend to have and hide  "golden shadows" and as they explore some reasons why the LDS population might manifest unique "golden shadows" as a consequence of LDS theology and tradition.

Timestamps:

00:00 Meet the Hosts

00:48 Where to Find Val

01:24 Jana’s Coaching Work

02:18 Shadow Work Basics

03:44 What Is Golden Shadow

04:58 Projection and Admiration

07:15 Fear of Your Light

10:09 Sacred Examples of Calling

13:12 Spotting Golden Shadow

18:43 Therapy Approach and Safety

21:41 Patriarchy and Buried Identity

29:25 Grief Forgiveness and Family

31:56 Grieving Without Confronting

32:51 Shame and the Not Me Boundary

35:50 Holding Complexity With Kids

37:07 Critical Thinking Both And

38:33 Mormon Theology and Sin Scripts

46:55 Inner Work and Quiet Practices

52:55 Golden Shadow and Authority

59:33 Reclaiming Discernment and Closing

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Series Title: "Latter Day Missionaries": A Mental Health Resource for LDS Missionaries & their Families [Part II of II]

In this episode Dr. Bryson Ensign joins Valerie again to unpack OCD & scrupulosity in the LDS mission field. This episode first explores how Dr. Bryson covers OCD/scrupulosity in his "Mental Health Training Center". It also explores how this resource could be lifesaving tool for the missionary as well as a crucial resource for the parents of full-time missionaries concerned about their child's wellbeing and not knowing how to help when their child is far away and struggling with various mental healthy issues.

Find additional information on Dr. Ensign's program HERE.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome Back Intro

00:44 Why Missions Get Complicated

03:11 Mental Health Training Center Overview

07:00 Why Missionaries Are Vulnerable

10:15 Parents Need Support Too

15:52 Steady Parenting Skills

20:39 Pivot to OCD Scrupulosity

23:42 How Each Lesson Works

30:32 Bryson Mission Story

35:04 When Scrupulosity Gets Reinforced

38:21 Healthy vs Unhealthy Faith

39:52 Parents Spot the Signs

42:43 Accountability Partner Plan

44:32 Lesson Flow Overview

45:38 OCD Basics Explained

49:16 Scrupulosity on a Mission

55:23 Why Missions Trigger It

58:51 Three Practical Tools

01:04:30 Where to Get Help

01:07:38 Specialized OCD Treatment

01:09:51 Final Thanks and Wrap

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Series Title: "Latter Day Missionaries": A Mental Health Resource for LDS Missionaries & their Families [Part I of II]

Do you know anyone who experienced issues with anxiety, depression, homesickness, getting along with that annoying companion, or struggles with shame and perfectionism on their LDS mission? Was that you? Your child? If you have been touched in any way with the LDS mission experience and would like a resource that is worth its weight in gold, this series is for you. 

In today's episode you will meet Dr. Bryson Ensign, a former LDS missionary and psychiatrist in training who has dedicated countless hours creating a resource that he wishes he had on his own mission. As a devoted listener to the Latter Day Struggles podcast, Bryson shares a passion with Valerie to help those in and around the LDS faith with issues of mental well being that are often not understood (and therefore not addressed ) at the institutional level. 

This episode shares his vision, sense of call, and an overview of his program. The next episode walks you through an entire segment of his curriculum (dealing with scrupulosity on the LDS mission). Enjoy!

Find additional information on Dr. Ensign's program HERE.

Timestamps:

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro 

02:48 Bryson's Background and Faith 

07:24 Why Mission Mental Health 

10:56 Program Overview: Latter Day Missionaries 

16:01 Mental Health Training Center 

20:36 Lesson Topics and Tools 

28:19 Designed for Every Faith Stage 

33:13 Holding Complexity: Obedience, Shame, and Mental Health 

36:13 Systemic Challenges and Early Returns 

40:30 Real Stories: Missionaries Suffering in Silence 

46:10 The Church, Mental Health, and Cultural Change 

51:16 Personal Call and Inspiration 

57:52 Next Episode: Scrupulosity Preview 

01:00:00 Closing and Resources

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