Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective

SWM 135 - It's good to try new things. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point.  Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children, some when they become teenagers.  When our 3rd or 4th kid entered this phase, everyone knew the response when they didn’t want to eat something new that we’d made.  “It’s good to try new things.”  They didn’t have to eat it all but had to try it—a decent try, not a touch to the tongue followed by an exaggerated exclamation of disgust.

Teaching children to at least give something new a fair shot, I think, has applications later on in life as well. I often talk to husbands and wives whose spouses simply will not try anything new in the bedroom. One will bring up an idea, and it’s immediately shot down by the “picky” spouse—the one who is perfectly happy with the flavour of vanilla every night.

Today, I want to talk about why I think it’s good to try new things - not only when it comes to food, but also in the bedroom - or outside of the bedroom, depending on how much privacy you have.  We’re going to talk about the interplay between dopamine, controlled risk-taking, adventure and trust in marriages as it pertains to sex and more.

Don't forget to participate in our BDSM survey - whether you engage in that sort of behaviour or not.

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Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

AQ - Piercings, how not to start a fight, nude photos, nude beaches and more. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

We’ve had a rough month around here. We lost a bunch of chickens to illness, we had a horse run away, then lost a horse to a trailering accident, and then had to put down another horse due to old age. Then my wife and kids left to go camping for a week and a half, and I’ve been home working on dealing with the farm in the middle of a heat wave. So, if you’ve been wondering what happened to the blog, podcast and emails - that’s what happened. We’ve had a rough time of it lately and I’ve been doing my best to take on more of the load while my wife has been dealing with chickens, sadness over the horses and then being away.

So, today is the first day that I’ve got nothing I need to run into town for, no coaching calls, no work emergencies, and while I should be cleaning out some cages - it’s just too hot outside. I know for some 40C (over 100F) isn’t that hot, but for us, it is. I mean, we get -40 in the winter - we shouldn’t have to deal with positive 40 in the summer as well.

So, yeah, I’m a bit behind, but we’re going to see if we can get back on track. Christina is coming home Sunday and hopefully, we’ll get back to some semblance of normal.

For today, we’ve got a bunch of anonymous questions from May that I didn’t get to answer in June for the aforementioned reasons. For those that are new, these questions come in from our anonymous Have A Question page and so all I get is what’s given in the question. There’s no contact information and nothing else to go on. We kick the questions around in our forum and then I write my thoughts down into a blog and podcast episode, which you’re reading now.

One quick thing before we get to that though - we’ve currently got a survey running which I’d love to have your input on. I had asked a while ago what everyone would want to have a survey about, and the answer was BDSM. So, that’s what we’re doing.

SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, “He was talking about me.” You’re not wrong, but you’re also not alone.

I give it out frequently because it helps combat some fundamental problems I see in many marriages: resentment, unmet expectations, and continued disappointment. Whatever caused the resentment doesn’t matter. If you want to improve the marriage, you must get rid of that attitude first. Resentment leads to contempt, and once you hit that point, the marriage is on life support, and it becomes challenging to resurrect.

Some come to coaching and realize that they have this issue.  They recognize that resentment is an attitude, and attitudes can be changed.  They know they can fix it; they just don’t know how or need some support, some accountability, or encouragement to keep up the hard work of changing that mindset.

And it is hard work. Reversing that mindset takes time, effort, and consistently following the plan we co-create. There are ups and downs, backslides, and sidetracks. But if they put in the work, then it does happen. Then the fun begins because now we can make some real progress.

Others come to coaching convinced their spouse is the issue and work hard to rationalize and justify their attitude toward them.  They want me to change their spouse so that they can be happy.  Sometimes, they have one foot out the door already, and this is the last-ditch effort to “save the marriage,” by which they mean that if I don’t fix their spouse, they will divorce them.

Whatever type they are, they get the same homework. It’s not only the first step to reversing the mindset but also a test to see if they’re coachable.

Listen to find out what the homework is.

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question:

Hi! To start, I just wanted to say thank you so much for what you do! Your podcast has been immensely eye-opening and helpful! Now, to my question.

I am in my 30s, and my husband and I have been together for 15 years. There was porn use by my husband that nearly tore us apart, but after therapy, support groups and endless prayer, I am so thankful to say we are stronger than ever, and he has been porn free for over a year now. It has made a profound difference in our sex life, we feel more connected than ever.

That being said, internally, I am still struggling with body image issues. It is not all-consuming but it’s enough to bring me to this point. I have been considering breast augmentation for years now but kept putting it on the back burner due to pregnancy and breastfeeding (we have 3 children). I thought I was completely over the idea and just decided to fully accept my body as is until the porn addiction reared its ugly head. As I said, we are past that, and he has made amazing changes for himself and us, but knowing what he watched and the women he chose to view online has made the idea of breast augmentation appealing again.

I am not happy with what 6 years of breastfeeding has left me with. My husband says he loves my body the way it is, but I know I would love it MORE if I got the breast augmentation, and undoubtedly, I know he would too, even if he won’t admit it so as not to hurt my feelings.

My question is, do you think seeking a breast augmentation for selfish reasons would be sinful? Would God find that to be an abomination of sorts, a sinful act based on my lack of love towards my body? I know I would feel so much more confident. I truly would. And that would enhance our sex life due to my confidence alone. So, would it be a bad thing to do? I have flip-flopped on this for months now. Some days, I am certain it’s a sinful thing to desire and do, and other days, I’m certain that it does not fall in the category of actual sin. An outside perspective would be so helpful, and I’d appreciate it immensely.

I know I need to love the body I have, and I do. It’s the slight pains of the past and the desire to feel confident that entices me. Knowing there are verses in the Bible directly telling the man to love his woman’s beautiful breasts makes my heart drop because mine are anything but beautiful. They are used, tired, and barely there after years of sacrificing my body for our children. So, would making them more appealing really be a bad thing? Or would it be no different than purchasing a new sex toy and having fun in the bedroom as husband and wife? Thank you for your time.

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage. At the end of the call, we still had some time and started discussing fighting more effectively. Again, the group came up with some excellent ideas I want to share today.

Because fights will happen, I might even say they should happen.  When I come across a couple that doesn’t fight in any way - that’s a red flag.  It means one or both don’t feel safe in the marriage.  They aren’t able to express their views and opinions. 

Because if you put two people together for long enough, they will eventually find something to disagree about.

Ideally, a fight won’t involve yelling, screaming, hitting, throwing, or anything else like that, but it’s okay to quarrel.

So, today, we will discuss how to fight more effectively in your marriage so that your arguments can be a source of growth instead of damage.

For more posts about dealing with conflict effectively check out:

• SWM 020 - 7 Dirty Fighting Techniques That Should Not Exist In Your Marriage
• How to use conflict to create intimacy
• Active Listening

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, please rate it as it helps others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

Building resiliency in marriage. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

On the first Tuesday of every month, Chris from TheLionWithin.us and I co-host "Couple's Night." Couples from our communities get together to talk about marriage. We discuss struggles, share ideas, tips, and a lot of funny stories. It's an absolute blast.

This Tuesday, we got together and talked about resiliency in marriage. There were about six couples in the Zoom call, and I thought they all had a lot of wisdom to share, so I tried to quickly take some notes and thought I'd relay them to you.

Because marriages need resiliency, we're going to face struggles. They might be external, like events happening with your job, your family, your friends, and more. They might be internal, such as the type of struggles two individuals face when you put them together for long periods of time for years on end.

Challenges are normal, but we need to learn how to face them and not only survive them but, ideally, thrive and grow through them.

So, here are the six things our small group came up with.

Now, this might seem obvious. After all, we are all imperfect, all sinners and mistakes will be made, whether intentionally or not. Being able to forgive each other and move forward is a necessity. However, knowing that and exercising it in the moment are two very different things.

AQ - Swingers, chastity devices, sex headaches, uncomfortable conversations, flavoured lubes and more. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

It's a new month, and that means more anonymous questions. For new readers and listeners, we have an anonymous Have A Question page where you can ask all the questions you want to know the answers to but are too embarrassed to ask. Once a month, I gather up the questions and answer them in a blog post and podcast episode. These are the six I received in April of 2024.

Before we get to that, this is just a last reminder that we're running a cohort of our Becoming More Sexually Engaged course this spring. The cut-off was officially yesterday, but if you still want to jump in, you have until this Monday - the 6th of May 2024, to join. We won't wait for you, but you can easily catch up. We've got eight wives who have already signed up and are excited to start.

With that out of the way, let's answer some questions.

We are a senior couple married for 54 years who would like to add some spice to our love life. We have talked about meeting other couples for friendship and fun. We are both Christian and have fantasies about what this would be like.

Well, you don't come right out and say it, but it sounds like you're trying to get me to help you justify becoming swingers.

I'm not going to do that. I mean, I can't do that and stay faithful to the Bible.

SWM 128 - Marriages require recalibration. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

There’s an old quip about how men get married expecting their wives to stay the same, and women get married expecting to be able to change their men, and neither gets what they want. It’s funny because often, there’s an element of truth to this, which frustrates both spouses.

Of course, it doesn’t apply to every marriage, and sometimes the dynamic is reversed, but what is expected of every marriage is that something in the marriage will change.  It may be the wife, it may be the husband, it’s likely going to be both in some ways, and it’s also going to be your surroundings and context.  You’ll get pets, you’ll have kids, you’ll move, you’ll change jobs, change churches, experience illness or injury, suffer losses or experience big wins - whatever it is, things will change.

Those changes require a recalibration of the marriage, communication, and a discussion about what it means, what needs to change, and what should stay the same.

So, today, we’re going to talk about how to deal with the inevitable changes that come and how and when to talk about them so that you can keep your marriage calibrated rather than running on old habits and patterns that no longer suit your life.

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If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

March 2024 Questions from our anonymous Have A Question page.  Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

In this episode, we are tackling the subjects:

• Why am I not interested in sexy any more after having a baby?
• How do I get my wife to rest without guilt?
• Why does my wife dismiss my advice when she asks for it?
• How do I get my wife engaged in sexual growth?
• Are men infatuated with their ejaculate?

Here are the links I mentioned during the podcast:

• Where did my sex drive go?

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful champions!

If you'd like to support our ministry and see it grow, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference!

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review.  They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage.  You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.

SWM 126 - Unspoken nuances of understanding. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

Marriage is a cosmic tapestry, a constellation of souls woven into the fabric of time, where vows echo in the heart's language, shaping a journey of shared whispers and laughter. It's a dance of compromise and compassion, a symphony where individual melodies blend into a shared harmony, with time sculpting the narrative of a joint odyssey. Amidst life's tempests, love's resilience is tested, forging a bond that transcends the ephemeral, painting a portrait of unity where intimacy bridges solitude, and shared dreams color the canvas of existence.

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.