Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

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"I'm always the one to bring up issues. I want our relationship to be better so I work to address the discomfort between us. Somehow this is a problem and I am now seen as THE problem, a nag, someone that can be tuned out. I've worked so hard here. Help!!!" If this sounds familiar, then this episode on the pursuer's position in the relationship is for you! Join our experts today as they focus on the inside world of the emotional pursuer and help them with the change event that leads to healing in the relationship. George and Laurie work to get underneath the layers of the pursuer's protest to help them and the emotional withdrawer in their life understand the pain, anguish and desperation of the pursuer. This softening event is the gamechanger for pursuers and our recovering emotional withdrawers are pivotal in this change! Learn how to manage rejection and communicate the underlying need with safety and vulnerability. Our hosts' roleplay highlights for listeners exactly what this conversation can sound like. Make sure to come back for our follow up show on the sexual pursuer next time. As always, keep it hot y'all!

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Will sex ever happen between us? If this has been a sticking point in your relationship then this episode is for you! Join our hosts today as we talk through what it looks like when the sexual withdrawer is re-engaged. The negative cycle is de-escalated, a new positive cycle has been created and there is enough safety to uncover the wants and needs of the sexual relationship. Give this show a listen to hear what the conversation between a de-escalated and more secure couple sounds like and how to make this happen. Our hosts remind you that pressure serves no purpose in the bedroom and a truly de-escalated couple will keep pressure around sex low and slow. It's important to remember that sometimes we have to go slow, to go fast. Make sure to give us a rate and review and keep it hot, y'all!

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BetterHelp.com/foreplay -- Easy, convenient therapy! Get 10% off your first month!

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In today's episode, join hosts Laurie and George as they uncover the ultimate move that creates lasting change in couples. The changemaker for a negative cycle is when the withdrawing partner is able to stay in their fear and uncover their unmet need. In the negative cycle the old move to sense the discomfort and move away immediately begins to be replaced with a new ability to tolerate and remain present. Staying in the fear, with your partner close at hand allows you to ask, "What do I need here? Can you help me with it?" This new experience sends a message through the body and brain that this is now safe and we are rewarded with closeness and comfort where there was once isolation. We are not meant to be alone! George reminds withdrawers that you must risk if you want the reward. Our hosts role play, guides listeners in this meaningful conversation and reminds them, this is possible in your relationship! Therapists--Join us in Nashville January 25-27th for our Sex and EFT training to help your couples with their negative sexual cycle.

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ForiaWellness.com/foreplay -- great products to enhance your sex life!

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In today's episode, Laurie and George answer a listener's mailbag question. We love getting these write-ins and acknowledge the courage it takes to ask for help! Our listener is a burned out or almost burned out sexual pursuer that is frustrated and saddened by their sexless marriage. Covid, menopause, adult children at home are circumstances this couple is facing and blocks for intimate connection. George and Laurie give expert advice on how to navigate this situation, some of the physiological challenges impacting this couple and how to craft a thoughtful, caring and loving conversation to bridge the gap. Both pursuers and withdrawers will gain insight into the lives of their partners and we remember to blame the cycle to de-escalate the tension and encourage vulnerable conversation. Need help in your relationship? Send us a question on our website www.foreplayrst.com

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RocketMoney.com/foreplay -- Save money by getting rid of those subscriptions that you don't use that continue to auto renew!

Uberlube.com/foreplay -- Laurie's favorite lubricant for the past 25 years!

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You've probably waited years for your partner to hear you and make the changes you've needed. So why does that change now make you feel pissed off? The answer: mistrust is part of the change process. Learning how to manage this mistrust is imperative for couples when they are changing their negative cycle. In today's episode join our hosts Laurie and George in a fantastic conversation on what happens to us when our partners start to make the changes we've been asking for, for years and why that can cause mistrust. You'll learn what's happening in your brain when there is a red light, yellow light or green light in connection and strategies to promote regulation and connection. Remember, our brains are wired to protect and they want to hold on to the negative information for safety. Leaning into the mistrust and planning for this with your partner as you're changing together will help you navigate this new territory and be more successful. Therapists looking to get more training on the sexual cycle make sure to head over to our website www.foreplayrst.com to learn more about our training in Nashville this January!

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Run, don't walk to listen to today's episode! Laurie and George lay out a transformational conversation between partners: when the sexual withdrawer begins to reenage. Re-engagement means, the sexual withdrawer is aware that something is not working, sees the negative cycle and their part in it and begins to open up to their partner about their underlying needs. This is a pivotal conversation and can be a gamechanger for couples that have been trapped in a negative sexual cycle. Both withdrawing and pursuing partners will find value in the expert commentary laid out by our hosts. Did you know that knowing what you need and sending clearer signals to your partner is a sign of secure attachment? For so many of us, being direct with what we want, need, like and desire has been off limits but it is a major component to secure and successful love. Join us today and drop a review of this episode so we know how we're doing!

Check out our great sponsors for this episode:

Uberlube.com - Laurie's favorite sexual lubricant!

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In today's episode, we're sounding the school bell and bringing listeners back into our 'School of Love.' This show focuses on motivating emotional withdrawers to be more open. If you're the pursuing partner you may find yourself screaming with excitement right now, withdrawers...not so much. Which is completely okay! Join our experts George and Laurie today as we make space for the withdrawing partner to: identify your protective move, understand why you do what you do, honor that protection and try something new. We get it, taking the risk to share emotion and let your partner in is tough stuff but we also know first hand the amazing change that can take place in relationships when the withdrawing partner is able to take this step. Make sure you grab your notebooks and pencils, our hosts drop great insight that you won't want to miss. Need a little more support? There is still time to sign up for our virtual couples retreat on October 4th. Head to www.foreplayrst.com for more details. 

Check out this episodes sponsor and Help the Pod!

foriawellness.com/foreplay -- Sensual oils to help you get in the mood!

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In adult partnered relationships we ask each other hundreds of questions on a regular basis. Most often, the questions we ask surround logistical needs, who's doing what and what time do we need to be there? So many of us underuse curiosity and open-ended meaningful questions. We get it! Life is busy and in efforts to get it all done, getting solid on the plans is a necessity. But as purveyors of bettering relationships and sex lives across the world, we are challenging our listeners to start asking each other about...SEX! Make sure to head to our website to check out the article from The Knot which inspired our show today, listing '12 Sex Questions for Couples'. Do you know what puts your partner in the mood? Do they like it gentle or rough? Anything new they want to try in bed? We know that if you don't ask you'll never know!

Any other questions you would add to this list? Head over to our Instagram @foreplay_sextherapypodcast and drop them in our comments. We can't wait to hear what you come up with!

Please check out our great sponsor for this episode:

Uberlube.com/foreplay -- Laurie's long-time favorite sexual lubricant!

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It's said that one of the biggest problems in communication is that we listen to respond rather than truly hearing what someone is saying. Sometimes, an even bigger issue is that we can't get a full sentence out before we are interrupted! Join our hosts today as they lead listeners through a conversation on interruptions and how to stop. George reminds us that information you want to interrupt with is probably valuable but the timing is off. Timing is key to creating more success in your communication with your love. When it comes to vulnerability, interruptions can flood the mind and they stop one of the most valuable communication tools...curiosity. Curiosity, as Dr. Laurie remarks, helps drain the poison from the partner that is feeling and working to express emotion. If interruptions cause problems in your communication with your spouse, make sure to listen to this show and take notes! 

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RocketMoney.com -- get rid of those pesky auto-renewing subscriptions! Use the code foreplay to let them know we sent you!

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