Learning to have more patience and compassion with myself.

Applying my yoga off the mat.

Back when I was playing competitive sports and my team was in a tournament. I didn’t get picked and all my old shit came up and caught me off guard.

I didn’t get picked.

I was back in the school yard crying to my teacher that no one would play with me.

At the game I felt disappoint and I found I naturally resisted it.

But then I let it flow and I felt a lot better just feeling disappointed.

I used to do karate. I was so intense and non-accepting that when I came in 2nd place, I would throw the trophy in the garbage.

So how can I change my mind here and how I treat myself?

I used my dad to do so.

My dad teaching yoga and him getting frustrated doing balance poses

So I learned from my father as well.

The thing here is that I had a connotation that being hard on myself, and beating myself up afterwards was serving me.

Because I hate being in that space so much, that I will do whatever it takes to get out of it and so I will spend more time focused on the skills I need to improve so I can get picked or win.

But, what I’m learning is that I can still improve those things but also enjoy the journey.

To do that I have to adopt an attitude of playfulness, and looking at myself with adoration. I want to have fun in the process. That’s more sustainable and less exhausting, and then I’ll be more pleasant to be around.

I used to get so intense, and then beat myself up for days after a game. So after I stopped roller derby five years ago I avoided any competitions because I knew what came out if I did. Now that I can coach myself I can go back to what I love with a more positive light.

Curious and playful

Great thoughts to have:

I adore myself

I can be playful

I am curious

I deserve to have fun

These vibrations are much more sustainable than shame