Ask Dr. Julie Hanks

In today's episode I talk with Saren and answer the question “How do I support my 13-year-old daughter who wants to stay in the LDS Church when I have left?” Saren is trying to reconcile letting her child be a part of something that she has chosen to leave behind while also respecting her daughter’s agency. To top it off, her daughter has had a difficult time with her mother’s decision to leave the Church.We discuss strategies—like debriefing after church and staying in contact with her daugh...

In this episode I meet with Kellice and answer the question “How do I decide on a career that I won’t later regret or wish I had taken a different path?” Kellice wants to choose a sustainable career to support herself and her boys, but she isn’t sure where to start. How can she be sure she isn’t going to make the wrong decision?I challenge Kellice to consider that there may be more than one path for her to choose. Feeling like there is one best choice—and that you will suffer if you don’t fin...

This bonus episode of the podcast is for anyone who is wanting to step back from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while also protecting their mental health. Listen as fellow LDS therapist Valerie Hamaker and I share insight on important topics like why people choose to leave the LDS Church after a faith transition and how to develop the crucial skill of setting boundaries.Stepping back? How to Leave in a Psychologically Healthy WayIf you choose to leave and want to protec...

Listen as I chat with Alyssa and answer the question “How do I heal from a patriarchal marriage and let go of resentment I’m carrying towards the LDS Church?” Alyssa and her husband reevaluated the lessons they were taught about marriage and have worked to move toward a partnership model. She feels angry when she thinks about the time she lost living in a patriarchal marriage and sad when she thinks about her past self who didn’t feel empowered.I invite Alyssa to allow herself to feel the ang...

In this podcast episode I sit down with Mallory and answer the question “How do I pursue a high-powered career and still show up as the mom I want to be?” Mallory recently went back to work part-time and is feeling immense guilt. It feels like she can’t win: When she is at work, she feels like she should be staying home with her children (and feel fulfilled while doing it). And when she is at home with her kids, she feels like she should be working harder.I point out that Mallory is carrying ...

In this episode I talk with Diana and answer the question “How can I better communicate to my husband that I’m not comfortable letting our child sleep at my in-laws’ house?” Diana is not okay with either herself or her child sleeping there because years ago, her father-in-law was arrested for child molestation. Her husband has struggled to respect this boundary.Diana and I roleplay a conversation with her husband where she holds this boundary firm. She has the right to say no to sleepovers, t...

In this episode, I chat with Christine and answer the question “How should I approach my daughter’s upcoming baptism when I don’t believe 8-year-olds are capable of making this choice?” Christine and her husband have several valid hesitations about their daughter getting baptized when they aren't sure that she really understands what she would be committing to.Christine and I unpack her concerns and I challenge the thought that her daughter has to be totally “ready” to commit to baptism befor...

In this episode I talk with Sylvia and answer the question “How can I stay engaged and active in the LDS Church as a working mom and a feminist?” Sylvia shares the story of a painful experience at Church that has left her wondering if she sustains her leaders. In fact, she has chosen not to renew her temple recommend because she isn’t sure if she can sustain her current bishopric.The word sustain has two main definitions. I used to think that sustain meant agree, but I see the word differentl...

In today’s episode, I talk with Nicole and answer the question “How do I know if I want kids because I genuinely want them or because it’s always been expected of me?” After a recent break up caused by her partner not wanting to have children, Nicole is hoping to gain some clarity as to what she wants for her future and why.Nicole and I talk about how to have a meaningful life with or without children, if it matters at the end of the day if she does want kids because it’s what she’s always as...

In today’s episode I chat with Morgan and answer the question “How can I talk about boundaries with my narcissistic mother-in-law who turns everything into my fault?” Morgan describes what interactions with her mother-in-law are typically like, and from what I hear it sounds like Morgan is doing a good job interacting with her. From my perspective, the bigger problem is between Morgan and her husband.There are important conversations Morgan and her husband need to have regarding boundaries an...