Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Attraction isn't just about chemistry. It's tied to meaning, and meaning can change. In a long-term marriage, what we find desirable in a spouse is shaped less by biology and more by the meanings underlying the relationship. When those meanings shift, desire shifts with them — leaving you either pulling away from a spouse you once desired, or trying to make sense of one who's pulled away from you.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife answers listener questions about attraction, touching on how to build desire in a marriage where it wasn't there to begin with, what it means when a spouse admits they don't feel attracted to you, and how old patterns of resentment and control can undercut desire without either partner realizing it.

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We like to think that proficiency at work carries over into our personal relationships, but excelling in a career and excelling in love draw on entirely different strengths. High-demand careers reward constant competence, and it feels good to have a system built around you, where people defer to you because it's their job, but a spouse sees the version of you that colleagues and patients almost never do, including your shortcomings and missteps. 

That exposure is uncomfortable, especially for someone used to having everything together, so many find it easier to hide in their competence at work than show up honestly at home.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Richard Low of the Next Level Dentist podcast to talk about the impact high-demand careers have on relationships, including the gap between the self we bring to work and the self we bring home, the intimacy that forms naturally with people you're solving problems alongside, and what safeguards to put in place for work relationships.

Resentment shows up when we've given more than we can back up, when we've gone along with something we never actually wanted, or when we've given with strings attached — hoping that giving will lead to being loved or appreciated more. But resentment is more than just a feeling, it's a signal worth paying attention to. We can let our resentments smolder under the surface, or we can use them to better understand ourselves, our desires, and where we need to be more honest with ourselves and others.

In this NEW podcast episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Susie Pettit of the Love Your Life Show to talk about resentment, the difference between selflessness and self-erasure, and what it actually takes for women to step fully into their own lives, their relationships, and their desire.

We've received many requests over the years to offer Dr. Finlayson-Fife's resources in other languages. Miriam Parkin has generously offered her time and talent to translate episodes for us and we will add them to the feed as they come in (in addition to our regular podcast production schedule). You can listen to the original "Loneliness in Marriage Q&A" podcast HERE.

Parenting a teenager is hard enough before sexuality enters the picture. And when it does, most parents grapple with finding the balance between protection and permission, values and flexibility, structure and trust. The role you play in your child's sexual development doesn't stay fixed. It shifts as they grow, and knowing when to hold a limit and when to let go is rarely as clear as we'd like it to be.

In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Marielle Melling of the Raising Healthy, Happy Teens Virtual Summit to discuss what sexual integrity is, why it matters for your teen's long-term wellbeing, and how parents can nurture it through every imperfect, evolving stage of the process.

For a deeper dive on teaching kids about sexuality, enroll in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's How to Talk to Kids About Sex course!

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In this episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Rhonda Farr to talk about men's difficulty with their own sexuality, why higher desire can mask a deeper insecurity, and how men can move from proving themselves through sex to actually blessing their marriage through it. 

Johnny is done being controlled.

His faith shift made him realize just how much every decision he ever made was shaped by others — and he's not interested in that anymore. In his newfound freedom, he's been experimenting with substances in a way that's unsettling for June.

When she says something about his choices, he responds like a rebellious adolescent.

Staying quiet feels easier, of course, but Johnny's choices are having a real impact on her, and she's not sure where her responsibility ends and his begins.

In this preview episode of Room for Two, Dr. Finlayson-Fife works with Johnny and June around the parent/child dynamic that is stifling the intimacy in their relationship.

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Dating, sexuality, and romantic relationships are tricky enough when we're young — but life experience, past hurts, and complicated relationship histories add a whole new layer of complexity for those of us who are single in midlife. The simple answers and guidelines that once felt sufficient don't quite hold anymore.

If it feels like the framework and guidance you were offered as a teen isn't working, it's because it was intended for someone at an entirely different stage in life. Midlife singlehood asks something more, because you've lived enough to know that life doesn't always go as planned, and the choices in front of you now carry a depth and consequence that call you toward the spirit of the law, not just the letter of it.

During this Q&A discussion, Dr. Finlayson-Fife speaks directly to mid-singles — whether never married, divorced, or widowed — answering their real questions on topics including:

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When a spouse's faith shifts, the anxiety that follows is real. Most of us want to find a way around it, so we seek reinforcement from friends, try to pressure them back into their old position, or just avoid the conversation altogether. But avoiding a difficult reality doesn't make the anxiety go away. In fact, it increases it.

In this Q&A episode, Dr. Finlayson-Fife takes questions from those navigating mixed-faith marriages, including how to share where you are without demanding your spouse follow, how to stay collaborative when your worldviews have diverged, and how to raise children when you no longer share the same spiritual framework. Because it is in going toward the hard conversations, not around them, that we grow, and that our marriages can too.