Are you gettin' out onto the dating scene in 2025? Whether you're newly single, a refugee from the world of pickup, recently divorced, or you've been dating for a while now, there are a few myths we see as obsolete that we wanted to bust.

Sex, dating, and relationships can be confusing territory, and there are a lot of dos and don'ts when it comes to dating in the modern world. This is especially true in a post-#MeToo culture, where a lot of men have deep-seated concerns around coming off as creepy.

If you've ever wondered whether it's "right" to text her right away (will you come off as thirsty if you text too soon?), whether you need to hide your nervousness (hint: you don't), or how to ask her out respectfully, listen on.

If you're looking for pickup artist nonsense, you won't get it here. But if you're seeking attuned, loving dating advice for men from people who deeply care about men, women, and all human beings -- and staying openhearted -- then you're in the right spot.

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• Dear Men 138: GirlTalk: When to text her vs. call her!
• Dear Men 274: How do you make sure you're not coming across as creepy?
• Dear Men 296: What does it actually mean to step into your power?
• Dear Men 332: Ever gone into freeze? Here’s what’s actually going on

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• "I don’t want to ever make anyone else feel uncomfortable, so I want them to initiate and drive."
• "There’s a belief that I need to hide my attraction or first establish a friendly relationship."
• "It’s another type of pressure men carry about a certain way they have to be in order to be seen as worthy."
• "Seven years into your marriage you’re still going to have to share something that’s scary."

There's a certain quality in men that a lot of women long for -- and I mean long for it from the depths of their beings -- but often don't talk about.

Why don't they? Because a lot of women (myself included) hold a certain amount of shame around wanting it in the first place.

And what is the quality? It's an aspect of healthy masculinity that we don't often discuss, but we're putting front and center here.

I've also noticed that in every chick lit novel I've ever read (a version of romance), men exhibit this quality, and the women melt for it. When I myself read the books and these parts come up, my whole body relaxes.

This is a quality that builds immense emotional safety in a relationship, whether you're still in the dating phase or you're married. If you want to be her hero and have her feel truly safe with you, listen on!

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• "The women I was first attracted to were those I perceived as needing help, support, a savior."
• "The excess of the caregiver archetype is the martyr."
• "It’s about making the other person’s life just a little bit easier."
• "We don’t ask for it because we feel like we’re too much."
• "True nurturing is laying the groundwork around you — letting you grow in the fullness of yourself."

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Mentioned on this episode:

• One of our favorite songs: Banks by NEEDTOBREATHE
• Scott's organization, The Inspiring Men Project
• Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

Ever felt intimidated when your woman was upset (about something that involved you)? Ever gotten defensive, stonewalled, or made her wrong -- "that's not what I meant, so you shouldn't feel that way"?

You're not alone!

And there's a high cost; this can be exhausting for you. Whether you're just dating or married, if you're at the mercy of her feelings, you likely feel out of control. You're only OK if she's OK. And you're not OK if she's not OK.

The truth is, holding space for a woman’s upset or hurt is one of the most profound ways you can love her. It also builds safety in a relationship in a way nothing else can.

Learn to do this skillfully, and you will experience true freedom in relationship. Bonus? You knowing how to hold her full range of expression will als leads to very hot sex. ;) When she feels deeply accepted and held, even in her "big" feelings, she will often open to you like a gorgeous, radiant flower.

When it comes to love relationships, whether you're dating or in a committed, long-term relationship, there's one place where you need to be skillful or it will all just fall apart.

It might not happen right away; you might get through the honeymoon period or even get married and it might be fine. But little by little, if this skill isn't developed and you as a couple can't "get there," you're very likely to end up in a sexless relationship, or a volatile one that you feel like you can't get out of.

Here we get vulnerable about what we've seen not work in this area, and what we've seen be uplifting and helpful.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

We've worked with a lot of men who fit into the category of Nice Guys (a la Dr. Robert Glover's famous book, No More Mr. Nice Guy). And we've witnessed tremendous grown, the breaking of old patterns and habits, and astounding progress in these men.

Here, we discuss the top 3 things we've seen Nice Guys do to get to get what they want -- and how to transform in ways that are lasting. We discuss patterns that lead to breakthroughs, and celebrate the wins of men who've experienced them.

Remember: Even when things feel hopeless or stuck, someone has come before you. You are not alone, and personal growth work works. Keep the faith. We are with you.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• “She likes me for emotional support, but she’s not attracted to me.”
• “Now I don’t have to hold that, ‘What if?’”
• “You don’t have to get stuck in the purgatory that a lot of Nice Guys are in.”
• “He really just owned it.”
• “This frozen place starts to thaw out and they just start moving.”

Almost every single woman in a relationship (dating or married) needs reassurance sometimes. Unfortunately, many men don't know how to provide it in a way that really lands for her, which often causes unnecessary strife and disconnection.

In one man's words, "I used to be the classic male 'fixer' and thought I would be the one to save the day by giving out suggestions of how she could overcome her anxiety. Surely one of those would work. The more suggestions or solutions to her issues I could come up, the better job I thought I was doing. After several years of this seemingly not working to soothe her anxiety, and sometimes making it worse, I have learned she is not looking for this."

So what is she looking for? Here, we share our personal experiences around anxiety and effective soothing. We break it down into two categories of anxiety: when we're upset or challenged by something in life (work, family, friendships, etc.), and when we're upset about something in the relationship itself.

If you've ever had a partner who fears she's too much, who looks to you for reassurance, or to whom you've wanted to provide deep, reliable, calming care and safety, you'll appreciate this one. Bonus? When you learn to soothe her well, you become even sexier to her.

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• "'Are you looking for solutions or comfort?'"
• "Sometimes not saying anything at all but just being able to listen is all she needs to be soothed."
• "I also assure her that I'm here for all of it, especially when she seems nervous that her emotions are 'too much.'"
• "Validate my reasoning; even if it’s not rational to you, it’s logical to ME."
• "Our relationship has soared to new heights after learning how to properly soothe my woman."

According to my sex research, women's number one sex problem is physical pain.

The truth is, it's painful when sex hurts -- for both people. Not just for the person experiencing it, but for their partner.

How do you handle it if she has pain during sex, whether you're just starting out in dating or you're in a committed relationship? And how do you handle your own emotional pain or guilt around still having sexual needs?

If you've ever been with a woman who was sleeping with you because she felt she "should," you know the pain of which I speak. Perhaps you were married and you sensed that she saw it as her wifely duty to keep you sexually satisfied. But that's not what you wanted -- you wanted her to be an enthusiastic participant in sex, not a passive recipient who was only doing it to please you.

Here, Z describes the ways she was actually quite sexually closed as a newlywed, despite having sex with her partner. She talks about the shifts she and her husband went through once they got married ... and how (lack of) sex played a big role in why they got divorced.

There are also deeper layers underlying this issue, and we delve into them. And spoiler alert -- the good news is that this story has a happy ending. Healing is always possible, and Z has experienced it. Sex is now pleasurable for her, and she's far more sexually open than before.

Remember: Personal growth works, so work it.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

Ever felt like there was a "right" answer to a question a woman asked you, or a "right" way to respond to a situation with her? Did it feel like if you did the "wrong" thing, there would be consequences? Then you've likely been tested!

Testing (also known as "feminine testing" -- or sometimes a term I personally dislike -- "shit testing" -- can be a confusing and frustrating experience to be on the receiving end of. Testing can happen in the early phases of dating, as well as once you're in a long-term committed relationship.

As is true with many things in sex, dating, and relationships, there are nuances here that make this complex. Many women aren't even consciously aware of their tests. For others, testing is about seeking some kind of control; or a trauma background means they're very invested in ensuring that they know the truth, and testing is how they believe they're sure to get it.

Here we share our own personal experiences of testing -- how we define it, why we did/do it, what it sounded like, and the vulnerabilities underneath. We also discuss how the ways a man responds to tests can potentially lead to more connection, respect, and, ultimately, love.

As one member of GirlTalk put it, "At the core level it's, 'Do you love me?'"

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• "For me, knowing the truth has me feel safe."
• "How hard is he trying to see me and get to know me better?"
• "It’s OK that you’re angry with me right now."
• "Will you fight for me to stay?"
• "Are you going to create space for me to talk about my feelings?" 
• "I really want to hear what you have to share. It’s important to me."

Ever feel like you're being deliberately provoked by your woman? Or that she sometimes pushes and pushes until she gets a rise out of you -- often about what seem like tiny things?

This pattern can be confusing until you understand the deeper reasons for it. And it's quite a common in dating and relationships, though we don't often discuss it explicitly. Related to polarity, the way Jason puts it is that "the poke is a call for presence and deeper feeling."

It's not always the most mature or conscious way of relating. And the truth is, we as human beings don't always act in the most mature fashion. But if we can grasp the underlying vulnerabilities that drive us, then we often hit on wells of compassion that help us deepen and relax into love in ways we couldn't before.

Remember: Personal growth works. It's not a straight line, but it's always worth it.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• "I need to pause you right there."
• "It’s meant to evoke, 'Where are you?’ And ‘I’m having a hard time trusting your right now.'"
• "This ties into a common masculine feeling of, 'I’m not enough.'"
• "Sometimes there’s a sense of, 'Oh, yeah, caught red-handed. I actually wasn’t here.'"
• "Acting out is another kind of poke."

Ever gotten the sense that a woman is sizing you up ... deciding whether you match up with a list she has in her head around her ideal partner?

You might be right. Whether you're online dating, speed dating, or meeting someone in real life, a lot of women do have a list, and it can be confusing or even frustrating when you interface with it.

Here, we discuss the nuances of "the list" -- the why behind it, how to engage with it, and the tension between the need to be open/flexible, and the need to stick with personal boundaries.

If you have your own list, you’ll likely also relate to this. And you may also relate to the feeling of wanting things to be neat and tidy — to be fully prepared for relationship and have your partner match up with all your expectations.

To which I’d share Violet's words: “Would I rather be alone for the next decade, or would I rather have the experience of loving and being loved, and have it be messy?"

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• “He has a nice resume; I thought he’d be a good guy.”
• “My desires and yearnings are holy and I want them to be fulfilled.”
• “When we cut off our heart in dating, we’re missing a rich human experience.”
• “You never know what’s going to delight and surprise you.”
• “If you want emotional safety, you have to be vulnerable.”