Worldwide, 150 million women get urinary tract infections (UTIs) yearly, and 30-44% of them get recurrent UTIs (defined as 2+ infections in 6 months, or 3+ in a year.)

I was one of those women.

UTIs are so prevalent that they are the second-most common reason for antibiotic prescriptions on the planet. And in case you've never had one, rest assured that UTIs are painful, disruptive, and deeply anxiety-producing.

They are also, 90% of the time, contracted due to sexual intercourse.

UTIs are a sex problem, which often also makes them a relationship problem. If you, as a man, has had a woman partner who was stressed about having sex out of fear of getting a UTI; a friend with serious health issues due to her gut biome being decimated by antibiotics; or a sex partner who was in tears, in despair at getting yet another one, you're far from alone.

Fortunately, you be a hero to all the women in your lives by spreading the word about a solution:

Good Kitty has an extremely effective prevention method. Their doctor-developed, urologist-approved formula supports good bacteria, neutralizes the bad when it matters (i.e. right after sex), and impacts the bacteria in the gut that cause UTIs, thus helping to prevent recurrence.

This interview with Meghan Blake, CEO and co-founder of Good Kitty, is both entertaining sobering, enlightening, and uplifting. Also, I drop a few F-bombs, so that's always fun. ;)

Real talk: Reliable UTI prevention is life-changing for both her sex life, and yours.

Work with us

If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. www.evolutionary.men/apply

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Good Kitty Co.: https://goodkittyco.com/ (use code DEARMEN20 for 20% off)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Every time we had sex, this was the outcome."
• “I was desperate. It was like, 'This cannot be happening to me again.'”
• “These can be really serious infections if they’re not treated.”
• “I wanted to have someone to blame.”
• “I know it’s him!”
• “Guys are really wanting to help, and do whatever they can to care.”
• “This is getting in the way of our sex lives, and our sex lives are the source of a lot of our joy and connection.”
• “I don’t want to become a celibate person because of UTIs.”
• “It has made my heart burst open.”

“I knew it was something I wanted to be in because I thought it’d get me chicks.”

So begins Jason in describing his journey around learning to be "in his masculine" and "in his feminine." These are terms related to polarity that get thrown around a lot, and we wanted to break down what we're referring to in more depth.

What does it mean to be dominating versus assertive? Is it ever helpful to be passive? How does healthy polarity impact a marriage -- and especially one's sex life? Can you re-polarize a love relationship that feels "off" or isn't working in some way (sexually or otherwise)? Where does being in the masculine intersect with trust?

Listen to find out.

Come to the Retreat!

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've got 3 slots left. We'll be in NorCal this Labor Day weekend, Aug 28th - Sept 1st, 2025. To sign up or learn more, go here. www.evolutionary.men/retreat

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I like to think I’m super ‘in my masculine’ but a lot of times I’m just in my head.”
• “I was waiting, which meant she was being put in the lead.”
• “The friction points in my marriage are when she has to track something (and doesn’t feel like I’m tracking it).”
• “A lot of us Nice Guys shy away from this because we don’t want to be dominating.”
• “I have to read her body, but I also have to direct.”
• “This is masterful; I’m just going to let go completely for the ride.”
• “The willingness to get it wrong is part of what makes it meaningful.”
• “Good leadership always involves listening.”
• “I literally just needed to do the thing I wanted to do.”

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• DM episode 181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down.
• DM episode 103: Reverse polarity can kill your sex life as a couple -- unless you do this.
• DM episode 277: Want to maximize polarity? Learn to do this well.

How connected do you feel to your heart? How about to your cock?

One of the advantages we have as coaches for men is that we seen the patterns that frequently show up for different men. We've noted three specific archetypes in our work and here, we go over them. (If you've ever heard me reference the heart/cock matrix, that's part of this episode.)

Why does this matter? In large part because most women I know who are attracted to men (myself included) have a deep yearning to relate romantically with men who embody one specific archetype that we discuss here. We cover all three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the one that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being.

(And while the themes in this episode are framed in a heterosexual/straight dating and relationship context, I believe there's a universal human longing involved here.)

Come to the Retreat!

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. As of this episode dropping, we've got 4 slots left. We'll be in Northern California this Labor Day weekend, Aug 28th - Sept 1st, 2025. To sign up or learn more, go here. www.evolutionary.men/retreat

Work with us

If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, we'd love to work with you. To see if there's a fit, book a call here. www.evolutionary.men/apply

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "A lot of men were raised by a dad who they didn't want to be like."
• "For the basic bro, there's a lot of 'go' energy -- a lot of action-taking; and a lot of 'I' energy (rather than 'we' energy)."
• "These kinds of men will get laid, but they won't get her to commit to them."
• "If he hasn't gone to those depths within himself, I don't trust him to hold my depths as a woman."
• "Nice Guys -- one of their superpowers is helping people to feel safe."
• "Growing up, these guys are learning to prioritize others rather than themselves."
• "'I was waiting for her to give me a sign that it was OK to kiss her.'"
• "It's allowing yourself to be seen when you don't have it all together."
• "For these men, it feels like, 'I'm giving and giving and giving, and never getting.'"
• "He re-polarized his relationship, and it changed everything."
• "Nice Guys will often end up in a relationship because the woman took the initiative."
• "Who were you raised by?"
• "What does it mean to love myself and grow?"
• "Around anger I had thoughts like, 'Why bother? It won't do anything anyway.'"
• "It's the ability to go to wherever we need to go in any given moment."

A whole bunch of our clients have related with either parents or partners with BPD (or BPD traits). Here we go into even more depth around the origins of BPD, and what you can do as a partner if this is something you're contending with. We answer questions like:

• When you “cross” someone with BPD, they often want to punish you / make you suffer. Why?
• Why are folks with BPD traits so sensitive to rejection?
• Does BPD show up differently in women vs. men? We often hear about BPD women — why is that? 
• What do you do if you've noticed that your partner has BPD traits?
• How do you know when it's time to leave the relationship vs. stay and work on it?

---

Come to the retreat!

It's August 8th - September 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours north of San Francisco). We work hard to keep it financially accessible, and payment plans are available.

As one man put it in this episode, “If you’re thinking about going, you’re already there.”

https://evolutionary.men/retreat/

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men episode 354: What it's like treating BPD (pt. 1)
• Setareh Vatan's Psychology Today profile
• Book: Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
• Book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “Love alone doesn’t fix unaddressed wounds.”
• “When the inner experience feels unbearable, sometimes acting out anger feels like the only way to bridge the gap.”
• “‘I’m in pain; don’t leave me; come back.’”
• “Your partner is more than their defenses. That said, loving someone with BPD traits can be intense.”
• “Boundaries are not abandonment.”
• “‘I can see this feels really scary for you.’”
• “There’s usually a younger part asking, ‘Do I matter to you?’”
• “‘You matter to me. I’m not leaving you. I care when these things get hard.’”
• “This can erode your sense of self over time.”
• “I understand you feel abandoned when you don’t hear from me right away. I wasn’t ignoring you; I was in a meeting.”
• “Compassion for the person with BPD doesn’t mean excusing harm.”
• “BPD reflects unmet emotional needs and trauma.”
• “I’m the adult here that’s going to create that safety.”
• “I thought you were saying that I’m damaged, un-fixable, or broken.”
• “Underneath intensity is usually someone who longs for stability and connection.”
• “You can’t love someone’s pain away, but your steadiness, boundaries and compassion can make a difference.”
• “A healthy relationship requires BOTH people’s willingness to grow.”
• “I believe it’s possible for anyone to heal.”

If you've ever been scared of approaching a woman because you might make her uncomfortable; frightened about what a woman might ask of you; or worried about "getting in trouble" with your women partner, I have news for you: You're a normal man.

That said, there are also some underlying patterns that may need addressing, particularly if this is a recurring pattern that's preventing you from even getting started dating, or holding you back from what you really want: A loving, healthy, life-expanding romantic partnership.

Here we delve into the most common ways we've seen men be afraid of women -- and what to do about it.

---

Come to the retreat!

It's August 8th - September 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours north of SF). We work hard to keep it financially accessible, and payment plans are available.

If you're looking for an emotional/psychological breakthrough, and/or if you want to build loving and healthy male community, and/or if you just feel called to attend for a reason you can't quite identify, join us! As one man put it in this episode, “If you’re thinking about going, you’re already there.”

https://evolutionary.men/retreat/

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “Girls were different creatures that I didn’t understand.”
• “If I put myself out there, what if she doesn’t like me?”
• “For Nice Guys, our self-worth is tied up her opinion of me.”
• “Someone would touch me and I would startle, like my body was braced.”
• “I get a sense that something is happening but I don’t know how to talk about it.”
• “Am I now blowing it because I should be touching her right now, but I’m not?”
• “Connection in and of itself is soothing.”
• 00:34:05 Melanie Curtin: “My family didn’t know how to soothe. I had to learn how to self-soothe.”
• “It’s hard for us to relax as young boys if mom is wound up all the time.”
• “All I do is hear mom talk about how awful dad and men are.”
• “There’s a way you need to be in order to receive love.”
• “I have to rescue my mom.”
• “If we’re in fear of her (or her state), it’s hard for her to trust us.”

“Every one of us walking onto that property was nervous.”

So says one man on this episode, describing his experiencing attending his first in-person men's retreat.

If you've ever felt intimidated or unsure about doing in-person work with other men, you're far from alone. In the words of one man on this panel, “There’s a shared understanding of the brutality between men.”

But it doesn't have to stay that way. There can be a kind and loving experience of brotherhood.

---

Come to the retreat!

It's August 8th - September 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours north of San Francisco). We work hard to keep it financially accessible, and payment plans are available.

As one man put it in this episode, “If you’re thinking about going, you’re already there.”

https://evolutionary.men/retreat/

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I never felt like other boys.”
• "I wanted to be vulnerable and open, but I didn’t know how, and I wasn’t sure I could.”
• “I was nervous as hell.”
• “We lived on cheesy jokes and greasy burgers.”
• “I was deathly afraid to become a terrible father.”
• “I cried tears of joy for the first time in my life.”
• “I realized — through all the work I’ve been doing, therapy, self-reflection, etc. — how much love I have for myself (finally).”
• “I went into a panic because I’m having flashbacks of summer camp.”
• “If we’re gonna talk about this trauma, we might as well do it in the hot tub!”
• “There was racism even within my own church.”
• “When I was a boy, there was never any spiritual or deep, emotional holding by men in my life.”
• “Part of going to the retreat was to build my nervous system into more resilience.”
• “We’re going to be there no matter what.”
• “I can accept other men’s unconditional love, and it helped me know how to provide unconditional love to other men.”
• “I used to use my intellect to defend myself or talk my way out of things.”
• “I came into the first retreat a very tough nut to crack.”
• “There’s now a level of connection now with my wife that I can’t even describe.”
• “The dynamic within my whole family has changed.”
• “There is hope with change.”
• “You’ll make friends.”
• “Come for the food; stay for the healing.”
• “You WILL experience a transformation.”
• “This is where you get your master’s degree in men’s work.”
• “Just get there.”

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, or like you knew something was off but didn't know what to do about it? Maybe you've had a vague awareness that you're somehow suffering (and so is she), but again, you didn't know how to even start to go about addressing it.

A lot of people know the term "codependence" but aren't clear on what it actually means in a concrete way, or what to do about it if it does fit. For example, how do you know if you're codependent or your spouse is? Can one person "be" codependent while the other is not?

Here we go right into what codependent dynamics are, and aren't -- and how to grow into independence and ultimately interdependence.

In Jason's words of his own experience: "It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried." And, "That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me."

If your love relationships have always confusing, unfulfilling, or just not quite right -- or if you've often felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she wasn't able to take care of herself), this will likely be helpful to you.

The men we work long for MORE, and I also want to say direct: That's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode: 

• “As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”
• “There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.”
• “We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”
• “While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”

Did you have healthy boundaries modeled for you when you were growing up? Do you feel like you know how to set healthy boundaries with your folks?

If not, then some of these things may apply:

• You felt like (or continue to feel like) you need to take care of your mom or dad
• You don't really feel free to live your life as you'd like because you know this might "hurt" one or both of your parents
• While growing up and/or when you're home these days, you have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset them
• You feel that their emotional wellbeing is somehow your responsibility (As one man on the panel put it, "As long as I please them, they won’t be emotionally unstable.)
• You've heard terms like 'enmeshment' or 'emotional neglect' and thought, "Hmmm, that might apply to me."
• You just have an intuitive sense that you need to set some boundaries with one or both of your parents.

---

In this panel discussion, four men share their raw, authentic and vulnerable truths around boundaries they've needed to set with their mothers, fathers, or both. We also hit on some highlights around Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), since many emotionally immature parents have BPD patterns.

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “The real hammer came down when my mom figured it out.”
• “I just remember the house being filled with almost like an emotional toxic gas.”
• “She said, ‘You’re gonna tell me NO?’ — and I’m 32 years old and trembling.”
• “I was at the mercy of conditional love.”
• “I needed to claim my sense of self.”
• “Before I got sober, I couldn’t even conceptualize what boundaries were.”
• “I don’t have a mother; I have a 60-year-old child.”
• “My role was: ‘I am responsible for healing my mom’s depression and sadness.’”
• “The two most important women in my life — my mother and my partner — are now at odds with each other.”
• “So I told my parents: 'The next time we have a conversation about my relationship with my woman, she will be there in the room with us.'”
• “I have true confidence now. I know what I need, and this is what I need from you.”
• “No one has the remote control to my emotions; they get the manual.”
• “I started to realize how much my autonomy was impacted, disrupted, and denied.”
• “When I set that boundary with my parents, my partner was just thrilled, and proud and happy.”
• “It was like no matter what I did, she was always going to be right... there was no space for me to exist.”
• “There is no capacity for this person to see where she has hurt others.”
• “As I pulled back more and more, the neediness ramped up and up and up.”
• “Mom, I’m sorry — I can’t have a relationship with you right now.”
• “There’s a part of me that just wanted to be the ‘good boy.’”
• “I’ve been no contact with my mom for six years, and honestly it’s been a relief.”
• “I started to come to myself from a place of compassion rather than from a place of shame.”
• “I really did make every effort possible for us to have a healthy relationship.”
• “If you’re feeling stuck, that’s the perfect time to reach out for help.”
• “You are not alone.”

---

Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men 354: What's it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder?
• Dear Men 345: The 4 male 'types' that partner with women with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• Dear Men 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

When Jason was in his mid-20s, he was stuck. He numbed out with porn much of the time, had never had sex, and struggled with dating and love relationship.

Even outside of dating, it felt like something was missing in his life ... like he just wasn't completely alive. He knew he wanted something different, but didn't know how to get there.

Then he attended one of his first personal growth events -- a men's workshop. When the attention was place on him, within twenty minutes a mentor had him on the floor (in a good way).

He got to a place during that workshop that he hadn't gotten to in three full years of talk therapy. It was transformative, uplifting, and revolutionary to his nervous system. He released energy that had been stuck within him for decades. In a way, it set him up for the life he actually wanted to lead.

If you've ever wanted MORE, you're not alone. You don't have to stay stuck. You can have the breakthrough you've been waiting for.

---

Work with us!

Want to go deeper than the podcast? We're ready to work with you! To see if there's a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. https://evolutionary.men/apply/

---

Come to the retreat!

This year it's Thurs Aug 28th through Mon Sept 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours from SF). For more info, go to evolutionary.men/retreat. We'd love to see you there.

Have you got a history of partnering with women who are physically or emotionally unstable? Maybe they've got an insecure living situation (or chaotic/dangerous ex-partner). Perhaps they're financially challenged, or they've got serious issues with depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.

You may even have been with a partner who became so emotionally dependent on you that you became concerned that if you weren't there, she'd be in serious trouble -- might even hurt or kill herself. As Jason puts it, "If I remove myself from the situation, I don’t know how my partner would survive."

This episode is actually not about those women! ;) This episode is about the other side -- you.

If you've wondered why you've repeated this pattern of attracting "projects," you've come to the right place. Here we break down what goes into the pattern of attracting women you feel you need to "save" or "rescue." We talk about the vulnerability involved in dating healthier women, as well as the immense payoff -- and how to get there.

This episode will also resonate if you've ever felt burdened or resentful in your relationship -- like you're doing way more than your partner, and putting in more than you're getting back. We talk about the pain of feeling used ... and what to do about it.

---

Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “There’s a type of security, safety, and polarity that comes from being the hero.”
• “If I’m doing stuff for you and you appreciate that, I get to feel good about myself.”
• “Just because you need some kind of help doesn’t mean I have to rescue you.”
• “When we overextend, we attract partners who don’t have a sense of boundaries.”
• “I know and trust she can handle herself.”
• “We are co-creating together, rather than one of us pulling the cart the whole time.”
•  “When we’re not getting energy back as men, resentment builds like crazy.”
• “If I’m not winning, are you still going to love me?”
• “Get on a growth path.”
• “Getting into good community with men is inoculating yourself against future projects.”
• “I don’t want to do all the heavy lifting.”