Sex and Psychology Podcast

Why are some people sexually aroused by things like balloons, orthopedic casts, or even sneezing—things that most people don’t see as sexual at all? Fetishes can develop around an astonishing range of objects, body parts, and sensations. In this episode, we’re going to explore the psychology behind fetishes. We’ll talk about what it actually means to have a fetish, clear up some common misconceptions, and look at different theories for how fetishes develop.

My guest is Niki Davis-Fainbloom, a New York- and New Orleans-based sex educator, writer, researcher, and coach. She has facilitated hundreds of sexuality education workshops, and her writing has been featured in several major media outlets. She is the author of the new book Fetish: Smash Taboos and Celebrate What Turns You On.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What's the difference between a kink and a fetish?
• Are fetishes exclusive requirements for arousal, or can they simply be enhancers?
• What does research tell us about where fetishes come from?
• How can things like media, porn, and culture influence the types of fetishes people develop?
• Is it possible to change or get rid of a fetish you don't want?

You can check out Niki's website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code JUSTIN at https://www.oneskin.co/justin

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

For a limited time, get 20% off your entire order at loveunlimited.com/justin with code JUSTIN. 90 day love it guarantee on every order.

The Kinsey Institute is where the world turns to understand sex and relationships. You can help continue its expert-led research by donating to the Kinsey Institute Research Fund. Learn more and make a donation here: https://give.myiu.org/centers-institutes/I380010749.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

What happens after an intense sexual experience can be just as important as what happens during it. In the kink world, this is where “aftercare” comes in. But aftercare is about much more than cuddling, and it isn’t just for submissive partners. In this episode, we’ll explore what good aftercare looks like, how it can make kink even hotter, and how everyone can benefit from it whether they're kinky or not.

I am joined once again by Midori, an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, and author with over 30 years of experience in the field. She is the founder of Rope Dojo, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, which was the first English-language book on Shibari. She is also author of Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why is aftercare important in kink?
• What does aftercare look like in practice?
• How can you identify your own and your partner’s aftercare needs?
• How might aftercare differ for dominant and submissive partners?

You can visit Midori's Linktree to check out everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Soaking Wet. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.I

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Talking during sex can be incredibly hot. But for a lot of people, it can also feel awkward, intimidating, or embarrassing. The good news is that sexy talk is a skill you can learn, and it’s about much more than just working up the nerve to say explicit words. In fact, what you say may matter less than how you say it. In this episode, we’re going to explore how to find your own authentic sexy talk style, move past inhibitions, use your voice to build arousal and anticipation, and make conversations about desire feel sexy.

My guest is Midori, an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, and author with over 30 years of experience in the field. She is the founder of Rope Dojo, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, which was the first English-language book on Shibari. She is also author of Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What’s the difference between “sexy talk” and “dirty talk?”
• What holds people back from finding their sexy talk voice?
• How can you find an erotic persona that feels authentic?
• How can pacing and tone make ordinary words sound sexy?
• How can you practice and get better at sexy talk on your own?

You can visit Midori's Linktree to check out everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Soaking Wet. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For some people, relationships can bring a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. They might question whether their partner really loves them, become highly sensitive to signs of rejection or distance, or constantly seek reassurance. But where does this anxiety come from, and what can we do about it? In this episode, we’re exploring why some people are especially sensitive to disconnection, how anxiety shapes communication and conflict, and how to feel more secure in your relationships.

I am joined once again by Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. She created the professional training program Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe) and is the author of the book The Power of Attachment, as well as the new book The Attachment Workbook: Practical Exercises to Understand Your Patterns, Strengthen Connection, and Build Secure Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• How does anxious attachment develop?
• How can anxious partners express their needs in healthy ways?
• What are the relationship strengths of anxious attachment?
• What’s a quick, hands-on exercise for calming anxiety?
• What does secure attachment look like for someone with anxious tendencies?

You can check out Diane's website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @traumaattachmenttraining.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re ready to make passion a priority, see what Arya can do for you. Right now, Arya is offering our listeners $10 off your first month at getarya.com/JUSTIN. This offer is only for our podcast listeners so use my link to get this discount.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest (photo credit Amy K. Wright).

When relationships start to feel too close, some people instinctively pull away. They might shut down emotionally, avoid difficult conversations, crave more space, or convince themselves they’re better off on their own. But where does this tendency come from, and what is it protecting us from? In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive into attachment avoidance. We’ll explore why some people become uncomfortable with closeness, the subtle ways avoidance can show up, and more.

My guest is Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. She created the professional training program Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe) and is the author of the book The Power of Attachment, as well as the new book The Attachment Workbook: Practical Exercises to Understand Your Patterns, Strengthen Connection, and Build Secure Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why do avoidant attachment patterns develop?
• What happens when intimacy starts to feel overwhelming?
• How can avoidant individuals become more comfortable with closeness?
• What are some of the strengths associated with avoidant attachment?
• How can you build a deeper connection with an avoidant partner?

You can check out Diane's website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @traumaattachmenttraining.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Attached Therapy offers personalized therapy for individuals and couples navigating infidelity, sexual disconnection, relationship strain, and other complex intimacy concerns. Founder Jason Powell, LMFT and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, offers in-person sessions in Manhattan and Brooklyn Heights, as well as virtual therapy in multiple states. Learn more at https://www.attachedtherapy.com/

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest (photo credit Amy K. Wright).

What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we're revisiting an important conversation from the archives that dives into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem and explore a few tips for maintaining happy, healthy, and exciting sex lives for the long haul.

My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. She holds a Master’s of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Family Institute at Northwestern University, a PhD in Clinical Sexology, and certificates in sex therapy and sexuality education from the University of Michigan. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.

Some of the questions we answer include:

• What if I can’t orgasm during sex?
• What if my partner wants more sex than I do?
• How do I ask my partner to try something new?
• We’re having less sex than we used to. Is something wrong?
• Are my sexual fantasies normal?

You can check out Rachel's website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @rachelzartherapy.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Your brain really is your biggest sex organ. And if you want to have more (and better) sex, getting into the right headspace can make all the difference. The problem is that many of us have a hard time getting there. So how can we quiet the mental noise and become more present during sex? In this episode, we’re revisiting a classic episode from the archives on how changing your mindset can change your sex life for the better.

My guest is Dr. Kelly Casperson, a urologist, sex educator, author, and podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her podcast. Kelly is also author of the books You Are Not Broken and The Menopause Moment: Mindset, Hormones, and Science for Optimal Longevity.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why mindset matters so much when it comes to sex.
• Where to start if you want to change your sexual mindset.
• How your motivations for having sex can shape the experience.
• Why there’s no better time to start making changes than now.
• How to identify your sexual “accelerators” and “brakes.”

You can check out Kelly's website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

We often assume that people in the past were far more sexually conservative than we are today, and that things like sex toys, pornography, and masturbation are largely modern phenomena. But when you dig into the history of sex, you quickly discover that human beings have been remarkably creative in their pursuit of pleasure for a very long time. In this episode, we’re going to explore some of the strangest and most surprising chapters in the history of sex.

I am joined once again by Dr. Kate Lister, a historian specializing in the history of sex and sexuality. She is host of the award-winning History Hit podcast Betwixt the Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society. Kate is also author of A Curious History of Sex, Harlots, Whores & Hackabouts: A History of Sex for Sale, and the new book, FLICK: The Story of Female Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Is is true that people were more sexually conservative in the past than we are now?
• What are some "modern" sexual behaviors that have deep historical roots?
• How long have humans been using sex toys?
• What are some things we think we know about sex that aren't entirely true?

You can check out Kate's website to explore more of her work and follow her on social media @drkatelister.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beduc.at/pd2638-lehmiller

If you’re 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order with IndaCloud with code JUSTIN at https://indacloud.co #indacloudpod

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Shows like Bridgerton invite us to imagine the past as a time of elaborate courtship, forbidden desire, and passionate romance. But was the past really as sexy as we like to think it was? In today’s show, we’re going to separate fact from fantasy when it comes to sex in the Bridgerton era and discuss what dating, courtship, marriage, and sexual relationships actually looked like at the time.

My guest is Dr. Kate Lister, a historian specializing in the history of sex and sexuality. She is host of the award-winning History Hit podcast Betwixt the Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society. Kate is also author of A Curious History of Sex, Harlots, Whores & Hackabouts: A History of Sex for Sale, and the new book, FLICK: The Story of Female Pleasure.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• How different was the sexual reality of the Bridgerton era from the fantasy we've created around it?
• What was sex actually like back then, and what were the risks?
• Why do we have a tendency to romanticize the past? Does this say something about what's missing from modern dating?

You can check out Kate's website to explore more of her work and follow her on social media @drkatelister.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you’re 21 or older, get 30% OFF your first order with IndaCloud with code JUSTIN at https://indacloud.co #indacloudpod

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

For many neurodivergent people, BDSM offers something conventional sexual practices often don’t, including clear communication, explicit expectations, structure, and the freedom to tailor experiences to their own needs. In this episode, we’re going to explore why people with ADHD, autism, and other forms of neurodivergence are often drawn to kink, as well as tips on making sex work with your brain instead of against it.

I am joined once again by Rebecca Blanton (AKA Auntie Vice,) a writer and kink educator. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She is also author of the forthcoming book, Kinky & Curious: Navigating BDSM with Mental Illness or Neurodivergence.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What does it mean to be neurodivergent?
• Why might kink appeal to autistic people?
• How can ADHD shape what someone enjoys about kink?
• How can neurodivergent people communicate their kink needs?
• What happens when partners have conflicting kink needs?

You can check our Rebecca's website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

Born from over 10 years of longevity research, OneSkin is helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code JUSTIN at https://www.oneskin.co/justin

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Load Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.