Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

It's time for a summer break from the 'School of Love.' Throw away your notebooks and let's dish on how to spice things up this summer! Are you tired of your stale routines and want to explore new things? Join us today as we talk about role reversals! We're helping the visual sexual responder take some risks and try seducing. Not sure what that means? Jump in with Laurie and George to find out what role you usually take on in your sexual relationship, how to switch it up and how to repair if the risk goes wrong. Included in this episode are novel ideas on how to initiate sex, increase desire and build empathy for each other. We're all about helping you have better relationships and better sex, take a break from your studies and soak it in. We also honor the life and legacy of Dr. Ruth, a pioneer in the field of sex therapy and a woman that made us all more comfortable with talking about the bedroom. Keep it hot y'all! 

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How can you know when you've united against the cycle? We've got you covered in this episode on the signs to look for and how to test for de-escalation. George and Laurie work through a role play and give an example conversation of what it sounds like when couples move from the you vs. me space to you and me vs. the cycle. We want to be on the lookout for seeing the cycle as a whole rather than a one off event, knowing your move and why and seeing how your move affects your partner. These three steps are the key to de-escalation and the ability to move into more vulnerability and deeper change in your relationship. You cannot miss this step if you want to achieve true, sustainable healing in your relationship. Not sure how to do this? Make sure you join George and Laurie for their virtual couples retreat on October 4th. If you're a couples therapist unsure how to incorporate the sexual cycle in your work, join us for an in-person training in Nashville in January. Head to our website for registration details. www.foreplayrst.com

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We've worked in the last few episodes to name, externalize and unite against the emotional and sexual cycles that pit partners against one another. This episode is all couples finding common ground. On this common ground couples have more safety and are able to unlock empathy and deeply care about each other's pain. This is where true change and healing begins to take place. Each time partners encounter the cycle, they get better at naming it and coming back to the common ground space. Conversations become easier, less exhausting and more fulfilling because there is new experience of compassion, care and empathy available. Here we might let the pursuing partner know, "I understand where this protest is coming from. You make sense to me hear and I care about what you go through." We might signal to the withdrawing partner, "I understand how this makes you want to run and slowing down might make you feel safer." What might you want to say to your partner in this shared space? This school of love episode is bound to show partners that change is possible and how to keep working to create common ground together. Keep it hot, y'all!

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Did you know that 20% of couples can be defined as sexless by year 2 of their relationship? Why is this happening in the early stages of a relationship? Join our hosts on this episode as they break down what is actually happening in negative sexual cycles and how couples can unite against it. When partners are able to see their move, what happens when they are triggered and how it hurts their spouse, the cycle becomes so clear. It is a new way of talking about our problems that gets us out of the microview of who said what and into the macroview of the repetitive dance. This new lens allows couples to talk and stay connected in places where they may normally protest or shut down. George reminds us "when we can name it, we can tame it and then we can change it." Make sure to listen to the end when you get your new school of love assignment to better organize and understand your sexual cycle. Keep it hot y'all! 

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Do you find that you and your partner keep having the same arguments over and over, even though you're fighting about different things? If this is you, you won't want to miss this episode! Today's show is all about the negative cycle. Our hosts work to help couples organize what is happening and how couples can stop pointing the finger at each other and blame the cycle instead. Through this lens couples can feel more security and confidence in their interactions rather than thinking they have to solve each and every issue that comes up. If we don't start to see the cycle, the problems can feel endless and overwhelming! Make sure you stay on till the end to get George's homework assignment and head on over to our IG @foreply_sextherapypodcast and let us know your thoughts in the comments. Are you looking for more beyond our podcast? We're enrolling now for our couples retreat in October. Therapists interested in incorporating EFT and sex in the cycle? Join us in Nashville in January for our next therapist training. Visit www.foreplayrst.com to sign up today!

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Foreplay listeners, join us today in a 'School of Love' lesson all about the withdrawer's world! Withdrawers are often shutting down, walking away or seeming closed off in the cycle. These moves help them get safe and regulated but are a step in the negative cycle because the pursuing partner is left alone. When we can slow down, and be patient we can help to reveal the vulnerable underbelly of the emotional and sexual withdrawer. In two amazing role plays, hosts Laurie and George display exactly how to get slow, and get curious to learn about the ouch underneath the protective move. Vulnerability is the solution to the negative cycle and so much healing lies in these conversations. Withdrawing partners may often feel like they are messing up, a failure or that something is wrong with them. Pursuing partners may try to help by jumping in to reassure but this would be like diving into the shallow end of a pool. Staying in the deep but being there together is where the change happens. Let us know what notes you take from today's show and as always keep it hot y'all!

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When we’re in distress as a couple, it’s hard to see that our partners protective moves - either criticism or withdrawal - are really ways that they are covering their deeper hurt, pain and vulnerability. But in order not to be lost to each other, first, we need to recognize that we are in a cycle where our partner triggers us and we trigger our partner… over and over. Secondly, we have to allow enough space for our partner to express themselves without expressing our pain at the same time. We have to let them go first. Third, we have to get curious about the deeper meaning of their protective moves. Do they go away because they feel like they’ll never measure up? Do they harp on relational issues because ironically, they want us to have a better relationship?

Join George and Laurie today as they work through not just one, but two role plays in both the emotional and s*xual cycle and share with listeners what lies below the surface. To be successful here, listeners are reminded to have an understanding of the moves of their negative cycle and how each partner contributes. This way we can slow down, practice patience and have empathy for one another's vulnerabilities. Learning this process helps lovers meet one another in places where they previously left each other. Interested in working with an EFT couples therapist? Visit www.iceeft.com and head over to our IG @foreplay_sextherapypodcast. Let us know what you want to hear from us next. Keep it hot y'all!

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Today we're talking between the sheets or rather how to break the silence between the sheets. We always say that if you can talk about sex then you can have great sex. But what happens when you don't know what to talk about? Join our hosts today as they bring up how to start a sexy conversation and what to share with your intimate partner. Conversation might start with ideas about romance, foreplay, turn ons and lead to fantasies and more! The art of having these chats enhances your intimate world and deepens the bond that couples share. If you find yourself stuck in a sex rut, this episode can help you break out of the mundane and explore a more playful, fun side of sex with your honey. Keep it hot y'all!

Check out our fantastic sponsors (and help support Foreplay!):

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In last week's episode we discussed the purpose of the protected moves. On today's show we are going deeper to the "ouch," the pain, the vulnerability that lies below that protection. George and Laurie invite listeners today to explore the pain that we can all feel when we experience rejection, shame or worthlessness in an interaction with our partner. They acknowledge that this is a HEAVY topic but an important one if we want to understand our moves in the cycle, ourselves and our partners on a deeper level. You may want to avoid these conversations but this is where we need conversation the most. Grab your pencil and take notes during the school of love lesson. Believe it or not, understanding the ouch can lead to a bigger, better O! 

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Do you ever wonder why you get angry in a fight? Have you been unsure why conflict makes you want to run? Join George and Laurie in today's episode to learn the purpose of your protective move, the healthy function it is trying to achieve and the impact it has on you and your partner. These moves, often seen as fight or flight are there to keep us safe and in some way to protect the relationship. However, this is where a negative cycle forms as each partner's protective move triggers a move in their partner and round and round we go. If you have been caught in this cycle you know just how exhausting it can be and probably have thought if we could just talk about it now, or if we could just take some space it would be SO MUCH BETTER! Learn with us today in this episode all about protective moves and how you can slow down and begin developing new moves, ones that can keep you connected with your partner. Get connected and keep it hot y'all!

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