Sex and Psychology Podcast

Most of us spend years learning about sex before we ever have it. We absorb messages from our families, friends, schools, pornography, and popular culture about what sex is supposed to look like and how we're supposed to behave. But what if some of those lessons are actually setting us up for disappointment? What if the way we're taught about sex is making it harder to have healthy, pleasurable, and satisfying relationships?

My guest is Shafia Zaloom, a health educator, consultant, and author whose work centers on human development, community building, ethics and social justice. She is the author of Sex, Teens, and Everything in Between as well as the new book Getting Real About Sex Ed: What Today’s Students Need.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• How do the messages we receive about sex growing up shape our sexual relationships as adults?
• What are some of the most influential lessons about sex we learn outside the classroom?
• What unrealistic expectations can pornography create about sex?
• How can we unlearn harmful sexual messages and develop healthier expectations?

You can check our Shafia's website to learn more about what she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

A lot of men feel pressure to perform in the bedroom. They worry about getting and maintaining erections, lasting long enough, and satisfying their partners. But these concerns can sometimes get in the way of the very thing they're trying to achieve, which is a pleasurable and satisfying sex life. So what does it actually mean to be good at sex? In this episode, we're going to explore practical, science-based strategies for maintaining an active and satisfying sex life as you age.

I am joined once again by Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and sexual health expert whose educational videos have received over half a billion views. She is author of the new book, The Hard Truth, which answers the questions men are often too embarrassed to ask in the doctor’s office when it comes to improving their health and sex lives.  

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What are the most common causes of erectile difficulties at different ages?
• What are the most effective treatment options for men who are struggling with ED?
• What can you do if you feel like you don't last long enough in bed?
• How can a man tell whether he has low testosterone?
• How can men maintain and improve sexual functioning as they get older?

You can check out Rena's Linktree to find out more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beducate.me/lehmiller

For a limited time, get 20% off your entire order at loveunlimited.com/justin with code JUSTIN. 90 day love it guarantee on every order.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When we talk about men's sexual health, the conversation often revolves around things like erections, testosterone, and sexual performance. But there's so much more to sexual health than what happens in the bedroom. In this episode, we're going to explore the science of men's sexual health and the essential habits that can help support a healthier, more satisfying sex life.

My guest is Dr. Rena Malik, a board-certified urologist, pelvic surgeon, and sexual health expert whose educational videos have received over half a billion views. She is author of the new book, The Hard Truth, which answers the questions men are often too embarrassed to ask in the doctor’s office when it comes to improving their health and sex lives.  

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• How does diet affect men's sexual health?
• How much exercise do men need to optimize their sexual health?
• What role does the pelvic floor play in male sexual function?
• Can endocrine disruptors negatively affect men's sexual health?
• Are masturbation and pornography actually harmful to men's sexual health?

You can check out Rena's Linktree to find out more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

For a limited time, get 20% off your entire order at loveunlimited.com/justin with code JUSTIN. 90 day love it guarantee on every order.

The Kinsey Institute is where the world turns to understand sex and relationships. You can help continue its expert-led research by donating to the Kinsey Institute Research Fund. Learn more and make a donation here: https://give.myiu.org/centers-institutes/I380010749.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When couples open their relationships, one of the first things they often do is establish a set of rules. But do those rules actually make non-monogamous relationships healthier and more secure? Or can they create more problems than they solve? In this episode, we’ll explore why polyamorous people create relationship rules, when those rules can become restrictive or controlling, and whether they’re even necessary in the first place.

I am joined once again by Eve Rickert, the co-author of The New More Than Two: A Philosophical Reimagining of the Classic Nonmonogamy Guide. She is also author of Nonmonogamy and Betrayal, curator of the More Than Two Essentials series, the founder and publisher of Thornapple Press, and the mastermind behind the science communications firm Talk Science to Me.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What's the difference between relationship rules, agreements, and boundaries?
• What are the most common rules in non-monogamous relationships?
• How do "don't ask, don't tell" arrangements work in practice?
• What is a “one-penis policy,” and why can it be problematic?
• When can relationship rules actually be helpful?

You can check out Eve's Linktree to learn about everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Load Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Attached Therapy offers personalized therapy for individuals and couples navigating infidelity, sexual disconnection, relationship strain, and other complex intimacy concerns. Founder Jason Powell, LMFT and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, offers in-person sessions in Manhattan and Brooklyn Heights, as well as virtual therapy in multiple states. Learn more at https://www.attachedtherapy.com/

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Polyamory is sometimes described as a more “evolved” approach to relationships, built around radical honesty, open communication, and personal autonomy. This can create the impression that polyamorous relationships are somehow immune to the problems that plague other relationships. But the reality is that non-monogamous relationships can become unhealthy, toxic, and even abusive, just like any other relationship. And that's what we're exploring in today's episode.

My guest is Eve Rickert, the co-author of The New More Than Two: A Philosophical Reimagining of the Classic Nonmonogamy Guide. She is also author of Nonmonogamy and Betrayal, curator of the More Than Two Essentials series, the founder and publisher of Thornapple Press, and the mastermind behind the science communications firm Talk Science to Me.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Does abuse look different in consensually non-monogamous relationships compared to monogamous ones?
• What's the difference between coercive control and toxic behavior?
• Can having multiple partners make it harder to recognize abuse?
• What are the warning signs that a relationship has become more harmful than healthy?
• What resources are available for people experiencing abuse in a non-monogamous relationship?

You can check out Eve's Linktree to learn about everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Load Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Disclosing a fetish to a partner can feel incredibly vulnerable. You might worry about being judged, rejected, or misunderstood. But keeping your desires hidden can create challenges, too. So when and how should you bring up a fetish? And what happens if your partner doesn't share your interests? In this episode, we’ll explore how to navigate fetish disclosure, respond when a partner opens up to you, and manage differences in sexual desires.

I am joined once again by Niki Davis-Fainbloom, a New York- and New Orleans-based sex educator, writer, researcher, and coach. She has facilitated hundreds of sexuality education workshops, and her writing has been featured in several major media outlets. She is the author of the new book Fetish: Smash Taboos and Celebrate What Turns You On.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why is self-acceptance important before disclosing a fetish to a partner?
• Is there a right time to disclose a fetish?
• How should you respond when a partner reveals a fetish that surprises you?
• Should you ever participate in a partner’s fetish if it doesn’t personally turn you on?
• How can partners find creative compromises when their desires don’t align?

You can check out Niki's website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

For a limited time, get 20% off your entire order at loveunlimited.com/justin with code JUSTIN. 90 day love it guarantee on every order.

Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code JUSTIN at https://www.oneskin.co/justin

Attached Therapy offers personalized therapy for individuals and couples navigating infidelity, sexual disconnection, relationship strain, and other complex intimacy concerns. Founder Jason Powell, LMFT and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, offers in-person sessions in Manhattan and Brooklyn Heights, as well as virtual therapy in multiple states. Learn more at https://www.attachedtherapy.com/

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why are some people sexually aroused by things like balloons, orthopedic casts, or even sneezing—things that most people don’t see as sexual at all? Fetishes can develop around an astonishing range of objects, body parts, and sensations. In this episode, we’re going to explore the psychology behind fetishes. We’ll talk about what it actually means to have a fetish, clear up some common misconceptions, and look at different theories for how fetishes develop.

My guest is Niki Davis-Fainbloom, a New York- and New Orleans-based sex educator, writer, researcher, and coach. She has facilitated hundreds of sexuality education workshops, and her writing has been featured in several major media outlets. She is the author of the new book Fetish: Smash Taboos and Celebrate What Turns You On.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What's the difference between a kink and a fetish?
• Are fetishes exclusive requirements for arousal, or can they simply be enhancers?
• What does research tell us about where fetishes come from?
• How can things like media, porn, and culture influence the types of fetishes people develop?
• Is it possible to change or get rid of a fetish you don't want?

You can check out Niki's website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code JUSTIN at https://www.oneskin.co/justin

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

For a limited time, get 20% off your entire order at loveunlimited.com/justin with code JUSTIN. 90 day love it guarantee on every order.

The Kinsey Institute is where the world turns to understand sex and relationships. You can help continue its expert-led research by donating to the Kinsey Institute Research Fund. Learn more and make a donation here: https://give.myiu.org/centers-institutes/I380010749.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What happens after an intense sexual experience can be just as important as what happens during it. In the kink world, this is where “aftercare” comes in. But aftercare is about much more than cuddling, and it isn’t just for submissive partners. In this episode, we’ll explore what good aftercare looks like, how it can make kink even hotter, and how everyone can benefit from it whether they're kinky or not.

I am joined once again by Midori, an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, and author with over 30 years of experience in the field. She is the founder of Rope Dojo, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, which was the first English-language book on Shibari. She is also author of Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why is aftercare important in kink?
• What does aftercare look like in practice?
• How can you identify your own and your partner’s aftercare needs?
• How might aftercare differ for dominant and submissive partners?

You can visit Midori's Linktree to check out everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Soaking Wet. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.I

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Talking during sex can be incredibly hot. But for a lot of people, it can also feel awkward, intimidating, or embarrassing. The good news is that sexy talk is a skill you can learn, and it’s about much more than just working up the nerve to say explicit words. In fact, what you say may matter less than how you say it. In this episode, we’re going to explore how to find your own authentic sexy talk style, move past inhibitions, use your voice to build arousal and anticipation, and make conversations about desire feel sexy.

My guest is Midori, an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, and author with over 30 years of experience in the field. She is the founder of Rope Dojo, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, which was the first English-language book on Shibari. She is also author of Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What’s the difference between “sexy talk” and “dirty talk?”
• What holds people back from finding their sexy talk voice?
• How can you find an erotic persona that feels authentic?
• How can pacing and tone make ordinary words sound sexy?
• How can you practice and get better at sexy talk on your own?

You can visit Midori's Linktree to check out everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Soaking Wet. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For some people, relationships can bring a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. They might question whether their partner really loves them, become highly sensitive to signs of rejection or distance, or constantly seek reassurance. But where does this anxiety come from, and what can we do about it? In this episode, we’re exploring why some people are especially sensitive to disconnection, how anxiety shapes communication and conflict, and how to feel more secure in your relationships.

I am joined once again by Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. She created the professional training program Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe) and is the author of the book The Power of Attachment, as well as the new book The Attachment Workbook: Practical Exercises to Understand Your Patterns, Strengthen Connection, and Build Secure Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• How does anxious attachment develop?
• How can anxious partners express their needs in healthy ways?
• What are the relationship strengths of anxious attachment?
• What’s a quick, hands-on exercise for calming anxiety?
• What does secure attachment look like for someone with anxious tendencies?

You can check out Diane's website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @traumaattachmenttraining.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest (photo credit Amy K. Wright).